xp_logs | Angelo and Nathan

Before dinner, Angelo headed down to the medlab, to see if Nate could have visitors. He'd seen Moira's post about Nathan waking up, and figured it was worth a try. Reaching the room, he knocked tentatively.

Nathan had been staring at the ceiling, wishing it had spots on it or something so that he could at least kill time counting them. His head was aching a little this afternoon, enough that reading wasn't an option, but he still couldn't manage to get back to sleep for more than five minutes at a time.

The knock on the door startled him, which told him just how zoned out he'd been. "Come in?" he called out tentatively, then smiled slightly as he recognized the presence. "Hey, Angelo," he said as the door opened.

Angelo walked into the room, smiling a little in return. "Hey. How're you feelin'?"

"Slightly better than crap warmed over, which is an improvement." Nathan gestured at the chair by the bed somewhat hopefully. "Want to sit down? I could sure use the company."

Angelo nodded and headed over there to sit down. "Sure thing, if you're allowed visits now. Wasn't sure."

"Technically, yeah, although I imagine that if someone sticks around for too long, one of the terrible trio will chase them out." Nathan smiled again, more dryly this time. "Apparently I need my rest."

Angelo chuckled. "Easier said than done sometimes, I know."

"Yeah, well, I figure I'm in a sleep surplus at the moment," Nathan said with a snort that turned into a wince as his ribs protested, again.

Angelo frowned in concern at the wince, before asking carefully, "What happened? Manuel seemed to be feelin' awful guilty about somethin'..."

Nathan opened his mouth and then closed it again, rethinking the quick answer he had been preparing to give. Manuel and Angelo didn't get along, he reminded himself. "All I know is what Moira told me," he confessed. "Don't remember much of anything after dinner that night... I wasn't breathing for a while, so that's not all that unusual. I do remember that I wanted to talk to him about what happened with him and Amanda, but..."

Angelo nodded. "Fair enough. What did Dr. MacTaggart tell you?"

"That Manuel and I were talking, and I got hit with a vision. I keeled over, he went to find a phone to call her, she got there and did CPR."

Another nod. "Okay. Doesn't sound like it was his fault, then. He did say he hadn't done anythin'." Try as he might to hide it, he sounded almost disappointed.

Nathan sighed a little. "Angelo," he said, still wryly, "I'm not de la Rocha's biggest fan, either. How long was I here before he and I had our unfortunate incident?"

Angelo grimaced. "Yeah, I remember. Can't say he really bothered me that much before... some stuff happened. Never really talked to him, he was just sorta there."

"He's having a hard time." Angelo opened his mouth, but Nathan went on before the kid could say anything. "Yeah, I know that's not an excuse for a lot of the things he's done. But it is an explanation. And if he gets the help he needs, he'll stop pulling the crap that makes people want to kick his ass." We hope, Nathan added silently.

Angelo nodded sullenly. "We've all had a hard time, or most of us", he muttered. "Just 'cause he can pull shit like he did on Bobby an' Lorna, whatever the hell he did to her, he seems t'think he... can."

"We psis have... challenges the rest of you don't," Nathan said quietly. "Empaths even more than telepaths or telekinetics, I think. Most of Manuel's problem is that he really doesn't know any better, Angelo. He's never been taught. And he's got this gift, if you want to call it that, which puts him simultaneously at the mercy of and in a position of power over nearly everyone around him." He made a helpless gesture. "You don't learn how to cope with that on your own. And until you do... well, you're a menace to everyone around you."

Angelo nodded reluctantly, not wanting to understand Manuel any better but beginning to all the same. "Seemed to take bein' made to wear the collar 'fore he even wanted to learn, though." He shrugged. "I dunno. 'm just gonna stay away from him, much as I can."

"That's probably not a bad idea," Nathan agreed, the corner of his mouth tugging upwards a bit sardonically. "He seems to have it in for you. Keeping your distance is probably the best thing. I just wish I could justify doing the same."

Angelo shrugged again, scowling faintly. "Yeah, well. Don't wanna hurt him - Marie an' Shinobi seem t'think he's worth their time, but if he pushes me again..."

"Think strategically," Nathan advised him. "Say that he does push you. Right now, you could almost certainly handle it, given the dampener and the shape he's in. But what about down the road, when the dampener comes off?" He smiled mirthlessly. "He seems like the type to cherish grudges until they die of old age."

Angelo paled slightly, the thought having occurred to him, and frightening him more than he was willing to admit. "I was kinda hopin' they won't take the dampener off 'til they've taught him how to deal with his powers better. How t'be human, since Marie says that's what he doesn't know."

"Nothing's a sure thing," Nathan pointed out more gently, Angelo's frightened thoughts washing against his shields. "I do doubt they'll take it off until they're sure he's made enough progress that they feel they can trust him. But no one can ever be trusted completely," he warned. "Even the most compassionate, humane person can do something to hurt someone else if they truly feel it's warranted, or even just by accident."

Angelo glanced down, unwillingly reminded of his episodes, and of other things in his past. "Yeah. I know", he answered flatly.

"I figured you probably did," Nathan said with a half-smile. "I think you just needed to hear it from someone else." Something came to mind, and his smile grew. "Sa'linn ne'haustoura reyhalliah, m'filoi," he said, in Askani. Angelo looked at him quizzically, and Nathan managed a chuckle that didn't jar his ribs too badly. "It means, 'Watch out for the knife tomorrow, little brother.' It's a saying of... theirs, these people from the future that I see. It's supposed to be a warning not to live too much in the moment."

