The Slobdays - Wanda

[x-dominion.livejournal.com]

Wanda comes to visit Kane and finds him in the midst of cheesie induced hallucinations.



Kane was not a fan of Doctor Phil. Unfortunately, he'd dropped the remote and it had bounced oddly away from him on the carpet. He had tried to use the belt of his robe to drag it back to his reach, but that had failed, trapping him with an awful choice: get up and get the remote or watch Dr. Phil. So far, the seemingly sociopathic doctor (Kane's amateur opinion) had won out.

At least the cheesies were close.

"You know, when I heard the rumor that you'd started inhabiting one of these rooms like some weird, robed Canadian vampire, I decided to not really believe it until I saw it with my own eyes. Yet, here you are, the Bela Lugosi of the Mansion." Wanda picked her way carefully through to the couch, being clever enough to know that perhaps turning on the overhead light was not the best course of action.

She titled her head at him and lifted an arm as the strange man on TV kept talking. She'd come bearing gifts in the form of a six pack of beer.

"You know, you have instantly become stupidly sexy. However, Adrienne would kill me." Kane took a deep breath. "I'm so figuring things out."

"And as intriguing as that tattoo of yours is, I prefer to keep you whole. No death by angry girlfriend, thank you." Stepping over a small pile of take out boxes, Wanda climbed onto the couch next to him. As she got herself settled, she handed over one of the beers, a small frisson of chaos leaving the bottle cap in her hand. "Need a helpful ear in this figuring things out? I could also simply drink beer and help you watch whoever that is on TV."

"If you could get the remote. I think Dr. Phil is trying to start a Jonestown-esque cult."

The room was only lit by the TV but Wanda eventually spotted the wayward remote. Leaning over the arm of the couch, she managed to snag it with her fingers and bring it back to her. "Ta da," she said, switching the channel as she settled back. "Thankfully the Professor pays for the good cable package."

"You know how low I feel? I haven't even considered suggesting porn. I'm that low, Wanda. That low."

Wanda turned startled eyes in his direction. "You are depressed," she said simply. She waited to say more while she got her own drink figured out but said before she took a sip, "Come on, Kane, talk to me. Your vampire impression was worrying enough but no porn? Not even the thought?"

"I really don't like being at loose ends, I guess. Worse, if I end up getting canned over this, I've got no way to stay here. It's back home to Canada and re-assignment for me."

She frowned. "You're here on a work visa, then? Though you could always get Charles to hire you in some capacity. If you wanted, though, as I know how dedicated you are." Leaning back on the couch, she watched the screen without really watching it. "But that was before everything went tits up. What do you really want to do? Do you want to stay on with them, even if it might mean having to go back to the land of moose and syrup?"

"It's not that simple. When I joined the RCMP, I swore an oath. I can't walk away from that."

"That puts you between a rock and a hard place," she said. "Your oath ties you to the RCMP but you have made a life, and a good one at that, for yourself down here. When will you hear back from your superiors about the suspension?"

"That is a really good question. One, which despite my robe granted powers, that I don't have an answer for."

That got her to smile. "What powers do your robes bestow on you?"

"I've started to communicate directly with the cheese poofs." He picked one up and pointed it at her. "This is their king."

Wanda's lips twitched in an attempt to hold back laughter. "What exactly turns an ordinary cheese poof into the king of cheese poofs?" She remembered very clearly being introduced to the unholy nature that were cheese poofs during one drunken outing with Garrison. There was still a shirt that had smears of orange on it somewhere in her closet...

"Ballot stuffing and poor decisions by the Supreme Court. He is now a thrall of the canola oil lobby and cheese powder producers."

"I feel that it may be best if someone where to put the poor king out of his misery then. Though I must admit, this is the first time I have attempted to overthrow a cheese poof government."

"It is dangerous to cross Big Cheese. As a federal agent... sorta, I am forbidden to assassinate a head of state, so I farm it out to you." He tossed the poof over.

She caught it easily and popped it into her mouth with a crunch. Perhaps it was best if she ate these things in the future while drunk, she thought, rubbing her fingers together to get rid of the cheese. "Was that as cathartic?" Wanda asked, half teasing.

"He's gone to a better place." He picked up his beer. "Inside you."

She snorted and then laughed. "Oh, that was bad even for you. Though I'll take it as a sign you are feeling slightly better. Any chance of leaving your cave any time soon?"

"Nah. Wallowing in my own room is even more depressing. But I appreciate the attempt."

"Anytime." Wanda took a sip of her beer and then sighed, holding out her hand. "Pass the damned cheese poofs."