Log: Topaz and Maya take a walk
Jan. 24th, 2022 08:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logs After Maya and Amanda exchange words on the journals, Topaz takes her for a walk to cool off.
Maya allowed the door to the smoking porch slam behind her as she nodded briefly to Topaz and took off toward the woods. She knew the older woman would follow her but she wasn’t yet ready to vent, at least not in hearing distance of anyone else right now.
That was fine. Topaz silently caught up to her, hands shoved in her pockets, mostly completely hidden under some kind of cloth. The cold, which had just been distasteful at one time, was now downright unbearable in the aftermath of the void. She was content to keep herself warm while Maya sorted through her simmering emotions and tried to figure out where to start.
It took a mile or so before Maya was calm enough to speak, nature doing what it had always done for her when tensions were high. She sighed finally and paused in her walk, looking over at Topaz with a wry expression.
“Sorry for dragging you out in the cold.”
"You didn't drag me, I politely ordered you to walk away and come out here." Topaz shrugged. "I've got a heated blanket to warm up in when I get back. Just take as long as you need."
“Not like I could do anything to either of them except yell,” Maya replied, rolling her head back to look at the grey clouds above them. It was definitely trending toward more snow, although she couldn’t tell if that would be today just from feel. “I know my limits.”
"It's still usually better to walk away and think before you keep going."
Maya set off again, using the steady pace of her footfalls as a counter point to the rage in her head. She’d see if April was up for some sparring later on but that was later when she wasn’t likely to set off the poor woman’s danger sense.
“He’s not even responding except to a few people, just letting Amanda fight his battles for him. How the hell does any of them think this is going to work if he just hides? He fucking owes us.”
"He might not know how to respond to emotions yet," Topaz pointed out as she walked to keep pace. "It's a lot easier to deal with facts in the short term than it is to face the consequences of your actions. And everyone processes things differently."
“Yeah,”
Maya sighed, taking a less used path as they headed further into the woods. She could smell loam and fresh turned earth along with the standard smells of Westchester woodland. The woods were thicker here, less room between the trees to let light in as they moved into an older part.
“You’d think I’d be used to the idea of almost dying by now. Did I ever tell you why my Dad dropped me with Wade?”
Topaz nodded. "I know the basics."
“It feels like that a little. Dad trusted someone he shouldn’t have. It meant we almost died and then I had to come live here and only see them maybe once a year. Even now he hasn’t found everything he needs so they can be safe.”
Maya wiped at the tears that had suddenly appeared, unwilling to acknowledge that they were happening.
“Someone he trusted made it so every single day my Dad and Grandparents could die and to them it’s just doing their job. And I’m not saying that’s Garrison. I know it’s not but I keep can see this person my Dad trusted make the same arguments. Maybe I shouldn’t be an X-man if this is what it is.”
Topaz dug her hands deeper into her pockets, pointedly not noticing the tears or eye wiping. "I hated the X-Men for a while," she said after a moment, watching the branches overhead. "Back when... everything happened, most of my friends had just signed up for the X-Men. They all died. And it all felt so pointless. Like they were just signing up for death."
She paused to collect her thoughts, then sighed. "They wanted to do good things, though. And obviously I'm not running to join up myself, but I can respect the willingness to go so far. I don't know Kane that well, I only ever seem to find him when he's drinking. But looking at how far he went down that rabbit hole... he's dedicated. And yeah, the whole situation is a little messed up. And I don't know what I'd do in your position. But I think it's more than a job, and that's an important distinction. It's fighting for something you believe in. Or something. I'm at the think tank doing a desk job for a reason."
“I don’t know what to do with what I’m feeling,” Maya admitted with a sigh, her shoulders dropping as she breathed out and then back in for a count of five. “Call my therapist when I get back, I guess.”
She gave Topaz another wry smile. “I’ve been helping Terry with the underground and working with a group in District X looking into cold cases. Sometimes the X-men feel like the smallest part of what I do. I don’t know if that means I’m not giving enough to it.”
"A trained professional is probably better than me," Topaz said dryly. "And take some extra time away from the journals to think. It might help if you're not making yourself mad looking at everything."
“I’ll try,” Maya answered, heaving out a breath and then after a moment, a deep primal scream there in the middle of the woods where nobody but Topaz, and possibly the squirrels would hear. “No promises but I’ll be less of an ass, much as I can.”
