xp_logs | Sooraya and David have lunch

xp_dust posting in

Sooraya and David have lunch. They have quite a good time, till hard news is shared.

TW: mental health issues, discussion of death of a child and medical horror

Jim came back to himself in his bathroom, eyes fixed on the drain in the sink. His cheeks were cold. Reaching up, his fingers found wetness. He'd been crying again.

Stiffly, the counselor moved to twist open the cold water tap with one hand while the other groped for a hand towel. Towel under water. Wet towel over eyes. Feel the cool cloth against his eyelids. Breathe.

He'd missed his 9 o'clock call. He wasn't sure when he'd blanked out. Had he eaten? He might have had breakfast. It was almost noon now. He hung the damp towel back on its rack and leaned against the edge of the sink, eyes once again returning to the silver drain.

A thought came, distantly: It's bad right now, huh.

It was a useless observation. He'd been through this possibility with Charles. The night before he'd left Muir he'd been trying to pack one minute, then found himself coming to on the professor's couch, curled up with his head pressed against his father's chest. There'd been the inevitable conversation about delaying his return, but Quentin had already picked up the patient Dr. Nicieza had referred and Jim didn't feel this was something he could put off. Besides, he wanted to be working. The only way to deal with this was to live through it.

Rubbing his forehead, the telepath unlocked his cell with an arm he was operating from a thousand miles away and saw what must have triggered him: the photo album, open and displaying an image from One Year Ago Today. Yeah, that would do it. He swiped the album closed and consulted his calendar, trying to remember who he was supposed to be right now.

Oh, right. David has a lunch date.

*

Jim thanked the server as the boy set down the last of the platters. He had a distinct "student employed by a family friend over the summer" vibe and kept sneaking furtive glances at his phone, but things were arriving in a timely fashion and tables were being bussed regularly, so the behavior was simply effective time management.

"Anyway, you said something about maternity boxes?" he said, returning his attention to Sooraya.

"Yeah, it's a small project Alani and I are piloting. Finland has been doing it for decades and it's being implemented in more places. Basically it's a box with a lot of the stuff a baby needs in the first few months, except for possibly formula and diapers. Even the box the supplies come in can be used as the baby's first crib." Sooraya popped a few balls of falafel on the small plate in front of her. "Formula and diapers some of the food banks have covered if needed, but a baby's first layout... that's a pretty big expense for people around here."

"For most people, unfortunately. Sometimes I feel like expectant parents should be given a class on financial planning." Jim, rather optimistically, took a kabob for himself. "About Alani -- I think she mentioned she's also working on a PhD. How did you two connect?"

"We actually ran into each other in the mansion kitchen, if you want to believe it." Sooraya chuckled. "Alani was a surfer and activist who got outed as a mutant, so the professor invited her to come here. We bonded over similar interests, then became friends and roommates. I think it's about five years now? How about you? I hope you're settling in okay after so many years on Muir."

"It's nice to know the tradition of kitchen-introductions is still going strong." Jim took a sip of his tea to distract from the fact he'd only managed a bite or two of the kabob. "I'm settling in all right. Still getting used to the time change and the new faces, but it's not so bad. I bounced around a lot as a kid, so I learned that anywhere can be a home if nowhere is."

Sooraya narrowed her eyes a little, taking a moment to study David a little closer and finally noticing how little he had eaten. "You look pretty tired to be honest. And a bit more drawn then last time I saw you on Muir." She remarked frankly. "Is it just jet lag hitting you that hard still? Or getting your bearings?"

Jim gave her a tired smile. "A little of both. I'm still doing remote sessions. We moved some things around, but the 8:00 AM conferences aren't as fun now that I'm five hours behind everyone else." "Not strictly a lie" was his favorite type of lie. He followed it with a bite of naan that seemed to stick somewhere behind his sternum. "You look well, though," he continued. "Have you been up to anything aside from the community center side of things?"

"Uh huh." Sooraya mentally filed away his reply for later and went with the flow as she deconstructed a kabob, placed it on a bit of naan and drizzled over some of the yogurt sauce offered. "I've been doing some leadership training with the X-men... including finally learning how to properly fly the jet." She paused for a moment for effect before adding: "Landings suck."

The telepath raised his eyebrows. "Hey, that's great," Jim said, showing a bit more animation. "Scott tried to show me a few things, but it turns out being able to maneuver things with your mind doesn't necessarily convert to other areas. Do you like it? Aside from the landings, that is."

