Ev & Wanda, backdated to July 9
Jul. 9th, 2018 07:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsFor the wayback machine. A couple of weeks after Ev discovers Wanda and Clint's daliance, he and Wanda have a mature, adult conversation that ends in more broken hearts.
Ev scarfed down the last of his donut and, with no napkin but also no one in his immediate vicinity, wiped the powdered sugar from his fingers onto his pants. He had wisely chosen to wear white jeans today, so no one would be the wiser. Except that he was still cleaning his fingers-slash-making a mess when the elevator door to the sub-basement opened, and a familiar face appeared at the other end.
"Wanda. Good morning."
She blinked and then smiled a little at the sight. "Morning yourself. Have an, ah, incident with your breakfast?" Wanda looked a little tired but she'd been unable to sleep well before she finally gave up in order to tackle some paperwork at an ungodly hour. Once it became a slightly lesser ungodly hour, she'd decided maybe hitting the gym was a good idea.
"Not so much an incident as a 'nobody has invented a clean alternative to powdered sugar yet.' Are you, uh, heading up or going down?" He internally winced at his choice of words. Perhaps seeing her with one of his best friends still stung.
"Trying to get a morning workout. I figured it was better than insomnia and far better than digging through work files." It really hadn't been actual work files but she'd found herself pulling out old Chthon information, picking at threads and trails long since cold. The fact that she couldn't let it go even when it had been quiet for this long had driven Wanda to go burn off some energy. She didn't say that though - things were still a little awkward between the two of them. "Eating breakfast on the go isn't the best way to avoid powdered sugar on everything, I see."
He joined her in the elevator and pressed the button to take them down to the lower levels. "I'll have to start wearing a bib. Or color-coordinating my whole outfit and my meals. Red on spaghetti and meatballs night, brown on sushi night for that pesky soy sauce."
"What if you happened to have a meal that's, oh I don't know, multicolored? Like one of those fancy cakes on the Great British Bake Off?" It was surprising how calming that show could be. Wanda was an avid binge watcher at this point. "I'd like to see you try to figure out how to coordinate to that!"
"I mean." His aura briefly flared, casting them in light as if the sun brightly shined through stained-glass windows. "I can go with anything if I try hard enough." When the elevator stopped and the doors hushed open, Ev on instinct stepped aside to let Wanda walk out first. After a moment of silence, he sighed. "Look, I owe you and Clint an apology for a couple weeks ago. I was . . . unpleasant. I'm sorry for that."
Wanda faltered slightly while walking, taken by surprise by the switch in conversation. She wish she could say she was completely relieved that he had but a small part had wanted to avoid the conversation all together. After a second, she paused fully in the hallway to look at him. "I appreciate the apology, thank you. I..." Trailing off, she laughed a little and ran a hand through her hair. "Shall we be actual adults and talk this out? We haven't been this uncomfortable around each other since our awkward little teenage selves met."
"I was awkward," Ev corrected Wanda, "You were . . . resplendent." He led her to an unoccupied exam suite where they would hopefully not be interrupted. The doors slid shut behind them, sealing them in the bright, white, sterile room. "Though in my defense, I put about half of the blame on your father. He was always looming."
"Ah, the days before he became bent on destroying humanity," Wanda muttered. Those had been much simpler days. Tossing her towel on a table, she hopped up after it. It gave her something to do. "I was also a scrawny teenager whose English had a long way to go. You seemed rather - cool, if kids are still using that term."
"I've passed 40. I don't know what's cool or 'it' anymore. Now what's it seems weird and scary." Even when trying to be serious, he could not keep away the Simpsons quotes. He smiled ruefully, partly at himself and partly at this conversation in general. "It was jarring, I guess, to see you and Clint together. You're both my friends. Very good friends. I was . . . shocked, is all."
"I certainly wasn't expecting you to find out that way or, well, ever?" She laughed slightly. "Clint and I are friends, nothing more, so there wasn't going to be a relationship status change on Facebook or however that actually works." Wanda was hardly ashamed but it wasn't like she generally went around, advertising her personal life. But considering how close she and Ev had started to get, again, it added another layer. "I am sorry - trust me when I say that I never want to jeopardize anything between us."
Ev was almost ashamed by that swell of relief he felt at her admission. He had no claim to either of them and neither owed him anything. Just as Wanda, his own short relationship with Clint had been purely physical, born out of need. And Wanda was a girl he dated in high school. Why, then, should Ev be comforted that Wanda remained unattached?
