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xp_logsCyclops, Nightcrawler and Daytripper discuss the ritual. They will probably never discuss this again. They definitly wish they could be not-sober for this.
"How did I ever let you talk me into this?" The looks Scott turned on Amanda lacked any humour or any of the man's usual joviality. "Are we sure that there isn't any other way apart from this? You can't just snap your fingers and make it happen?" There was a hopeful note to his voice, there had to be something better than this, right?
Amanda's return look was unimpressed. "Believe me, if I could, I would. But magic doesn't work that way - it wants archaic rituals and grossness." And didn't she hate that sometimes. "So unless you have a submarine handy, this is what we're going with."
Kurt didn't look particularly taken with the idea of the ritual either.
"Perhaps we could steal one temporarily... but probably not quickly enough."
Scott seemed to slump in place, shoulders hunching forward as he stared helplessly back at the other two. "Probably not fast enough but...my dad is really going to owe us all after this I swear."
If we find him. Amanda didn't voice the thought. "Well, if wishes were fishes, we wouldn't need to do this," she said briskly. "Clarice should be back with the fishy part by now, so I guess it's time to get the rest." She gave both men an apologetic look. "I'm going to need the full set of bodily fluids - blood, tears, sweat, spit, piss and, er..." She faltered under their looks.
Kurt's face said a thousand words, all of them about his distaste for this whole business - and how necessary he knew it was.
"Do you have a container?"
"When we get home the science team are going to make us some kinda super scuba gear, but I don't ever want to have to do this again." Scott's gaze was steely, he knew it wasn't actually Amanda's fault, but this was...he needed something to focus his ire on, and the witch was an available and easy target.
Being the target of Scott's grumpiness was actually almost soothing - it certainly reminded Amanda of her student days, and dealing with Cyclops as a peer still weirded her out sometimes. "Whatever works for you, Captain," she replied. "I'll need five more volunteers, for the rest, since Kurt's taking care of... one." And the less she thought about her brother doing that, the better. "Kyle might work best for blood - no sense weakening someone when he can bounce back. Just send them to me below decks and I'll take care of things. The galley should be best. Plenty of bowls and cups and whatnot there."
Kurt sighed quietly and turned away in the direction of the galley.
Scott lingered a moment longer as if to make his point, leave on the record how unhappy with this whole situation he was before he turned his back on Amanda and followed Kurt towards the gallery. This...was not going to be pleasant.
Wallflower and Blink prep for a very quick medical exam. You always make sure your transformation volunteers won't, you know, die of being fish. What if someone had a salmon allergy or something?
Laurie pulled off the medical gloves she'd been wearing with a snap before throwing them toward the bin provided for such things. She'd managed to keep her standard air of control and slight detachment throughout the entire crazy situation but she still thought checking people over before a proposed ritual to turn them into fish people was the strangest use of her medical skills she'd ever been asked for.
"I don't think they covered fish people in introduction to Biology."
"Fish, barely, people, no," Clarice agreed, disposing of her bio-hazard materials before peeling her gloves off, "but did you ever really think you'd have normal medicine working at Xavier's? You want the UTI's, runny noses and acne or whatever, go into general practice in some strip mall. Not Xavier's. On the other hand, it's rarely dull."
“I don’t think I really had any expectations. Although, I did go into emergency medicine so I can’t exactly complain about excitement.” Laurie took out her phone and made some notations to be added to people’s medical files later. “I think we’ll want to see if there’s some way to monitor vitals during the transformation ritual. We should probably ask Amanda if electrodes would interfere with the magic.”
"Same," emergency medicine for the win! "If we have to, we can use the old fashioned sphygmomanometer and stethoscope," she pointed out. That was likely their best bet really so long as they weren't looking at brain waves. But vital signs? Better go basic.
"Did you get the male and female fluids samples?" Laurie had managed to win the rock, paper, scissors for that particular pickup, instead playing phlebotomist to Kyle. While Laurie wasn't particularly squeamish about bodily fluids, there was a reason she'd ended up doing emergency medicine and not family planning. "I managed to get the blood we needed from Kyle and the tears as well."
"Oh yeah, I got way too up close and personal with way too many people I didn't particularly want to do that with," not the first time Clarice had done that, but still not something on her to-do list ever. "But everything is labeled over there," she gestured to a series of vials in a stand and some plastic jars, all with labels. "Thankfully, all trauma was kept to a minimum."
"That seems to be everything." Laurie placed her own samples close to the others, finding the empty spots to settle them in. "Think we could get some kind of medical paper out of this? Or would we be laughed at for even trying?"
"I mean...who would even believe us? Magic transformation into fish-people?" Clarice raised an eyebrow, "We might as well tell them Harry Potter is real and we're Sailor Moon. One step at a time, but really, we can't publish anything interesting from anything we do."
"Publish or perish." Laurie glanced around the ship, wondering how much time they had left till the ritual. The people involved in the planning had been slightly less intense in their explanations of that than of their need for a variety of bodily fluids. "Maybe we could pretend to be Banner or Stark."
