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xp_logsThe Danger Room Royal Rumble has kicked off! Commentary provided by Darcy, which makes this an unusually formatted log.
The Danger Room had been setup with a large raised platform in the center. It was floored with padded mats and surrounded on all sides by thick elastic ropes. A small stage with a ramp leading down to the ring. A pair of tables were setup not far from one side of the ring, with microphones placed on the table. One chair was already occupied with Darcy Lewis - and another had a hand-lettered sign that said "this space reserved for Arthur".
Behind the announcers table were a group of folding chairs, and a few of the mansion residents had taken up seats, some of them drinking beer or soda, some with popcorn - and a few clearly taking bets on the outcome.
There was a quiet chirp as Darcy's microphone went live, and her voice echoed through the entire Danger Room
"Hello and welcome to the first Royal Rumble! The rules are pretty simple–anything goes, but if both feet touch the ground outside the ring you are ELIMINATED! Participants were randomly drawn to enter the ring in 2 minute increments, and trust me watchers, a lot can happen in those two minutes.
Let’s get ready to rrrrrrrrrrrrrumble!"
The ring and stage went dark, and then lights then came up a dull red as Matt Murdock walked onto the stage.
"Our first entrant is Matthew “Daredevil at Law” Murdock, man of avocados and mystery! Strut your stuff for two minutes, Murdock, let the folks see how nice your ass looks in those shorts."
The music changed to a fast techno-dance beat, and the curtain separating the entrance of the Danger Room from the simulated wrestling stage rippled briefly. It hadn't even had time to stop moving before Gabe appeared in the ring, and immediately went for Matt's midsection.
"Alright, time to start getting interesting. Next in the ring is the one, the only, faster than you think he is and deadly when it comes to the drink mixes, Gabriel Cohuelo! Looks like the two are doing some cautious grapples, nice, is that a Casita–yes, but Murdock’s free and being cautious, smart man, he doesn’t want to be exhausted for our trip after this.
Next up we’ve got the lady that’s cruisin’ to give you a bruisin’! Molly “Bruiser” Hayes, woman of science and woman of kicking ass has entered the ring, and appears to be playfully sparring with Murdock while Gabe watches. Maybe she’s toying with them, maybe Gabe’s just waiting for them to tire themselves out, but this looks more like a playground slap fight than actively trying to knock people out of the rink. I’d boo it, but I’m still entertained!"
Molly's music swapped abruptly to a deep voice repeating "Booyaka Booyaka" and a heavy guitar riff, as Angelo ran out from the curtain. He grabbed the ring ropes, and flipped in between the top and middle ropes before landing in a neat crouch on the mats.
"We are 8 minutes and 4 contestants in, time to actually start seeing some action that isn’t just slap fights and ass shakin, folks! Angelo has on some sort of boss Lucha mask–I don’t know where he got it or how much he paid, but hopefully he’ll do the great luchadors justice!"
Backstage, Kyle couldn't bite back laughter at Darcy's announcement of his entrance. There'd only been a handful of people in so far, and she'd already clearly gotten into her role as announcer. He waited for her to finish and for the first few seconds of his entrance music to play and then ran towards the simulated ring, doing a one-handed flip over the ring ropes and into a roll.
Angelo was already there and moved to intercept Kyle, grinning under his mask. "Having fun, buddy?"
Kyle snapped around Angelo's extra-long grab, entirely missing the extra-long foot that was in place to trip him. He rolled with the fall, and came up in a crouch, grinning. "I super am, and also is that a legit Rey Mysterio lucha mask?" He swept a leg out in a lazy kick. "Where in the hell did you get a legit Reyrey mask?"
Lazy kicks were easy to dodge, and Angelo was still grabbing out at him. "It is! I found it on Ebay. Got a couple others, too."
"Aw, man. I got shown up. I thought I was like, the only person who would.." Kyle found himself in an armbar that went around twice, Angelo's stretchy skin making it near impossible for Kyle to flex out of the hold, or duck through it. He huffed, and tried to turn into the hold to wiggle out. "Man. I had entrance music and tights and everything."