How did she make him feel 15 again?
"Of course you didn't, I know that," he reassured her. His smile was mostly not fake. "Being here has mentally de-aged me, obviously."
The smile she gave him was very real but also - a little sad. "I know the feeling." Wanda's own conflicted feelings were slightly more well known to her, hence the look on her face. "Ah, I should be off to the gym now, I suppose..."
"You know how I feel," he said to her, catching her gaze before she turned to leave. Though her poker face was failing, he poured the full force of his will to maintain his. "And I know you don't feel the same, quite. I'm okay with that, really."
At his words, Wanda paused and nearly blurted out 'Do I?' but stopped herself. Because if she was being honest with herself, she'd known for some time. Clutching her gym towel between her hands, she studied him and decided to be honest with both of them.
"Clint was a fun diversion," she said slowly. "You would be something else entirely. Trust me when I say that I am ever so tempted to see where that something else takes us but..." Wanda ran a hand over her face and all the walls came down. What they left behind was how exhausted she felt every day. "It seems every day something new comes at us and it's only a matter of time before..."
She shrugged. "Before the inevitable. And I think that figuring out that 'something else entirely' with you will make that harder to bear."
"I understand that. Really, I do." One does not spend their career in espionage without coming to that same conclusion. "But I had to tell you. In the interest on honesty and all that. We risk short lives, so there's no time for innuendo or holding back the truth." He shrugged. "Not throwing away my shot."
"So we're being actual adults about this? And you're quoting Hamilton at me?" Wanda was amused and relieved. The thought of potentially losing his friendship had been a tough one.
"You want me to do Guns & Ships, too? Because I can do a mean Lafayette." The banter was much more comfortable than emotional candor, and he gleefully slid right back to that. "The only thing I don't have for it is the hair, though."
"That's because you're a quitter. You could rock the Lafayette hair if you really tried." The tired, sad feeling was easy now to keep out of her voice. Wanda had had far too much practice at keeping that hidden these days.
"You don't get a dome this smooth and shiny by being a quitter," he countered, rubbing his bald head, and the emotional walls were now fully back in place. "Enjoy your workout, Wanda, I'll catch you later."
Ev scarfed down the last of his donut and, with no napkin but also no one in his immediate vicinity, wiped the powdered sugar from his fingers onto his pants. He had wisely chosen to wear white jeans today, so no one would be the wiser. Except that he was still cleaning his fingers-slash-making a mess when the elevator door to the sub-basement opened, and a familiar face appeared at the other end.
"Wanda. Good morning."
She blinked and then smiled a little at the sight. "Morning yourself. Have an, ah, incident with your breakfast?" Wanda looked a little tired but she'd been unable to sleep well before she finally gave up in order to tackle some paperwork at an ungodly hour. Once it became a slightly lesser ungodly hour, she'd decided maybe hitting the gym was a good idea.
"Not so much an incident as a 'nobody has invented a clean alternative to powdered sugar yet.' Are you, uh, heading up or going down?" He internally winced at his choice of words. Perhaps seeing her with one of his best friends still stung.
"Trying to get a morning workout. I figured it was better than insomnia and far better than digging through work files." It really hadn't been actual work files but she'd found herself pulling out old Chthon information, picking at threads and trails long since cold. The fact that she couldn't let it go even when it had been quiet for this long had driven Wanda to go burn off some energy. She didn't say that though - things were still a little awkward between the two of them. "Eating breakfast on the go isn't the best way to avoid powdered sugar on everything, I see."
He joined her in the elevator and pressed the button to take them down to the lower levels. "I'll have to start wearing a bib. Or color-coordinating my whole outfit and my meals. Red on spaghetti and meatballs night, brown on sushi night for that pesky soy sauce."
"What if you happened to have a meal that's, oh I don't know, multicolored? Like one of those fancy cakes on the Great British Bake Off?" It was surprising how calming that show could be. Wanda was an avid binge watcher at this point. "I'd like to see you try to figure out how to coordinate to that!"
"I mean." His aura briefly flared, casting them in light as if the sun brightly shined through stained-glass windows. "I can go with anything if I try hard enough." When the elevator stopped and the doors hushed open, Ev on instinct stepped aside to let Wanda walk out first. After a moment of silence, he sighed. "Look, I owe you and Clint an apology for a couple weeks ago. I was . . . unpleasant. I'm sorry for that."
