Angelo/Rachel - Breakdown (backdated)

[x-eidolon.livejournal.com]

Rachel didn't mean to end up a blubbering mess on Angelo's couch.



She swiftly scaled the side building, a dark shadow against grey concrete that moved almost inhumanely quickly along a familiar path. Within a minute, Rachel had picked a window lock and slid it open, slipping in past the curtains and onto the ground in a quick tuck and roll. It was dark inside – all the lights were off – and it took a moment after she had straightened to detect the single other presence in the room.

“Uhm,” she hesitated. “Angelo?”

"...great", came in a defeated slurring eventually. "Now I'm hearing dead people. Double dead people! Bring on the white coats."

Padding forward, the girl sighed when she caught a strong whiff of alcohol. But it didn’t deter her from walking right up to him and dropping to her knees in front of the couch he lay slumped on. “Jellybean,” she tried again, voice wavering slightly as she placed a cautious hand on his knee. “I’m not dead.”

He sat bolt upright, his hand coming to settle over hers.

"You're not... how are you not? You said... and I saw what you did..."

Rachel shook her head – a gesture that probably went unseen – and dropped her forehead down atop the back of his hand. “Xorn sorta saved me, but I’d rather – can we not talk about it yet? M’tired and you’re drunk and—”

She squeezed her eyes shut, hot tears dripping noiselessly down pale cheeks as she swallowed a sob.

He heard that, and felt the hot wetness on his hand, and pulled her instinctively into a hug. "Rachel. Ray. Don't cry."

But that only made her cry that much harder as she curled into him, clinging to the front of his shirt.

“I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry.”

"Hey. It wasn't your fault, you were a child and Essex made you believe. It's him I blame."

“The man’s a fucking cunt,” she agreed vehemently, punctuating it with a half-growl, half-sob. “But, Ange I was so bloody stupid. And now… And now--”

The redhead shook her head, the past day’s events rushing to the forefront of her mind. It started from her meeting with Xorn and ended with the long debrief she had with Charles and her check in with Molly. Now that she could stop, breathe and think, she was just so, so damned tired. “I can’t do this,” she whispered miserably.

"You can", he said softly. "You're one of the strongest people I know, you just proved that. But for now, you need rest. You can stay here."

She made a sound of denial but said nothing further in reply for a long while, half-kneeling and half-leaning against the couch in his arms as she tried to stop the tears and breathe without everything hurting.

When it felt like she could talk without wailing, Rachel rocked back onto her knees and leaned back, roughly brushing aside the dampness on her face with the sleeve of her uniform. It didn’t work very well, given that tears seemed to be in abundance where her emotional control was lacking.

“You’ve been drinking… right?”

"You were dead again", Angelo pointed out with a hint of dark humour. "And I did things I'd really like to forget about. It seemed like the thing to do."

“I died,” she corrected him, inhaling deeply to tamp down on the large lump trying to crawl its way up her throat. She succeeded, only to sniffle loudly into the silence between them. “And I lived a life I’d really like to forget about. So I want in on it.”

"It doesn't work forever, little sister", he said, suddenly worried and holding her close again. "But for tonight, I'm willing to share."

Rachel returned the hug with a watery laugh that trailed off into a pathetic whimper. “I don’t think I’d be able to sleep without it. Or with it. Everything’s just hurting. I keep remembering things – seeing and hearing things that weren’t real. And him. His voice. Like the goddamn narrator of my life.”

"It will pass. Or not pass but... fade. Not today or tomorrow but I promise it will. And I'll be here until it does, and way after."

“I just… I don’t know what to do.”

"You don't have to think about that now. Tonight, just let me look after you."

Not thinking sounded good, and she said so as she scrambled onto the couch still in her battle gear, curling into a fetal position next to Angelo. Not thinking sounded good. Oblivion sounded even better.
He wrapped his arms around her once again. "Try to sleep, little sister. You're safe now."

Rachel never got around to sharing Angelo’s alcohol.

Sleep took a long time coming, and when it did come, it was restless and fraught with nightmares. But not once did the man leave her side, and that alone made it easier for her to wake up the next day.