"It's interesting for sure and a good thing to know, but it'll never be my favorite thing, I'm afraid." Sooraya shared after a moment of thought. "And it tends to eat into your time, together with some of the leadership stuff. More than I thought it would. Other things I've really had to dial back... the updating of the powers manual or maintaining my international connections. One or two smaller projects I even turned over fully."

"Time management is a big reason I was never more than part-time on the team," Jim agreed. "Are you liking the leadership aspect in general? I mean, is that something you're going to keep pursuing?"

Sooraya let out a deep sigh and carefully lowered her voice a bit. "That's a hard one. I mean, I enjoy it and I think I'm okay at it, but I can't picture myself as the next Cyclops or Dominion. And to be honest, I can't really picture myself leaving my work in District X and the Underground to fully devote myself to X-men. But I also don't see myself hanging up my leathers for the foreseeable future either... What about you? Have you thought about digging out your own set again?"

"My knees aren't too wild about the idea these days, but if I can help, I'll help. Maybe after a little re-conditioning, though." Jim swirled his tea thoughtfully. "It's tough. Sometimes I think there's this feeling . . . that we're obligated to put ourselves out there because we have the powers and we have the training, so of course we should use them. I agree with that, to an extent. But sometimes I worry that what we do here is just teach people who come to the Institute to join the Institute in one way or another regardless of suitability. No one should feel pressured to use their training in the field. Mutants should be able to work mid-level marketing jobs just like everyone else." He glanced up at her with a wry smile. "Of course, I also just said I'd do it again, so obviously it doesn't bother me that much."

"Yeah, Scottt and Garrison definitely will want to get you back in the DR for training first. We've had some tough ones since you were away." She chose another skewer, this one of spicy lamb meat. "And I recognize what you're saying... I've been feeling for a while that regardless of what we tell people at the mansion, there is a subtle pressure to join one of the teams. Even if only because people will keep asking you... On the other hand though... have you ever had the chance to learn something about Sikhism?"

"Not much," Jim admitted. "I recall that some aspects are service-oriented, but that's about the extent of it."

"It is. There is a lot, but the thing is... if I remember correctly... initiated sikhs are supposed to carry the five k's as a sign of their initiation and one of those things is a kirpan. It's a kind of blade, worn as a sign of their readiness to defend those in peril, to stand against injustice. That kinda resonated with me as a spiritual obligation." Sooraya explained.

The telepath smiled again, now less wry. "I can understand that. And it does make sense to use whatever means you have available -- though I'm guessing that if world peace came about tomorrow and there was no longer a need to defend others in the literal sense, you wouldn't miss the action." He scooped a small portion of borani kadoo with a piece of naan and bit into it a little gingerly.

"I wouldn't miss having to hurt others... or see others be hurt..." Sooraya paused, nibbling on a bit of the spicy lamb as she pondered. "It would be amazing if it wouldn't be needed anymore. And yet... defending those who need it, standing up against those who need it as an X-man... It's rewarding... in a way I am kinda proud of what we do. "

Jim nodded, slowly. "It is . . . more immediate," he said. "The effects of community outreach and legislation are slow. It's a marathon. It's necessary and fulfilling work, but when you're in the middle of it sometimes it's hard to tell whether you're making any progress at all. It's nice to see a clear, immediate result."

Sooraya simply nodded as well. "It's true. I can imagine it is very similar for you too though? From what I saw from your work at Muir..."

Jim grimaced and took another sip of tea. "Nature of the beast. When you're working with the chronically or terminally ill there's no such thing as a quick fix. I'm not sure I'd call it a spiritual obligation, but if you can do what I can do, if you can help people in a way almost no one else can when things are so serious, the idea of not doing so just seems . . . wrong." He stared into the dark liquid. "But yeah, you're right. Maybe it would be nice to be back in a position where I could see an immediate positive result sometimes."

"I don't think it matters much what you call it... spiritual... moral... " Sooraya commented quietly "I think there is not a whole lot of difference in the end about why we do what we do. Almost like a calling."

'Calling' seemed like too profound a concept to attach to what he did; Jim supposed he had thought that was something a person arrived to after a period of soul-searching and introspection. He had never thought about why he'd chosen the path he had, it simply felt like what he was meant to do. If you could help, why would you ever stand aside?

how could you stand aside

"I guess you're right," the counselor said. "It doesn't matter what you call it, as long as you're doing what's right."

