Sooraya & Pyotr: Hard truths.

[xp_dust]

 A few days after the mission Sooraya confronts Pyotr with a few hard truths about being an X-man. 

"There you are. I've been looking all over the mansion for you." Sooraya leaned against the doorpost of the small parlor she'd found Pyotr in. "So why are you hiding here?" 

Pyotr put down his sketching pencil and then sighed. "Have not been hiding. Not exactly." he admitted, then gestured to a nearby chair if she were so inclined. "Been doing a lot of thinking." 

 

"Tiniest parlor of the mansion." She reminded him as she took her seat. "So... what were you thinking about?" Sooraya studied him with sharp eyes.   

"Errors." he said flatly after a moment. "Specifically, mine. I got so wrapped up in the struggle, in a stupid dominance display that I lost track of the objective. Of my partner." he said simply. "Thinking about what I am doing, here and now. In this time, in this place." he said. "I presume you have tracked me down to inform me of your displeasure?" 

Sooraya let out a sigh and shook her head. "Do you think that is needed?" She asked him frankly, resting her chin on her first as she leaned forward. "I'd say you're already pretty aware. I'm willing if you think it's really necessary. Or if it's helpful. But if it's just to help you to beat yourself up..."  

Pyotr blinked. "Not how I expected this to go. I was expecting for you to find the rougher side of your tongue, to castigate me for the errors that put your life in danger." he said. "Once I had time to stop and think about it, I saw where I made mistakes." he said. "Did not protect partner. Did not stay with partner. Let myself respond to taunts." he said. "Let bad guys separate us." he said, and then took another breath. "Was wondering if I was making mistake, trying to be X-Man. Am very new, maybe not ready for field deployment."

"You got some good points there... There are a couple of things I want you to think about though. First one, everyone makes mistakes in the field. We're human, we screw up sometimes. Sometimes big ones, sometimes small ones. You can't go into this thinking you'll never make a mistake again, never fail in any way again. So going on, don't try to strive for that..." 

Pyotr listened attentively to her breakdown, nodding in agreement with the points she was making. "I have a lot of work to do." he said somewhat ruefully. "First time out, nobody there could hurt me. This latest time, I was tested and proved myself physically, but came up short mentally. Good part is, this is fixable with training." he said.

"Training will help. It can teach you how to overcome your weaknesses, good strategies... how to control yourself..." Sooraya threw him a sharp look at that. "... but training cannot overcome everything. Like I said... we still screw up sometimes or simply get overwhelmed. That is a big reason we work as a team... being an X-man, it's not a job you do alone. We have to have each other's back."  

Pyotr just nodded at her words. "Da, makes sense." he said after a long moment. "Things I can do - train. Change focus, not just to be stronger, but to work together as a team more. Small-unit tactics. No more solo exercises." he said. "And da. In hindsight, got easy lesson there. Dust can handle herself when her partner doesn't." he said with a sheepish look. "So when Colossus fails, risks life of partner, in this case the risk was minimal. Will not get so lucky again."

"Always keep one thing in mind while you train... We got lucky this time. We were both able to hold our own, but next time might be different. I've seen teammates, friends, laid up for weeks with injuries, I have buried people..." Sooraya swallowed heavily, Yvette's smiling face flashing through her head. The fierce sting could still surprise her sometimes, even after so many years. "Remember there is a price we pay for the things that we do. And we cannot avoid paying sometimes... no matter how good we become." 

He nodded in agreement with that sentiment. "Compared to us, most team-mates are squishy." he said. "Must protect them from harm. Not always possible but knowledge that did our best should help."

"Pyotr, it's not just that. It's not just your teammates being hurt, even losing them."  Sooraya met his gaze firmly. "You believe yourself invulnerable, Pyotr. This was your big first mission... it's easy to believe that. But sooner or later, you'll need to face the facts: Expect to end up in the Medlab at least once, probably more than once. There is a chance you'll suffer permanent injuries. You might lose your life." 

