Kyle & Clint (backdated like whoa)

[x-hawkeye.livejournal.com]

Kyle offers Clint some advice about girls. Sort of.


Clint finished toweling off after his training session with Logan, then sat with his back against the wall in the gym as he caught his breath. His head was a mess. It could often be a mess, but today was particularly special. He kind of hated how messy his head was - unless it was math or science, nothing was ever simple.

He really wanted everything to be like a proof or a scientific equation, chemical compounds, a double helix, the map of the human genome - anything but the jumble of confused thoughts and emotions currently taking up residence between his ears. "Ugh." Knocking the back of his head against the wall, he rubbed his towel over his face hard and attempted to ignore the sounds of other people practicing various martial arts and things around him.

The sound of bare feet both slapping the floor and clicking against it came closer, and then stopped, before there was a laugh. "Dude, you know you're not supposed to like, smell your own stank workout towels, right? I mean, it's not really a good smell, unless you're into that, in which case, please don't tell me because I have to look at you in class." Kyle seemed amused - and sat down on a bench across from Clint.

"I'm not smelling it," Clint said, voice muffled. "I'm melodramatically blocking out the rest of the world. There's a difference." He dropped the towel anyway, though, and squinted up at Kyle. "I am a ball of angstfluff. Maddie said so."

"I'm banning you from any more Russian lit." Kyle said, almost absently. "Is that like, marshmallow fluff only emo? Because that sounds sticky, and if you made the good weight bench sticky, Ima refer you to Haller for suspicion of compulsive behavior." He swung a leg over the bench, straddling it. "For reals, why are you blocking out the world except for your stank towels?"

"Okay, so like. You're a guy. You have a girlfriend," Clint said, seemingly apropos of nothing. "So like. Crap. Girls. And words."

Oh fuck. Girl advice. Kyle had a brief moment of panic, and then a second when he couldn't figure out if he was hiding the first one. "My girlfriend isn't..." Well, Dori was a girl, but she wasn't girly. Well, no, that wasn't true, because she actually was, it was just the hazelnut-lip-gloss and Batgirl underwear sort of girly and not the fifty pairs of shoes kind. "Nevermind that. Okay, so why are you all like, caveman grunt single words about girls."

"So I like this girl," Clint said. "Only. She's kind of with this other guy. But I really like her. But dude, she's dating somebody else and he's my friend and that would be wrong. I mean, wrong for me to be like, 'Hey, I totally like you, let's make out.' Not that I'd say that, but you know what I mean."

"Yeah don't do that, that would be a shit move." Kyle wasn't even going to try to avoid swearing here. It was out of the classroom, his "add a dollar to the swear jar, buy the kids donuts" rule didn't apply. "Okay, so dude, you realize that it's not hard to figure out which girl you like, right? I mean, there's only a couple of guys here, and only one of them is dating a girl."

"Sometimes," Clint said, his tone almost philosophical, "I really hate going to a teeny tiny private school, no matter how awesome the labs and classes are." Then he squinted over at Kyle and said, "I'm gonna have to avoid her."

Kyle pulled one leg up and began methodically picking dirt and clay out from under his toe claws. Jogging barefoot was great, but it was not tidy. "No, you're gonna have to stick your head in a cold shower and be normal at her. Dude, you like this girl, right?" He so knew who it was, but it was not cool to say so. Not cool at all. "So, if you're all avoidy weird at her, she's gonna be like, double-you tee eff, and you could like, end up making her think you hate her or something, or insulting her by accident."

"Shit. I don't want to offend her or anything." Clint knocked the back of his head against the wall behind him. "Right so - cold brain shower. I can do that. But uh. Then there's this other girl. I kind of kissed her. On the cheek. I'm kind of giving myself a headache. A big one."

"Right, does she have someone who is all into her?" Kyle switched feet, and flicked a dead leaf that had been under his smallest toe claw on the ground. "Dude, how many people are you into? Because you should probably just pick one, and maybe not the one who has a boyfriend who is like, just as cynical as she is." Oops, he kind of let it out that he knew who girl number one was, but Kyle was so bad at talking around stuff like this.

Clint leveled a look at Kyle that clearly said 'duh.' "Are you asking about people I'd actually do something about or just people I think are hot and would be into if I weren't, y'know. Seventeen? Cause there are a few. And now I sound like a manwhore. Awesome."

Thank God his hands were clean because Kyle covered his face with both of them. "Dude, do you know how many people I'd have nailed when I was your age that I couldn't actually nail? I'm talking the ones you're actually willing to like, ask out, not for a, I dunno, comprehensive list of who you want to drag on top of the roof and show your .. shit I don't know any archery terms, so you're safe from me making totes inappropriate archery jokes."

Despite himself, Clint laughed. He really couldn't help it - the look on Kyle's face was priceless. "Dude. Arrow. Shaft. And that's just like. Off the top of my head. I'm pretty sure you could go somewhere with nocking something and probably a string." Leaning his head back against the wall, still smiling a little, he said, "It's like two. But Topaz is with Frank and we've established going after her would be wrong - wrong on so many levels. And then there's Hope but Maddie says I'm being a jackass and has like, psych eval-ed me or something but I like Hope. She's all... I don't even know. Confused half the time and horrified at other people's lack of social correctness the other. It's kind of endearing."

"Hope's sweet, but a mess. Kinda reminds me of Laurie sometimes, actually." Kyle said. "Well, if Laurie's mom was a psycho hose beast, and I didn't say that to you if anyone asks. Hope's mom... well, there's a reason I've never talked to her." He flashed sharp teeth in a grin. "You should ask her out. Seriously, what's the worst that happens? She dumps you for Namor?"

"Oh my God - I can't decide if that would be amazing or horrible to witness. I mean, obviously I don't want them to like. Get together cause hi. But no, they can't be in the same room with one another... on the other hand - wait, no. There is no other hand," Clint said, shaking his head. "I'm pretty sure she wants to throw things at his head. And not in the sexy 'we'll make up after we fight' kind of way."

"Ima be all old and shit here but you know, we didn't psych eval our friends when they wanted to date people when I was your age." Kyle pointed out. "For serious, dude, just ask her out, take her out for chili dogs and then fancy tea parties. Introduce her to your dads, they can bond over art museums or something."

"I've been seeing shrinks since I was five," Clint said, quirking a smile. "I psych eval everyone. All the time. Besides, where would I even take her? Meeting Steve and Andre's all good, but like. Dinner? I don't know." He knocked the back of his head against the wall behind him.

"Ask her, dude. That's my solution to everything. When I dunno what kind of nerdtastic thing Dori wants to do, I ask her." Kyle said, with a little gesture of "I don't even know sometimes." "For serious, I bet she'd be super happy if you asked, because it shows, like, that you're considering her interests."

Clint laughed a little despite himself. "Yeah, alright. If the opportunity presents itself. And it's not super awkward." Looking up at Kyle, he tilted his head to the side a bit and said, "Thanks. I didn't mean to get my angstfluff all over you."

"Angstfluff? Dude, okay, one, ew, and two you really gotta like, get off this emo marshmallow thing." Kyle pointed out. "It wasn't supposed to be a positive comparison."

"Fair enough," Clint said, nodding. He scrubbed at his face with his towel again, then forced himself to stand up. "Seriously, though, thanks."

Kyle shrugged. "No big. If my advice was crappy don't rat me out though."