Jean and Laurie: Mind + Body

[x-jeangrey.livejournal.com]

Laurie has a mishap in the Danger Room, prompting her to get medical attention from Jean in the medlab. The two wind up discussing Laurie's mental state.



Jean had already wiped down the medlab counters, twice, inventoried and made the rows of medical supplies nice and neat according to how things were currently arranged, and double checked to make sure the charts were alphabetized properly. She was now reading a book on her iPad, one of the Jim Butcher Harry Dresden novels, settling in until her shift was over. She'd been told that it was really more of a ''make sure you're at the mansion during this time and this time and come if needed' job but she didn't mind. She just liked being down there.

"Is there a doctor other then me in the house?" Laurie quipped, holding a wadded ball of fabric to her forehead as she wandered in. A particularly nasty fall in the DangerRoom during a training run had split the skin of her forehead, and as head wounds were want to do, she now looked like an extra from a particularly gory zombie movie. "I may have overdone my attempt to get back into fighting fitness."

Jean heard the footsteps first, then saw the bright splash of red from the bloodstained rag Laurie was using second.

She blinked. "A bit, yeah," she said, quickly rising from her chair. She motioned Laurie toward the closest medical bay, the rolling medical cart following behind her like a sheepdog. It came to a stop and the top flipped open as she waited for her to sit on one of the gurneys.

"Is this where you add 'you should see the other guy?'"

"This is where I wish I still had my other hand mostly," Laurie replied with a strained smile, her head hurt and she was still feeling a little burned by her brain's automatic functions. She was going to need to train herself out of them if she ever hoped to get back on the active roster. "I reached with my left hand when I should have been reaching with the right and ended up going ass over teakettle into a wall."

"I guess that's why the danger room's there, to make sure we're prepared for whatever's out there," Jean said. Putting on rubber gloves, she grabbed some supplies.

"Luckily I am very good at putting in stitches," she said reassuringly. "Though I need to get a better look to see what we're dealing with. Depending on the size of the cut it might not need it."

The head, especially near the scalp area, tended to bleed a lot. It had a lot of capillaries there.

"Can you please remove the rag?"

"It looked superficial, but my eyes were a little blurred at the time due to the water works," Laurie replied, removing the rag as requested. It had been annoying, the automatic response to the flashes of pain but not anything she could control. "So, how are you settling in down here? Found any of the bodies yet?"

Laurie smiled to prove that she was joking, although considering everything, it wouldn't surprise her at all if Xavier's were built over some sort of revolutionary war graveyard, she supposed Amanda might have mentioned any death curses on the place though.

Jean gently dabbed at the blood with a wet cloth, cleaning the area. "If I had I'm pretty sure I would be mysteriously vanished by now," she said with a smile.

"It's taken some adjustment but I think I've reached the 'knows where everything is in the kitchen' stage. I feel accomplished." She leaned in. "Hmm. The blood seems to have already stopped. Looks like something that can be fixed with a couple of butterfly closures to keep the skin pressed together. The majority of the bleeding came from being close to the hair--" She laughed.

"Sorry, you already know all this."

"Doesn't mean I don't like watching other Doctor's work," Laurie replied with a grin, she'd learnt a lot of what she knew, not just from books, but from the life experience of being an X-man and a Red-X volunteer. Being on the ground in aide camps, or assisting Jean, Cecelia and Amelia in their work. She'd certainly been well equipped for Med school once she'd finally made it, even if the sheer level of book learning she'd also needed had been overwhelming at first. "Some of my best techniques I learnt from the people here, after all."

Jean nodded. "They seem like they're quite capable," she said. She grabbed some antibiotics and put them on the wound.

"If you're ever interested...the place where I work at, Claremont Medical Center, has been looking for some new staff. A lot of them deserted after M-Day. I'm not going to lie...there are frequent protests outside the place since we treat mutants, but the staff are really good to work with."

"Would I be much use as a one armed fourth year med student?" Laurie asked, the bitterness in her tone breaking out as she immediately started listing to herself what she could do to help. It wasn't that she would ever allow herself to wallow in self-pity. It was just that sometimes the change snuck up on her, and she couldn't help the feeling of loss, even if it didn't let it last long. "Sorry, I didn't actually mean that. I'd be happy to help out, I'm mostly on hiatus with everything else, even school. It'd be good to keep my hand in on the things I can still do."

Picking up the butterfly bandages, Jean gently pressed the skin together and used the bandages to keep them closed.

"No, it's okay," she said, shaking her head.

"I can't even imagine what it's like. It's okay if you do mean that. It's perfectly normal. I know it must be a hell of a lot to adjust to. But for what it's worth, even though we don't know each other that well so it may not mean that much...I think you're useful," she said, smiling softly

"Whenever you feel up to it I can put in a word with my supervisor. Claremont is a teaching hospital as well. That and I think they could use all the help they could get," she said. She tossed some of the refuse into the trash, then smiled again, leaning back to admire her work.

"I think we're done. Should heal up nicely." She offered her a mirror.

Laurie took the mirror and looked, the injury was barely visible save the butterfly bandage - although she was pretty sure she would need to make explanations to at least a few people. "Looking good, Doc. If you'd put that word in for me, I think I'd like to help out. It'd do me good to get back to medicine."