Wanda faltered slightly while walking, taken by surprise by the switch in conversation. She wish she could say she was completely relieved that he had but a small part had wanted to avoid the conversation all together. After a second, she paused fully in the hallway to look at him. "I appreciate the apology, thank you. I..." Trailing off, she laughed a little and ran a hand through her hair. "Shall we be actual adults and talk this out? We haven't been this uncomfortable around each other since our awkward little teenage selves met."
"I was awkward," Ev corrected Wanda, "You were . . . resplendent." He led her to an unoccupied exam suite where they would hopefully not be interrupted. The doors slid shut behind them, sealing them in the bright, white, sterile room. "Though in my defense, I put about half of the blame on your father. He was always looming."
"Ah, the days before he became bent on destroying humanity," Wanda muttered. Those had been much simpler days. Tossing her towel on a table, she hopped up after it. It gave her something to do. "I was also a scrawny teenager whose English had a long way to go. You seemed rather - cool, if kids are still using that term."
"I've passed 40. I don't know what's cool or 'it' anymore. Now what's it seems weird and scary." Even when trying to be serious, he could not keep away the Simpsons quotes. He smiled ruefully, partly at himself and partly at this conversation in general. "It was jarring, I guess, to see you and Clint together. You're both my friends. Very good friends. I was . . . shocked, is all."
"I certainly wasn't expecting you to find out that way or, well, ever?" She laughed slightly. "Clint and I are friends, nothing more, so there wasn't going to be a relationship status change on Facebook or however that actually works." Wanda was hardly ashamed but it wasn't like she generally went around, advertising her personal life. But considering how close she and Ev had started to get, again, it added another layer. "I am sorry - trust me when I say that I never want to jeopardize anything between us."
Ev was almost ashamed by that swell of relief he felt at her admission. He had no claim to either of them and neither owed him anything. Just as Wanda, his own short relationship with Clint had been purely physical, born out of need. And Wanda was a girl he dated in high school. Why, then, should Ev be comforted that Wanda remained unattached?
How did she make him feel 15 again?
"Of course you didn't, I know that," he reassured her. His smile was mostly not fake. "Being here has mentally de-aged me, obviously."
The smile she gave him was very real but also - a little sad. "I know the feeling." Wanda's own conflicted feelings were slightly more well known to her, hence the look on her face. "Ah, I should be off to the gym now, I suppose..."
"You know how I feel," he said to her, catching her gaze before she turned to leave. Though her poker face was failing, he poured the full force of his will to maintain his. "And I know you don't feel the same, quite. I'm okay with that, really."
At his words, Wanda paused and nearly blurted out 'Do I?' but stopped herself. Because if she was being honest with herself, she'd known for some time. Clutching her gym towel between her hands, she studied him and decided to be honest with both of them.
"Clint was a fun diversion," she said slowly. "You would be something else entirely. Trust me when I say that I am ever so tempted to see where that something else takes us but..." Wanda ran a hand over her face and all the walls came down. What they left behind was how exhausted she felt every day. "It seems every day something new comes at us and it's only a matter of time before..."
She shrugged. "Before the inevitable. And I think that figuring out that 'something else entirely' with you will make that harder to bear."
"I understand that. Really, I do." One does not spend their career in espionage without coming to that same conclusion. "But I had to tell you. In the interest on honesty and all that. We risk short lives, so there's no time for innuendo or holding back the truth." He shrugged. "Not throwing away my shot."
"So we're being actual adults about this? And you're quoting Hamilton at me?" Wanda was amused and relieved. The thought of potentially losing his friendship had been a tough one.
"You want me to do Guns & Ships, too? Because I can do a mean Lafayette." The banter was much more comfortable than emotional candor, and he gleefully slid right back to that. "The only thing I don't have for it is the hair, though."
"That's because you're a quitter. You could rock the Lafayette hair if you really tried." The tired, sad feeling was easy now to keep out of her voice. Wanda had had far too much practice at keeping that hidden these days.
"You don't get a dome this smooth and shiny by being a quitter," he countered, rubbing his bald head, and the emotional walls were now fully back in place. "Enjoy your workout, Wanda, I'll catch you later."
