Log: Xavin and Marie-Ange, 420 afternoon
Apr. 20th, 2016 04:44 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsbackdated to 20 April, when MA broke out the special brownies for 420 day. The discussion turns to identity
"Hey," Xavin asked quietly. "Would I be able to have one of those?" The plate of brownies was on a table and the sound of Laurie's giggling had drawn Xavin into the room even as Laurie had left for apparently science. Well, the giggling, plus the rumor mill which was saying the adults are all (when it was clearly just the younger ones) getting high.
Marie-Ange went entirely still. No movement, no breathing, not even a blink as she stared at Xavin for a long moment. Then she blinked rapidly several times and rubbed her eyes. "If you are over eighteen, certainly. If you are under eighteen, Alison has all of the double chocolate zero plants ones." Unless the little musical blonde/red-head/whatever hair color Alison had this week had eaten them all.
"No, they're all gone. And uh... you kind of froze for a moment. You okay?" Xavin asked, taking the brownie and having a cautious bite.
"I am high. I had to make sure you were really still green and not any of the other colours I was seeing." Marie-Ange explained. "Only a very little high, and... " She waved a hand that had half a brownie in it. "I have a powers interaction with chocolate, it means I do not always trust what I see. In this case, you were momentarily cream and black and that sort of grey colour of art erasers, and I was fairly certain that before you were green you were brown."
"I didn't realise that you hallucinated when you ate chocolate," Xavin muttered and then, brownie finished - they really were small and only a couple of bites each - shifted with a frown of concentration, green leeching away and being replaced by brown again. This required not attention exactly but a slight and persistent focus. "Better?"
"I do not, unless I have other substances as well unless I eat, say, an entire cake. Which would be terrible." More explanation. "And ah, it is the same for you though, yes? If you are green or brown? What do you prefer?"
"You say terrible. I say that might be okay sometimes." Xavin settled in a chair and shrugged. "This. I was this all my life before I turned green and even when I'm green, this is still me."
"If I eat an entire chocolate cake with pot in it I get very disturbing visions and then sleep for two days." Marie-Ange explained. "It is hard to be what you were born and raised as now?" She popped out her phone and dropped a quick text to Laurie, making sure that there was not about to be an emergency - mutation and drugs had sometimes bad interactions. "Is this the first time you have eaten brownies with anything in them? It may affect your powers. It does... many of us."
Xavin shrugged. "I guess but everything is different now. I don't have a gender any more. Or maybe I never did and this just makes that easier to have." There was a pause and another shrug. "I've drunk a few times and that was fine but I've never had brownies." The teen settled back into the chair and blinked.
"Have you spoken to Kevin? He a horrible man but he is also a shapeshifter, so he could have insight into the gender question?" Marie-Ange suggested. "I know he has had identity issues of his own." She picked up another brownie from the "Over 18" plate and picked it apart before nibbling at a large piece. "Better to try marijuana here where if you have an odd interaction you can go to the infirmary than at a party where you could just turn into a bat and be arrested."
"That weird old guy who hits on people on the journals?" Xavin wrinkled their nose. "No. He's uh..." Taking an equally difficult but at least different topic Xavin said, staring into the middle distance. "I don' have identity issues. I know what... who... I am, but I have to... I have to pick and choose what I show people because, you know." Green hands gripped the side of the chair. "I used to be a girl, because that was the only option I had and then I learned that there were other ones but they weren't ... they weren't a thing you could be, you know?" Eyes closed momentarily Xavin gave a soft bark of laughter, almost an exhaled breath. "And now I'm a mutant and all of those other options are there but I still have to pick and choose, because I'm.... People don't get it."
"Well, he is horrible but he also has ... time living as quite a lot of things." Marie-Ange said. "But I can see how your situation is different, oui. Do you have to pick here also? I think here, people perhaps would understand. Even if it was just a few to start, yes, to explain you are neither or both at once? Green and brown, neither boy nor girl? Or both boy and girl, and ... ah, sometimes a bit orange?" She pointed at Xavin's hands. "Is this me seeing orange or you being orange?"
