Jessica and Sue Catching Up (Backdated to December 10th)

[x-jessicajones.livejournal.com]

Content Warning: The following post mentions emotional abuse/stalking.

Jessica paid the taxi driver and stepped out onto the curb. It wasn't easy to get them to drive into what they called the "mutant" part of town, but she'd managed it. Normally she would have just flown, but with all the time spent up with her mother at the hospital, she probably would have just crashed into something on the way. She stared at the entrance to the X-Factor offices for a moment and took a deep breath. She'd heard what had happened with Sabretooth. She'd been most worried about Quentin, he was one of her students, but she'd also felt a deep rush of anger for both her teammates and for having let them down herself.
'I'm supposed to be the goddamn powerhouse of this team. Then they go and face a monster and I'm not even there. Fuck.' She thought as she pushed open the office door, her heels clacking against the floor as she did so. "Hello? Anyone here? Lorna? Bobbi? Sue?" She called.

"I sent them home," a blonde head poked her head up above the reception desk to wave in Jessica's direction before slumping back down to look at the list of cases she had in front of her, "or the mansion I guess...or a hotel in the city. I kinda threw everyone out and told them to go relax, it's not like anyone is really in a state to deal with anything right now, the skeleton staff that we have still standing anyway."

"Damn. Well, at least I get to see you." Jessica replied as she floated over to Sue and crossed her legs in mid air. She stared at Sue with large brown eyes before she continued. "I know this is really cheesy but...I'm so glad your'e alright. When I heard I was, uh, pretty scared. For all of you." She explained, her words coming out in a rush. "I'm sorry I wasn't there. Really. Next time we face a big scary manimal, I'll be there to snap its neck. Promise." She finished.

"What happened was pretty scary," Sue allowed, "that...person went through us like a hot knife through butter. I mean I though we could handle anything but he some how knew where I was even when I was invisible and went through Alex and Lorna like it was nothing." The blonde gave a shudder, "People keep saying there are dangerous people out there, but uptil now they've always been on my side. He couldn't have cared less about us, like we were just a nuisance to him. That's terrifying, but more than that I'm so angry I can't wind down. Over what he did to Warren and the team and selfishly I guess that he knew where I was."
Jessica stared at her normally unshakable friend and reached out to put her hand on her forearm.

"Sue...trust me when I say this. There will always be people like that. Ones who are ready to use and abuse you without a second thought. You're not a person to them. You're a thing, an object. Something to be bowled over if you're in their way." Jessica began, her voice shaky. "When you realize that for the first time, like you are right now, that's when the anger starts. It grows in you like some horrible heat. Makes you want to do things you'll regret later, believe me." She continued as she slowly dropped to her feet. "I know we haven't been friends for very long and I get that maybe you're still learning to trust me. But I think I know you well enough to say that I don't want that for you. So, if there's anything I can do to help you, please tell me. We could work off your anger together. Hit the gym, the bars, whatever you want. We can train together, even. Work on making you an even tougher woman than you are now." Jessica stated. "I-I don't know if any of this is making sense or is helpful, but I didn't have someone there for me, so I want to be that someone that's there for you." She finished.

"I want to kill him Jess," Sue admitted in a quiet voice, "I'm not a particularly good person, I know that. I've lied, stolen and manipulated people, but I've never hated someone this much before. I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to do with the cases we have until the team is up and mobile again and but all I can think about is what happened and trying to figure out how I'd hunt down and get to the man who I know absolutely nothing about. But what scares me the most is how easily the idea came to me, how unconcerned with the morality I am." Sue glanced down at the table, "I know I've got...dubious morals but normal people don't think about killing someone like that do they?"

Jessica swallowed thickly. She clenched her hands and began to sweat.
"I hardly think I'm normal, Sue, but I've been there. Really. W-when I was younger, a senior in high school, I had decided to put my powers use as a hero. You know, kinda like that Spider Man guy." She began. "I even called myself Jewel and had a costume." She added with a pained smile. "T-then on my first day out I met a man. Or at least, I thought he was a man. I found him in a restaurant, surrounded by dead bodies. As soon as I walked in, something happened. It was like a-a fog had clouded my mind. He told me that the people had been too noisy and that it was putting him off his meal, so he'd told them to stop breathing. That was his power. To dominate other people's minds. H-he made me tell him everything, Sue. My name, home address, my dreams, my failures, everything. I-I'll spare you some of the...grim details but he kept me like a pet for eight months. Made me do horrible things, made me hurt people for his amusement. Then, we were cornered by the police. He told me to kill them, to make them suffer. I followed his orders, nearly killed a whole squad. It was part way through that fight when I shrugged off his control. It hurt, Sue. Like rubbing on a raw nerve, like I was flying to close to the sun." Jessica added, angry tears flowing. "That's when the anger set in. I hated this man for what he had done to me, hated him for the people who he hurt and who he made me hurt. I swore that if I ever, EVER found him I'd kill him. That'd I'd make him suffer, like those officers did. Like I had. I didnt even know him, not really, even after we spent all those months together. I even became a P.I. so I could learn how to track him down. The anger consumed me. Then, last December something...clicked." Jessica stated, careful about her choice of words. "Sue, people like you and me, were human. We're occasionally immoral, but we do right by the world. Sabretooth and the man I've been telling you about, Killgrave? They're not men. They're monsters. They use, abuse, and kill for no reason other than the fact that people sometimes get in their way. And no matter how cliche it may be, no matter how much we want it, we cant kill them. They have to serve justice and suffer for their many sins. The families of their victims need a chance for closure. I'm your friend, Sue. And I swear that I will hunt this Sabretooth monster to the ends of the Earth with you. But I cant let you kill him. Because then he wins. Do you understand?" Jessica asked, the look in her teary eyes pleading.