"That's academia," Clarice pointed out. "Plenty of medical doctors and PA's don't publish. And seriously, no. Do your job and be good at it. Don't worry about the rest of it. Not if you intend to stay at Xavier's."
"I don't see why I can't have both, it's not like there aren't ways to still record the things we see while keeping the more alarming to the public parts a secret." Laurie had never been one to settle for just good enough, she wanted it all. The career, the respect of her peers and the ability to say that when she passed from the world, she'd left something behind that made everyone's lives just a tiny bit easier. "Anyway, that can be a conversation for another time. I think we should go tell the others we're ready, don't you?"
"Yeah, let's do this thing," Clarice nodded. It wasn't that they couldn't research and record, it was just that publishing those findings, at least right now, wasn't a good idea. That said, always research. Then again, she had never cared about accolades, that was why she didn't care that she didn't have the fancy doctor title even though she did the same job and didn't care about publishing. Being purple might've had something to do with the latter, too. But, another time. Now, they had to go be fish. Because their lives weren't weird enough.
Topaz (who really needs a codename), Wildchild and Synch comment on the disgusting aspect - and taste - of magic. Magic is gross, ya'll.
"Seriously? Fucking seriously? Everything? Even that?" Kyle had scavenged a giant towel from somewhere in Clint's borrowed boat, and had wrapped it around his waist, sarong style. "Look, I get that magic is fucking bizarre, I get the gotta take my pants off part, because fish people don't wear pants but seriously?" He already had a bandage from where he had donated a generous amount of blood for this, since he was voted most likely to heal. Worse, he'd volunteered for it the minute that Amanda had asked, because he knew he was the most likely to heal. "I'm just sayin, this better have been just as bad for the women because this is literally the worst."
Ev had seen and done worse for the sake of a mission, but he did not disagree with Kyle. He would never hear the end of it from Wanda if she did not have to do something equally humiliating. He was not so worried about his modesty, though, and just held his pants in front of him to maintain his meager personal barrier.
"Less lamenting and more incanting," he asked of the young mutant witch who was coming up towards them.
"Hope someone brought some alcohol to wash this down," Topaz said as she approached the men. "Oddly I'm told it doesn't taste good. Direct all complaints at Amanda, I'm just the unfortunate messenger."
It smelled pretty goddamn bad, and Kyle had to rub his throat to keep from retching. "If I'd known I was gonna be getting real familiar with everyone I know." Ugh, including people he'd taught. Gross. "I'd have picked up some shitty vodka on the way down. Clint's boat wasn't that far from some real sad liquor stores." He glanced over at the rest of the group, and then averted his eyes. At least the smell - worse than any locker room or filthy gas station bathroom, and way more personal - was preventing any side effects that would otherwise have occured from almost any other "And now I'm mostly naked and so are like eight people I know who are all pretty damn hot" situations.
It turned out being a few minutes from probably being half fish killed boners. Not something Kyle had wanted to learn.
"On a scale of one to durian fruit, who narsty is it?" Ev asked Kyle. He eyed the proffered concoction with wary resignation. "How long does this last, anyway? Are we going to have to Cinderella ourselves back up here before midnight?"
For fuck's sake. Topaz didn't bother hiding her eyeroll. "This is Amanda's spell, not mine. Questions or complaints can be fielded to her. I'm not her secretary."
Couldn't argue with that logic. Ev raised the vial to offer a toast to Kyle, and then downed the potion all at once. Better to rip the bandage off then peel it slowly. "Tastes like fugu. The poisonous parts."
"Yo, why you even eating that, huh?" Kyle asked, scowling. "For serious, Topaz, how long are we gonna be stuck in however..." He gulped a few times and flexed his hands. "Whatever fishy form we get? I mean, is there a time limit, or do you just snap your fingers and we get our legs back?"
Topaz shrugged, taking the cup and swirling it for a minute to make sure there was still enough for her. She really didn't want to go back for second helpings. "Ask the magical expert on the boat. I'm just the deliverer of horrible drinks. I'm assuming Amanda wouldn't use a spell with a short time limit knowing we're probably going to be under for a while, though." And with that she threw the last of the drink back, swallowing quickly and trying very hard not to think about what she had just put in her body.
"Hey, T? You know your voice does this like, bloop bloop thing when you lie?" Kyle said, a little abstractly as he scratched under his towel-sarong. "Like you make words longer. Also yo, I remember your English papers, you ask questions, so... " He pulled the towel away from his hip, frowned, and then pulled it tight. "Topaz. How long am I gonna have scales? Because I got -scales-. Topaz. On my butt." Also his hips and they were spreading fast.
