Kyle and Alex || Donuts
Jan. 23rd, 2021 04:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsAlex and Kyle torture themselves with donuts.
"We're going to die."
It wasn't a warning, just a fact. A very amazing fact. Alex leaned in close to examine one of the box of death batches they'd gotten from Donutula's - it wasn't actually called that, but it might as well have been. A baker's dozen of mixed donuts flavors and no indication of what was what. A perfectly benign looking donut could have been spicy red pepper. No one knew until they took a bite.
Alex grinned at Kyle. "Who goes first?"
"Rock scissors paper?" Kyle suggested, eyeing the box with equal parts concern and excitement. "Or I'll take first but I get to call mulligan if I smell chocolate." He shrugged. "I wanna die, not barf."
"No chocolate for you. I'll take that burden." Such a horrible, terrible burden, of course. "After you, then."
"We should pick the two worst." Kyle shut his eyes, and poked at the box, selecting a donut at somewhat random. "And get a dozen of each and leave them in the main kitchen and take video." He turned the donut, frosted in a not entirely attractive green color over a few times, sniffed it and shrugged. "Green bean casserole. I've had this one before, it's... pretty awful." He took a bite that was easily half the donut, chewed, swallowed, and then gagged. "God, it's worse. It has pearl onions in it."
"All right, the ones that come closest to killing us get to go home by the dozen." Alex grinned, looking the donuts over, then picked up a suspiciously red one and took a large bite without hesitation. And choked. "Oh god." He was wheezing as if someone had just kicked him in the little Alex. "Fuck, hot pepper, fuck fuck fuck."
"Straight up, or is it that fuckin' habanero watermelon abomination?" Kyle reached down and pulled a carton of milk out of the bag the donuts had come in and tossed it to Alex. "Shit, I bet there's an elote one in here..." There were a pair of donuts with pale yellow frosting, and he considered both. "Man, one of these is elote, one is sauerkraut and I dunno which one I don't want more."
Alex drained the milk, groaning. "Abomination. Okay, I need a second." He took another sip, then a deep breath, considering the yellow donuts as well. "You only live once," he finally decided, picking one and taking a slightly smaller bite. "....Sauerkraut," he managed to say.
Kyle took the other, shrugged, and shoved fully half of it in his mouth all at once. Doing any less felt unfair. He chewed, swallowed and then put his head down on the table. "Wasn't elote." he mumbled. "Fuck, this is like. Mayo and banana and..." He chewed again.. "Ham? What the fuck." He shoved the other half away from him, as though he was trying to get it far enough away that it might not try to attack him and jump into his mouth. "Who the fuck even thinks of that."
It would be so easy to ignore it. To just... pretend like the other half of the donut didn't exist. But what kind of bro would he be if he didn't join in the pain. He took a breath, sent a prayer to whatever god existed, and shoved it in his mouth. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck."
"Fuck is right. Man, I think we've got a contender for worst of the bunch." Kyle's head was still resting on the table. "Holy shit who puts mayo in a donut. With banana. What the fuck. What the actual fuck."
"Sadists." That taste was never coming out of Alex's mouth, he thought even as he threw back the last of his water. "On the other hand, we now have a new one to introduce to the mansion."
Kyle was breaking through his nose, and taking large gulps of milk. "Yeah, I mean unless one of these is like, fuck, I cannot think of anything edible that's worse than this, this is the one." He pulled the box of the rest towards him, despite himself. "Okay, that purple one is yam hashbrown, I know that fucker. Ube is fine but not when they like, make a hash brown out of it and then make a donut outta that. Taste is fine, texture is awful. Red might be Cherry Coke, that's just weird, not bad. I dunno what the other green one is."
Alex leaned over to look at the green one, frowning. "Spinach? Simple, yet disgustingly effective."
"Nah, if they're gonna go green and leafy, it'll be kale, or like, collard greens. Spinach is too easy." Kyle said. "Unless it's creamed spinach. Oh, fuck. I don't wanna taste it. We need to leave it for some unsuspecting person dumber than us."
Alex grabbed a plastic knife and nudged the green one aside. "For someone else, then." He grabbed another one after he was sure the green one was properly quarantined, took a bite.... and gagged, dropping the donut. "Fuck," he wheezed. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, what is - fuck."
Kyle picked the donut up with his thumb and forefinger and sniffed it. "Oh shit. Shit. Oh fuck that's sour plum. Fuck, oh, fuck that's evil." He took the smallest of bites, and pounded his fist on the table several times before he got it down. "Oh fuck no, that's our winner. What the even fuck."
"Someone in this place is a fucking Satanist," Alex declared, voice still slightly wheezy. "Fuck. Get a dozen and get out?"
Kyle glanced at the remaining few donuts the pair hadn't tried. "Yep. Yep, we'll leave these here, if someone wants a french onion soup donut, they're welcome to it. Lets go get a box of the devil."