"It was good entrance music", Angelo assured him before casually tossing him out of the ring. "But my folks have been wrestling for a real long time."
Kyle was off balance already, and honestly distracted by Angelo's mask, and he went over easily, landing with his arms flopped out to the side. "Man. Shown up by my own event." He stayed on the ground for a few seconds, listening to the announcers, and laughing as Molly launched Angelo out just as easily as he'd gone out himself, and then pulled himself up. "Hey, ring announcers. I stashed snacks under the table! Make room!"
Darcy's microphone crackled back on. "Well that’s got to be the fastest elimination I’ve ever seen live or on TV, friends. That brief hint of music was Kyle's introduction, see if you can guess it faster than the Shazam app because I sure as heck didn’t, and I’ve got the master list! and damn, I was not expecting such fast back-to-back eliminations! The Princess Power Punch has brought yet another worthy opponent to their knees. Or.. well, to the edge of the ring and off it. Amazing lucha mask, Angelo, better luck in the ring next time."
The lights went out, and then back on, lasers and disco ball reflections bouncing everywhere, and large pieces of glitter falling from the ceiling only to dissolve before they hit the mat. The lighting was precisly timed to the song, naturally, as the lyrics of "The City is a Symphony", from Dazzler's last album hit the speakers.
Even over Alison singing into her headset mic as she entered the ring, Darcy could be overheard. "Do you hear that? That’s no Lila Cheney or Taylor Swift, folks, that’s ALISON BLAIRE IN THE FLESH! Or, at least, in the lasers. This is a banger off her last album, an–OH NO, the noise seems to be disrupting Daredevil’s mojo! That’s Gabriel going in for… oh my gosh, is that an F-5? Don’t you dare make him end up in the medlab, Gabriel, I have plans for that man in a mask later! And oof, Daredevil has definitely hit outside the ring with both feet and is eliminated from the Rumble."
Entering the ring we have one of the quints… uh… hold on, what the, this just says something about Spice Girls? Dammit, who wrote this part of the notes? ANYWAYS, we have a single Cuckoo! And Molly has tossed Gabe into the cheap seats. Do not get on that woman’s bad side, she can throw you farther than a major league pitch.
A portal has opened, dropping Clarice straight into the melee… and straight back out of it and into the rafters. That’s a brilliant move, honestly, watch what’s going on and flit in and out as you choose. While she’s watching from the bird’s eye view, let’s get back to the melee in the ring.
Down on the floor, Kyle plopped himself onto the table, and then sat cross-legged, with a soft sided cooler in his lap. He unzipped it, and started unpacking little containers of food - nachos, popcorn, sliders. "Hi! Want snacks?"
Darcy covered her mic with her hand, only slightly muffling her conversation. "Kyle, what are you doing, this is the announcer’s table. No, you can’t keep sitting on it, I’ve gotta be able to see the ring. Your tights ARE awesome, did Terry help you choose your costume or was it a surprise? C’mon, sit between us and share your snacks so I can see."
THe next entrance music was unique, an instrumental cello cover of "Live and Let Die", before Marie-Ange, in puple yoga pants and a black and purple tank top strolled casually down to the ring.
Darcy looked at her papers, and then set them down firmly. "I regret to inform you I have nothing quippy to say about our next entrant. Marie-Ange Colbert is as wily as she is enamored of a proper cinnamon roll, and I have zero desire to end up in the dregs of Russia or worse during the winter if I piss her off. Ange and whichever Cuckoo Spice that is–hold up Ms. Colbert, I see that grin. Are you the reason my list looks like this? Fine. See if I get you an extra cinnamon roll next week."
The lasers from Alison's entrance returned, pink and electric, and the lights went neon pink. The curtain, and stage, and ramp all reflected a glittery ever-changing mottled pink, as Quentin strutted towards the ring, and slithered under the ring, complete with a flirty hip roll.
At the table, Kyle snorted a laugh, and passed Darcy a bottle of water as she wolf whistled.