"Like I said, ask Amanda." Topaz sighed and finally gave in, stripping the rest of the way. If Kyle was changing, she wouldn't be far behind. "I'm just here to - actually I have no idea why I'm here. If it helps, most spells have a shelf life of twenty-four hours, unless there's a different intent behind them. My animation spells, for example, are permanent, as long as I'm nearby. because I want whatever I'm bringing to life to stay alive. This is obviously meant to be temporary, but at the same time we don't want to change back halfway up and drown, so likely Amanda will have to reverse it once we're all above water again."
Ev shuddered as his skin shimmered. Not from his aura, but from the sudden growth of colorful fish scales like Kyle was complaining about. "Shapeshifting is the worst. All right, let's get moving. Time limit or not, I don't want to be in this form any longer than I have to."
Scarlet Witch and Darcy (who also needs a codename) do the worst shots in the world as the transformation ritual takes effect.
"Any final questions before we prepare you two for the ritual? And yes, you must be naked from the waist down. I can summon towels if you like." Clea shivered slightly. "Heated towels."
"What about robes? Heated sounds great though," Darcy agreed. "How does the ritual stuff have to be... activated? Drawings on the body? Please say we don't have to drink it."
If one looked up the word 'unimpressed' in the dictionary, Wanda's face would have been engraved upon that line. "I have no problem being naked," she said, already in the process of removing her clothing - Clea might have said the waist down but her newly purchased jacket was expensive, thank you - "but I would like to submit an official complaint if I am forced to swallow some vile concoction that doesn't even have the decency to have alcohol in it."
"Well...I could draw good luck charms." Clea wasn't sure if it would work but if they believed it then that is all that counts. "Oh good." Clea response to Wanda to not having a problem of being naked. She then sighed, "I don't want to say you have to drink it but you have to drink it. The amount of magic we would have to use otherwise would leave me starving and I don't see a dozen cheeseburgers. But we will probably add a bit of alcohol to it and you can say it was a badly mixed cocktail."
Darcy grimaced. "Nah, if I have to drink it then I'll drink it. Can't be that much worse than some of the bathtub punch from undergrad. But I'll also take some alcohol in it."
Clea walked back to where the potion was at and poured a little into two tiny cups and walked back. "Please strip." Clea said when she returned back to them. "I'll make sure your clothing, and jackets are safe and dry and warm upon your return."
Taking one of the two cups, Wanda gave a cautious sniff and immediately gagged. She slightly jerked her head backwards, away from the smell, and it was willpower alone that kept the cup on her hand. "You have got to be joking," Wanda said, a bit weakly. Her pride in being able to take most things in stride was taking a bit of a beating at the moment but the smell...
"Bottoms up!" Darcy said, grabbing her nose with one hand and downing the drink with the other. The taste was no better than the smell, and she refused to let her mind wander to the ingredients as her gag reflex tried to activate. She dropped the cup and clamped both hands over her mouth as she struggled to swallow the last of it.
Well, Darcy's reaction boded well. With a quiet 'fuck everything', Wanda threw it back like a shot and staggered at the taste and, oh god, the smell was suddenly everywhere. She retched but, eyes watering, nothing came up - despite the best intention of her body. Grabbing her stomach, she grimaced and thought, not for the first time and certainly not for the last, that magic could get fucked.
Clea was worried about the two women who had just drowned the potion and looked as they were about to be sick. Maybe she was glad she was going to stay on the boat, but mermaid. "The side affect should subside in a few more seconds, then the weird part will happen."
"Is the side effect the urge to gag?" Darcy asked weakly. "Should we get into the water before the weird happens?"
Wanda had paused earlier in her disrobing but considering the sudden cramping, dropped the cup and started back again. Clea had said only from the waist down but Wanda wanted to be damned sure she would come back to intact clothing so it was time for everything to come off. With every piece of clothing that came off, the cramping became worse and everything itched.
"Probably. And any clothing you want dry, warm, and waiting for you upon your return, I will take them." Clea said as she was already folding Wanda's clothing neatly. Her attention was drawn to a tattoo on her back and she titled her head to the side. It gave off a faint magical reading but that was it. It was probably not the right time to ask, but she would ask about it later. Maybe. "Alright ladies. Do not panic if you have the urge to sing Under the Sea." She paused for a second or two before saying. "I am just kidding."
Darcy finished stripping off her clothes. "All of it warm and dry, preferably." The cramping wasn't as intense, but her lower half felt like pins and needles. "And a rousing rendition of How Far I'll Go.... Moana never actually turned into a fish, dammit."
Everything felt like it was on fire from her toes to her hair which didn't even seem possible. Feeling like one was being burned alive while surrounded by water meant only one thing, so Wanda sucked in a deep breath and jumped off the boat. As the water surrounded her, she thrashed, unconsciously trying to do something, anything, that would relieve the pressure.
Darcy flailed as she flopped over the side of the boat, splashing into the water as her legs started to morph together. She sucked in a mouthful of water as she went under, reflexively spluttering but calming down once she realized she could still breathe. She looked down, wondering how on earth she'd swim as a white blob and scrunched forward, frowning at her clumsy movement.
