Frank and Topaz: Hard Words

[x-pinnochio.livejournal.com]

Frank visits Topaz in the box. The conversation doesn't go well.

"Really? You're going to go off alone? Really?"

Topaz was talking to her book. It was a habit she'd broken years ago, but it wasn't like there was anyone around. Even in the people in the med lab on just the other side of the door wouldn't be able to hear her mocking the idiotic protagonist, so who would it hurt, really?

Topaz wasn't to know she had a visitor. He'd been standing outside her door (without knocking) for a good five minutes now, watching her.

Frank wanted to go in. He just... also didn't want to. Nor did he want to examine the reasons why. Still, eventually he knocked on the window.

It took Topaz a minute to look up - it was probably Kurt, he was the only one who knocked, and he wouldn't begrudge her finishing this page.

Needless to say, she was rather surprised when she finally did look up and it wasn't a fuzzy face looking back at her through the window. Oh. Oh. She swallowed hard as she set the tablet aside and crawled off the bed. "Hey," she said quietly as she opened the door.


"Hey," he replied, just as quietly, stepping inside. He didn't know where to look. Which was dumb. It was Topaz, she was in the box, it wasn't like there was a surplus of other things to look at. "Brought you some reading material," he said, to break the silence. In his hands were As I Lay Dying and Fear and The Big Sleep. It had seemed appropriate. "Figured you might be-" going crazy. Oh wait, you already did that. "-kinda bored."

Topaz sighed quietly as she closed the door. She hated doing that when someone was in there - she didn't want to make Frank feel closed in - but it was easier on her mind if she didn't have the rest of the mansion's emotions flittering in. And she needed her head clear for this conversation. She focused her eyes on the books in Frank's hands. And she smiled just a bit. "Yeah, not much to do here. Thanks."

"All good." He smiled a little in return, before putting the books down on the desk. She could get to them later, he reasoned, and it gave him an excuse to turn away for a minute. There was a long pause as he tried to figure out what to say. "So you read people's emotions," he said, abruptly. "Can you tell me what I'm feeling now? Because I honestly don't know."

It was cruel, but true. His head was a writhing mass of anger and betrayal and fear and affection and running through it all, a seam of overwhelming relief that she was alright. It was a heady mix for anyone to deal with, let alone a sixteen year old boy.

She couldn't meet his gaze as she spoke. She had her shields firmly up - so no, she didn't know what Frank was feeling. It wasn't really safe for her to know what Frank was feeling at the moment, she couldn't handle it. "I owe you an explanation," she said instead, still not quite able to look at him.

"I spent most of last saturday walking around like a robot. Yeah, you owe me an explanation." Frank turned around to look at her again, face a mask of controlled anger. "What the hell, Topaz?"

Not as controlled as he thought - Topaz winced back, a hand coming up to rub the back of her head. "It's...a long story. I'm gonna have to go back a bit."

"I have time. Go back a bit." He watched her wince, took a deep breath, and tried to calm down. This wasn't the time for a repeat performance. "So where does this start?"

It wouldn't happen again. She'd make sure of it. "Probably...about two years ago." She pushed past Frank, beginning to walk slowly around the room. She didn't want to talk about this. She hated talking about this. "When my mother died."

...shit. Frank leaned against the wall, yet again scrabbling for something to say. "...One of those stories, huh?" he managed eventually. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah well I wish that's where it ended," Topaz responded dryly. Alice dying was the barely the beginning. "Long story short, my father was walking home one night and ended up on the wrong end of a magic-using duo muggin' him. He fought back and killed one of them. Few weeks later I get home from school and my mother was dead." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Turns out the bloke he killed had a very vengeful family."

A beat, dragging out into a pause. "And they came after you," Frank managed eventually. He sighed. "Like, you personally or you and your dad?"

Topaz laughed hollowly. "Oh I wish. My father decided to take it upon himself to go after them - revenge for my mother. And he dragged me into it. We spent over a year tracking the bastards down and learnin' everythin' we could about them - who they were, how powerful they were, what the best way would be to get to them. He pulled me out of school, we went off the map." Another pause as she tried to compose herself. "The original plan was to break into their house when they were all asleep, kill their leader, and then go after the rest when they fell apart. Wasn't a horrible plan, really, especially since neither of us were really fighters, but...we got caught. Guess one of 'em had insomnia.

"It all sorta went to hell from there, and I guess our little war caught someone's attention - a woman who knew Amanda. Her and her mates came out to put a stop to it, they found me and my father at the Destines' place, got involved in the fight - I honestly don't really know what happened from there, I was knocked out. Woke up the next morning with Amanda waitin' to tell me my father was dead."

"...Shit." There wasn't really much else he could say to that. How do you respond? "l... that's..." he sighed, eventually giving up. "Okay. So what happened then?"