"Damn, that is a lot of pink and sparkly. Someone get in touch with Lisa Frank, I think Quire robbed her hot pink warehouse. He’s pulling out some sort of… are those pink plasma guns? Fabulous, but we’re not here to do permanent damage, Quire. Marie-Ange is walking over, the two are talking quietly… that’s dangerous, someone should break that up."
Quentin's music cut out, and the simulated ring went silent, even the audience strangely muffled. A thumping bass line played over the speakers, as much a sonic force everyone could feel as a sound, and the ring ropes rippled as the bass repeated.
Darcy tapped her microphone once, and it clicked back on at her mental command. "Awww, lil sis is next. *coughs* I mean, total badass who will curse you three ways to Saturday in ASL and kick your ass, iiiiiiiiiiit’s Maya! Yeah, I know, I know, that wasn’t my best work. I’m still concerned about Ange and Quire plotting over there. "
Marie-Ange and Quentin's heads were close as she poked the pink plasma shotgun, and both ignored Maya as she climbed into the ring, much more interested in whatever conversation they were having about the psionic weaponary. The bass finally faded out, replaced with a hyper-fast techno beat, and fireworks crackled over the stage and ramp.
"She’s an international woman of mystery and a flippy, very bendy babe who literally part-times as a firework–Jubilee, get your cute ass in the ring and please separate… oh, never mind then." Darcy blinked as Marie-Ange practically assisted Quentin over the ring ropes, and waved at him with a "Go! Flirt! You look fantastic in those shorts!" and then extended her own hand to one of the Cuckoos, and was assisted over the ropes to sit in the audience next to Amanda.
As Jubilee climbed up one of the ring posts, the music changed to Iron Maiden's Iron Maiden, and Lorna strolled casually down to the ropes. The metal connector next to one of the poses unraveled itself, and she continued her calm stride into the ring, as the connector reformed behind her.
"The lead lady of X-Factor has entered the ring, and I’m excited to see this contest get taken up a no–Jubilation Lee, what the??? Jubilee is dancing across the top rope of the ring like she’s got no problems in the world and–girl, did you just? Oh my gosh you DID. Picked up Alison like she weighs nothing and spun her out of the ring. Nice pirouette form, Alison, but since both feet have touched the floor you are now eliminated!
Lorna’s got hold of Jubilee in the distraction and… oh, nice sliding toss, Jubilee’s ended up in the ringside seating! But what’s that noise? Our blingiest boy puts the DIS ASS-ter in the bisexual disaster stereotype and is occasionally the reason for all those science safety lectures I give… it’s the Incredible HAWKEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYE! What he lacks in nakedness today he is definitely making up for in glitter and bling. I do not envy the person that pisses Garrison “Air Control to the idiots beside the ring” Kane off and has to help deep scrub this later.
Our next pairing is a double header! Two more members of Cuckoo Spice have entered the ring. Sorry ladies, I can’t actually tell you apart and you make it much more difficult when you’re dressed almost identically!"
The lighting changed to a rippling green and black, assorted characters sliding up the curtain and even the ramp as Doug ran down. He had tight black wrestling trunks, and a yellow and black sleeveless vest, both the nanite arm and normal arm fully on display, showing that the hacker-spy had finally gotten his gym muscles back.
He continued his run towards the ring, but slowed just slightly to wave to Darcy.
"I tried to talk our next entrant into wearing his sparkly gold booty shorts, but he didn’t listen. He knows all the languages, is basically the King of Meme, and has the best friendos in town–it’s Doug ‘Wears the Tools of the Oppressor’ Ramsey!
I see we’ve gone full nanite embracing–I wasn’t allowed to see this costume of his in advance, but I’m definitely a–Maya, did you eliminate–oh, well. Maya and Doug are out with some Mutually Assured Destruction, and hopefully that won’t ruin my plans for the weekend.
The Princess Power Punch has a hat trick, as Molly upends Lorna from the ring.
