xp_logs | Return to Sender

x-polarisstar.livejournal.com posting in

Alright, we've had plenty of happiness for one day. Jono and Paige didn't kill each other, Sam and Alison FINALLY learned to count to six, and presumably JamieandKitty and WarrenandPiotr are being their woobie-rific selves. What we need to combat all this love and peace is some good old fashioned angst. Luckily, Lorna and Alex aren't busy so we can use them.

Thursday night about 8:30. Alex has something that doesn't belong to him.

Music poured from the stereo in the corner. Lorna muttered irritably over the softly building strains of "Bolero" and took a blue highlighter to the heavy anatomy book balanced on the arm of the chair then scribbled the same information in the notebook resting in her lap. On the floor next to the armchair was the ever-present mug of coffee, iced this time in concession to the lingering heat and humidity of the day. Her outfit had been similarly chosen for its cool properties and consisted of a brief tank top in royal purple and even briefer jean shorts. It wasn't something she would have worn out of the suite but since her plans consisted of studying, that wasn't going to be a concern tonight.

Alex sat in his room, trying to do his Trig homework, but his gaze kept moving to the folded piece of paper on his bed stand. He chewed the inside of his cheek thinking about what Alison had said and the fact that the very presence of the damn thing was driving him insane. Before he knew what he was doing, Alex was up, Philosophy book in hand, letter tucked between the pages and knocking on Lorna and Alison's door.

Lorna reached for her coffee just as someone knocked softly on the suite door. Surprised, she jerked upright and knocked her book to the floor. Still muttering, she set aside the notebook and untangled her long limbs from their crossed legged position. She padded over to the door, absently piling her hair on top of her head in an effort to try and cool off a bit. Holding her hair with one hand, she pulled the door open with the other.

Alex jumped when the door actually opened and couldn't help but gape at the sight before him. Lorna was...he couldn't find the right word...especially since he had such mixed emotions about her right now...all because of the stupid letter he found in the Computer Lab. "Umm...hi." He said rather lamely, now wanting to hit himself in the head. Smooth...real smooth surfer boy...

Lorna went very pale beneath her tan and let her hair fall, "Hi," she said very quietly. She swallowed hard and kept her hand on the doorknob. "Looking for Ali?" she asked, recalling that Alex was taking Music from Alison.

Looking for Ali...Alex shook his head to bring himself back in the present, his eyes still wanting to linger over...he closed them for a moment, then opened them again to smile at Lorna. He needed to remember his excuse for being here. Think, damnit, think! "Actually no, I was looking for you." He held up his Philosophy book. "Have trouble with the homework you assigned." Lame, but it would do.

Oh. "Oh. Come in." Lorna stepped backwards to let Alex in and struggled to remember what her name was let alone what homework she'd assigned in that first class. "The BOS paper?" she guessed. Her brain worked overtime to pull a properly educational thought together. "It shouldn't be that hard. What are you having trouble with?"

Alex stepped into the room, not even bothering to look around; his attention was focused on one thing. Lorna. Of course, after he did what he was about to do, Alex wondered if he would ever get this good of a view again. "Here, why don't I show you?" He waited for her to sit back down before handing her the paper that he had swiftly tucked into his book. The paper, which had nothing to do with philosophy, was indeed the letter that had caused him so much grief.

The sound that caught in Lorna's throat was something between a scream of horror and heartbreak. If she hadn't been sitting down, she would have fallen. Instead, she sat paralyzed except for her violently trembling hands. After several long moments, she drew in a shuddering breath and looked up at him. "I...oh, my God." Her voice was closed off and hushed, as though she had shouted it raw and could force no more sound from it. "Oh, my God."

Alex didn't know what to do. He suddenly felt awful, since the seeing the letter, given to her by yours truly, had caused her so much anguish. Or should he say, so much more anguish. Why hadn't he just asked Alison to give it back? "Lorna...I'm sorry...I shouldn't have...but I found it in the computer lab and didn't know what to do...I was confused...I'm so sorry." Alex didn't know what else to do, plus he was starting to panic. This wasn't going very well, so he turned and placed a hand on the door knob to leave.

NO! Panicked, Lorna threw out a hand and the door pulled out of Alex's reach. "Alex, I..." I can't... "Let me explain." She realized she was begging and couldn't bring herself to care. How am I going to explain this? I don't even know what this is? "Please, I'm...don't leave."