Sucking in a breath, Wanda flinched as water rushed into her mouth and nose but something unclenched inside of her in relief as it ran through her system like it was air. Everything ached like she'd been running for days and a glance down showed that she now had a tail instead of legs and ... grimacing, she reached out and felt ...
"What the fuck," she breathed as her fingers encountered not hair but ... tentacles? Her hands yanked a little and she yelped. Okay, that was real enough.
Turning, she spotted Darcy's new ... ah, form, and awkwardly tried to swim towards her.
"This is crap," Darcy moaned as she tugged on what had once been her hair. "But I think I need this hat next time I go to church with someone." She eyed Wanda's tentacles. "Your aquatic form looks way more useful... I wonder what my powers even are in this form? Confusion? Making the bad guys laugh?"
Clea was above on the deck waving down at them, "Good luck my fishy friends! I'll have the returning back to human part ready for you when you come back. Also if you can, bring back a shell!"
Topaz (still needs a codename), Bevatron and Blink participate in the worst potions and transfiguration class ever.
Topaz hated magic. It was the root of all her problems in life. Sure, it was what had gotten her adopted, yay. But it had also killed her mother, driven her father crazy, gotten her into a war with a bunch of insane people, landed her at Xavier's, and all of that had somehow led to her standing here. On a boat. Partially naked (she wasn't stripping down completely until she had to), preparing to turn into a fucking fish.
Magic sucked.
She took a deep breath, trying to pretend she knew what she was doing (she didn't), and looking at Jean-Phillipe and Clarice. "Right, then." God she hated magic. "You two ready?"
"As much as one can be for something like this," Jean-Phillipe opined. The strange and discomfiting was normally more his cousin's bailiwick, but here he was, preparing for some manner of magical transformation that had even the experienced magic-users frowning. He grimaced as he peeled his top off. Not that most didn't know about the scars from his manifestation at this point, but he still disliked having to reveal them, regardless of the reason and circumstance.
By now, the majority of Clarice's scars were long healed and she never bothered to cover them specifically, though she had considered getting a tattoo on her back from when she had been burned, but this was somehow more revealing than she expected. Still, she stood there naked as the day she was born and much more purple, "I should've brought more sunscreen," she muttered. Stupid radiation and UV rays.
"I don't think fish get sunburned," Topaz said, staring dismally at the... concoction Amanda expected them to drink. She should've stayed home. She really should have stayed home. But the thought of getting to actually investigate the Bermuda Triangle had overridden any sanity she might have. "Right. Any last words before we pass the glass around?"
"C'est de conneries," Jean-Phillipe muttered, taking the container from Topaz and throwing some of it back. He grimaced. "And I thought ouzo was terrible."
"Why do magic potions taste like unwashed ass?" Clarice asked rhetorically as she took a healthy shot and handed it to Topaz. "That was definitely no Love Potion #9."
"Oh, but the consequences of this potion aren't chasing Doug Ramsey around trying snog him senseless," Topaz said, taking the glass and giving it a disgusted frown. There was probably enough for three more. She hoped to god. "Cheers you two. I'd say if anything goes wrong let Amanda know, but really, there's no way to tell with this kind of stuff."
She left them with that cheerful thought as she went to help the next group.
It started with an intense stomach cramp, causing Jean-Phillipe to double over and grunt in pain. "The things I do for mutantkind," he said through gritted teeth.
"Fuuuuck," Clarice sat down before she doubled over like Jean-Phillipe, "Cramps got nothing on this," she agreed, feeling as though her insides were rearranging. They likely were and she squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to watch. Thank you, no thank you!
"Oh hell, into the water," Jean-Phillipe said, as he attempted to make a controlled roll into the sea, complicated by the rebellion his body was under. He heard several other splashes of people coming to the same conclusion, but he was more concerned with the growing sense of...tension under his skin. A particular kind he'd felt once before, as tiny flickers began to move about his arms and torso.
"O merde."
"Oh fuuuuuuuuuuck!" Clarice rolled, unable to move much better than that as her subconscious realized what was about to happen before her actual brain kicked in. Thank goodness for minor miracles. If she were operating at full capacity, she'd use a portal to redirect or even to get herself out of the way, but she couldn't focus with the pain.
Thankfully there was approximately the entire Atlantic Ocean to soak up the surge of electricity that rippled out from Jean-Phillipe. Between the low level of charge and large volume to dissipate in, by the time it even got to Clarice it was no more than a tickle. Several smaller discharges came as the Frenchman gritted his teeth and attempted to bring his power (and body) back under control.
Blinking, Clarice's brain slowly rebooted. She wasn't fried. She wasn't dead. She was....a fish. The pain receded almost like a tide and she rolled into the water almost instinctively. Well. That wasn't so bad. Oh who was she kidding? That sucked balls.
Upon seeing the change in Clarice, Jean-Phillipe looked down...
