Doug and Topaz | Saturday Afternoon
Nov. 27th, 2021 01:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsEnter Comrade Stabby - and the return of Hello Kitty.
"Douglas Aaron Ramsey, I swear to god if this Roomba stabs my cat, I will make your life a living hell."
Topaz hung up without giving Doug a chance to answer, assuming he'd get the point - come get Comrade Stabby (they/them). The intent had been good, she was sure - Comrade Stabby had arrived with food, after all. But now Midnight was trying to approach it and assess the threat level, and it had a bloody knife attached to it. She wondered how many people almost had their ankles sliced on its way to her suite.
Doug was relatively close by - Comrade Stabby only had so much in the way of independent range, after all. They were definitely souped-up compared to the standard model, and somewhat hardened against external takeover, but they still had the capability of a Roomba, which was to say fairly limited. Using them as a food delivery system was a lot of fun, though. "Comrade Stabby is doing their best, and does not have any attack routines," he declared as he entered the room. "Also the knife is mostly just for decorative purposes, so as long as Midnight leaves them alone, they'll leave her alone." Which was maybe a bit to be asking of a cat, but still.
Midnight was currently batting half heartedly at it as it tried to get around the giant fluffy obstacle, so yeah, that was definitely asking too much. Topaz tsk-ed loudly, and Midnight jumped before scrambling up to the back of the couch so Doug could collect his Roomba without involving claws. "What's that saying about good intentions again?" She looked down at the shake Comrade Stabby had delivered. "This is one of your terrible protein shakes isn't it."
"-God- no," Doug exclaimed, shaking his head emphatically. "Why would I do that to anyone? It's bad enough the friendos think they're the best ever, I wouldn't ask anyone else to drink them. No, I got you the berry whatsit you usually get from the smoothie joint. I mean, it's got a bit of protein powder in it, but just regular people amounts." She was a bit malnourished after her time in the interdimensional void thingy, after all. And if there was something he had experience dealing with, it was navigating that.
That made Topaz feel a little better. She leaned over to scoop up the drink, taking a long sip. Flavor was something she was still readjusting to. "Cheers," she said, toasting Doug before taking another sip. "Was Comrade Stabby necessary, though?"
Doug patted the roomba as he picked it up and tucked it under his arm. "Don't listen to her, of course you're necessary," he told it in the same sort of soothing voice one would use on a pet. He winked at Topaz. "Introduce a little eventfulness into your day while you recover and all that." And causing a bit of chaos would cover for some of his more mother-hen type tendencies.
"I have absolutely had enough eventfulness." She took another sip of the smoothie. "For a month, at least. No mansion invasions or weird books or.... I don't know, has body swapping happened yet? No body swapping."
Doug considered. "We've had gender swaps and power swaps, but I don't think we've had full body swaps. Well, there was the thing with Amanda..." Sometimes when you considered all the extremely odd things that had happened around the mansion, it was a wonder more of them didn't completely curl up in a ball in a padded room somewhere.
Thing with... Nope, not asking. Determinedly not asking. "Right, so like I said. Nothing eventful for a month, at least."
"Hope springs eternal, anyway." Doug snickered. Around the mansion, that was something of a losing proposition. "Oh, I forgot to add something to the smoothie!" he announced, reaching into his back pocket. He produced a packaged hard plastic spiral straw...with a prominent Hello Kitty head decorating it. He ripped open the packaging and placed it at an angle in the cup in Topaz' hands.
The glare he got might've been more impressive if Topaz hadn't currently been buried under four different blankets and effectively shrunken to half her already small size. "I didn't actually buy you the chopsticks."
Doug's response to the glare was a fond and playful look. "If you didn't know that I'm the king of beating jokes into the ground, have we even met?" Besides, it was funny, and a way to make sure that Topaz didn't get too lost in the mix of frustration and exhaustion and apologies he was sure she was feeling. You didn't have to be an empath to know your friends well, after all. "Now, the real trick is going to be getting Angie with it..." He tapped his pursed lips with a finger.
"Hello Kitty tarot cards must exist." And if Topaz wasn't going to help torture other people with this, what kind of person would she be?
Doug pulled out his phone and thumbed a few buttons. "Hello Tarot - The Cutest Deck You Will Ever Own," he read off of a listing. "Oh man, it's black and white line drawings, this is going to be the best thing -ever-." He was going to get stabbed in his sleep, but it would absolutely be worth it.