Angelo shrugged, saying softly, "Got t'be a habit, back home. Hard not to, when there might not be a tomorrow. Still gettin' used to the idea that that doesn't apply anymore."

"If you ask me," Nathan said, a little more briskly, "it's situations like that in which you need to keep tomorrow in mind the most. The moment passes, Angelo. You survive or you don't. But there's a difference between surviving and living, and to live, you need to be thinking about tomorrow." He grinned wryly. "And I'm beginning to sound like a pontificating asshole, aren't I?"

Angelo nodded. "Little bit", he replied teasingly. "You're probably right, though. An'... I'm tryin' to live. Not as much need to worry about the survivin', anymore..."

"One of the big pluses of this place, I think," Nathan said with a sigh, trying to convince himself to relax a little. It had not been all that easy, being the voice of reason about Manuel. Then again, it was probably good practice, he told himself sardonically. "You get the space to think about what you want, where you're going. I wish I'd had that at your age."

Angelo nodded. "'s not easy, though", he said, almost to himself. "Suddenly gettin' choices I never had before. 's okay for someone like Ev, he was always gonna go to school an' have a good career. Me? Jail was about the best endin' I could hope for. Least there I'd maybe've got some education. But now... nothin's sure anymore. Don't know what to do."

"You've got time. No need to rush into anything one way or the other," Nathan told him.

Angelo glanced up at him, face deliberately blank. "Not so sure'f that. 'm nearly eighteen, an' how long c'n I stay here, when I graduate? Could join the staff, but what could I teach? An' when Mom moves to NYC, I'll have somewhere else t'go, sure, but... either not many choices, or too many. Can't stop thinkin' this is all gonna blow up in my face..."

Nathan gave the kid a measuring look. "Here's the thing about tomorrow," he said carefully. "Getting paralyzed by all the possibilities is almost as bad as living too much in the moment." Angelo gave him a dubious look, and Nathan sighed. "Look, I'm not Easy-Answer-Man here. When I was your age, I didn't think I had any choices at all--well, okay, so I was sure I didn't."

Angelo nodded. "Back in LA, I'd've said the same. Now... Shinobi offered me a job, but I think it'll take him a while to sort things out enough to make good on that. An' Jake gave me an Infonet contract, or I'm pretty sure the Professor could find somethin' for me to do, team or not..." He sighed. "Don't know what to do. Used to be so clear..."

Nathan shrugged a little, feeling oddly hesitant. "Add me to the list, if you want," he said a bit awkwardly. "I've got contacts all over the world, I could probably find you something. Not the sort of work I do, obviously," he amended, "unless you would want that, and I really wouldn't recommend it."

Angelo nodded, with an awkward shrug of his own. "Thanks, man. I'll remember. They always say you can't have too many choices, right?"

"Too many choices can be awkward, but trust me, Angelo, it's far better than the alternative."

Angelo nodded again, eyes dark and lost in the recent (and not-so-recent) past. "I know. Believe me, I do know that."

"Angelo," Nathan said after a moment. "Go do me a favor?" Angelo gave him a questioning look and Nathan went on, trying to stifle a faint smile. "Go find someone you like and do something you like, all right? Put it--hell, put everything out of your mind for now. Nothing's getting resolved this afternoon. A little living in the moment isn't going to hurt you."

Angelo nodded once more, thoughts going immediately to Paige, before he realized, albeit reluctantly, that that might not be the best way to put all his current problems out of his mind, then decided he didn't care. "Okay."

"I hear it's actually quite a nice day out there," Nathan said a bit bleakly, looking around at the windowless room and trying to ignore the vague stirrings of what he had been trying to convince himself earlier today wasn't claustrophobia.

Angelo shrugged. "Not too bad. 's not rainin', anyway."

"Try and enjoy it, then," Nathan said, forcing himself to keep his tone lightly. "There are never enough pleasant Saturdays in one lifetime."

Angelo chuckled. "Agreed. You got any idea when they'll let you out of here, even for a bit?"

"Moira's promising Monday, barring any further developments," Nathan said with a flash of black humor. "All bets are off if my heart decides to stop beating again, though."

Angelo winced, remembering, and attempted a little black humor of his own, weak though it was. "Yeah, I can see how that might put a dampener on things."

"Awkward, this whole cardiac arrest thing," Nathan quipped. "Very awkward." He sighed, slumping back against the pillows. Fatigue was creeping up on him again. "Not to chase you out, Angelo, but I think I'm about ready for that nap."

Angelo nodded, glancing at him in sudden concern. "Sure thing. Don't wanna make things worse."

"You're not," Nathan said with as reassuring a smile as he could muster. "Just too old for... well, everything, these days, it feels like."

Angelo didn't look entirely convinced, but he'd been going to leave Nathan to sleep anyway, so he just shrugged. "Okay. Want me to send one of the doctors in?"

"Please don't," Nathan said with another very careful laugh. "They'll start pushing sedatives at me again or something."

Angelo nodded. "Fair enough, if you'll be okay sleepin' without them."

"Trust me, not having any trouble sleeping," Nathan lied with a perfectly straight face.

Angelo raised an eyebrow at him, having more than once assured people of the same thing, in almost exactly the same words, with about as much truth in them. However, he settled for a simple "Okay."

Nathan wondered if he had really gotten quite that transparent, but dismissed the idea. "Thanks for stopping by, Angelo," he said, and meant it. "And hey, my door is always open. Once I'm out of here, at least."

Angelo smiled. "Thanks. I'll take you up on that, when you're better. See you soon." Standing, he made his way to the door, pausing to raise his hand in farewell, and was gone.