Sooraya & Cecilia (backdated)

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Concerned about their trip to Honduras, Sooraya checks in on Cecilia.

"Ahh... there you are." Sooraya poked her head around Cece's office in the medlab. "Have been looking all over for you. I made a new recipe for shortbread cookies and I need a taste tester."

Marching in, she put a small plate with round cookies, red with jam in the center, in front of her friend.

Cecilia glanced up from a stack of folders, a little more startled than anything. A pair of weary eyes went from Sooraya to the cookies, and she gave the younger woman a small smile. "Oh, Sooraya." She shook her head, her smile widening. "I'd say you shouldn't have, but who am I kidding?" She reached for one and took a bite of the edge with very little fanfare.

Sooraya snatched a chair with her foot, pulling it over before she sat down. She frowned a little as she saw the weariness in her friend's face, but commented lightly: "So... did you do anything interesting over the holidays? I didn't see you around much..."

"Nothing special," Cecilia shrugged. "I mean, Jennie's party, of course." The corners of her mouth lifted upward, and if she noticed Sooraya's expression, she didn't remark on it. "But quiet Christmas. Well," she added after a second bite from the cookie, "quiet for here, anyway."

"The trip we had was enervating enough, I think. My holidays were also pretty quiet. A good quiet. Spend some time doing volunteer work in a soup kitchen and shelter in District X. I was glad to see several of my backpacks still around." Sooraya fiddled with her scarf a bit.

"I bet." Cecilia popped the rest of the cookie in her mouth. She turned away from Sooraya, reaching for an old mug of coffee that had long gone cold and took a sip. "Mostly just glad the year is over. And we got through the start of this one without any major catastrophe."

"I think last year held enough catastrophe for a couple years." Sooraya snorted. "At least, I hope so." Thinking for a moment she carefully ventured. "How have you been doing? You have been kinda... not there since we came back from Honduras. I've worried."

"I'm fine," Cecilia shrugged, reaching for another cookie and not trying to hide how little she wanted to have a conversation about this. "Just took a lot out of me. Never really — haven't done the whole X-Men thing before."

"I was wondering if it was a little more then that..." Sooraya studied her friend as surreptitiously as she could, then ventured a guess. "It hurts to see something destroyed you have built..."

"Yeah," Cecilia said somewhat flatly. She was aware of Sooraya's scrutiny, and she was doing her best not to let it bother her. "You'd think we'd all be used to it by now," she added after a bit.

"I think you never get used to that." Sooraya shook her head sadly. "Cece, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Cecilia remained fairly expressionless. "Of course."

"What happened while we were split up... I realized this morning I haven't heard you mention hardly anything about it."

Cecilia shrugged. She didn't avert her eyes and did her best not to do anything that would immediately suggest that a pit had just formed in her stomach. "I went looking for wounded. They — before, when they were coming after me, they mentioned there might have been some people. But I," she reached for the mug again, "didn't really find any."

"Really?" Sooraya raised an eyebrow at her quizzically. "Cece... I was thinking about it this morning because you seemed pretty shook up after you returned... and you tell me nothing happened?"

"Sooraya," Cecilia raised an eyebrow back. "The three of you found me getting shot at by a bunch of pandilleros on a residential street. That would shake anybody up." It hadn't occurred to her until a few days after she got back that she could use that as enough of an excuse for her distance. Not that the experience hadn't been plenty traumatizing. But there were worse images burned into her brain. Images of her doing things that she wasn't about to explain to Sooraya.

"I grew up hearing about people getting shot at left and right. Usually I'm the one pulling bullets out of people. For that to happen was horrible, and then for you all to blatantly disregard my feelings and get into another fight the next day — and then for me to have to be around that? That was just awful." She shook her head, her voice rising a little bit. "And to not have the support of my friends during a time like that? I mean, Jesus, can you imagine that I might have been a bit shaken up by the whole thing?"

Sooraya leaned forward and reached out, gently taking Cecilia's hands into her own. "I am so sorry you did not feel supported. That was never our intention. But I see you hurting still... and not just shaken up and I wish there was something I could do to help..." She let her voice trail off, not sure what else to add.

Cecilia softened a bit at Sooraya's touch. "There isn't," she said a bit more gently. "Really. I appreciate it, I do, I just..." Her eyes fell to her hands, then to a patch of floor to her right. "I need some time to think about everything. It was — I left here last time precisely to avoid this kind of craziness. And here we are."

"Are you thinking of leaving again?" Sooraya asked very carefully.

Cecilia was quiet for a bit longer than she ought to have been. "Well," she shrugged, her hands pulling away from Sooraya's, "I'd be lying if I said I weren't considering it. But," she was quick to add, "I was thinking about it before all this craziness went down. We've got more people in the medlab than we ever had, and it's been a year, since everything... well." She shrugged again. "Just... might be more I could do elsewhere."

"Have you any idea where you would like to go?" Sooraya tilted her head a little. "Or what you'd like to do?"

"I miss emergency rooms," Cecilia admitted, wincing a little. "I know. It sounds sick, I know. I just — I like being in the field. I spent years learning how to do major surgery, and I'm just... not using it here."

"Not at all..." Sooraya pondered for a moment before asking: "What is stopping you from looking in the city? There might be a hospital that could use you, maybe part time. You said it yourself, the medlab is well staffed now. Dr. Grey is also combining it with working in a hospital."

"It's different," Cecilia shrugged. "Surgery's different. I have to be all-in. They don't want someone who pops in and out, and honestly, if I start working in a hospital again, I'm going to want to be there more than I'll want to be here."

"So it's either in or out." Sooraya nodded. "And just the emergency room? Or does the same go for that?"

"I'm a surgeon," Cecilia said haughtily. "I'm not, like, hanging out in the ER giving stitches." She shrugged. "Doesn't matter." She waved a hand dismissively, stiffening slightly. "I'm here now," she shrugged again. "No use wondering about what ifs."

"Normally I would have said it's not wrong to dream, but in this case I can only say that reality sucks sometimes." Sooraya grumbled, shaking her head as she considered some of her own wishes.

"Yeah," Cecilia bobbed her head in agreement. "No kidding."

Sooraya snorted delicately, then fell silent for a bit. "But Cece... if you cannot talk yet, know that my door is always open when you do need to talk."

"I—" Cecilia started to object, but instead she gave Sooraya a grateful smile. "I know. Thanks. I seriously..." She reached out to take Sooraya's hand. "I really do appreciate it."

Sooraya gave her hand a squeeze. "Just don't forget it." She kidded before rising from her chair. "And I think I need to let you get back to work now?"

"I suppose so," Cecilia sighed, looking at a pile of charts on her desk that threatened to tip over. "Never going to catch up on this, but I suppose I ought to try." She glanced up at Sooraya again. "Seriously. Thanks."

"You're welcome. And good luck with the charts."