"What's one more?" Sue asked quietly, "If he hurts someone else when we could have stopped him, how could I live with myself afterwards? I'm not a hero Jess, not like you, when I first got my powers I didn't even thnk about helping anyone else with them, I'd use them to play pranks on my brother or random people. I used it to sneak around and break into places just as a challenge, trying to be a hero never occurred to me." she looked up at Jessica tears collecting in the edge of her eyes, "I can't imagine what it must have been like for you, to go out with all the best intentions but have it turn out like that." The blone looked down and idly flicked at a paper clip on her desk. ""But I'm the same as them Jess, my family make weapons that people use to kill other people. I don't pull the trigger or im it but maybe a little bit of hte blood is on my hands, but it's so many people. I've made my peace with that, well mostly, but my hands are far from clean. And I use people," Sue's voice was barely more than a whisper now, "I've used people to get my way, manipulated them to secure a business deal or stop my competitors from getting one, i'm good at it and I enjoy it. How am I an better than they are? If it means another black mark on my conscience but other people live...We were nothing but bugs to him Jess. He didn't even need to do anything to Warren, we couldn't have stopped him. He almost died on someone's whim and I couldn't stop him from being hurt."

Jessica brushed away her tears and clamped her hand down on Sue's in an attempt to be reassuring.
"There's the difference between you and them, Sue. You're here, admitting all of this to me. You're aware of it and that makes you different, because it means that you care. I-I'm no expert, not even close, but you saying all of this means that you can change. You've already joined X-Factor and put your skills to use helping us to help others. That's a step in the right direction if I've ever seen one. I know it's helped me with my hero complex." Jessica joked, her voice still thick and a bit hoarse. "I know it sucks to feel powerless, Sue. Believe me, I know. The whole time I was under Killgrave's control, I knew exactly what I was doing, what I was saying. It was like watching a movie of my own life, but I couldn't change any of it. Being powerless is sometimes force upon us. But we can't let that define us." She finished. God, she hoped she was making sense.

"And I'm not like you either," Sue gave Jessica a wry smile and scrubbed at her eyes, "You survived everything he threw at you, I don't know if I could have and not cracked. Hell out of it a nicer person than I've ever been, the reason you're here is to help people right? It's always been about the challenge for me, it always has been. ever since I was a kid, I had to prove that I'm better, even with my powers, what's the best way to challenge myself. Does it count as a good act if I'm not coming at it with pure intention like you are? I mean, I'm not sure I want to change, I'm happy, for the first time in ever I have more friends than Harry and Julian. People I can trust not to use me or betray me if they need something. I was happy, until he came along and showed me how fragile all this is...he's already won hasn't he?"

"You don't have to be exactly like me, Sue. Frankly, that's part of the reason I like you. If you're happy, then you're happy. You're here to challenge yourself but, by doing so, you're doing a lot of good. That's what you should focus on. And no, that monster hasn't won. You know why? Because you're here, talking about this with someone. With me. The fact that you have friends is important. Because if, by some awful turn of events, you slip over the edge, they're always there to catch you." Jessica replied.

"If I ever stumble over the edge and turn into a Stark or a Stane you have my permission to slap me silly until I come to my senses...just try to be careful with the super strength thing huh? I kinda like my head attached to my neck as it is," Sue teased managing a weak smile, "I appreciate it Jess, if you ever need a friend to buoy you up, I'm not sure I'll do as good a job as you but I'm here." the blonde sighed, "You know what? I miss the good old days of a year ago when all I had to worry about was if research group three would blow up their lab again, how I was going to get the designs in on time and how to make sure I had the best dress for the governor's ball."

"A few slaps? No problem. I'll even keep the strength in check. Just for you." Jessica joked. "And yeah, I miss just worrying about whether boys liked me or not. I wasn't exactly an Amazon back then, y'know." She added with a grin.

"Sweetie, you never had to worry about that, still don't," Sue's lips edges up into a smile as she arched an eyebrow at Jessica, "I mean you managed to hook Warren Worthington, there are hordes of girls out there who'd love to be in your shoes right now, and a few guys too.""Awww, thanks Sue. We really are a couple of knock outs." She anwered with a smile.
"And as said knock outs, we shouldn't hide our brilliance away from the world here," Sue decided pushing away from the desk, "At least if I stay here anymore I'll end up starting to grow roots. Besides I hear there is this awesome thing called sunshine, I'd like to see it again."

"Sounds awesome. Though I have to say you'd make a kick ass tree." Jessica joked.