"Real orange." Xavin shifted back, suddenly uncomfortable, fingers ghosting from orange to green again. "You have to choose, okay? People can't cope with the idea that you're a girl some days and a boy on others, okay?"
Xavin picked up another brownie, holding it but not eating quite yet. "You can say that you're not a boy or girl as hard as you want but everyone else is going to decide that you're really one or the other, even if they're 'nice' and 'supportive' and if they can't decide, they're going to go by what they think your junk looks like. Kevin -" and this was said viciously "Kevin doesn't have that problem because he identifies as male no matter what body he's dressed in."
"Perhaps, but you cannot know that if you have not talked to him." Marie-Ange reminded Xavin. "But I also know it is your experience and not mine, so I should, what is the phrase, butt out? You really are very orange right now, and sort of... chunky? No, that is not the right word. Blocky? You are.. merde, I lose English when I am high sometimes, what is the word? Like mountains?"
Xavin gave a minute shrug, arms wrapped around knees, forearms unnoticeably stretched to wrap around their shins. "I'd rather not talk to him. He's... " He's a sexist creepy old dude. The orange, rocklike skin gone, Xavin said "Going six feet tall and muscled and strong enough to flip a car is a costume. I can do cool things like that. And my powers mean that if I don't put a bit of effort in all the time, I'm green but neither of them is my identity. I can be made of like, rock, if I want, but it's not who I am." There was a soft bark of laughter. "I don't know how to talk about it. Everything you are, you have to be this or that. You have to pick sides. You know what I'm saying?"
"I do not?" Marie-Ange hesitated before answering. "I have always been female. Even when I was stuck as a man, it is a long story, do not ask, I knew it was wrong, I was really female. So I cannot know what you are saying I think? But I know what it is to be neither this or that in other ways?" She pushed the plate of brownies towards Xavin. "Identity is hard. I wish I had advice but all I have is pot brownies."
Xavin shrugged silently, taking another bite, arms stretched around knees. "It doesn't matter." It was a lie but what else could you say when no one actually got it?
"Hey," Xavin asked quietly. "Would I be able to have one of those?" The plate of brownies was on a table and the sound of Laurie's giggling had drawn Xavin into the room even as Laurie had left for apparently science. Well, the giggling, plus the rumor mill which was saying the adults are all (when it was clearly just the younger ones) getting high.
Marie-Ange went entirely still. No movement, no breathing, not even a blink as she stared at Xavin for a long moment. Then she blinked rapidly several times and rubbed her eyes. "If you are over eighteen, certainly. If you are under eighteen, Alison has all of the double chocolate zero plants ones." Unless the little musical blonde/red-head/whatever hair color Alison had this week had eaten them all.
"No, they're all gone. And uh... you kind of froze for a moment. You okay?" Xavin asked, taking the brownie and having a cautious bite.
"I am high. I had to make sure you were really still green and not any of the other colours I was seeing." Marie-Ange explained. "Only a very little high, and... " She waved a hand that had half a brownie in it. "I have a powers interaction with chocolate, it means I do not always trust what I see. In this case, you were momentarily cream and black and that sort of grey colour of art erasers, and I was fairly certain that before you were green you were brown."
"I didn't realise that you hallucinated when you ate chocolate," Xavin muttered and then, brownie finished - they really were small and only a couple of bites each - shifted with a frown of concentration, green leeching away and being replaced by brown again. This required not attention exactly but a slight and persistent focus. "Better?"
"I do not, unless I have other substances as well unless I eat, say, an entire cake. Which would be terrible." More explanation. "And ah, it is the same for you though, yes? If you are green or brown? What do you prefer?"
"You say terrible. I say that might be okay sometimes." Xavin settled in a chair and shrugged. "This. I was this all my life before I turned green and even when I'm green, this is still me."
