xp_logs | North and Felicia, Break In (backdated Nov 13th)

So, remember that one time Felicia stole all of North's clothes and sent them to her tailor? This is the retribution.

Shortsheeting a bed was a time-old military prank that North had perfected in his youth, although it did not usually involve this many throw pillows. When the last one had been settled in place, the German man crouched by the bedside table to fiddle with the alarm clock.

He had not dared mess with his victim's clothes (or weapons), despite the motivations behind his current project - David rather enjoyed having his head on his neck. But it had not stopped him from cling-wrapping her furniture or smearing vaseline on every single door knob and cupboard handle in the apartment. Or replacing her mouthwash with syrup. Or messing with her television channels and Netflix queues. Amongst other things.

Part of him did wonder at the childishness of his actions, but David found it easy to ignore it when he recalled coming home to a near-empty closet and having to deal with the insistent prickle of unease that came with the knowledge of having had someone in his apartment without his consent. Besides, he would classify his actions in the past hour as something he thoroughly enjoyed - something his therapist had strongly recommended he undertake.

The alarm chime replaced with a song from his favourite 1900s German band set, North replaced the clock, and brushed a gloved hand down his newly-tailored pants, giving the room one last survey before exiting.

It wasn't that there was something outwardly wrong when Felicia entered her apartment but it just felt. Off. Like someone had come in and moved everything a centimetre to the right. Gently closing the door behind her, she dropped her purse on the couch, in the same movement stepping out of her pumps, and crossed the room to the French doors that had once led to a hallway but now made up the entrance to a split between her room and her closet. It wasn't unusual that the doors were open - she usually kept them open, especially when she was wandering back and forth between coffee and getting ready in the morning - but she stilled at the quick series of unfamiliar notes that came from inside, before they were quickly silenced.

Ducking to one side of the doorway she had very little time to wait before someone exited, taller than her and masculine, but otherwise obscured by the lack of light. Felicia held perfectly still until he had just passed and then leapt onto his back, the inside of her elbow going around his throat.

Instinct kicked in immediately, even if his powers did not, and North grunted and allowed himself to fall to one knee to catch his assailant off-guard. Taking advantage of their difference in weight, the spy threw his weight forward in the start of a forward roll, tucking his chin to his chest and prying fingers into the crook of her elbow for some room to breath. He had a side-arm within reach. But even in the dark and with a clingy person on his back, North was very much aware of how bad of an idea that would be.

Not everyone in the room had had recent Nazi serums pumped into them, and Felicia was little match for the amount of strength being pitted against her. Luckily, she was still, well. Her. Dislodged from his back she hit the floor on her shoulder with a dull thud, already rolling away. She caught a large pillar candle off the coffee table as she went past and turned, in one fluid motion throwing it at him, hard. While it was a good shot, it was more of a distraction to the blonde fury that came right after it, already trying to decide when in this fight it would be okay to go for the eyes.

The projectile connected with a hurriedly raised forearm, a loud crack sounding over the pair's controlled breathing. But the momentary pain went ignored as David shoved the candle to the side and ducked Felicia's attack in a classic schoolyard tackle. Arms around her waist and head against her middle, they crashed to the carpet in an ungainly heap of limbs.

"Uncle!"

"Wait, what-"

Felicia's breath knocked out of her in surprise as she fell, taking a few long breaths as she stared at who she now knew to be North, face startlingly close over her and legs tangled. "Um. Hi," she finally managed after a while, still making no move to get up just yet. The word "ow" went unsaid. "Fancy meeting you here. In my apartment."

"Fancy that," David agreed, his long-ish hair conveniently casting his face further into shadow as he peered down at her. He took a moment to quirk an unseen sardonic brow before rolling onto his back next to her, right arm cradled to his chest. He could feel bone knitting together, even though it could not have been more than a small fracture, and it still disconcerted him. "I do apologise for startling you."

