xp_logs | Log: Laurie and Clarice

Working on the new shipment of supplies, Clarice and Laurie discuss specialization and the realities of what they do sometimes.

Warning: discussion of death and children (both in abstract in relation to hardships of being a doctor)

New shipments of inventory meant lots to do with paperwork and counting and while Clarice's powers were useful to get the boxes from the loading docks of the school that UPS so thoughtfully dropped off, when it came to unpacking them and getting it all taken care of, lugging was the best method. Slicing the invoice off the side of the box and then opening the box itself, Clarice shook her head, "We've got more saline here!" she called to Laurie on the other side of the store room. "Do you know if we have any expired?"

Laurie, for her part had spent the time it took Clarice to lug supplies noting down their current stocks and what needed to be replaced.

In another life she'd have made a great warehouse foreman, or some other job that required lists and a fondness for order and well ticked boxes.

"We've got at least ten that are out of date, I'll make a note for next time to order a little less."

It was true that having a little more was always good in case of crisis but even with the Professor's deep pockets didn't excuse waste, at least not in Laurie's eyes.

"Awesome! Don't throw those out, just put them in a box to the side," Clarice called back. They definitely needed to waste less, but expired saline was fun to play with too. It might not get used for its intended purpose, but Clarice would definitely use it.

"Why do I feel a sudden urge to warn people about saline filled balloons?"

Laurie placed the expired bags aside and replaced them with the new ones before moving onto bandages.

"So, how does it feel being all graduated?"

Because growing older hadn't diminished the awesomeness of dropping saline bags of the roof to go splat. "Confusing, actually," Clarice admitted, "I got so used to having almost no free time and only wearing scrubs and discussing subdural hematomas that having free time and other stuff is weird, but in a good way. Make sense?"

"Very much makes sense."

Laurie was on the very first year of Medical school and her free time was basically non-existent these days. She was pretty sure her friends would disown her right now if she didn't live in the same house as they did, and thus could at least spend some time with them. Her friends outside of the school were all medical students or medical something of some kind, and thus usually understood the overwhelming amount of work being required of her right now.

"Jean-Phillipe had to drag me out of the house for my own birthday a couple of weeks ago, at least, I think it was a couple of weeks ago. Things have been sort of blurring together when I'm not at school."

The reason Clarice hadn't gone to medical school and chose the path she took instead was a time factor. She had nearly all the capabilities of a doctor without the fancy title or having to go through four years of medical school plus residency and internships and all that. "That happens," Clarice agreed, "It's why a calendar is so important. It's also important to make sure you take time for yourself. At least once a week, take a bath with no distractions and a book you've been wanting to read or something. Or a walk. Or whatever.

"I doubt I'll really believe that until it happens."

Laurie had turned people away from treatment when she was at the refugee camp, but she'd never operated or treated a person who had then gone on to die. She knew the possibility existed and she knew you couldn't go through an entire career as a doctor without losing against death at some point but that didn't mean she had to like it, or that she had to accept it.

That was the truth. No one knew how it felt or how they handled it until it happened and it wasn't really something you could prepare for. "Yeah, that's kinda how it works," Clarice agreed sadly, "You can try to prepare and intellectualize, but nothing matters in that moment with that person. And it sucks. Badly."

"How many?"

Laurie stacked bandages, knowing Clarice would understand the question without further explanation.

Making a face, Clarice responded without hesitation, "Five." And even though not all of them were good people, none of them deserved it. It wasn't easier with experience either.

"I'm sorry," Laurie said, finishing off with the bandages and moving on to the gauze pads. "I keep thinking lately about what sort of doctor I want to be, and sometimes I feel like I want to be as far from this life as possible, like, maybe a baby doctor or something like that."

"Babies die too," Clarice replied gently, she hated saying those words, of tossing that reality onto Laurie, but it was the truth. "And it's even worse when they do because there's so much lost potential...." she trailed off, "I can't do that. All the power to you if you can."

Laurie didn't answer for some time, simply placing gauze piles into place on the shelves before moving onto the small packaged syringes, counting them slowly to make sure she didn't mess up the count.

"I know that, it just seems like there would be a lot more life there too though. It's not like an emergency room where all you're seeing is the traumas and the disease. Don't get me wrong, I can handle that too, I have handled that more then once, but I want something I can do some good in, and not just by wearing a leather suit and stopping bad guys."

"That's true," Clarice agreed. She had done a rotation in pediatrics and the kids were cute, in a snotty, drooly sort of way. She liked kids, but she liked them when they weren't so drippy. "I bet you'd like labor and delivery then. Bringing new life into the world. I got to do that once, assist I mean. It was....yeah. Kinda perspective altering, you know?" It was hard to describe how good it felt watching a new baby being born. She wasn't an empath, but the happiness and joy was nearly palpable.

"I was thinking much the same," Laurie replied, placing new syringe packages from a box into the drawer that stored the supplies, something that could be locked. It wasn't that people weren't trusted around here, but frankly you could never be too careful. "I'm going to have to work on my bedside manner a bit though, there's a lot more dealing with people involved in obstetrics then say, surgery."

"You have a pretty awesome bedside manner, I think" Clarice argued, then again, everyone did compared to say...House. It was all about perspective. "Just remember, 'push.'" She grinned at the bad joke unrepentant. "You're going to be a great doctor, Laurie. Really."

"Thanks, sometimes it's easy to make myself crazy over the grades but I guess in the end there's not a lot of Med students that are getting the hands on trauma training we do."

"You know what they call someone who graduates last in their medical class, right?" Clarice asked, before grinning wolfishly, "Doctor."