"If I eat an entire chocolate cake with pot in it I get very disturbing visions and then sleep for two days." Marie-Ange explained. "It is hard to be what you were born and raised as now?" She popped out her phone and dropped a quick text to Laurie, making sure that there was not about to be an emergency - mutation and drugs had sometimes bad interactions. "Is this the first time you have eaten brownies with anything in them? It may affect your powers. It does... many of us."
Xavin shrugged. "I guess but everything is different now. I don't have a gender any more. Or maybe I never did and this just makes that easier to have." There was a pause and another shrug. "I've drunk a few times and that was fine but I've never had brownies." The teen settled back into the chair and blinked.
"Have you spoken to Kevin? He a horrible man but he is also a shapeshifter, so he could have insight into the gender question?" Marie-Ange suggested. "I know he has had identity issues of his own." She picked up another brownie from the "Over 18" plate and picked it apart before nibbling at a large piece. "Better to try marijuana here where if you have an odd interaction you can go to the infirmary than at a party where you could just turn into a bat and be arrested."
"That weird old guy who hits on people on the journals?" Xavin wrinkled their nose. "No. He's uh..." Taking an equally difficult but at least different topic Xavin said, staring into the middle distance. "I don' have identity issues. I know what... who... I am, but I have to... I have to pick and choose what I show people because, you know." Green hands gripped the side of the chair. "I used to be a girl, because that was the only option I had and then I learned that there were other ones but they weren't ... they weren't a thing you could be, you know?" Eyes closed momentarily Xavin gave a soft bark of laughter, almost an exhaled breath. "And now I'm a mutant and all of those other options are there but I still have to pick and choose, because I'm.... People don't get it."
"Well, he is horrible but he also has ... time living as quite a lot of things." Marie-Ange said. "But I can see how your situation is different, oui. Do you have to pick here also? I think here, people perhaps would understand. Even if it was just a few to start, yes, to explain you are neither or both at once? Green and brown, neither boy nor girl? Or both boy and girl, and ... ah, sometimes a bit orange?" She pointed at Xavin's hands. "Is this me seeing orange or you being orange?"
"Real orange." Xavin shifted back, suddenly uncomfortable, fingers ghosting from orange to green again. "You have to choose, okay? People can't cope with the idea that you're a girl some days and a boy on others, okay?"
Xavin picked up another brownie, holding it but not eating quite yet. "You can say that you're not a boy or girl as hard as you want but everyone else is going to decide that you're really one or the other, even if they're 'nice' and 'supportive' and if they can't decide, they're going to go by what they think your junk looks like. Kevin -" and this was said viciously "Kevin doesn't have that problem because he identifies as male no matter what body he's dressed in."
"Perhaps, but you cannot know that if you have not talked to him." Marie-Ange reminded Xavin. "But I also know it is your experience and not mine, so I should, what is the phrase, butt out? You really are very orange right now, and sort of... chunky? No, that is not the right word. Blocky? You are.. merde, I lose English when I am high sometimes, what is the word? Like mountains?"
Xavin gave a minute shrug, arms wrapped around knees, forearms unnoticeably stretched to wrap around their shins. "I'd rather not talk to him. He's... " He's a sexist creepy old dude. The orange, rocklike skin gone, Xavin said "Going six feet tall and muscled and strong enough to flip a car is a costume. I can do cool things like that. And my powers mean that if I don't put a bit of effort in all the time, I'm green but neither of them is my identity. I can be made of like, rock, if I want, but it's not who I am." There was a soft bark of laughter. "I don't know how to talk about it. Everything you are, you have to be this or that. You have to pick sides. You know what I'm saying?"
"I do not?" Marie-Ange hesitated before answering. "I have always been female. Even when I was stuck as a man, it is a long story, do not ask, I knew it was wrong, I was really female. So I cannot know what you are saying I think? But I know what it is to be neither this or that in other ways?" She pushed the plate of brownies towards Xavin. "Identity is hard. I wish I had advice but all I have is pot brownies."
Xavin shrugged silently, taking another bite, arms stretched around knees. "It doesn't matter." It was a lie but what else could you say when no one actually got it?
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