What’s this? A mystery opponent has appeared! Sporting a vibrant pink lucha mask and what very suspiciously looks like Alison’s earlier outfit, Mysteriops has distracted Molly and caused her to fall out of the ring! She’s removing the lucha mask and yes! Our Mysteriops is none other than Alison Blaire herself, sneakily returning to the ring to take down our Bruiser. She’s handed the lucha mask to Molly and hopped back out of the ring, just in time for one of our newest residents with little known powers to step in!
She’s a clone from another dimension with a cutie dog and tingly senses–April ‘Mayhem’ Parker has entered the ring and almost immediately skitters underneath it to safety in true spider fashion. Clarice has portaled back in and also disappeared partially under the ring, so maybe those two are up to something.
We’ve got to make sure nothing too sneaky is happening under there, so if you would be a dear, Mr. Kane, and please activate “The Floor is Lava” protocol. All participants are being tracked, and if the room senses that both of your feet are touching the floor at the same time, you will be eliminated. The lava will simulate a low level of heat until you are eliminated, so I don’t suggest handwalking in it for funsies!
I’m not sure if our next contestant can bend the lava to her will, but maybe she can make the ambient heat waves work for her! Theydies and Gentlebeings, she’s passionate about justice, a little bit nosy, and wants to make the world a better place… it’s Spectrum!
April is still hiding out and the ring is starting to get a little crowded again. Let’s see if our next opponent can tease her out of the shadows.
He’s tall, he’s mostly friendly, and he’s our resident Russian Beefcake with a cold metal side–Pyotr Rasputin has entered the ring! He’s fleshy right now, but once he goes metal we’ve got prime opportunity for a full on disco in the ring, folks.
I see some stomping around, which makes me wonder if he’s trying to dislodge his roommate from hiding. So far, no dice, and Miss Parker remains elusive. But that could change with–what’s this? Oh, we’re taking too long. Sure, sure, mess up my entries, that’s fine.
Four more competitors have entered the ring, and now we’ve got a good, old-fashioned hootenanny on our hands. Sooraya’s giving Pyotr an awfully disgruntled look–seems our Russian Beefcake has done something to end up in the doghouse, and I don’t mean the cute one his puppy lives in. We’ve got all five members of Cuckoo Spice spread around the ring, not quite working together but not working against each other either. I’d call it cheating, but in a Rumble it’s just smart business if you want to win.
Clarice’s legs have disappeared but her tracker hasn’t gone off, so she must be doing some choice acrob–oh no, maybe she’s just having a snack, thanks for the candy portal Clarice!!
Our last but never, ever least entrant of the group is handsome, will cut you with words, and he’s definitely the best arm candy that your money can’t buy–it’s the King of Atlantis his royal self, Namor!
It looks like Pyotr is maybe taunting the King a bit. Perhaps he’s worried about losing his beefcake title, but oh–that’s gotta hurt. Namor has cleanly rung the Russian’s bell, and now he’s being tag teamed by Nica and Sooraya and… oof, that was a hard fall. Someone make sure he gets his head checked in medical after this.
And in the meantime Cuckoo Spice has produced a broom and is sweeping Sooraya’s dust form off the–and she slips, headfirst into the corner ring. There’s something weird happening in the ring, as the rest of the quints have all seemingly passed out as well? I’m not entirely sure what’s going on, but Nica has jumped out of the ring and Clarice has portaled down as well, eliminating themselves to provide medical attention.
The elusive Miss Parker has reappeared in all the chaos, and our final three are going to be King Namor, Hawkeye, and the little Mayhem herself! I can’t tell if she’s helping or hindering, but Alison is bouncing lights off of Clint’s bling and it appears to be distracting all three of them. Clint’s gone for a picture pose, leaving himself wide open to his opponents, and Namor takes full advantage, bodily dumping him over the ropes and onto the floor below.
And April has… turned her hands into a giant mallet? We’ve got some Acme Shit going on as she swings, connects, and Namor goes flying over the ropes as well. Congratulations on your win, sneaky spider, and make sure you take pictures of Boris with the belt!
This concludes the first Royal Rumble–I hope the audience enjoyed this as much as I did. Take your snack trash with you unless you want to end up on Kane’s bad side and go enjoy the rest of your weekend everyone!""