Sooraya couldn't really say much to that and they ate for a few moments in contemplative silence. "I keep forgetting to ask, but how is Moira? Last time I was at Muir she was so busy we had hardly time to sit down for some tea..." She asked after she had finished the spice lambs meat.

"Somehow still upright and fully functional," Jim replied with a disbelieving snort. "I know she's gotten better at delegating some of the management side of things, but I still don't understand how she has so much energy."

"She promised me she was going to think about taking a vacation...the last time I was there..." Sooraya grumbled, stabbing her fork into another piece of naan. "I'm starting to think I should just kidnap her. I'm pretty sure Rahne would help me."

"She would, or at least she would try. If you guys figure out a working strategy let me know." Jim tried another scoop of borani kadoo. "I feel like she and the professor spent most of their professional lives competing for Worst Work-Life Balance, and Moira won the endurance test."

"How about non-existing Work-Life-Balance?" Sooraya snorted wryly around her own borani kadoo.

Jim snorted again. "Yeah, about that. Moira actually asked me to keep an eye on you, too, considering you had her as an example. She's concerned you might have taken sixty hour work weeks as instruction rather than a warning."

"I should've seen that coming." Sooraya admitted, fondly rolling her eyes. "Though it wasn't just Moira who taught me that. Nate and even Angelo were just as bad."

"Yeah. I know some people can pull it off, but the Institute famously doesn't seem to breed a good grasp of your own limitations."

"You know they say it takes one to know one." Sooraya snorted again, her eyebrow raising almost playfully. "In your own way you're just as bad. Admit it."

Jim took a drink, calmly. "I only tell people -- correctly -- they shouldn't work so hard. I never claimed I was good at doing it myself."

"Well, here is to helping mutants..." Sooraya raised her glass of water. "... in way too many hours each week."

Jim smiled and clinked his glass to hers. "And without overtime."

Sooraya sipped from her water and grinned as she sat it down. "How is everyone else at Muir doing, by the way? I still get occasional emails from Rahne, but otherwise it's been pretty quiet lately."

"Business as usual, really," Jim replied. He dared the kabob again. "That's the blessing and the curse of that place -- it's predictable, stable. Besides, time gets a little fuzzy when you only have roughly five days of sun a month."

"I was just thinking the other day... I came across a video Sajjad would like. I just keep forgetting to send him the link." Sooraya shook her head ruefully. "I hope he's holding up okay?"

At the name the telepath grew very still.

That's right, he thought. She knew him, too. When she was visiting. Because of the similar backgrounds. I forgot. Nobody told her, so now I have to . . .

Slowly, Jim replaced the kabob on his plate and looked up at her.

"Sooraya, I'm . . ." He paused, then seemed to collect himself. "I'm so sorry. I should have told you. Sajjad passed a few weeks ago."

"What? A few weeks ago?" Sooraya's eyes widened. "What happened? Did his..."

"It was just the progression of his disease." He was telling her this from a long way away, turning over each fact in his mind before he decided whether to present it to Sooraya or keep it to himself.

"Atafah and Durab were with him." when his intercostal muscles finally crystalized to the point he could no longer push air through his lungs "It was quick." those forty-nine hours when we held the fear for him so he could be with his parents until he fell asleep "I was there, too. He wasn't in any pain." when we took the sensation from him as his fifteen year old body spasmed and shuddered for air, shards of itself breaking off inside and filling his lungs with blood

Jim kept his eyes on Sooraya as he gathered up the discarded facts and placed them, one by one, onto a shelf in the back of his mind.

Sooraya closed her eyes, letting out a slow breath and murmured a short prayer under her breath. "I'm sorry... I don't think I am in the mood for food anymore." She stated apologetically. "I'm glad that his parents were with him and that it didn't hurt. Did his sisters have the chance to say goodbye? Atafah was so insistent they shouldn't miss school..."

Jim's head nodded for him. "They made it. They had enough warning."

those girls cried so much

Another thought tucked away into the darkness.

"I'm sorry, Sooraya," said his mouth. "I wasn't thinking. I have his parents' contact information if you'd like. They've got some videos of Sajjad they offered to share with people."

"Yeah, that'd be good." Sooraya raised her hand, signaling the waiter. "If you don't mind, I'd rather get the bill... I kinda just want to head home." And make dua for Sajjad and his family...

"I'll get the bill." It was the least he could do. He diverted the server's attention to himself and turned back to the young woman. "If you want to talk about it later . . . I'm here."

"Thank you."