The dead pan look she levelled him with said everything, head turned slightly to the side, before her gaze went past him and into her living room. "Is that saran wrap," she asked without asking, hand reaching out as if searching for the candle again.

He turned his head towards the living room, squinting slightly before reaching for the candle by his foot. "Seems like it." He placed the heavy candle in her outstretched hand. "Were you renovating?"

Felicia stared at him again, then to the candle in her hand, then back, before reaching over to very gently tap his temple with the weapon he'd apparently just given back to her, eyebrow raised. Her eyes had adjusted by now, and while she didn't have the night vision of her code name she could at least make out most of his face. "Pretty sure no," she said. "What's your very legitimate reason I'm sure for being in here again?"

A small, minuscule, tiny smirk curved his lips upwards, and the man shrugged against her carpeted floor. "I can lie if you want me to." He probably really could. "Does this look familiar to you?" David asked instead, wriggling a small, quarter-palm sized object from his pocket and holding it out to her, all smooth lines and cool metal. A brooch of some kind.

"Depends what the lie is," she replied, reaching out to turn his hand a fraction, just enough to still his hand so that she could see the design. "Sort of. Yours is nicer." Felicia shrugged, releasing his hand. "Manhattan looks like a flyswatter."

“Yes, meandering streets do seem to make for more interesting jewelleries,” he said, holding it up to his eyes. “Do you know who it is from?”

"Seriously? How did you miss Jubilee hiding around corners last week and giggling randomly? I'm glad that woman is a good thief because she is shit at surprises." Felicia levelled him with a dry look, head lolling to the side. "That's not even getting into Doug's tirade about evil airports, or whatever that was, I stopped listening. Between getting caught in my room and now this. Are you losing your touch? I think you may be losing your touch."

He shrugged again, but tucked the pin back into his pocket, filing the information away for later. "I have not been around the mansion very much lately, what with playing catch up with work, getting burgled, visiting your tailor." Trying to get a grip on his powers. "Of course, those are no excuse for losing my touch. Perhaps I should retire. I did enjoy the beach."

"Don't pout, I'm only pulling your pigtails. And you loved Doreen," she replied, looking back up at the ceiling.

"I do love a woman who has good taste in whiskey and leather," David agreed with a wistful sort of sigh.

Felicia made a humming noise and sat up. "Well, try to stay in New York when you run away together," she said, then looked over her shoulder at him. It was still dark, but they were laying near a convenient patch of ambient light from the window. Her teeth briefly flashed white in a smile. "I refuse to buy blouses off the rack anymore and she has my shirt block."

"Does she strike you as a woman that would listen to me?" David smirked, reaching up to brush hair from his eyes before tilting his head back so that he could see her front door. "I should go. Healing makes me hungry all the time now."

"Sorry," she replied with a sharp amount of cheer, glancing at the way he favored his arm still. "I'd offer you something but I feel it would be rewarding your poor burglary skills. Or I have nothing in my fridge right now, your choice."

"There is food in mine. If you can stay out of my closet, you may help yourself to it." The man rolled smoothly to his feet and quirked a smile down at her. There was no real need to warn her about the new security measures in his apartment - North was fairly sure she could figure it out if she had to. He turned towards the door. "Except for the cheese tarts - those are for Jubilation."

Pulling her mouth to one side, Felicia made a face as if pondering. "That would almost be sweet except for the knowledge that I'm probably going to spend the night putting back together whatever you've done in here," she said, watching his back from where she still sat on the ground. "Or are we still pretending I'm renovating? I can't remember what we decided on there."

"I am afraid memory is one of those things that goes with old age," the spy remarked, wholly unperterbed, before he exited with quiet strides and a parting: "Have a good evening, Ms Hardy."

She made a soft almost hissing noise after him, dampened by the wide smile that had managed to sneak in. "Heal well, Mr North."

Three hours later - who knew liquid Dawn removed Vaseline after an initial wipe off, thanks Martha Stewart - Felicia finally pulled on a night shirt and tried to climb into bed only to find it short sheeted. There was a lot of yelling.