"We're going to die."
It wasn't a warning, just a fact. A very amazing fact. Alex leaned in close to examine one of the box of death batches they'd gotten from Donutula's - it wasn't actually called that, but it might as well have been. A baker's dozen of mixed donuts flavors and no indication of what was what. A perfectly benign looking donut could have been spicy red pepper. No one knew until they took a bite.
Alex grinned at Kyle. "Who goes first?"
"Rock scissors paper?" Kyle suggested, eyeing the box with equal parts concern and excitement. "Or I'll take first but I get to call mulligan if I smell chocolate." He shrugged. "I wanna die, not barf."
"No chocolate for you. I'll take that burden." Such a horrible, terrible burden, of course. "After you, then."
"We should pick the two worst." Kyle shut his eyes, and poked at the box, selecting a donut at somewhat random. "And get a dozen of each and leave them in the main kitchen and take video." He turned the donut, frosted in a not entirely attractive green color over a few times, sniffed it and shrugged. "Green bean casserole. I've had this one before, it's... pretty awful." He took a bite that was easily half the donut, chewed, swallowed, and then gagged. "God, it's worse. It has pearl onions in it."
"All right, the ones that come closest to killing us get to go home by the dozen." Alex grinned, looking the donuts over, then picked up a suspiciously red one and took a large bite without hesitation. And choked. "Oh god." He was wheezing as if someone had just kicked him in the little Alex. "Fuck, hot pepper, fuck fuck fuck."
"Straight up, or is it that fuckin' habanero watermelon abomination?" Kyle reached down and pulled a carton of milk out of the bag the donuts had come in and tossed it to Alex. "Shit, I bet there's an elote one in here..." There were a pair of donuts with pale yellow frosting, and he considered both. "Man, one of these is elote, one is sauerkraut and I dunno which one I don't want more."
Alex drained the milk, groaning. "Abomination. Okay, I need a second." He took another sip, then a deep breath, considering the yellow donuts as well. "You only live once," he finally decided, picking one and taking a slightly smaller bite. "....Sauerkraut," he managed to say.
Kyle took the other, shrugged, and shoved fully half of it in his mouth all at once. Doing any less felt unfair. He chewed, swallowed and then put his head down on the table. "Wasn't elote." he mumbled. "Fuck, this is like. Mayo and banana and..." He chewed again.. "Ham? What the fuck." He shoved the other half away from him, as though he was trying to get it far enough away that it might not try to attack him and jump into his mouth. "Who the fuck even thinks of that."
It would be so easy to ignore it. To just... pretend like the other half of the donut didn't exist. But what kind of bro would he be if he didn't join in the pain. He took a breath, sent a prayer to whatever god existed, and shoved it in his mouth. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck."
"Fuck is right. Man, I think we've got a contender for worst of the bunch." Kyle's head was still resting on the table. "Holy shit who puts mayo in a donut. With banana. What the fuck. What the actual fuck."
"Sadists." That taste was never coming out of Alex's mouth, he thought even as he threw back the last of his water. "On the other hand, we now have a new one to introduce to the mansion."
Kyle was breaking through his nose, and taking large gulps of milk. "Yeah, I mean unless one of these is like, fuck, I cannot think of anything edible that's worse than this, this is the one." He pulled the box of the rest towards him, despite himself. "Okay, that purple one is yam hashbrown, I know that fucker. Ube is fine but not when they like, make a hash brown out of it and then make a donut outta that. Taste is fine, texture is awful. Red might be Cherry Coke, that's just weird, not bad. I dunno what the other green one is."
Alex leaned over to look at the green one, frowning. "Spinach? Simple, yet disgustingly effective."
"Nah, if they're gonna go green and leafy, it'll be kale, or like, collard greens. Spinach is too easy." Kyle said. "Unless it's creamed spinach. Oh, fuck. I don't wanna taste it. We need to leave it for some unsuspecting person dumber than us."
Alex grabbed a plastic knife and nudged the green one aside. "For someone else, then." He grabbed another one after he was sure the green one was properly quarantined, took a bite.... and gagged, dropping the donut. "Fuck," he wheezed. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, what is - fuck."
Kyle picked the donut up with his thumb and forefinger and sniffed it. "Oh shit. Shit. Oh fuck that's sour plum. Fuck, oh, fuck that's evil." He took the smallest of bites, and pounded his fist on the table several times before he got it down. "Oh fuck no, that's our winner. What the even fuck."
"Someone in this place is a fucking Satanist," Alex declared, voice still slightly wheezy. "Fuck. Get a dozen and get out?"
Kyle glanced at the remaining few donuts the pair hadn't tried. "Yep. Yep, we'll leave these here, if someone wants a french onion soup donut, they're welcome to it. Lets go get a box of the devil."
