Nathan and Moira, Second Wake Up

[x-mactaggart.livejournal.com]

The next time he woke up, the link felt so much clearer.

There was still an edge of worry to it, and Moira's thoughts were far from calm, but they didn't have that frozen, choking tension about them. Nathan opened his eyes, blinking up at the ceiling for long enough to establish that yes, he was still in the Medlab. Then he turned his head, unerringly in her direction.

"Hey," he murmured, his voice still hoarse. Curled up in the more comfortable chair in the corner, she looked up, smiling at him. She was still red-eyed, but what looked very much like 'When Christ And His Saints Slept' was open on her lap and there wasn't so much strain in her face. "Did you sleep?"

"Some," she responded, knowing how little it had been. Moira set the book down as she got up and walked over to the bed, immediately reaching for his hand. It was much warmer than it had been earlier and she sighed in relief. Nathan had been so cold the last couple of days, when he normally radiated enough heat to keep her warm. "'ow're ye feelin'?"

Her eyes darted to the machines and she nodded to herself. Readings looked normal again.

"Like I want to stay right here for the foreseeable future," he said with a faint smile and a sigh, squeezing her hand. "Hospital-feel or not."

With a small smile, she brushed back some hair from his forehead. "Understandable, everythin' considerin'." She let out a shaky breath. "Probably keep ye through th' weekend, love, jus'...jus' ta be sure."

Nathan sighed again, more heavily this time, and let his eyes close for a moment. "I won't pout," he said quietly. "Promise."

"Good because in this case it wouldna 'ave worked." Closing her eyes, Moira carefully brought up his hand and kissed the back of it, trying not to cry. Again.

Nathan opened his eyes and looked up at her, his chest tightening at her expression. "I'm so sorry," he said unsteadily. "I must not have been focusing hard enough, or something..." Except he couldn't remember. Nothing, after the dinner. It bothered him that he didn't know what he had done wrong, or failed to do.

"God, Nathan, nay dinnae..." Her voice broke. "Please, dinnae...I've got enough guilt fer th' two o' us. Nay yer fault..."

"If it's not mine, then it's not yours," he said as insistently as he could, which was hard, because his voice still was mostly-gone.

Sniffling a little, she tried to smile. "All right, deal." Moira couldn't keep her voice from shaking, no matter how hard she tried. "God, do ye know 'ow much I love ye, Nathan?" she whispered fiercely, curling both of her hands around his.

"Telepathy is good for some things," he whispered, his own smile wavering a little at her ferocity. If her reaction was any indication, it had to have been a close thing. He couldn't help but wonder, suddenly, just how long his heart had been stopped. "Love you, too. It's going to be all right, Moira..."

"Will it?" she whispered. The doubt and fear were there for now, probably to be pushed aside with proper sleep and food now that he was awake. But she'd spent too much of her time the past few days sitting in the dark with cold machines. There'd been company galore but when everyone left, she stared in the dark room and her thoughts scared her.

"If I have anything to say about it." Nathan took a deep breath, meeting her eyes and putting as much belief into his own as he could. "And I do."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't..." She pressed a hand to her head and tried to gather her thoughts. They were frantic, racing in her head in circles it seemed like.

Nathan blinked at her for a moment, and then, careful of the several tubes and so forth still attached to him, tugged at her hand until she sat down on the edge of the bed. "It's all right," he murmured sadly, his eyes locked on her face. "It is."

It was like someone was slowly ripping down those walls she'd been hiding behind since the other night. "I know, I jus' cannae stop..." Frantically, she wiped her hand across her eyes. "Been wound so tight, I'm sorry." Moira couldn't figure out what she was apologizing for...not being there on time, for being wound up tight enough to explode, or for breaking down. Perhaps all three.

It wasn't fair, to do what he did next, but he knew her too well. If he didn't take the next step she would rebuild those walls and it would all stay inside to fester. "You keep bringing me back to life," he said softly, his throat feeling thick. "In every possible way."

It certainly didn't help that when he said that, the light touch on the link sent the same thing. With a sob, Moira shook her head wordlessly as she found herself unable to stop crying. Even with people she considered her friends, she hadn't been able to bring herself to breaking down. It had been a long couple of days.