Jean grinned. "Absolutely. What medical school do you go to? I did mine at George Washington in DC but my undergrad was at Columbia."

"New York Medical College, I was all ready to apply for residency and begin my fourth year before M-day, now I've got months ahead of me to make sure I can use my new arm properly once I get it - Does Claremont have a residency program? I mean, I know you said they were a teaching hospital, but sometimes the programs are hard to get into, and like I said, I haven't even started any applications for matching yet."

Laurie took a deep breath, and told herself to slow down. She knew her need for 'things to do' was a manifestation of her unease with her injury and everything else, she didn't need to do everything all at once, all over the place.

"I can check, but I think so," Jean said. She studied Laurie curiously. She seemed pretty tense all of a sudden.

"Are you okay?"

"What time of day is it?" Laurie replied with a wry smile, slipping off the medlab bed, and then pausing slightly to make sure there was no vertigo or darkening of her vision. She'd probably need some pain killers for the headache that was slowly developing but that was no unexpected. "Sometimes I'm perfectly okay with everything, and then the next I'll be back in the fight, or in a cell - or I'll be crying for no reason. My therapist says that's normal for someone with the level of trauma I've experienced in the last year but frankly it just frustrates me. I don't have time to be a basket case."

Hovering carefully nearby just in case, Jean shook her head thoughtfully. "I don't think you're a basketcase," she said. She slipped off her glasses. "I think....just like you can't expect a broken ankle to be fully mended after a week or so, the mind needs time to heal too. The body and the mind are both fragile things."

She glanced away. "Not that I'm a therapist. My bank account couldn't take the additional loan payments for those extra classes," she said with a soft smile.

"I just....lost someone when I was younger and I remember how it felt. Like....I'd...smell the scent of strawberry lip gloss that my friend used to wear and start crying. Or I'd have a nightmare of that day and wake up screaming, making my whole bedroom shake. I'll always remember what happened, but...it got easier."

"I think it's the lack of control more then anything. It's like I'm back when I first came here - no clue what I was going to do, and worried about everything."

Laurie sighed and rubbed her hand over the back of her neck, massaging the tense muscles there. She had so much time to think these days - too much time really.

"Fear of the unknown?" Jean said.

"Fear of myself more. Fear of hurting people who have done nothing deserving of being hurt."

It wasn't that there weren't people here more then capable of protecting others from her. It was the thought of the pain that would cause that made her so afraid. She hadn't had all that much time to recover, and she wasn't sure that events in this new world would give her that time.

Falling silent for a few moments, Jean studied her. "Hurt them how? Accidentally or on purpose?"

"If I knew, it wouldn't be so terrifying. Sometimes I have to convince myself that I'm real - that all this is real. It feels a little like I could have made it all up, just so I didn't need to deal with reality,"

Laurie shifted uncomfortably - afraid that she'd confided too much. This was not the mentor she'd known, or the friend who she had been. Laurie wasn't yet sure who this Jean was.

Jean leaned against the counter, silent for a few moments before she finally spoke. "I've had a few patients...survivors who come in to the ER after a trauma that also claimed the life of someone else....car crash, natural disaster, etc. They often feel guilty that they lived and their loved one died. And then there are the ones who'd been in a tragedy and their loved ones hadn't," she said, a far away look in her eyes as she spoke with a touch more intimacy with the subject than she wanted to admit.

"I've heard them talk about feeling frustrated and disconnected when others don't understand...because this horrible thing happened and people are just living their lives. The world's still spinning. It feels like it should be a movie and not real life and no one else knows what they're going through. So I think....it's normal to feel discombobulated sometimes after what happened."

She folded her arms self-consciously, reminded of her reaction to everyone's standoffishness and emotions when she arrived, her impatience and frustration when they didn't immediately accept her with open arms. She knew this was an unrealistic expectation now and still felt bad about it.

"But--I would never presume to know what you're going through," she added quickly, holding up her hands. "This is just second-hand observation from what I've seen. It's different for everyone. I'm just the newbie."

"You give yourself too little credit," Laurie murmured, cupping the elbow joint of her prosthetic as she hopped off the examination table. "Your offer of work, and your kindness are both exactly what I need at the moment. Thank you."

Jean blinked up at Laurie with a little bit of confusion, not really expecting that reaction. She finally settled into a surprised smile, happy that she had made a difference for once.

"You're welcome."

Glancing away, Jean grabbed a small notepad from her labcoat to scribble down a reminder to check with her supervisor. "Um, well...let me know when you want me to talk to the people at Claremont. I can see what they have as far as options," she said.

"Thank you, and...you're not 'just' the newbie," Laurie offered with a sad smile. "You care, and that's important. Even if none of us are great at being particularly well adjusted enough to make our gratefulness for that apparent on more then an uneven basis."

Jean's writing paused a moment, and she peered back up to Laurie. A soft, genuine smile crossed her lips and she went back to writing herself the note. Laurie's words were ones she herself had needed to hear. "Thanks," she said, then tucked the notepad back into her pocket and straightened herself back up.

"If...you need anything else, medically or....whatever, let me know. I'll always be here."