And found an eel's tail beginning somewhere in his lower torso.
"I hate everything," he announced.
"How did I ever let you talk me into this?" The looks Scott turned on Amanda lacked any humour or any of the man's usual joviality. "Are we sure that there isn't any other way apart from this? You can't just snap your fingers and make it happen?" There was a hopeful note to his voice, there had to be something better than this, right?
Amanda's return look was unimpressed. "Believe me, if I could, I would. But magic doesn't work that way - it wants archaic rituals and grossness." And didn't she hate that sometimes. "So unless you have a submarine handy, this is what we're going with."
Kurt didn't look particularly taken with the idea of the ritual either.
"Perhaps we could steal one temporarily... but probably not quickly enough."
Scott seemed to slump in place, shoulders hunching forward as he stared helplessly back at the other two. "Probably not fast enough but...my dad is really going to owe us all after this I swear."
If we find him. Amanda didn't voice the thought. "Well, if wishes were fishes, we wouldn't need to do this," she said briskly. "Clarice should be back with the fishy part by now, so I guess it's time to get the rest." She gave both men an apologetic look. "I'm going to need the full set of bodily fluids - blood, tears, sweat, spit, piss and, er..." She faltered under their looks.
Kurt's face said a thousand words, all of them about his distaste for this whole business - and how necessary he knew it was.
"Do you have a container?"
"When we get home the science team are going to make us some kinda super scuba gear, but I don't ever want to have to do this again." Scott's gaze was steely, he knew it wasn't actually Amanda's fault, but this was...he needed something to focus his ire on, and the witch was an available and easy target.
Being the target of Scott's grumpiness was actually almost soothing - it certainly reminded Amanda of her student days, and dealing with Cyclops as a peer still weirded her out sometimes. "Whatever works for you, Captain," she replied. "I'll need five more volunteers, for the rest, since Kurt's taking care of... one." And the less she thought about her brother doing that, the better. "Kyle might work best for blood - no sense weakening someone when he can bounce back. Just send them to me below decks and I'll take care of things. The galley should be best. Plenty of bowls and cups and whatnot there."
Kurt sighed quietly and turned away in the direction of the galley.
Scott lingered a moment longer as if to make his point, leave on the record how unhappy with this whole situation he was before he turned his back on Amanda and followed Kurt towards the gallery. This...was not going to be pleasant.
Wallflower and Blink prep for a very quick medical exam. You always make sure your transformation volunteers won't, you know, die of being fish. What if someone had a salmon allergy or something?
Laurie pulled off the medical gloves she'd been wearing with a snap before throwing them toward the bin provided for such things. She'd managed to keep her standard air of control and slight detachment throughout the entire crazy situation but she still thought checking people over before a proposed ritual to turn them into fish people was the strangest use of her medical skills she'd ever been asked for.
"I don't think they covered fish people in introduction to Biology."
"Fish, barely, people, no," Clarice agreed, disposing of her bio-hazard materials before peeling her gloves off, "but did you ever really think you'd have normal medicine working at Xavier's? You want the UTI's, runny noses and acne or whatever, go into general practice in some strip mall. Not Xavier's. On the other hand, it's rarely dull."
“I don’t think I really had any expectations. Although, I did go into emergency medicine so I can’t exactly complain about excitement.” Laurie took out her phone and made some notations to be added to people’s medical files later. “I think we’ll want to see if there’s some way to monitor vitals during the transformation ritual. We should probably ask Amanda if electrodes would interfere with the magic.”
"Same," emergency medicine for the win! "If we have to, we can use the old fashioned sphygmomanometer and stethoscope," she pointed out. That was likely their best bet really so long as they weren't looking at brain waves. But vital signs? Better go basic.
"Did you get the male and female fluids samples?" Laurie had managed to win the rock, paper, scissors for that particular pickup, instead playing phlebotomist to Kyle. While Laurie wasn't particularly squeamish about bodily fluids, there was a reason she'd ended up doing emergency medicine and not family planning. "I managed to get the blood we needed from Kyle and the tears as well."
"Oh yeah, I got way too up close and personal with way too many people I didn't particularly want to do that with," not the first time Clarice had done that, but still not something on her to-do list ever. "But everything is labeled over there," she gestured to a series of vials in a stand and some plastic jars, all with labels. "Thankfully, all trauma was kept to a minimum."
"That seems to be everything." Laurie placed her own samples close to the others, finding the empty spots to settle them in. "Think we could get some kind of medical paper out of this? Or would we be laughed at for even trying?"
"I mean...who would even believe us? Magic transformation into fish-people?" Clarice raised an eyebrow, "We might as well tell them Harry Potter is real and we're Sailor Moon. One step at a time, but really, we can't publish anything interesting from anything we do."
"Publish or perish." Laurie glanced around the ship, wondering how much time they had left till the ritual. The people involved in the planning had been slightly less intense in their explanations of that than of their need for a variety of bodily fluids. "Maybe we could pretend to be Banner or Stark."