Alex's eyes grew wide as the door moved on its own. But then his confused mind remembered Lorna's mutation and his heart rate calmed slightly, only slightly. Taking a deep breath, he turned around and looked at Lorna's panicked features. Come to think of it, she did owe him an explanation. Slowly, he walked over and sat in front of her chair on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest, figuring it would be easier on both of them. "Alright...explain." His voice was soft, afraid that his voice would show his fear and confusion if it were any louder.

Lorna focused on the letter and absently smoothed out the creases. She watched at her hands as they moved. She stared at the pale blue of the chair fabric. She very determinedly looked everywhere but the young man in front of her, watching her with unreadable eyes. She saw none of it and was still too painfully aware of him. She closed her eyes in defense. "I...I'm so sorry." She stammered after a moment, still in that forceless gasping voice. Her hands clenched to fists and her nails dug into her palms. "So sorry. Are you okay?" She focused on the pain.

Are you okay? Why am I being asked that so much...Alex sighed softly, almost flinching at the pain this was causing her and the pain she was inflicting on herself. Slowly, he sat up on his knees and took her hands in his, unclenching them as best he could. "Open your eyes, Lorna." Once he could look into her eyes, he again wanted to flinch. All the pain...it was his fault. "It's not a question if I'm okay, but are you?" He smiled slightly hoping to ease the tension. "And you don't have to explain anything...if you don't want to..." Though inside, he hoped she would. Alison's interpretation and hers would be quite a bit different.

Lorna pulled her hands away and wrapped her arms around herself, "No, I'm not. But you read that," she nodded to the letter, "so you know that already. But I don't know how you are and I don't think you came to see me because you're all bunnies and puppies about this." ...bunnies and puppies... The phrase from the letter slipped out without thinking and she flinched when she recognized it.

Biting his lip as she moved her hands out of his, Alex sat back on his butt, again hugging his knees. He had to answer her, though he didn't want to, his thoughts so confused. "I wish I could say I was okay but I'm still a little confused..." A question suddenly burned in his mind as Alison's conversation popped into his head. "Do you mean all those things you said...the reasons why you shouldn't..." He couldn't continue with that sentence, his mouth wouldn't form the words, so he moved on after a pause. "Or were you just scared?" He said all this, not looking at her, but at a piece of carpet in front of his feet.

For the second time that night, all the blood drained from Lorna's face and she chafed at her arms suddenly cold. She bit her bottom lip as she contemplated lying to him. Sending him away from her for the sake of them both. Surely, this was all a mistake. He did not deserve to have to live under the burden of her feelings. She could still fix this and write it off as a lark. It was the smart thing to do and she had a feeling that the impulse to do so came from the same place as the letter. But she was tired of lying. "You terrify me," she murmured then more strongly, "I terrify me when you're around. Because I meant it. I think that I would do anything you asked of me."

Slowly, Alex looked up. That wasn't the answer he was expecting...he was half way expecting her to make him leave and never want to see him again. For making her feel like this. She would do anything for me... Licking his lips, he sat up again on his knees, speaking slowly to prevent the nervousness from coming out into his voice. "What can I do that will make me not terrify you? Because..." He paused, working up the courage to say it, to throw her words right back at her. "I'll do anything you ask of me..." Alex gave her another slight smile, waiting anxiously for her answer.

Somehow, that hurt more than everything else thus far. She couldn't help the shudder or the small gasp of pain that lanced through her any more than she could stop the tears that suddenly flooded her eyes. She ran one hand through her hair and shook her head, "Alex, I... How can I make you promise not to break me?"

His eyes grew wide again, not knowing what to say, yet his mouth hung open. Slowly, he picked up his book and stood up. He hated leaving her like this but he had feeling it would only do more harm then good if he tried to lay a comforting hand on her. "You can't. You'll just have to trust me." Alex said softly, carefully. Then he turned to leave. But as his hand reach for the door knob again, he said softly over his shoulder, "I'll leave you alone now, until you figure things out. But come find me when you have as much trust in me, as I do in you..."

The soft click of the door shutting behind Alex seemed loud as the clang of a prison cell closing. "Why would you trust me?" Lorna whispered as Ravel finally changed key, "I can't even trust me." She curled into a small ball and wept.

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Bolero -- Ravel (of course)