xp_logs | Topaz and Kurt || Saturday Morning

Kurt and Topaz talk about Amanda, the last week, and the distant past.

It wasn't really a conscious choice that led Topaz down to the gyms in search of Kurt. It wasn't like she was suddenly going to start snooping to try and find out all of Amanda's dirty secrets. She knew what she knew.

What she knew was just... putting her on edge.

So she made her way down to the gym, finding Kurt swinging on the trapeze. She sat down against the wall to watch, not wanting to bother him.

It took a little while for him to notice her, but when he did, he stopped swinging about and hung from his feet.

"Hello, Topaz."

Topaz looked up, smiling a bit. "Hey Kurt. How's it going?" She could've said 'what's up' but that was just a little too on the nose.

"Not too badly", he said, not quite relaxed but getting there. "Especially as Amanda will be fine."

"Yeah." Topaz leaned back against the wall completely, hands folded in her lap. "Been kind of a rough week." She paused. "Don't tell her I told you that."

"Not a word", he promised, and teleported to the ground. "I know you have spent most of it with her."

Topaz nodded slowly. "Not that I can complain much," she said quickly. "It's just... ya know. It's weird when you learn something about someone you've known for a while. It doesn't change how you look at them it's just... something different than what you're used to." She was making absolutely no sense and she was aware of that.

He nodded slowly in turn.

"I have read the reports. You took in her emotions?"

There was no anger or condemnation, only acceptance.

"Yeah. She told me to." The justification was unnecessary. But Topaz had to keep telling herself that. "I don't think either of us realized where it was going to lead."

"And where did it?" he asked gently, glancing at the door to make sure no one else was coming in.

Topaz sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. "Ended up going a little too far and taking away all the addiction cravings she's been burying and ignoring for years."

"I see." He leaned back against the wall. "And when they returned, they were stronger?"

Topaz hesitated for a long moment. She hated breaking Amanda's trust. But it was Kurt. Kurt knew everything anyways. "I just... don't think she knew how to handle it. She wasn't in great shape when everything started coming back."

He nodded.

"Perhaps because it was a flood, and not the constant gentle pressure she has grown used to."

"I wouldn't have pushed so far if I'd known." Again, more justification. Amanda could tell her not to blame herself all she wanted. She was still going to. "I don't know anything, though, do I?" Amanda almost never talked about the past. Topaz knew the vaguest details. And now this.

"If you did not, you can hardly be blamed for that." He slid down the wall to sit beside her. "But then, no more can she. There is so much, and so difficult to speak of... even those parts that we safely can."

"I know. I get it." Everyone had skeletons in their closets. "I don't... want to know everything. It's just a bit of a shock sometimes when you find things out."

"Especially in such a way", he agreed, "when you would have been expecting only the usual run of emotions."

"No better way to learn something about someone then to go into their heads." Topaz closed her eyes for a moment. "It's also the worst way because you can't actually ask the person about what you learned."

"Except you can", he said gently, "in this case. If Amanda would speak of it to anyone now, it would be you. And for that reason, I will tell you what I know, if you like."

"I don't want to ask her," Topaz said quietly. She didn't doubt that Amanda would tell her, but... the shame and self-loathing in her voice the last time they'd talked about weren't things Topaz was likely to forget any time soon. "But I do want to know." She finally looked over at Kurt. "If that's alright."

"It is", he promised her. "It began when she was little more than a child, really. With a man named Rack."

Kurt didn't express hatred for many people, verbally or otherwise, but the loathing in his voice was unmistakable.

A faint frown pulled at Topaz's lips. "I know that name. The Destines were part of his old coven."

"And I am not at all surprised", he said grimly. "They would have been very much birds of a feather."

For some reason, that information unsettled Topaz. "So what happened?"

"He took her from us, when she was only a baby", he said quietly. "He knew of her potential, somehow, and he wanted it."

"Kidnapping's never a story that ends well."

"And no more it did, for anyone concerned." He was staring straight forward. "He used her, for years, for everything she could give him. Magically speaking."

Topaz stiffened a bit. She suddenly wasn't sure she wanted to hear this story. "How long?"

"I believe she was eleven when social services took her from him. Because he left her requiring hospital treatment."

"And how long until she ended up here?"

"Another six years, give or take. She had a great many foster families, some time in state homes, and some living rough and taking care of herself."

It was hard, trying to imagine Amanda as a helpless kid going through all of this. Topaz shook her head, sighing. "And the addiction...?"

"That was a little later. When she came here, in fact. There was a man who worked here at the time who had suffered a magical accident. There were shards of an artifact - a very powerful one - embedded in his body. No one had suffered any ill effect from it since his arrival... but no one was a magic user."

A man with a magical artifact embedded in his body. That was a new one. "How bad was it?"

"Worse than anyone knew, for some time. And then she was cut off, when our doctor found a way to shield the gem's... emanations."

The image of Amanda pacing her suite, twitching and shuffling tarot cards, flashed through Topaz's mind, and her shoulders hunched a bit. "And that didn't go well." It wasn't a question.

"No." His hands were tight in his lap. "Not very well at all, and for much too long before we were able to help her."

Topaz was quiet for a long moment, chewing on the inside of her cheek. "She said she never wanted me to know she was a junkie."

"Well, it is hardly something for her to be proud of", he pointed out gently. "She does not want anyone to know if they do not have to, and your opinion matters to her more than most."

"I know, I mean..." Topaz sighed, fiddling with her fingers a bit. "There's not much that could make me think less of her, honestly."

"Then you should tell her that. As often as you feel inspired to, and especially now."

Topaz nodded slowly. "Yeah... Yeah." She took a deep breath. "Thanks for telling me all this, Kurt."

"I hope it helps in some way", he said sincerely.

"It does." If pushed Topaz would never be able to explain why it helped. But it did. She ran a hand through her hair, sighing faintly. "It's a lot, but it helps."

Kurt reached for her free hand.

"If it becomes too much, you can always come to me."

Topaz let Kurt take her hand, after a moment turned it to squeeze hand. "I know. Thank you. Really."

"You are always very welcome." He offered her an encouraging smile.