The Danger Room had been setup with a large raised platform in the center. It was floored with padded mats and surrounded on all sides by thick elastic ropes. A small stage with a ramp leading down to the ring. A pair of tables were setup not far from one side of the ring, with microphones placed on the table. One chair was already occupied with Darcy Lewis - and another had a hand-lettered sign that said "this space reserved for Arthur".
Behind the announcers table were a group of folding chairs, and a few of the mansion residents had taken up seats, some of them drinking beer or soda, some with popcorn - and a few clearly taking bets on the outcome.
There was a quiet chirp as Darcy's microphone went live, and her voice echoed through the entire Danger Room
"Hello and welcome to the first Royal Rumble! The rules are pretty simple–anything goes, but if both feet touch the ground outside the ring you are ELIMINATED! Participants were randomly drawn to enter the ring in 2 minute increments, and trust me watchers, a lot can happen in those two minutes.
Let’s get ready to rrrrrrrrrrrrrumble!"
The ring and stage went dark, and then lights then came up a dull red as Matt Murdock walked onto the stage.
"Our first entrant is Matthew “Daredevil at Law” Murdock, man of avocados and mystery! Strut your stuff for two minutes, Murdock, let the folks see how nice your ass looks in those shorts."
The music changed to a fast techno-dance beat, and the curtain separating the entrance of the Danger Room from the simulated wrestling stage rippled briefly. It hadn't even had time to stop moving before Gabe appeared in the ring, and immediately went for Matt's midsection.
"Alright, time to start getting interesting. Next in the ring is the one, the only, faster than you think he is and deadly when it comes to the drink mixes, Gabriel Cohuelo! Looks like the two are doing some cautious grapples, nice, is that a Casita–yes, but Murdock’s free and being cautious, smart man, he doesn’t want to be exhausted for our trip after this.
Next up we’ve got the lady that’s cruisin’ to give you a bruisin’! Molly “Bruiser” Hayes, woman of science and woman of kicking ass has entered the ring, and appears to be playfully sparring with Murdock while Gabe watches. Maybe she’s toying with them, maybe Gabe’s just waiting for them to tire themselves out, but this looks more like a playground slap fight than actively trying to knock people out of the rink. I’d boo it, but I’m still entertained!"
Molly's music swapped abruptly to a deep voice repeating "Booyaka Booyaka" and a heavy guitar riff, as Angelo ran out from the curtain. He grabbed the ring ropes, and flipped in between the top and middle ropes before landing in a neat crouch on the mats.
"We are 8 minutes and 4 contestants in, time to actually start seeing some action that isn’t just slap fights and ass shakin, folks! Angelo has on some sort of boss Lucha mask–I don’t know where he got it or how much he paid, but hopefully he’ll do the great luchadors justice!"
Backstage, Kyle couldn't bite back laughter at Darcy's announcement of his entrance. There'd only been a handful of people in so far, and she'd already clearly gotten into her role as announcer. He waited for her to finish and for the first few seconds of his entrance music to play and then ran towards the simulated ring, doing a one-handed flip over the ring ropes and into a roll.
Angelo was already there and moved to intercept Kyle, grinning under his mask. "Having fun, buddy?"
Kyle snapped around Angelo's extra-long grab, entirely missing the extra-long foot that was in place to trip him. He rolled with the fall, and came up in a crouch, grinning. "I super am, and also is that a legit Rey Mysterio lucha mask?" He swept a leg out in a lazy kick. "Where in the hell did you get a legit Reyrey mask?"
Lazy kicks were easy to dodge, and Angelo was still grabbing out at him. "It is! I found it on Ebay. Got a couple others, too."
"Aw, man. I got shown up. I thought I was like, the only person who would.." Kyle found himself in an armbar that went around twice, Angelo's stretchy skin making it near impossible for Kyle to flex out of the hold, or duck through it. He huffed, and tried to turn into the hold to wiggle out. "Man. I had entrance music and tights and everything."