"That's academia," Clarice pointed out. "Plenty of medical doctors and PA's don't publish. And seriously, no. Do your job and be good at it. Don't worry about the rest of it. Not if you intend to stay at Xavier's."
"I don't see why I can't have both, it's not like there aren't ways to still record the things we see while keeping the more alarming to the public parts a secret." Laurie had never been one to settle for just good enough, she wanted it all. The career, the respect of her peers and the ability to say that when she passed from the world, she'd left something behind that made everyone's lives just a tiny bit easier. "Anyway, that can be a conversation for another time. I think we should go tell the others we're ready, don't you?"
"Yeah, let's do this thing," Clarice nodded. It wasn't that they couldn't research and record, it was just that publishing those findings, at least right now, wasn't a good idea. That said, always research. Then again, she had never cared about accolades, that was why she didn't care that she didn't have the fancy doctor title even though she did the same job and didn't care about publishing. Being purple might've had something to do with the latter, too. But, another time. Now, they had to go be fish. Because their lives weren't weird enough.
Topaz (who really needs a codename), Wildchild and Synch comment on the disgusting aspect - and taste - of magic. Magic is gross, ya'll.
"Seriously? Fucking seriously? Everything? Even that?" Kyle had scavenged a giant towel from somewhere in Clint's borrowed boat, and had wrapped it around his waist, sarong style. "Look, I get that magic is fucking bizarre, I get the gotta take my pants off part, because fish people don't wear pants but seriously?" He already had a bandage from where he had donated a generous amount of blood for this, since he was voted most likely to heal. Worse, he'd volunteered for it the minute that Amanda had asked, because he knew he was the most likely to heal. "I'm just sayin, this better have been just as bad for the women because this is literally the worst."
Ev had seen and done worse for the sake of a mission, but he did not disagree with Kyle. He would never hear the end of it from Wanda if she did not have to do something equally humiliating. He was not so worried about his modesty, though, and just held his pants in front of him to maintain his meager personal barrier.
"Less lamenting and more incanting," he asked of the young mutant witch who was coming up towards them.
"Hope someone brought some alcohol to wash this down," Topaz said as she approached the men. "Oddly I'm told it doesn't taste good. Direct all complaints at Amanda, I'm just the unfortunate messenger."
It smelled pretty goddamn bad, and Kyle had to rub his throat to keep from retching. "If I'd known I was gonna be getting real familiar with everyone I know." Ugh, including people he'd taught. Gross. "I'd have picked up some shitty vodka on the way down. Clint's boat wasn't that far from some real sad liquor stores." He glanced over at the rest of the group, and then averted his eyes. At least the smell - worse than any locker room or filthy gas station bathroom, and way more personal - was preventing any side effects that would otherwise have occured from almost any other "And now I'm mostly naked and so are like eight people I know who are all pretty damn hot" situations.
It turned out being a few minutes from probably being half fish killed boners. Not something Kyle had wanted to learn.
"On a scale of one to durian fruit, who narsty is it?" Ev asked Kyle. He eyed the proffered concoction with wary resignation. "How long does this last, anyway? Are we going to have to Cinderella ourselves back up here before midnight?"
For fuck's sake. Topaz didn't bother hiding her eyeroll. "This is Amanda's spell, not mine. Questions or complaints can be fielded to her. I'm not her secretary."
Couldn't argue with that logic. Ev raised the vial to offer a toast to Kyle, and then downed the potion all at once. Better to rip the bandage off then peel it slowly. "Tastes like fugu. The poisonous parts."
"Yo, why you even eating that, huh?" Kyle asked, scowling. "For serious, Topaz, how long are we gonna be stuck in however..." He gulped a few times and flexed his hands. "Whatever fishy form we get? I mean, is there a time limit, or do you just snap your fingers and we get our legs back?"
Topaz shrugged, taking the cup and swirling it for a minute to make sure there was still enough for her. She really didn't want to go back for second helpings. "Ask the magical expert on the boat. I'm just the deliverer of horrible drinks. I'm assuming Amanda wouldn't use a spell with a short time limit knowing we're probably going to be under for a while, though." And with that she threw the last of the drink back, swallowing quickly and trying very hard not to think about what she had just put in her body.
"Hey, T? You know your voice does this like, bloop bloop thing when you lie?" Kyle said, a little abstractly as he scratched under his towel-sarong. "Like you make words longer. Also yo, I remember your English papers, you ask questions, so... " He pulled the towel away from his hip, frowned, and then pulled it tight. "Topaz. How long am I gonna have scales? Because I got -scales-. Topaz. On my butt." Also his hips and they were spreading fast.
"Like I said, ask Amanda." Topaz sighed and finally gave in, stripping the rest of the way. If Kyle was changing, she wouldn't be far behind. "I'm just here to - actually I have no idea why I'm here. If it helps, most spells have a shelf life of twenty-four hours, unless there's a different intent behind them. My animation spells, for example, are permanent, as long as I'm nearby. because I want whatever I'm bringing to life to stay alive. This is obviously meant to be temporary, but at the same time we don't want to change back halfway up and drown, so likely Amanda will have to reverse it once we're all above water again."
Ev shuddered as his skin shimmered. Not from his aura, but from the sudden growth of colorful fish scales like Kyle was complaining about. "Shapeshifting is the worst. All right, let's get moving. Time limit or not, I don't want to be in this form any longer than I have to."
Scarlet Witch and Darcy (who also needs a codename) do the worst shots in the world as the transformation ritual takes effect.
"Any final questions before we prepare you two for the ritual? And yes, you must be naked from the waist down. I can summon towels if you like." Clea shivered slightly. "Heated towels."
"What about robes? Heated sounds great though," Darcy agreed. "How does the ritual stuff have to be... activated? Drawings on the body? Please say we don't have to drink it."
If one looked up the word 'unimpressed' in the dictionary, Wanda's face would have been engraved upon that line. "I have no problem being naked," she said, already in the process of removing her clothing - Clea might have said the waist down but her newly purchased jacket was expensive, thank you - "but I would like to submit an official complaint if I am forced to swallow some vile concoction that doesn't even have the decency to have alcohol in it."
"Well...I could draw good luck charms." Clea wasn't sure if it would work but if they believed it then that is all that counts. "Oh good." Clea response to Wanda to not having a problem of being naked. She then sighed, "I don't want to say you have to drink it but you have to drink it. The amount of magic we would have to use otherwise would leave me starving and I don't see a dozen cheeseburgers. But we will probably add a bit of alcohol to it and you can say it was a badly mixed cocktail."
Darcy grimaced. "Nah, if I have to drink it then I'll drink it. Can't be that much worse than some of the bathtub punch from undergrad. But I'll also take some alcohol in it."
Clea walked back to where the potion was at and poured a little into two tiny cups and walked back. "Please strip." Clea said when she returned back to them. "I'll make sure your clothing, and jackets are safe and dry and warm upon your return."
Taking one of the two cups, Wanda gave a cautious sniff and immediately gagged. She slightly jerked her head backwards, away from the smell, and it was willpower alone that kept the cup on her hand. "You have got to be joking," Wanda said, a bit weakly. Her pride in being able to take most things in stride was taking a bit of a beating at the moment but the smell...
"Bottoms up!" Darcy said, grabbing her nose with one hand and downing the drink with the other. The taste was no better than the smell, and she refused to let her mind wander to the ingredients as her gag reflex tried to activate. She dropped the cup and clamped both hands over her mouth as she struggled to swallow the last of it.
Well, Darcy's reaction boded well. With a quiet 'fuck everything', Wanda threw it back like a shot and staggered at the taste and, oh god, the smell was suddenly everywhere. She retched but, eyes watering, nothing came up - despite the best intention of her body. Grabbing her stomach, she grimaced and thought, not for the first time and certainly not for the last, that magic could get fucked.
Clea was worried about the two women who had just drowned the potion and looked as they were about to be sick. Maybe she was glad she was going to stay on the boat, but mermaid. "The side affect should subside in a few more seconds, then the weird part will happen."
"Is the side effect the urge to gag?" Darcy asked weakly. "Should we get into the water before the weird happens?"
Wanda had paused earlier in her disrobing but considering the sudden cramping, dropped the cup and started back again. Clea had said only from the waist down but Wanda wanted to be damned sure she would come back to intact clothing so it was time for everything to come off. With every piece of clothing that came off, the cramping became worse and everything itched.
"Probably. And any clothing you want dry, warm, and waiting for you upon your return, I will take them." Clea said as she was already folding Wanda's clothing neatly. Her attention was drawn to a tattoo on her back and she titled her head to the side. It gave off a faint magical reading but that was it. It was probably not the right time to ask, but she would ask about it later. Maybe. "Alright ladies. Do not panic if you have the urge to sing Under the Sea." She paused for a second or two before saying. "I am just kidding."
Darcy finished stripping off her clothes. "All of it warm and dry, preferably." The cramping wasn't as intense, but her lower half felt like pins and needles. "And a rousing rendition of How Far I'll Go.... Moana never actually turned into a fish, dammit."
Everything felt like it was on fire from her toes to her hair which didn't even seem possible. Feeling like one was being burned alive while surrounded by water meant only one thing, so Wanda sucked in a deep breath and jumped off the boat. As the water surrounded her, she thrashed, unconsciously trying to do something, anything, that would relieve the pressure.
Darcy flailed as she flopped over the side of the boat, splashing into the water as her legs started to morph together. She sucked in a mouthful of water as she went under, reflexively spluttering but calming down once she realized she could still breathe. She looked down, wondering how on earth she'd swim as a white blob and scrunched forward, frowning at her clumsy movement.