She hadn't really been expecting a response anyways. "Amanda brought me here, nothin' too excitin'. Everythin' was...basically fine up to a couple weeks ago. Tandy talked me into goin' to the city for a few hours and...I ran into my father."

Frank went still as he tried to process this. "I... thought you said your father was dead," he said carefully. "And also on kind of a vengeance kick. How was he still alive?"

"Luck I suppose," Topaz said with a shrug. He did have a house fall on him after all. Luck was the only way he could've survived that. "He told me he was done with that, with the vengeance, with the chasin', he said he just wanted to see me." She still couldn't believe she'd fallen for that. Idiot. "So I snuck out that night to meet him."

Frank watched her for a moment, face unreadable. "So what happened?" he asked again. He didn't point out how stupid that had been. She'd clearly figured that out herself.

She resumed her pacing to give herself something to do other than look at Frank. Talking about this really wasn't getting any easier. "I almost got myself traded away into who the hell knows what." She was going to have to give a little more explanation than that. "Turns out he hired these two blokes to help track the people who killed my mother, but he couldn't pay them. In his words, the only thing he had of value was me."

That got Frank's attention. He stared at her incredulously for a moment. "...So he tried to SELL you to a couple of magical freakshow kid fuckers so they'd catch someone for him?! I ... wow. That is-" he broke off, stared at her some more, and then turned away. This wasn't his problem. Or even really his business. He pulled himself back under control. "Okay. So I can see how that would be upsetting," he managed eventually. "You're still here, so clearly they didn't get away with you."

"No." Maybe it wasn't his business, but he deserved the whole story. The whole, idiotic story. "Thank Tandy's insomnia for that, she realized I wasn't around and told the right people. They brought me back here and I..." This was where the story got a bit complicated. Partly because she didn't know how to explain the finer workings of her mind and partly because her memories were still fuzzy at best. "Mr. Haller called it compartmentalizin'. I take all the things I don't wanna deal with and shove them into little boxes in the back of my head and leave them there. Which is all well and good except apparently when the stuff builds up too much it comes back to bite you." She rubbed the back of her head, still walking circles. This room really was too small. "I ended up burnin' out my shields, couldn't block out anyone's emotions anymore."

Frank went still, his back still to her, staring at the wall. So you tried to get rid of them. Well, that made sense. That would have been a hell of a headfuck, and anyone would go crazy with everyone else's emotions pounding in their head all the time. Anyone would do it. Anyone would... would...

Would reach into my skull and turn off the parts of me that make me me.

He growled, put his hand against the wall and leaned his forehead against it. Even with an explanation, it didn't help. She hadn't meant to do it, he understood, but she had still done it. How was he supposed to get over that? For a long moment, he didn't say anything. Then, finally, "I didn't see you in the library. For, like, three days. I got worried. I thought you were sick or something."

Another pause.

"I'm supposed to be your fucking friend, Topaz. You could have said something."

"I didn't tell anyone."

Topaz hadn't meant for the words to come out quite so harshly, but something in her had snapped, and she whirled around to glare at his back. "I spent three days curled up in a bloody fuckin' unused classroom, I tried to deal with it on my own, I didn't want to ask for help." The words slipped out, and until that moment she hadn't really thought about it, but that was what it came down to. She hadn't wanted to ask. She didn't even know how to ask. "So no, Frank, I couldn't have said somethin'. I shouldn't have let it get as far as I did, and I'm sorry you got caught in the crossfire, but-"

Stop, stop, stop. Topaz dragged her hands through her hair, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry," she said again, significantly calmer.

"Are you? Honestly?" He wasn't as good at reining in anger as her. He'd had less practice. "I can't talk about my family. So I get how much that hurt you. I hate asking for help. So I try not to when I can do anything- anything- else. But I at least have an idea of when I'm about to fucking break, Topaz." He stopped, growled. Let the silence hang there for a while.

"Look, clearly we can't talk right now," he managed, eventually. "So I'm just gonna ask, is this going to happen again?"

She bit down the rather vicious "go to hell" that she so dearly wanted to throw at him. "No," she said instead, her voice cold. "Don't worry, the bad little witch isn't going to screw up your emotions again." The sarcastic add-on really hadn't been necessary, but now she was upset - and honestly a little bit hurt that he really thought she didn't regret what had happened.

Don't respond, Frank told himself. You're angry enough as it is. Don't give her the satisfaction of seeing you snap. For once, he listened to it., and went straight for the door. "Good. Keep the books. I'll get them later," he responded, voice even. He didn't quite slam the door after him- but it was close.

Topaz watched him go, her fists clenched. As soon as the door closed she threw herself into the desk chair, fuming. It didn't last long. He had every right to be angry.

The knowledge didn't help.

Finally she grabbed her phone off the desk, flipping through the contacts once, twice, not even sure who she was looking for. She just didn't want to be alone.