xp_logs | