Backdated to May 23, 2018
May. 23rd, 2018 11:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logs Warren and Bobbi finally discuss what happened with Jean, their relationship and how to move forward
The fact that Bobbi had finally texted him meant more than he'd thought. He felt his tiny little shriveled heart start to swell again, and he talked himself through everything he would say.
Never in his life before had he really cared about someone like this. When Jean and him broke up, it had been such a cavalier thing that he'd merely shrugged it off and moved on. Now, he hadn't shaved, he'd worn wrinkled pants, and worst of all -- he'd stopped brushing his wings. Looking bedraggled was never a good look for him, but it was made even worse when it wasn't done ironically. Hopping into the shower, he tried his best to groom quickly, not knowing exactly when Bobbi would be coming back. He'd had Luz leave so that they would have the penthouse to themselves. He didn't want to have this conversation at the Mansion, so he was happy she was willing to go back.
And then he sat down on the couch, and started working when he realized it was only noon, and the chances of Bobbi coming in the middle of the day were slim. He was so caught up in his work, he barely heard the door open.
Creeping quietly into the place she'd so recently called home made Bobbi feel... weird didn't quite describe it. Strange might have been a better choice, as she did feel a bit like a stranger. Things felt different at any rate, no matter what word she wanted to use.
It felt even - Weirder? Stranger? - seeing Warren sitting on the couch, though again she didn't know why. They had to talk, she knew he was going to be there, so why the odd feeling? That's what the discussion is going to be about, Bobbi, she chided herself. Taking a deep breath, she laid her duffel bag down louder than was necessary to get his attention. Ka-Zar was with Lorna on a puppy playdate, at least until she saw how this whole thing went.
"Hey," was all she managed, but it was a start at least. Warren moved with a start. "Bobbi! You're back!" Closing his laptop, he pushed it onto the coffee table and then he turned around to face her. Looking around, he frowned a little. "Where's the dog?"
"He's with Lorna's dog, she's watching him for u-" She stopped just before saying us. Heading for the kitchen, she shifted the subject in an attempt to cover that up. "Do you want something to drink? I think I need a coffee or tea or something..." It was likely to be a long conversation and Bobbi wanted something else to focus on before sitting across from Warren again as well.
This was weird. Warren wasn't used to feeling so uncomfortable. Shifting on the couch, he tugged at his pants and nodded. "Sure, coffee." It wasn't until she went to the kitchen that he realized he didn't even tell her how to make his coffee. He couldn't lose her. ""I'm sorry, you know. Like really, really sorry."
She just presumed he'd like it as usual, and made it accordingly; with everything else going through her mind right then and there, Bobbi was flying on auto pilot on little things like that. Once both mugs were full and prepared to their respective liking, she brought them out, gently laying Warren's mug on the table in front of him.
Bobbi absorbed his words while she sat down, then took a sip from her own mug - tea for her, not coffee - while formulating a response in her head. "It's... I know you're sorry," she said. That much was obvious, had been from the start of all this, really, but it wasn't the point, not to her anyway. "I just... do you know why it upset me, though?" That was the salient point to it all.
Oh god, he knew this question was coming. He'd tried so hard to work on it too, with Sue, with Felicia.... Warren decided to nod, looking at her as clearly as he could. Suddenly, he realized he hadn't had anything to drink or smoke or snort since this morning, and that was why his mind was probably working well. "Right. So. You're upset because emotions are not allowed with any hook-ups. Nameless, faceless ones, yes. People I've dated before, no. One-time only passes." There was a pause while Warren tried to figure out if he could word that better. He could tell he wasn't doing too great. "Or in more specific terms, there are rules to our relationship, and I didn't follow one. Even if I didn't sleep with Jean, the intention was there, and that was not appropriate. I don't actually know why I was going for that, other than the fact that she was there and willing and it was intriguing to me. Curiousity has always been a problem for me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
"Yes, that's it," Bobbi replied. "Well, yes and no, it's just... it's complicated." Everything he'd said was true, especially about the difference between no strings attached, one night only flings versus previous relationships. There was just more to it than that, for her at least, which is what Bobbi had been struggling with since it all happened. "It wasn't just all of that, it was partly me and my own problems with how all of this has been working. Or not working, maybe. I don't know."
It didn't always bother her when he had his dalliances, and they certainly weren't done without her knowledge or consent, but this latest escapade had her questioning what she wanted out of their relationship. It wasn't fair to him to hold past situations against him, and Bobbi didn't, but she had been questioning whether she was really ok with it or not. Which only made her more upset with herself, and that blended together with the hurt and confusion over the Jean situation, and she ended up running away, figuratively and literally.
"I owe you an apology too."
Now Warren was thoroughly confused. "Me? Why? You don't need to apologize, you did nothing wrong." Very confused. If anything, there was no reason for her to say that. He genuinely imagined having to crawl on hands and knees, begging and yet here she was, a less confident Bobbi....
"Babe. Seriously, you are not in the wrong here. I have spent a lot of time drinking and thinking, and this is all me. You just have to tell me what you want, and I'll do it ... or at least try really forking hard."
"It's not that simple, though, or at least it wasn't to me. That's why it hit me the way it did, and I ran the way I did, and... yeah," she trailed off, voice wavering slightly.
Less confident for sure, Bobbi would have agreed, and less of herself overall too. It was hard to wrap her head around, something she was still struggling with.
She cleared her throat before speaking again. "I think we just need to revisit where we see things going from here on out."
The swirling wisps of steam curled hypnotically from his coffee, made even more fascinating by the fact that he was desperately trying to find an answer back. There was a part of him that wanted to say how much he cared about her, how important she was, how lost he'd felt over the last few weeks but another part of him was holding back. How could he say those things and still fool around? If he was honest, he knew he'd never be able to stay faithful -- not because of his lack of feelings for Bobbi. He had those in abundance. But it was more his impulsive nature.
"I don't want to lose you," he finally said. "At all."
There. That covered that.
"I don't want to lose you either." That was the bottom line, the bedrock foundation she'd struck once she'd drilled down through all of her feelings.
The only question was how did they keep that from happening? Bobbi didn't want to go through anything like that again, that was for sure. She'd told herself she was ok with their open-ish relationship, though she'd never pursued any other partners besides Warren herself. And she'd been ok with him having other flings, or so she thought. Now, though, after all of that welled to the surface, well. Well.
Could they actually have a monogamous relationship? She knew the answer to one side of that equation, but how would the other have fare?
"I just... things will need to change, I think," she started. "No, they'll have to change." No sense in being wishy-washy now, she reminded herself.
Even though he had expected that answer, Warren still felt something in the pit of his stomach. "Okay." That was all he could think of to say. Change was terrifying, and Warren, with his impulsive flightiness, moved from new idea to new idea within seconds, never really stopping to think. "What do you need? Because, Bobbi, I mean.... fork...." He suddenly felt the need to stand, to move, to pace, but he knew that was just him trying to get away from the situation. Instead, he cupped the mug between both hands and stared down.
"Let's try that again," he said, after a few moment's of composure. Looking up, blue eyes meeting hers, he gave a nod. "I am willing to discuss what needs to change. I am willing to change as best as I can. You are the longest relationship I have ever had, and the most amazing one too. I can't lose you," he repeated. "But I don't know if I can stay faithful. I really don't. I can try. fork, I'll try harder than I ever have... but ...I just get into the moment..." God, was he an animal? And there was that weird voice in the back of his head telling him that he wasn't in the wrong, she knew what she was getting herself into. "What rules do you want?"
"That's the hard part, I guess." She took another sip from her mug while trying to put more thoughts into words. "In a perfect world," Bobbi began, knowing this one was far, far from perfect, "I'd rather that we were monogamous. That's how I see it, and how I've been acting, even though I know we both can do - could do what we wanted." She put her mug back down on the table and shrugged. "I guess I found that out over time, because I didn't think it'd turn out that way, it just... did." His little voice was right, she'd known what she'd been getting into, but she hadn't anticipated things developing the way they had.
"That's not what we agreed to at the outset, I know, so it's not fair for me to be upset with you." Hence the apology, though it had taken a lot of internal struggling and mind-wrestling to figure it all out, which was why she'd left. "So... yeah. I don't know what we can do about that..." Bobbi put a little emphasis on the word 'we' because, well.
"Veto powers? You can tell me no, and I have to listen." Warren was getting a little desperate here. "And if you don't want me to go out, then I won't go out. No repeats, no emotions, nothing that could ever hurt you again. I can do that. For you. I know I can do that."
"That could work," she started. Bobbi wasn't completely sure, to be honest, but she really wanted to try. Part of her wondered if she'd be better off just not knowing about any indiscretions period, but since she knew they'd likely be happening that might actually be worse. It was a complicated situation, and she had no idea what would actually work or what wouldn't, but she knew they had to try. "We can see how that goes."
He let out a deep breath. "Okay. I'll do my best though, I mean it." Setting down his cup, he gave her a cautious look before stretching his arms out. "Can you come over here please? I'd really like to hold you."
She just nodded and did the same, putting her own mug down and scooting closer toward Warren until she was leaning against him, head on his shoulder. Bobbi wanted this to work, and was willing to do anything for that to happen. She also believed him when he said he wanted it too, but... time would tell, she supposed. For now she was just tired and didn't want to be alone any more.
"I'd really like you to hold onto me too."
Reaching out, he pulled her around in front of him, so that he was cuddling her from behind. "We can make this work, babe. I know we can."