Sucking in a breath, Wanda flinched as water rushed into her mouth and nose but something unclenched inside of her in relief as it ran through her system like it was air. Everything ached like she'd been running for days and a glance down showed that she now had a tail instead of legs and ... grimacing, she reached out and felt ...
"What the fuck," she breathed as her fingers encountered not hair but ... tentacles? Her hands yanked a little and she yelped. Okay, that was real enough.
Turning, she spotted Darcy's new ... ah, form, and awkwardly tried to swim towards her.
"This is crap," Darcy moaned as she tugged on what had once been her hair. "But I think I need this hat next time I go to church with someone." She eyed Wanda's tentacles. "Your aquatic form looks way more useful... I wonder what my powers even are in this form? Confusion? Making the bad guys laugh?"
Clea was above on the deck waving down at them, "Good luck my fishy friends! I'll have the returning back to human part ready for you when you come back. Also if you can, bring back a shell!"
Topaz (still needs a codename), Bevatron and Blink participate in the worst potions and transfiguration class ever.
Topaz hated magic. It was the root of all her problems in life. Sure, it was what had gotten her adopted, yay. But it had also killed her mother, driven her father crazy, gotten her into a war with a bunch of insane people, landed her at Xavier's, and all of that had somehow led to her standing here. On a boat. Partially naked (she wasn't stripping down completely until she had to), preparing to turn into a fucking fish.
Magic sucked.
She took a deep breath, trying to pretend she knew what she was doing (she didn't), and looking at Jean-Phillipe and Clarice. "Right, then." God she hated magic. "You two ready?"
"As much as one can be for something like this," Jean-Phillipe opined. The strange and discomfiting was normally more his cousin's bailiwick, but here he was, preparing for some manner of magical transformation that had even the experienced magic-users frowning. He grimaced as he peeled his top off. Not that most didn't know about the scars from his manifestation at this point, but he still disliked having to reveal them, regardless of the reason and circumstance.
By now, the majority of Clarice's scars were long healed and she never bothered to cover them specifically, though she had considered getting a tattoo on her back from when she had been burned, but this was somehow more revealing than she expected. Still, she stood there naked as the day she was born and much more purple, "I should've brought more sunscreen," she muttered. Stupid radiation and UV rays.
"I don't think fish get sunburned," Topaz said, staring dismally at the... concoction Amanda expected them to drink. She should've stayed home. She really should have stayed home. But the thought of getting to actually investigate the Bermuda Triangle had overridden any sanity she might have. "Right. Any last words before we pass the glass around?"
"C'est de conneries," Jean-Phillipe muttered, taking the container from Topaz and throwing some of it back. He grimaced. "And I thought ouzo was terrible."
"Why do magic potions taste like unwashed ass?" Clarice asked rhetorically as she took a healthy shot and handed it to Topaz. "That was definitely no Love Potion #9."
"Oh, but the consequences of this potion aren't chasing Doug Ramsey around trying snog him senseless," Topaz said, taking the glass and giving it a disgusted frown. There was probably enough for three more. She hoped to god. "Cheers you two. I'd say if anything goes wrong let Amanda know, but really, there's no way to tell with this kind of stuff."
She left them with that cheerful thought as she went to help the next group.
It started with an intense stomach cramp, causing Jean-Phillipe to double over and grunt in pain. "The things I do for mutantkind," he said through gritted teeth.
"Fuuuuck," Clarice sat down before she doubled over like Jean-Phillipe, "Cramps got nothing on this," she agreed, feeling as though her insides were rearranging. They likely were and she squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to watch. Thank you, no thank you!
"Oh hell, into the water," Jean-Phillipe said, as he attempted to make a controlled roll into the sea, complicated by the rebellion his body was under. He heard several other splashes of people coming to the same conclusion, but he was more concerned with the growing sense of...tension under his skin. A particular kind he'd felt once before, as tiny flickers began to move about his arms and torso.
"O merde."
"Oh fuuuuuuuuuuck!" Clarice rolled, unable to move much better than that as her subconscious realized what was about to happen before her actual brain kicked in. Thank goodness for minor miracles. If she were operating at full capacity, she'd use a portal to redirect or even to get herself out of the way, but she couldn't focus with the pain.
Thankfully there was approximately the entire Atlantic Ocean to soak up the surge of electricity that rippled out from Jean-Phillipe. Between the low level of charge and large volume to dissipate in, by the time it even got to Clarice it was no more than a tickle. Several smaller discharges came as the Frenchman gritted his teeth and attempted to bring his power (and body) back under control.
Blinking, Clarice's brain slowly rebooted. She wasn't fried. She wasn't dead. She was....a fish. The pain receded almost like a tide and she rolled into the water almost instinctively. Well. That wasn't so bad. Oh who was she kidding? That sucked balls.
Upon seeing the change in Clarice, Jean-Phillipe looked down...
And found an eel's tail beginning somewhere in his lower torso.
"I hate everything," he announced.