#You don't have to be unbreakable with me,# Nathan whispered along the link, raising an unsteady hand to touch the side of her face, brush away her tears. #Never with me, Moira. This goes both ways, you know. It has to, or there's no point in any of it.#

A whimper escaped and she leaned cautiously into the touch, not wanting to accidentally hurt him. #I try, I really do, but I jus' pick th' worst times. I really suck at this,# she sent, a little mournfully. #God, I was so scared. Th' link was so...cold...but yer back...#

#I was having such strange dreams...# She looked up sharply, alarmed, but he hurriedly soothed her. #Not visions. Real dreams. Not even nightmares. Just...strange.# He tried to muster a smile as he went on aloud. "I kept trying to wake up, but I couldn't..."

“What did ye dream o’?” Moira murmured, rubbing her thumb over Nathan’s knuckles as she rubbed her eyes with her free hand.

"It was all... mixed up," Nathan said after a moment, trying to remember. "I was remembering things that had happened, but... there were people there that shouldn't have been there at those times and places. They knew that, too." He let his free hand fall back to the bed again. Took too much energy to keep it up in the air.

"At least it was nay nightmares." Moira ran her thumb over his knuckles absently as she wiped the tears off with her other hand. "Do ye feel *any* better, at all?"

"Right now? Kind of... drifty." He would have elaborated on that, but really, 'drifty' kind of covered it.

"I think I'll take 'drifty' over what ye were previously," she remarked, a little bit of humor sliding back into her voice and words. "I dinnae think 'twas possible...ye snore even when comatose..."

"I cannot possibly be that bad," he said. She raised an eyebrow, but didn't respond, and he sighed, relaxing back against the bed. They sat there in silence for a few moments, holding hands. Nathan let his gaze roam around the room, wondering if this was the same room he'd been in when he had first arrived. Didn't seem all that much different.

"You were there," he said suddenly, and Moira blinked at him. He gave a tired little chuckle. "I sound like Dorothy, don't I? 'You were there, and you, and you...' But you were in the dreams. Places that you couldn't have been. Mistra... even back at the commune." She had been watching him as he struggled through the snow-choked woods, trying to find his way back as part of yet another test. Oddly, it had been comforting.

"All over th' place, 'uh? Maybe it was because I kept tryin' ta reach ye through th' link while ye were 'avin' th' dreams?" she wondered. At first it had been brief touches, testing the water so to speak. But as the length of time kept getting longer, she had gotten more desperate and the touches to the link had become longer. Clumsy but it had been the only thing she had known to do. The only thing she could do.

"That makes sense," Nathan said a bit sleepily. His eyelids were beginning to droop again. Sad, when conversation could wear him out. "Though that doesn't explain what G.W. was doing in the dress at the opera..."

Moira's laugh was sudden but clear, not like the laughter from Sarah telling her about wanting to jump Nathan in the hallway. "Ye know...I'm nay goin' ta be able to look at 'im th' same, ye bastard." She yawned herself and rubbed her eyes with her free hand.

"Should sleep," Nathan pointed out, struggling to keep his eyes open. "Look so tired..."

"So do ye. I've..." She nearly said she'd slept but Moira knew Nathan would know better. "'avenae slept all tha' well, I suppose. Dinnae want ta leave ye, nay now."

"There's got to be another bed around here somewhere," Nathan pointed out. Speaking in full sentences was something of an effort, but he managed it. "Go find it?" He squeezed her hand tightly. "You'll still be able to sense me..."

"I can always curl up in th' more comfortable chair next t' th' bed," she protested. It was stupid, not wanting to leave his side just in case anything happened. It wasn't really all due to the other night, but more the night that followed, the empty silence that had hung in the room. With him awake, she just didn't want to leave.

She was going to be stubborn about this. He should have realized. His eyes closed, as if of their own accord, but even as they did Nathan was frowning. There needed to be another bed in the room, that was the problem. If there was, then she could get some real sleep without having to leave...

He could see the rest of the medlab in her mind, across the link. And there were other beds. One was in a room right across the hall, and so maybe the doors were closed, but...

When the doors opened, she glanced over and her mouth dropped open slightly as another hospital-like bed floated through. Moira turned to gently chastise him when she realized he was half-asleep while doing this. Her eyebrow quirked and she smiled as she leaned over to kiss him, carefully. "So, we bot' get what we want," she chuckled.

"Bed," Nathan murmured, not really aware of what he was doing. Moira needed a bed, so there was a bed. It was all good.

"Aye, bed." Reluctantly, she pulled her hand free long enough to hop down and pull the new bed the rest of the way over. Satisfied, she reached over to the wall switch and turned off the lights, plunging the room back into dim darkness. But this time, she mused as she pulled herself up into the bed, it wasn't so bad. When she turned herself over, she saw Nathan's hand drift towards her in the dark and she reached for it. Not bad at all.