"I know we can too," Bobbi replied, unsure just how true that was but hoping for the best.
The fact that Bobbi had finally texted him meant more than he'd thought. He felt his tiny little shriveled heart start to swell again, and he talked himself through everything he would say.
Never in his life before had he really cared about someone like this. When Jean and him broke up, it had been such a cavalier thing that he'd merely shrugged it off and moved on. Now, he hadn't shaved, he'd worn wrinkled pants, and worst of all -- he'd stopped brushing his wings. Looking bedraggled was never a good look for him, but it was made even worse when it wasn't done ironically. Hopping into the shower, he tried his best to groom quickly, not knowing exactly when Bobbi would be coming back. He'd had Luz leave so that they would have the penthouse to themselves. He didn't want to have this conversation at the Mansion, so he was happy she was willing to go back.
And then he sat down on the couch, and started working when he realized it was only noon, and the chances of Bobbi coming in the middle of the day were slim. He was so caught up in his work, he barely heard the door open.
Creeping quietly into the place she'd so recently called home made Bobbi feel... weird didn't quite describe it. Strange might have been a better choice, as she did feel a bit like a stranger. Things felt different at any rate, no matter what word she wanted to use.
It felt even - Weirder? Stranger? - seeing Warren sitting on the couch, though again she didn't know why. They had to talk, she knew he was going to be there, so why the odd feeling? That's what the discussion is going to be about, Bobbi, she chided herself. Taking a deep breath, she laid her duffel bag down louder than was necessary to get his attention. Ka-Zar was with Lorna on a puppy playdate, at least until she saw how this whole thing went.
"Hey," was all she managed, but it was a start at least. Warren moved with a start. "Bobbi! You're back!" Closing his laptop, he pushed it onto the coffee table and then he turned around to face her. Looking around, he frowned a little. "Where's the dog?"
"He's with Lorna's dog, she's watching him for u-" She stopped just before saying us. Heading for the kitchen, she shifted the subject in an attempt to cover that up. "Do you want something to drink? I think I need a coffee or tea or something..." It was likely to be a long conversation and Bobbi wanted something else to focus on before sitting across from Warren again as well.
This was weird. Warren wasn't used to feeling so uncomfortable. Shifting on the couch, he tugged at his pants and nodded. "Sure, coffee." It wasn't until she went to the kitchen that he realized he didn't even tell her how to make his coffee. He couldn't lose her. ""I'm sorry, you know. Like really, really sorry."
She just presumed he'd like it as usual, and made it accordingly; with everything else going through her mind right then and there, Bobbi was flying on auto pilot on little things like that. Once both mugs were full and prepared to their respective liking, she brought them out, gently laying Warren's mug on the table in front of him.
Bobbi absorbed his words while she sat down, then took a sip from her own mug - tea for her, not coffee - while formulating a response in her head. "It's... I know you're sorry," she said. That much was obvious, had been from the start of all this, really, but it wasn't the point, not to her anyway. "I just... do you know why it upset me, though?" That was the salient point to it all.
Oh god, he knew this question was coming. He'd tried so hard to work on it too, with Sue, with Felicia.... Warren decided to nod, looking at her as clearly as he could. Suddenly, he realized he hadn't had anything to drink or smoke or snort since this morning, and that was why his mind was probably working well. "Right. So. You're upset because emotions are not allowed with any hook-ups. Nameless, faceless ones, yes. People I've dated before, no. One-time only passes." There was a pause while Warren tried to figure out if he could word that better. He could tell he wasn't doing too great. "Or in more specific terms, there are rules to our relationship, and I didn't follow one. Even if I didn't sleep with Jean, the intention was there, and that was not appropriate. I don't actually know why I was going for that, other than the fact that she was there and willing and it was intriguing to me. Curiousity has always been a problem for me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
"Yes, that's it," Bobbi replied. "Well, yes and no, it's just... it's complicated." Everything he'd said was true, especially about the difference between no strings attached, one night only flings versus previous relationships. There was just more to it than that, for her at least, which is what Bobbi had been struggling with since it all happened. "It wasn't just all of that, it was partly me and my own problems with how all of this has been working. Or not working, maybe. I don't know."
It didn't always bother her when he had his dalliances, and they certainly weren't done without her knowledge or consent, but this latest escapade had her questioning what she wanted out of their relationship. It wasn't fair to him to hold past situations against him, and Bobbi didn't, but she had been questioning whether she was really ok with it or not. Which only made her more upset with herself, and that blended together with the hurt and confusion over the Jean situation, and she ended up running away, figuratively and literally.
"I owe you an apology too."
Now Warren was thoroughly confused. "Me? Why? You don't need to apologize, you did nothing wrong." Very confused. If anything, there was no reason for her to say that. He genuinely imagined having to crawl on hands and knees, begging and yet here she was, a less confident Bobbi....
