xp_logs | Sooraya and Rogue (backdated)

Rogue and Sooraya talk after Ithica and Sooraya shares some of the deeper on goings of her mind.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Sooraya asked as she handed Marie a cup of tea and settled down with her own. "You had to absorb quite a few people back in Ithica."

Rogue gave a little snort. "Oh mah gawd," she said, breathing in the light floral tones of her tea. "I am really gettin' tired of this whole powers thing. Maybe I should jus' dip my whole body in wax or something. Then I wouldn't have to worry....." she sighed. "I really hope those people are okay though. I've had years to get used to this. They're gonna wake up with a huge migraine, and feel like a part is missing and not know why."

"Things like this are luckily rare. Our leathers are capable of taking quite a beating, but it seems they met their match." Sooraya commented, shaking her head. "And those people... they made their choice, Marie. They choose to attack you. I hope they will be okay as well, I even pity them, but this is not on you. This is on them."

"Oh I know," Rogue said with a shrug. "Once upon a time, I would've been broken up for days. Mad at God, mad at the world, whatever. Now, " she took a sip of her tea, "not so much. It's more of an empathy thing than a full blown panic whatever." A pause. "How's you? It wasn't much fun for any of us. I still can't believe how David lost it..."

The debriefing for the event had been fun.

"We got Tildie out of there, but that is about the only good thing I can say about it." Sooraya commented somberly. "Dealing with the cops was not that hard, but what happened to you... and to Mr. Haller... Not a very good thing."

Rogue shrugged again. "None of us got into this thinking bad things would never happen," she pointed out. "I mean, I've been dealing with hate and prejudices since I was what...16? Whenever I manifested anyways." She waved it off. "Like I said, I used to be filled with a lot of anger, wondering why this happened to me, but eventually I had to let go of that and realize that while there's something bigger than me, I can't control it. I just gotta go with the flow, you know?"

Sooraya pondered that for a bit. "I always used to have a confidence... I used to have faith... That the bad things we were going through were there for a reason, that it had a meaning. That there was someone watching out for us. But now... I can't bring it up anymore to believe in that. I feel like He does not care."

Now that was interesting. Out of everyone in the mansion, Rogue had always thought Sooraya had the strongest faith. Am almost unshakable one. This admission was unexpected but she did her best to show no reaction. "Any reason in particular,or just a general feeling?" Rogue could think of a few recent events(*cough* Mday *cough*) that could lead to a crisis of faith.

Shaking her head, Sooraya replied: "Not that hard to guess, I think. M-Day, losing so many friends, a world gone a whole lot darker. And not just for mutants. What I believed in has been turned into a cruel mockery by so many... And yet many outsiders paint me with the same brush as them." With a bitter laugh, she continued: "Those things kinda tend to damage one's trust."

Tapping the side of her tea, Rogue gave a slight nod. "Yeah, that's what I thought you'd say, but you know, as cliche as it sounds, who the fuck cares what other people think?" She cleared her throat. "As far as I know, religion, spirituality..it's a personal thing. No one can tell another person how they should think or what to believe in or how to feel." She took a slow sip of her tea. "One person ruins it for everyone, but one person can redeem it for everyone too."

"It's not even what other people think or say... I am angry, Marie. I feel betrayed." Sooraya explained, her voice shaking. "I don't even know what is worse to think... that I might have believed in a fiction... or that Allah allowed this to happen..."

"Well," Rogue said slowly, "let's break those two concepts down a bit." She set aside her cup and clasped her hands. "What are the things that Allah stood for you, before all this happened."

"That is a hard one to summarize." Sooraya admitted. "Have you ever heard of the 99 names of Allah? He was all of those things. He was Al-Waliy, The Friend, Patron and Helper, but he was also Al-Hakam, the Judge and Al-Malik, the Sovereign."

"Meaning he has a lot of roles to fill and not all those roles are gonna be ones we all love, all the time. It's impossible, right?" She tilted her head. "Can someone be a friend and a judge at the same time? Or how about an ally and an executioner? I'm not trying to change your mind, or get you angry, by the way. I just want you to see all the sides of this. When we feel betrayed, it's usually because we feel like we've been owed something, whatever that something is. Entitled isn't really the word I want, but you know what I mean. Anyways. You just told me a bunch of words that are supposed to represent Allah, and let's be honest, not all of them are things that can be seen as positive all the time."

"It's not that simple, Marie... And I know it's not all good." Twirling a tea spoon between her fingers, Sooraya hesitantly started to try to explain. "Many people feel I have met feel betrayed by Allah when they loose someone they love... Even when my father died... I never had that reaction. I accepted it was His will. But now, with everything torn away from so many people. How can I believe in Al-Qadir, He Who Is Able To Do Everything when this happened?"

Rogue chewed on her lip for a moment. "So what makes this worse than all the stuff before? Don't we learn things from tragedy, and move forward?"

"I think this one simply kinda above the 'learning things from it and moving on' kind of tragedy? I have dealt with those. I think this a 12 on the scale... if there would be a scale." Sooraya ventured.

"Thing is, what's a 12 for you could be a 20 for someone else, and 5 for another one." Rogue shrugged. "Perception and all. It's about your needs, and maybe, you don't need a spiritual mentor right now? I know that when I walked away from church, it was cause I needed to focus on the here and now. I couldn't spend one second on what ifs or theory or faith... I had myself and that was it. Maslow's needs, right. There was no way of attaining anything spiritual until you had a bed to sleep in and food in my belly."

"So you are saying to leave be for now and it will sort itself out later?" Sooraya tilted her head at Marie quizzically. "I can see the idea in it... But my faith always has been a big part of what I do every day..."

"So find a different way to express that same need. I know you pray five times a day.... Could you meditate instead?"

"I was taught various meditation exercises as part of my powers training, but I never really used them in a spiritual sense. But I can give it a try." Sooraya spoke slowly as she considered the idea. "You know, I actually quite like the idea."

Rogue smiled. "And you know, this is all so personal.... Who knows, maybe tomorrow things will feel the same again, and maybe it never will be. What matters is how you feel about it."

"Which is pretty messy at the moment. But you are right that fighting against it or brooding against it won't make thing much better... Thanks Marie." Sooraya gave her a small smile.

Rogue's heart went out to the younger girl. A crisis of faith wasn't fun. "Just remember -- you're not alone, okay?" She stretched out a gloved hand and covered Sooraya's. "You got lots of people here that love and care about you. You know you can always come and talk to me whenever, okay?"

"Thanks Marie." Sooraya twisted her hand around and gently squeezed Marie's. "For all you have said. It helps."