xp_logs | Log: Garrison and Maya || The Confrontation

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Maya spots Garrison outside the pool as she's heading to the gym and decides to confront him

Maya had promised both herself and several people that she would give Garrison space and not attempt to question him, or demand answers. She’d gotten most of what she needed to know from the various X-men reports anyway and had no real need to go beyond that. But, she was heading for Xavier’s gym when she noted him coming in from the outside pool area and it just wasn’t in her to pass up that kind of sign from the universe.

“Kane,” she said.

Kane continued to towel his hair dry. "Maya."

Well, this was the most awkward she’d ever felt. She wasn’t sure if she even wanted to have this conversation.

“Up for holding a pad? I could use some boxing practice, or some sparring if you’re not afraid I’ll try to punch you in the head.”

Fuck it, at least doing something physical would help.

"I'd prefer not. Stepping into a ring is the last thing on my mind right now."

“Of course.”

Maya sighed and gestured for him to go past, moving back so he could. She wasn’t a social worker yet, and certainly no therapist. Helping someone who she didn’t really know and frankly, didn’t particularly like right now was beyond her.

“I’ll see you around some other time.”

"Cheers." He said, continuing his way back towards Amanda and MA's suite.

“I want to be able to talk without screaming at you,” Maya noted as he walked away, chewing at her lip slightly as she tried to think of the best approach. “I promised Topaz I’d be fair.”

"And what... you want me to make you feel safe?" Kane paused, giving her a puzzled look. "I'm not here to make your life easier."

“No.”

Maya’s clenched her fists and then released them, looking down at her wrapped knuckles. She’d spent so much time working with Matt after what had happened, trying to make better choices.

“What would you have said to someone who did what you did if they wanted back into the X-men?”

"That's a hard question. What did I do?"

“Look at my face and ask me that again. Better yet, ask yourself if you’ve seen Kyle around any time lately? Have you spoken to him yet? Or Jean? What did you do Garrison?”

"So what do you want?" Kane paused, staring at her. "Seriously, tell me what you want."

Maya shook her head, uncertain what else to say. What did she want? What would make things better? She didn’t know. “Nothing. You can’t do anything. I’m sorry, this was a mistake.”

She’d thought yelling at him would make her feel better but it hadn’t. All she felt like was an enormous asshole.

"It was, but not for the reasons you think. You want to slink away, fine. You have something to say, fucking say it."

Maya sneered, giving him a look filled with fury and betrayal.

“For what? So you can write me off as a selfish bitch who only gives a shit about myself? I believed in you. I fucking trusted you. I thought you always had our backs and you didn’t. You sold us out, you fucking asshole.”

"Did I?" Kane said, his voice deceptively quiet. "Last I saw, five members of the Brotherhood are currently in the custody of SHIELD and the mansion has significantly more intel than we did about their membership and capabilities because of me.."

“Ends justify the means? Is that what I should take away?” Maya asked, giving him a disgusted look. “Doesn’t matter what we have to do as long as we bring back the intel or take the bad guy down. Maybe I shouldn’t even have been bothered that I killed someone. I’m an X-man, right? That means everything is okay as long as we know more at the end than we did at the beginning.”

"I'm at a loss here. Because this high horse you're slinging insults from is that you're angry that I lied to Magneto and a Hell Lord in order to take them down." Kane said. "And my only alternative was a quick execution. So, either you can tell me that I was wrong to survive, or you can stop trying to wrap it up in whatever makes it sound more reasonable and be fucking honest why you're pissed at me."

Maya pulled at her hair, unable to truly understand at the moment why she was so pissed off at him. It had seemed clear back when he’d been brought back but now it felt twisted in her head. She was happy the Sentinel program had been stopped and she was happy he wasn’t dead. But why did it have to be him?

“Because you’re better than that. You’re better than making deals with demon lords and fucking Magneto. And if you aren’t, why am I even trying?”

"This isn't a fair world. Sometimes the only decision we have is a bad decision." Kane said, the strange intensity suddenly backing off a bit. "And believe me, I've paid for my decision to not die. You can't imagine what it is like to send people you loathe out and teach them how to hurt friends. People you trained. Some of them since they were almost children. To crack one of their skulls open because you've worked with him so long you know just how badly you can hurt him before he can't recover. You're right. My hands are dripping with blood."

He paused. "And my reward? For all of those impossible choices? The woman I love is gone. The trust I've earned over the years likewise. I've been living under the threat of death in return for the slightest mistake for months; abuse, rape, humiliation. Literally, every inch of my skin burned away with hellfire while I was awake to experience every second of it. But the Sentinel program is dead for now. The Hell Lord is locked away for a thousand years. The Brotherhood got kicked in the teeth and more importantly, they didn't get a chance to hit us when I wasn't in the position to make them guarantee they wouldn't kill one of our own. Most importantly, I made my decision to make sure in the midst of a moment that three teammates got out safely, even if it meant my life in return. Maybe I went too far. And maybe I can never make it right. But I know that the end result is a lot of innocent people aren't going to have to face the worst this world can throw at them. And if I'm the one who has to pay the price for that, then that's what I'll do."

Maya’s face was wet, but she couldn’t have told you when she started crying just that the litany of what he’d gone through had finally pierced through the red haze of rage that had been riding her for days. She gave him a look filled with sorrow, and regret. She’d done it again, just like with Amanda. She’d taken out the anger that would have been focused inward on her own feelings of helplessness and shame on someone who least deserved it. She’d done exactly what Topaz and Amanda had asked her not to.

“I’m an asshole, I’m so sorry.” she simply said.

"You and me both, kid.." He reached out and traced his thumb down her scars. "I am sorry. If I could have spared you this, I would have. But I knew you were strong enough to handle it. I don't know if that matters, but I believed."

“It does. What you said, what you say always matters to me.” Maya admitted, smiling wryly, not worried at the touch. “I hurt someone. When we were on the mission. I’ve been working with Kyle, Matt, and Natasha to give me better options. I’d like your help too if you don’t want to give up on me completely after how I just acted. When you feel up to it, anyway.”

"I will. And I read the reports. You handed Thornn her ass. And she's a giant piece of garbage." He smiled. "Good job."