xp_logs | backdated to January 10

xp_angel posting in

Warren sort of apologies (not really) for involving Kevin in his crap, and they have a civil (for them) conversation.

Warren had hidden himself away from everyone, barely leaving his penthouse. He still had yet to speak to Lorna. His dad wasn't returning his calls.

And yet who did Warren really want to speak with? Kevin. Yeah. Warren didn't understand it either. Here he was, at the yacht club, sipping a club soda, acting more nervo

us than a high schooler on prom night. Fuck. And he couldn't even drink. Not until he could trust himself. To be honest, the yacht club wasn't a place that Kevin had ever bothered to use Warren's face to get himself into. He'd visited it twice back in the late sixties with his wife to lunch with her affluent relatives and had taken an immediate dislike to the place. They'd find out he was from Chicago and talk about Belmont Harbour, a club there that wouldn't even give a kid with his background a job washing dishes in, much less a seat in the dining room. Still, Worthington had asked to meet with him for whatever reason and Kevin was... curious why. Besides, these days, at his age, Kevin had a gravitas that he didn't before, and snobbery lasted just as long as it took him to crush it with something cruel.

"You rang, Warren?" He sat down, waved away the menu, and ordered a Bowmore's Reserve.

"Yeah." Obviously. It wasn't like he was here on a regular day, especially sober ...but no. Warren wasn't going to do this. He was going to bite his tongue and do that thing called humility. What would Hope do...and say...and everything. Fuck. He waited until Kevin's drink came before getting into it. " A part of me wants to literally never see you again. I look at you, and I remember everything and that was one fucked up night." He sighed deeply before continuing. "But you're also the only reason I'm alive and myself again. This is probably the hardest thing I'll ever say so I'll just do it fast and we'll never talk about it again. Thank you."

Kevin looked at him levelly, not saying anything until his drink arrived. He took a measured sip and leaned back in his chair. "I didn't do it for you, so you're off the hook. You don't owe me anything. Gabe, Felicia... the blonde one... those are the people you owe the apology to, Warren."

Warren returned Kevin's look, shaking his head slightly. "I'm not apologizing to you. You got yourself involved, and yeah, I'll chat with Fi later. What I'm saying is thank you for getting your ass involved, and helping. Just take the fucking thank you. Is that so hard? You did a good thing for a shitty person and that doesn't make you any less shitty. Does that make you feel better? You're still an asshole. That hasn't' changed. I still dislike you. That hasn't' changed. I just have a begrudging respect for you now."

"Is that all that night taught you?" Kevin said, smiling at Warren's words.

"What else was I supposed to learn? I'm fucking sober now, and that blows. I'm not fucking any demons, but that's okay because Bobbi somehow didn't leave my ass. Oh, and I owe Hope like ...a stupidly ridiculous amount of money to fix my reputation and get me my job back."

"People who hate you, who you screwed over, who you shit on, risked everything to help you. Despite everything. That was the lesson to learn." Kevin knocked back the rest of the glass and waved for another. "I should thank you. Because it reminded me what people are capable of and how awful I was for treating them like shit. So I'm trying to change. And to seem to be."

"Oh." That was all Warren had to say because of course, Kevin was right. Gabriel was even there, and they hadn't actually spoken to each other in easily a year, if not longer. And yet he was there. They all were. Fucking Kevin. "So we both had epiphanies, I guess...except yours doesn't force you to sober up."

"I did mine sober. But-" Kevin held up a hand. "You have a fucking mountain to climb if you want to change. And I don't know if I believe you will. But trying matters." Another drink appeared and he sipped it. "There is something special in you, Warren. I hate to say it, but there's a hero there. I don't know what it will cost to make that happen, but I see it."

None of this was going the way Warren expected, but that was par for the course when dealing with Kevin. Looking at him warily, Warren tried to figure out when the snide remarks were going to come out. When they didn't, he wondered if Kevin was actually serious. "Yeah. I got a long way to go, but I have amazing people around me. It's easy to do well when they all believe in you, I guess."

"It's not. It's harder because it means the expectations are that much higher and the cost of disappointing them is a hell of a lot more." He said. a touch of bitterness in his voice. "Look, I've about exhausted my wisdom about being a good person. That wasn't a choice I had. I went to war because it was the only way out of where I grew up. I went from killing Koreans with a long gun to the Agency because I was told my service would help keep the country safe and I believed it. I did all kinds of terrible things because I believed it was for the greater good and I still believe that, even if it isn't a flag I believe in any more. I made my choice a long time ago. You haven't yet. I can't tell you what the best choice to make is, just that you still have options."

"Jesus, you're all sunshine and lollipops aren't you." Warren glared at his club soda, almost willing it to turn alcoholic. Spoiler alert: it didn't. He got quiet for a while, looking out the window over the water, the stillness something he wished he had inside of him. It was harder than he thought it would be, but here he was, slowly making amends, and realizing that people didn't really hate him. Even someone he was sure did. Fuck. Growing up sucked. "I'm trying," he repeated. "And that's all I can do. Try my best."

"Good. That's what you tell them. And when you fuck up, because you will at times, you own it and try again. That's all any of us can do." He waved for a refill, draining the booze at a rate that seemed disrespectful of its cost. "And, I know it is hard, but sometimes the best thing you can do is ask for help. People will surprise you." "Like you." Truly, the fact they were having a pleasant conversation was the most surprising part of the whole day. Warren didn't even care that Kevin was spending his money.

"Maybe, but remember, I'm three times as old as everyone else involved. My motives aren't always the same." Although, to be honest, he had helped because he could.

"Yeah. What's it like being older than God?"

"Well, virtually all of the people who really knew me or I was truly close to are dead. My ex-wife, co-workers, friends... when you live your life as I did in the world I did it in, there's almost nothing outside of a stack of highly classified files to indicate that I ever really existed. That's why it is important that you try and change. Otherwise... consider me the Ghost of Christmas Future for you." He said wryly.

Warren looked at his drink and sighed. "At least I know I'll still have all my hair." That was some relief. He lifted his glass and gave a wry grin. "Here's to us. I still won't like you but at least I slightly respect you now." ( end?)

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