"Maybe." he said. "But even if someone does find something that can hurt me, I'm far tougher than most. Should use that, da, to protect the weaker?" he asked. "I know this ... thing, this team, might end up killing me." he said. "Life spent in service, not so bad, da?"

"It's a beautiful ideal in the abstract. But in reality it can mean blood and tears." Sooraya shook her head. "And it's not just you or your teammates you have to consider. You have your family, your sister who might one day return. You've fought so hard to try and find her. Try to make sure you'll be around when that day comes."  

He looked thoughtful at that. "Parents already lost one son. And a daughter that may or may not be in some Hell somewhere. They lose me, important part is how died, not that died." he said. "We're Russian peasants. We know suffering, tragedy, hard work. Never shied away."

Sooraya carefully took in his expression, the hints of fierce steadfastness in his jaw and the righteous glint in his eyes. "You know... don't ask me how I ended up there, but I read that Pyotr means 'rock'. It's feeling very fitting right now. Can I ask you to let it sink in, give yourself some time to chew on it?"   

 He nodded at that. "Of course." he said, pretty sure that he wouldn't change his mind but open to the idea of reflecting on things more. "Aiee, am idiot! Wanted to say sorry for poor performance on mission." he said. "Glad you did not get hurt."

"We got lucky." Sooraya simply agreed before steeling herself. "I'm afraid I am not done though. There is one more thing I really need to mention. And that's your actions against Arclight." 

"What about them?" he asked calmly. "Tough woman, her."

"She was." Sooraya acknowledged. "But after she provoked you, I was wondering what was going through you before you acted?"  

"In a situation like that, if you think you die. Was running on instinct. She and I, solo combatants. She wanted to try me? Fine." he said with a shrug.

 "I wasn't just talking about thinking. I'm talking about feelings, emotions... those instincts that you mentioned. What happened?" Sooraya probed a little further.  

He thought about answering that question, then he thought again. "Cannot see how it matters." he said after a long moment. "Is personal, how I feel. No business of yours."

"I can understand it's uncomfortable. And that it feels like it violates your privacy. But unfortunately..." Sooraya pointed out kindly, but firmly. "... what happened inside you, affected your actions. It led you to endangering a teammate... to nearly killing an opponent. But when you understand, it gives you the power to prevent it from happening again." 

A fair point, even if he still faintly resented the intrusion. "Still cannot find it in myself to mourn murderers." he said after a long pause. "Essex's team killed a lot of people. Good men or bad, does not matter. Dead is still dead. Is a clarity to be found in dealing out retribution. I know that killing is wrong. But is it wrong to kill a killer, to save others down the road from their predation? Now, each time she kills again, is on my hands. Could have stopped her. Didn't. Hurt her badly but am fairly sure she got away alive."

 "No, each life she takes is on her conscience. Her responsibility, not yours." Sooraya paused for a moment, considering elements to address first. "And we don't kill, Pyotr. Sure, it has happened by accident or there have been cases when we really don't have a choice. But as a rule, we don't." She suddenly frowned. "Was this ever really discussed with you?"   

 "Discussed, no. Said as certainly, yes." he said. "Maybe am just slow, is taking time to sink into thick metal brain." he said with a slight smile at his self-depreciating joke.

"Aha." Sooraya shook her head, a bit of a bitter laugh escaping. "I wouldn't say that you're slow. When it's stated like a fact, it sounds easy. But in the murkiness of the field... it becomes a lot harder, Pyotr. Especially if you have powers like ours, that take a conscious effort sometimes to not cause that kind of harm. It takes real practice and careful thought. When you talk with someone about further training, this is one aspect you should take into account."  

"Have much to think about, but more productive than, as some would say, spinning wheels?" he said. "Will discuss with training officer." he said, by way of a promise, then reached for his phone. "Not to be rude, but want to do before forget." he said, tapping out a message.

 "Good luck with that. I actually do have a Zoom meeting in half an hour." Sooraya rose and headed for the door. Just before pulling the door closed, she paused. "If you need to talk, my door is open if you need it."