Sooraya and Rogue: a realisation (backdated)

[xp_dust]

Sooraya has a realisation and Marie helps her deal with it. 

With an uncharacteristic growl, Sooraya pulled over to the side of the road, ignoring the surprised look of her friend next to her, and unlocked the her door. Once outside she headed to one a nearby tree, kicking it furiously once or twice while muttering furiously in an low voice. 

 

Rogue waited in the car for a few moments, peeking out at Sooraya.  It was a struggle to determine if she should react, let Sooraya get her anger out, or actually intervene.  After a few more minutes, when it became apparent that Sooraya was not getting back any time soon, Rogue cautiously got out of the car  to check on her friend.  "Hey you," she said quietly, approaching slowly.  "Y'all are gonna sprain a toe, and those babies don't heal without a cute li'l splint."

 

Sooraya stopped hurting to the poor tree and looked over to where Marie was standing, her eyes twinkling furiously and her cheeks red. "Sorry. I just realized I'm just really pissed of... maybe even furious!" She could not stop herself and launched a sharp kick at a nearby rock.  

 

The older woman winced at the sound.  "Okay, I think you need to take a moment and maybe just breathe and let's talk this through when you're ready.  I thought we were having a good little drive..." 

 

"Thought we did so too... but some of the things we talked about during with my Small Group Ministry... it just won't leave me alone..." Sooraya tossed out in a quick stream of words. "And it's making me... well..." She launched another small, but fierce kick at a nearby rock that ended up flying through the sky.  

 

Well, they weren't going to be going anywhere soon.  Putting her hands in her pocket, she tilted her head at Sooraya.  "Alright. Hit me with it, sugar.  What's up?" 

 

Sooraya let out a deep sigh, closing her eyes as she leaned on the tree she'd been kicking moments earlier. "We talked about being angry today and not just at the little things, but about being angry about the big things and how to deal with that. One man spoke about loosing his family in a car crash with a drunk driver and how angry that made him at the Divine. And not just the Divine, but also humanity... "    

 

"Humanity is pretty shit these days...but what is that going to solve? I mean, look at what's going on these days .... has hatred fixed anything?"

 

 "I know it hasn't... but that is not it... Marie, you I've felt for so long that I'd lost all my faith... In Allah, in humanity, especially after what happened this summer..." Tears started flowing down her face. "But after today... something just hit me..." 

 

Rogue felt horrible.  Her friend had been struggling for a while, and it didn't seem to be getting any better.  She tried to be there for Sooraya, tried to go to any meeting she wanted, even be that listening ear, but Rogue was starting to worry.  "Get it out, sugar.  You need to."

 

"I still believe, Marie... I realized I still believe... or that I still wanna believe... I don't which one it is." Sooraya suddenly spoke so very softly. "It's just I'm so angry at Allah... at humanity... at... I don't what. And I don't know what is better... Not to believe at all or believing, but that anger that doesn't seem to want to go away..."   

 

"I think that's basically what a leap of faith is ... you just believe even though you know it's not perfect, but ..it'll get better."

 

"A leap of faith huh?" Sooraya's laugh sounded bitter. "Not sure I'm ready for that yet, Marie. I think that anger is still too much in the way..."  

 

"What do you think will fix this?" Rogue sighed. "Because I can say whatever I want until I'm blue in the face, child, but y'all gotta be the one to believe it."

 

Sooraya sank to the ground, burying her head in her hands. "I don't know, Marie. I wish I did, because I'm tired of this myself. It even feels weird to say I still believe or that I still wanna believe because I've been telling myself... telling everyone for so long I didn't believe anymore..."  

 

There was an unsteady quiet that arose.  Rogue tapped her foot against the ground, pushing aside pine needles and dirt as she tried to think of ways to help her friend.  "Okay......let's play devil's advocate.  Let's say you decide to just not believe.  Go with what you tell everyone.  You are agnostic now.  Life is here because it's here.  How does that make you feel?"

 

"Honestly, the idea makes me shudder." Sooraya admitted after a long moment of quiet. "Very deep down it has been making me shudder ever since I really started wonder and doubt myself." She added even more quietly.    

 

Rogue gave a slight nod.  "So you believe. And it's okay to believe and not be happy with everything. We need to question. We need to look at the world with fresh eyes. Without that, we stagnate. We become zealots. We fight for a perspective that provides us with nostalgia, not knowledge. I think all of this is good. I do.  Blindly believing something is just as bad as believing nothing."

 

From somewhere Sooraya managed to summon a weak smile. "Gonna take some time for that to sink in when I've been trying to convince myself so long otherwise. Though it seems I owe you thanks again, Marie. You keep ending up having to deal with my little freakouts."  

 

Rogue embraced her young friend.  "That's what I'm here for, sugah.  Now come on.  Let's get some ice cream and relax.  I think you could do with some dessert in your life.  I bet we could even find some macarons.  What do you say?" 

 

"Sounds really good to me..."