Misery breeds...

[x-rogue.livejournal.com]

Em and John tear open some new wounds over IM. Note, that's not John's real SN.

Damn My Skin: your timing is shit, john.
The New Prometheus: oooo. you're trying to guilt me out, miss scarlett? what have I done *now*?
Damn My Skin: nothing. just missed your big entrance... or... exit. whatever.
The New Prometheus: what the fuck?
Damn My Skin: you're not the only boy in my head these days with a secret, john.
The New Prometheus: I have no FUCKING IDEA what you're rambling about, Rogue. Since when did you touch anyone else?
Damn My Skin: he's really got to watch who he's thinking about when he's kissing a girl. sorry it wasn't you, though. still, i think you'd do in a pinch.
The New Prometheus: ...and why would I "do in a pinch"?
Damn My Skin: you being his type and all. and me being a convenient cover... closet. whatever.
The New Prometheus: fuck. you're lying.
The New Prometheus: i never knew you were this cruel, but hey, i guess you really must be a bitch.
Damn My Skin: why the fuck would i lie to you about me being the biggest failure in the world, you fuck?
The New Prometheus: i dunno, to hurt me. or something. i don't fucking *know*. but. Christ. Bobby isn't. He can't be. He just fucking *can't.*
Damn My Skin: yeah. tell that to him.
Damn My Skin: i shouldn't tell you. damnit.
Damn My Skin: i'm sorry.
The New Prometheus: ...and he wasn't thinking of me?
Damn My Skin: maybe if you were here...he'd talk to you. he sent me away. no. i'm sorry. no.
The New Prometheus: fucking tell me, you bitch.
Damn My Skin: Logan. isn't that a laugh? isn't that lovely? happy?
The New Prometheus: **John signs off**
The New Prometheus: **John signs back on**
The New Prometheus: Alright. Fucker. Guess I couldn't stay away.
Damn My Skin: i'm sorry.
The New Prometheus: If you're lying, Rogue, you're fucking *toast* you hear me?
Damn My Skin: you think... you think i'd lie about that. fuck you, john, fuck you. god if i could die i would. i just want to not be here. nothing makes it not hurt.
The New Prometheus: don't die, for Christ's sake.
The New Prometheus: I'd have no-one to bitch to about him.
Damn My Skin: it would be irresponsible rihgt.
The New Prometheus: nah, i'm more selfish than that. You know me.
Damn My Skin: why'd you leave? at least you were honest with me.
Damn My Skin: i miss you. it hurts and i'm so tired.
The New Prometheus: cause i was sick of him not seeing me. i was sick of everyone treating me like a fucking kid with some kind of 'social problem.'
The New Prometheus: I'm sorry, Rogue. Even if I stayed...I don't think I'm what you need.
Damn My Skin: at least you were honest.
Damn My Skin: i'm sorry. it's not your problem. i just need... a friend or something.
The New Prometheus: talk to, I dunno. Storm?
Damn My Skin: nah. she's got her own issues.
Damn My Skin: no one's honest here, you know. i thought he loved me.
The New Prometheus: i think he does.
Damn My Skin: yeah. someone loves someone they don't think *those things* about someone else when they kiss them.
The New Prometheus: i saw the way he looked at you. i don't think you can lie about shit like that.
The New Prometheus: i just think. maybe he loves you as a friend more. or a sister. or something.
Damn My Skin: it's not even that it was going to last. i just wish he'd been honest about it.
Damn My Skin: because it's not like it wasn't in his head.
Damn My Skin: nah. anyway, i'm angsting on you and all like a girl. sorry.
The New Prometheus: don't fucking apologise.
The New Prometheus: admittedly, if i were you, I'd cut his balls off in his sleep, but that's me.
Damn My Skin: i am i'm sorry for being such a fucking wreck.
The New Prometheus: we're all fucking wrecks.
The New Prometheus: look at me, for christ's sake.
Damn My Skin: isn't that what you want?
The New Prometheus: what do you mean?
Damn My Skin: to be there. to be where you are.
The New Prometheus: I thought it was better than hanging round like a lovesick puppy.
Damn My Skin: guess so. he says it's not home now that you're not here, you know.
Damn My Skin: i'm no substitute for anyone.
The New Prometheus: well, you're the only thing he's got.
The New Prometheus: i ain't coming back. not now. especially not now.
Damn My Skin: he doesn't want me. i'm not enough. it's his choice.
The New Prometheus: he doesn't want *me* either.
Damn My Skin: yes he does. he does. he's been sitting out there playing with your spare lighter all afternoon
The New Prometheus: he doesn't want me the way I want to be wanted.
The New Prometheus: if I come back, I'll get to be his brother, and you get to be his sister, and neither of us want to be /family/.
Damn My Skin: pathetic that you're the only one i have to talk to then, eh? he loves you. i think he's sorry about me... i mean about everything with me. because it lost him you.
The New Prometheus: i think he loves you in the same way he loves me.
Damn My Skin: he sent me away. i don't think i can handle him loving me like that.
Damn My Skin: not because i love him back that way, but because... it's so... i don't know. it's not like it was going to last. i was waiting for him to find someone else, you know.
The New Prometheus: he sent you away cause he can't deal with his guilt.
Damn My Skin: i was ready to be happy for him.
Damn My Skin: i was.
The New Prometheus: well, looks like he's found someone else.
The New Prometheus: happy now?
Damn My Skin: no.
The New Prometheus: join the fucking club.
Damn My Skin: i want this to stop.
Damn My Skin: why HIM?
Damn My Skin: in all the fucking world... why?
The New Prometheus: which him?
Damn My Skin: Logan. why him? and... what he put in my head, the things he was thinking, i can't get them out of my head, they're in my skin and no matter how deep i go, i remember.
The New Prometheus: I think it's cause it's. free. and easy. Logan has no ties, y'know? there's no guilt. there's no friendship to disrupt.
Damn My Skin: no ties. no. i guess he doesn't.
Damn My Skin: no friends.
The New Prometheus: no. i mean, i don't know him. but. yeah.
Damn My Skin: doesn't care about anyone.
Damn My Skin: i'm the stupidest person on earth.
The New Prometheus: nah, i think i have you beat.
Damn My Skin: no. no you don't. you left.
Damn My Skin: at least you left.
The New Prometheus: i left.
The New Prometheus: if i'd stayed.
The New Prometheus: fuck. i might have been able to at least cop a feel.
Damn My Skin: yeah. probably.
The New Prometheus: probably not though. i mean. he's 17. and gay. and horny. if he didn't think of me now he's not going to. and. shit.
Damn My Skin: i know.
The New Prometheus: i should, uh, go. i don't want to wake up the old man, and if he comes in and sees me like this, well.
The New Prometheus: i won't be a god amongst insects anymore.
Damn My Skin: i'm sorry.
Damn My Skin: i'm sorry for hurting you like this.
Damn My Skin: i thought it would be better than hurting myself.
The New Prometheus: i'll just be some idiot crying over some other idiot.
Damn My Skin: but it's... not. and i'm sorry.
The New Prometheus: nah. i had to find out sometime, didn't I?
The New Prometheus: fuck.
Damn My Skin: guess so.
Damn My Skin: least now you know the joy we're having.
The New Prometheus: yeah.
Damn My Skin: i'm sorry. i am.
The New Prometheus: night, miss scarlett.
Damn My Skin: night, john-boy.
The New Prometheus: **signs off**