"It was good entrance music", Angelo assured him before casually tossing him out of the ring. "But my folks have been wrestling for a real long time."
Kyle was off balance already, and honestly distracted by Angelo's mask, and he went over easily, landing with his arms flopped out to the side. "Man. Shown up by my own event." He stayed on the ground for a few seconds, listening to the announcers, and laughing as Molly launched Angelo out just as easily as he'd gone out himself, and then pulled himself up. "Hey, ring announcers. I stashed snacks under the table! Make room!"
Darcy's microphone crackled back on. "Well that’s got to be the fastest elimination I’ve ever seen live or on TV, friends. That brief hint of music was Kyle's introduction, see if you can guess it faster than the Shazam app because I sure as heck didn’t, and I’ve got the master list! and damn, I was not expecting such fast back-to-back eliminations! The Princess Power Punch has brought yet another worthy opponent to their knees. Or.. well, to the edge of the ring and off it. Amazing lucha mask, Angelo, better luck in the ring next time."
The lights went out, and then back on, lasers and disco ball reflections bouncing everywhere, and large pieces of glitter falling from the ceiling only to dissolve before they hit the mat. The lighting was precisly timed to the song, naturally, as the lyrics of "The City is a Symphony", from Dazzler's last album hit the speakers.
Even over Alison singing into her headset mic as she entered the ring, Darcy could be overheard. "Do you hear that? That’s no Lila Cheney or Taylor Swift, folks, that’s ALISON BLAIRE IN THE FLESH! Or, at least, in the lasers. This is a banger off her last album, an–OH NO, the noise seems to be disrupting Daredevil’s mojo! That’s Gabriel going in for… oh my gosh, is that an F-5? Don’t you dare make him end up in the medlab, Gabriel, I have plans for that man in a mask later! And oof, Daredevil has definitely hit outside the ring with both feet and is eliminated from the Rumble."
Entering the ring we have one of the quints… uh… hold on, what the, this just says something about Spice Girls? Dammit, who wrote this part of the notes? ANYWAYS, we have a single Cuckoo! And Molly has tossed Gabe into the cheap seats. Do not get on that woman’s bad side, she can throw you farther than a major league pitch.
A portal has opened, dropping Clarice straight into the melee… and straight back out of it and into the rafters. That’s a brilliant move, honestly, watch what’s going on and flit in and out as you choose. While she’s watching from the bird’s eye view, let’s get back to the melee in the ring.
Down on the floor, Kyle plopped himself onto the table, and then sat cross-legged, with a soft sided cooler in his lap. He unzipped it, and started unpacking little containers of food - nachos, popcorn, sliders. "Hi! Want snacks?"
Darcy covered her mic with her hand, only slightly muffling her conversation. "Kyle, what are you doing, this is the announcer’s table. No, you can’t keep sitting on it, I’ve gotta be able to see the ring. Your tights ARE awesome, did Terry help you choose your costume or was it a surprise? C’mon, sit between us and share your snacks so I can see."
THe next entrance music was unique, an instrumental cello cover of "Live and Let Die", before Marie-Ange, in puple yoga pants and a black and purple tank top strolled casually down to the ring.
Darcy looked at her papers, and then set them down firmly. "I regret to inform you I have nothing quippy to say about our next entrant. Marie-Ange Colbert is as wily as she is enamored of a proper cinnamon roll, and I have zero desire to end up in the dregs of Russia or worse during the winter if I piss her off. Ange and whichever Cuckoo Spice that is–hold up Ms. Colbert, I see that grin. Are you the reason my list looks like this? Fine. See if I get you an extra cinnamon roll next week."
The lasers from Alison's entrance returned, pink and electric, and the lights went neon pink. The curtain, and stage, and ramp all reflected a glittery ever-changing mottled pink, as Quentin strutted towards the ring, and slithered under the ring, complete with a flirty hip roll.
At the table, Kyle snorted a laugh, and passed Darcy a bottle of water as she wolf whistled.
"Damn, that is a lot of pink and sparkly. Someone get in touch with Lisa Frank, I think Quire robbed her hot pink warehouse. He’s pulling out some sort of… are those pink plasma guns? Fabulous, but we’re not here to do permanent damage, Quire. Marie-Ange is walking over, the two are talking quietly… that’s dangerous, someone should break that up."
Quentin's music cut out, and the simulated ring went silent, even the audience strangely muffled. A thumping bass line played over the speakers, as much a sonic force everyone could feel as a sound, and the ring ropes rippled as the bass repeated.
Darcy tapped her microphone once, and it clicked back on at her mental command. "Awww, lil sis is next. *coughs* I mean, total badass who will curse you three ways to Saturday in ASL and kick your ass, iiiiiiiiiiit’s Maya! Yeah, I know, I know, that wasn’t my best work. I’m still concerned about Ange and Quire plotting over there. "
Marie-Ange and Quentin's heads were close as she poked the pink plasma shotgun, and both ignored Maya as she climbed into the ring, much more interested in whatever conversation they were having about the psionic weaponary. The bass finally faded out, replaced with a hyper-fast techno beat, and fireworks crackled over the stage and ramp.
"She’s an international woman of mystery and a flippy, very bendy babe who literally part-times as a firework–Jubilee, get your cute ass in the ring and please separate… oh, never mind then." Darcy blinked as Marie-Ange practically assisted Quentin over the ring ropes, and waved at him with a "Go! Flirt! You look fantastic in those shorts!" and then extended her own hand to one of the Cuckoos, and was assisted over the ropes to sit in the audience next to Amanda.
As Jubilee climbed up one of the ring posts, the music changed to Iron Maiden's Iron Maiden, and Lorna strolled casually down to the ropes. The metal connector next to one of the poses unraveled itself, and she continued her calm stride into the ring, as the connector reformed behind her.
"The lead lady of X-Factor has entered the ring, and I’m excited to see this contest get taken up a no–Jubilation Lee, what the??? Jubilee is dancing across the top rope of the ring like she’s got no problems in the world and–girl, did you just? Oh my gosh you DID. Picked up Alison like she weighs nothing and spun her out of the ring. Nice pirouette form, Alison, but since both feet have touched the floor you are now eliminated!
Lorna’s got hold of Jubilee in the distraction and… oh, nice sliding toss, Jubilee’s ended up in the ringside seating! But what’s that noise? Our blingiest boy puts the DIS ASS-ter in the bisexual disaster stereotype and is occasionally the reason for all those science safety lectures I give… it’s the Incredible HAWKEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYE! What he lacks in nakedness today he is definitely making up for in glitter and bling. I do not envy the person that pisses Garrison “Air Control to the idiots beside the ring” Kane off and has to help deep scrub this later.
Our next pairing is a double header! Two more members of Cuckoo Spice have entered the ring. Sorry ladies, I can’t actually tell you apart and you make it much more difficult when you’re dressed almost identically!"
The lighting changed to a rippling green and black, assorted characters sliding up the curtain and even the ramp as Doug ran down. He had tight black wrestling trunks, and a yellow and black sleeveless vest, both the nanite arm and normal arm fully on display, showing that the hacker-spy had finally gotten his gym muscles back.
He continued his run towards the ring, but slowed just slightly to wave to Darcy.
"I tried to talk our next entrant into wearing his sparkly gold booty shorts, but he didn’t listen. He knows all the languages, is basically the King of Meme, and has the best friendos in town–it’s Doug ‘Wears the Tools of the Oppressor’ Ramsey!
I see we’ve gone full nanite embracing–I wasn’t allowed to see this costume of his in advance, but I’m definitely a–Maya, did you eliminate–oh, well. Maya and Doug are out with some Mutually Assured Destruction, and hopefully that won’t ruin my plans for the weekend.
The Princess Power Punch has a hat trick, as Molly upends Lorna from the ring.