"Babe. Seriously, you are not in the wrong here. I have spent a lot of time drinking and thinking, and this is all me. You just have to tell me what you want, and I'll do it ... or at least try really forking hard."
"It's not that simple, though, or at least it wasn't to me. That's why it hit me the way it did, and I ran the way I did, and... yeah," she trailed off, voice wavering slightly.
Less confident for sure, Bobbi would have agreed, and less of herself overall too. It was hard to wrap her head around, something she was still struggling with.
She cleared her throat before speaking again. "I think we just need to revisit where we see things going from here on out."
The swirling wisps of steam curled hypnotically from his coffee, made even more fascinating by the fact that he was desperately trying to find an answer back. There was a part of him that wanted to say how much he cared about her, how important she was, how lost he'd felt over the last few weeks but another part of him was holding back. How could he say those things and still fool around? If he was honest, he knew he'd never be able to stay faithful -- not because of his lack of feelings for Bobbi. He had those in abundance. But it was more his impulsive nature.
"I don't want to lose you," he finally said. "At all."
There. That covered that.
"I don't want to lose you either." That was the bottom line, the bedrock foundation she'd struck once she'd drilled down through all of her feelings.
The only question was how did they keep that from happening? Bobbi didn't want to go through anything like that again, that was for sure. She'd told herself she was ok with their open-ish relationship, though she'd never pursued any other partners besides Warren herself. And she'd been ok with him having other flings, or so she thought. Now, though, after all of that welled to the surface, well. Well.
Could they actually have a monogamous relationship? She knew the answer to one side of that equation, but how would the other have fare?
"I just... things will need to change, I think," she started. "No, they'll have to change." No sense in being wishy-washy now, she reminded herself.
Even though he had expected that answer, Warren still felt something in the pit of his stomach. "Okay." That was all he could think of to say. Change was terrifying, and Warren, with his impulsive flightiness, moved from new idea to new idea within seconds, never really stopping to think. "What do you need? Because, Bobbi, I mean.... fork...." He suddenly felt the need to stand, to move, to pace, but he knew that was just him trying to get away from the situation. Instead, he cupped the mug between both hands and stared down.
"Let's try that again," he said, after a few moment's of composure. Looking up, blue eyes meeting hers, he gave a nod. "I am willing to discuss what needs to change. I am willing to change as best as I can. You are the longest relationship I have ever had, and the most amazing one too. I can't lose you," he repeated. "But I don't know if I can stay faithful. I really don't. I can try. fork, I'll try harder than I ever have... but ...I just get into the moment..." God, was he an animal? And there was that weird voice in the back of his head telling him that he wasn't in the wrong, she knew what she was getting herself into. "What rules do you want?"
"That's the hard part, I guess." She took another sip from her mug while trying to put more thoughts into words. "In a perfect world," Bobbi began, knowing this one was far, far from perfect, "I'd rather that we were monogamous. That's how I see it, and how I've been acting, even though I know we both can do - could do what we wanted." She put her mug back down on the table and shrugged. "I guess I found that out over time, because I didn't think it'd turn out that way, it just... did." His little voice was right, she'd known what she'd been getting into, but she hadn't anticipated things developing the way they had.
"That's not what we agreed to at the outset, I know, so it's not fair for me to be upset with you." Hence the apology, though it had taken a lot of internal struggling and mind-wrestling to figure it all out, which was why she'd left. "So... yeah. I don't know what we can do about that..." Bobbi put a little emphasis on the word 'we' because, well.
"Veto powers? You can tell me no, and I have to listen." Warren was getting a little desperate here. "And if you don't want me to go out, then I won't go out. No repeats, no emotions, nothing that could ever hurt you again. I can do that. For you. I know I can do that."
"That could work," she started. Bobbi wasn't completely sure, to be honest, but she really wanted to try. Part of her wondered if she'd be better off just not knowing about any indiscretions period, but since she knew they'd likely be happening that might actually be worse. It was a complicated situation, and she had no idea what would actually work or what wouldn't, but she knew they had to try. "We can see how that goes."
He let out a deep breath. "Okay. I'll do my best though, I mean it." Setting down his cup, he gave her a cautious look before stretching his arms out. "Can you come over here please? I'd really like to hold you."
She just nodded and did the same, putting her own mug down and scooting closer toward Warren until she was leaning against him, head on his shoulder. Bobbi wanted this to work, and was willing to do anything for that to happen. She also believed him when he said he wanted it too, but... time would tell, she supposed. For now she was just tired and didn't want to be alone any more.
"I'd really like you to hold onto me too."
Reaching out, he pulled her around in front of him, so that he was cuddling her from behind. "We can make this work, babe. I know we can."
"I know we can too," Bobbi replied, unsure just how true that was but hoping for the best.