"I have faith in you."
Maya allowed the door to the smoking porch slam behind her as she nodded briefly to Topaz and took off toward the woods. She knew the older woman would follow her but she wasn’t yet ready to vent, at least not in hearing distance of anyone else right now.
That was fine. Topaz silently caught up to her, hands shoved in her pockets, mostly completely hidden under some kind of cloth. The cold, which had just been distasteful at one time, was now downright unbearable in the aftermath of the void. She was content to keep herself warm while Maya sorted through her simmering emotions and tried to figure out where to start.
It took a mile or so before Maya was calm enough to speak, nature doing what it had always done for her when tensions were high. She sighed finally and paused in her walk, looking over at Topaz with a wry expression.
“Sorry for dragging you out in the cold.”
"You didn't drag me, I politely ordered you to walk away and come out here." Topaz shrugged. "I've got a heated blanket to warm up in when I get back. Just take as long as you need."
“Not like I could do anything to either of them except yell,” Maya replied, rolling her head back to look at the grey clouds above them. It was definitely trending toward more snow, although she couldn’t tell if that would be today just from feel. “I know my limits.”
"It's still usually better to walk away and think before you keep going."
Maya set off again, using the steady pace of her footfalls as a counter point to the rage in her head. She’d see if April was up for some sparring later on but that was later when she wasn’t likely to set off the poor woman’s danger sense.
“He’s not even responding except to a few people, just letting Amanda fight his battles for him. How the hell does any of them think this is going to work if he just hides? He fucking owes us.”
"He might not know how to respond to emotions yet," Topaz pointed out as she walked to keep pace. "It's a lot easier to deal with facts in the short term than it is to face the consequences of your actions. And everyone processes things differently."
“Yeah,”
Maya sighed, taking a less used path as they headed further into the woods. She could smell loam and fresh turned earth along with the standard smells of Westchester woodland. The woods were thicker here, less room between the trees to let light in as they moved into an older part.
“You’d think I’d be used to the idea of almost dying by now. Did I ever tell you why my Dad dropped me with Wade?”
Topaz nodded. "I know the basics."
“It feels like that a little. Dad trusted someone he shouldn’t have. It meant we almost died and then I had to come live here and only see them maybe once a year. Even now he hasn’t found everything he needs so they can be safe.”
Maya wiped at the tears that had suddenly appeared, unwilling to acknowledge that they were happening.
“Someone he trusted made it so every single day my Dad and Grandparents could die and to them it’s just doing their job. And I’m not saying that’s Garrison. I know it’s not but I keep can see this person my Dad trusted make the same arguments. Maybe I shouldn’t be an X-man if this is what it is.”
Topaz dug her hands deeper into her pockets, pointedly not noticing the tears or eye wiping. "I hated the X-Men for a while," she said after a moment, watching the branches overhead. "Back when... everything happened, most of my friends had just signed up for the X-Men. They all died. And it all felt so pointless. Like they were just signing up for death."
She paused to collect her thoughts, then sighed. "They wanted to do good things, though. And obviously I'm not running to join up myself, but I can respect the willingness to go so far. I don't know Kane that well, I only ever seem to find him when he's drinking. But looking at how far he went down that rabbit hole... he's dedicated. And yeah, the whole situation is a little messed up. And I don't know what I'd do in your position. But I think it's more than a job, and that's an important distinction. It's fighting for something you believe in. Or something. I'm at the think tank doing a desk job for a reason."
“I don’t know what to do with what I’m feeling,” Maya admitted with a sigh, her shoulders dropping as she breathed out and then back in for a count of five. “Call my therapist when I get back, I guess.”
She gave Topaz another wry smile. “I’ve been helping Terry with the underground and working with a group in District X looking into cold cases. Sometimes the X-men feel like the smallest part of what I do. I don’t know if that means I’m not giving enough to it.”
"A trained professional is probably better than me," Topaz said dryly. "And take some extra time away from the journals to think. It might help if you're not making yourself mad looking at everything."
“I’ll try,” Maya answered, heaving out a breath and then after a moment, a deep primal scream there in the middle of the woods where nobody but Topaz, and possibly the squirrels would hear. “No promises but I’ll be less of an ass, much as I can.”
"I have faith in you."