What’s this? A mystery opponent has appeared! Sporting a vibrant pink lucha mask and what very suspiciously looks like Alison’s earlier outfit, Mysteriops has distracted Molly and caused her to fall out of the ring! She’s removing the lucha mask and yes! Our Mysteriops is none other than Alison Blaire herself, sneakily returning to the ring to take down our Bruiser. She’s handed the lucha mask to Molly and hopped back out of the ring, just in time for one of our newest residents with little known powers to step in!
She’s a clone from another dimension with a cutie dog and tingly senses–April ‘Mayhem’ Parker has entered the ring and almost immediately skitters underneath it to safety in true spider fashion. Clarice has portaled back in and also disappeared partially under the ring, so maybe those two are up to something.
We’ve got to make sure nothing too sneaky is happening under there, so if you would be a dear, Mr. Kane, and please activate “The Floor is Lava” protocol. All participants are being tracked, and if the room senses that both of your feet are touching the floor at the same time, you will be eliminated. The lava will simulate a low level of heat until you are eliminated, so I don’t suggest handwalking in it for funsies!
I’m not sure if our next contestant can bend the lava to her will, but maybe she can make the ambient heat waves work for her! Theydies and Gentlebeings, she’s passionate about justice, a little bit nosy, and wants to make the world a better place… it’s Spectrum!
April is still hiding out and the ring is starting to get a little crowded again. Let’s see if our next opponent can tease her out of the shadows.
He’s tall, he’s mostly friendly, and he’s our resident Russian Beefcake with a cold metal side–Pyotr Rasputin has entered the ring! He’s fleshy right now, but once he goes metal we’ve got prime opportunity for a full on disco in the ring, folks.
I see some stomping around, which makes me wonder if he’s trying to dislodge his roommate from hiding. So far, no dice, and Miss Parker remains elusive. But that could change with–what’s this? Oh, we’re taking too long. Sure, sure, mess up my entries, that’s fine.
Four more competitors have entered the ring, and now we’ve got a good, old-fashioned hootenanny on our hands. Sooraya’s giving Pyotr an awfully disgruntled look–seems our Russian Beefcake has done something to end up in the doghouse, and I don’t mean the cute one his puppy lives in. We’ve got all five members of Cuckoo Spice spread around the ring, not quite working together but not working against each other either. I’d call it cheating, but in a Rumble it’s just smart business if you want to win.
Clarice’s legs have disappeared but her tracker hasn’t gone off, so she must be doing some choice acrob–oh no, maybe she’s just having a snack, thanks for the candy portal Clarice!!
Our last but never, ever least entrant of the group is handsome, will cut you with words, and he’s definitely the best arm candy that your money can’t buy–it’s the King of Atlantis his royal self, Namor!
It looks like Pyotr is maybe taunting the King a bit. Perhaps he’s worried about losing his beefcake title, but oh–that’s gotta hurt. Namor has cleanly rung the Russian’s bell, and now he’s being tag teamed by Nica and Sooraya and… oof, that was a hard fall. Someone make sure he gets his head checked in medical after this.
And in the meantime Cuckoo Spice has produced a broom and is sweeping Sooraya’s dust form off the–and she slips, headfirst into the corner ring. There’s something weird happening in the ring, as the rest of the quints have all seemingly passed out as well? I’m not entirely sure what’s going on, but Nica has jumped out of the ring and Clarice has portaled down as well, eliminating themselves to provide medical attention.
The elusive Miss Parker has reappeared in all the chaos, and our final three are going to be King Namor, Hawkeye, and the little Mayhem herself! I can’t tell if she’s helping or hindering, but Alison is bouncing lights off of Clint’s bling and it appears to be distracting all three of them. Clint’s gone for a picture pose, leaving himself wide open to his opponents, and Namor takes full advantage, bodily dumping him over the ropes and onto the floor below.
And April has… turned her hands into a giant mallet? We’ve got some Acme Shit going on as she swings, connects, and Namor goes flying over the ropes as well. Congratulations on your win, sneaky spider, and make sure you take pictures of Boris with the belt!
This concludes the first Royal Rumble–I hope the audience enjoyed this as much as I did. Take your snack trash with you unless you want to end up on Kane’s bad side and go enjoy the rest of your weekend everyone!""