Topaz was particularly smug as she took a sip through the absolutely ridiculous straw. "Brilliant."
"Douglas Aaron Ramsey, I swear to god if this Roomba stabs my cat, I will make your life a living hell."
Topaz hung up without giving Doug a chance to answer, assuming he'd get the point - come get Comrade Stabby (they/them). The intent had been good, she was sure - Comrade Stabby had arrived with food, after all. But now Midnight was trying to approach it and assess the threat level, and it had a bloody knife attached to it. She wondered how many people almost had their ankles sliced on its way to her suite.
Doug was relatively close by - Comrade Stabby only had so much in the way of independent range, after all. They were definitely souped-up compared to the standard model, and somewhat hardened against external takeover, but they still had the capability of a Roomba, which was to say fairly limited. Using them as a food delivery system was a lot of fun, though. "Comrade Stabby is doing their best, and does not have any attack routines," he declared as he entered the room. "Also the knife is mostly just for decorative purposes, so as long as Midnight leaves them alone, they'll leave her alone." Which was maybe a bit to be asking of a cat, but still.
Midnight was currently batting half heartedly at it as it tried to get around the giant fluffy obstacle, so yeah, that was definitely asking too much. Topaz tsk-ed loudly, and Midnight jumped before scrambling up to the back of the couch so Doug could collect his Roomba without involving claws. "What's that saying about good intentions again?" She looked down at the shake Comrade Stabby had delivered. "This is one of your terrible protein shakes isn't it."
"-God- no," Doug exclaimed, shaking his head emphatically. "Why would I do that to anyone? It's bad enough the friendos think they're the best ever, I wouldn't ask anyone else to drink them. No, I got you the berry whatsit you usually get from the smoothie joint. I mean, it's got a bit of protein powder in it, but just regular people amounts." She was a bit malnourished after her time in the interdimensional void thingy, after all. And if there was something he had experience dealing with, it was navigating that.
That made Topaz feel a little better. She leaned over to scoop up the drink, taking a long sip. Flavor was something she was still readjusting to. "Cheers," she said, toasting Doug before taking another sip. "Was Comrade Stabby necessary, though?"
Doug patted the roomba as he picked it up and tucked it under his arm. "Don't listen to her, of course you're necessary," he told it in the same sort of soothing voice one would use on a pet. He winked at Topaz. "Introduce a little eventfulness into your day while you recover and all that." And causing a bit of chaos would cover for some of his more mother-hen type tendencies.
"I have absolutely had enough eventfulness." She took another sip of the smoothie. "For a month, at least. No mansion invasions or weird books or.... I don't know, has body swapping happened yet? No body swapping."
Doug considered. "We've had gender swaps and power swaps, but I don't think we've had full body swaps. Well, there was the thing with Amanda..." Sometimes when you considered all the extremely odd things that had happened around the mansion, it was a wonder more of them didn't completely curl up in a ball in a padded room somewhere.
Thing with... Nope, not asking. Determinedly not asking. "Right, so like I said. Nothing eventful for a month, at least."
"Hope springs eternal, anyway." Doug snickered. Around the mansion, that was something of a losing proposition. "Oh, I forgot to add something to the smoothie!" he announced, reaching into his back pocket. He produced a packaged hard plastic spiral straw...with a prominent Hello Kitty head decorating it. He ripped open the packaging and placed it at an angle in the cup in Topaz' hands.
The glare he got might've been more impressive if Topaz hadn't currently been buried under four different blankets and effectively shrunken to half her already small size. "I didn't actually buy you the chopsticks."
Doug's response to the glare was a fond and playful look. "If you didn't know that I'm the king of beating jokes into the ground, have we even met?" Besides, it was funny, and a way to make sure that Topaz didn't get too lost in the mix of frustration and exhaustion and apologies he was sure she was feeling. You didn't have to be an empath to know your friends well, after all. "Now, the real trick is going to be getting Angie with it..." He tapped his pursed lips with a finger.
"Hello Kitty tarot cards must exist." And if Topaz wasn't going to help torture other people with this, what kind of person would she be?
Doug pulled out his phone and thumbed a few buttons. "Hello Tarot - The Cutest Deck You Will Ever Own," he read off of a listing. "Oh man, it's black and white line drawings, this is going to be the best thing -ever-." He was going to get stabbed in his sleep, but it would absolutely be worth it.
Topaz was particularly smug as she took a sip through the absolutely ridiculous straw. "Brilliant."
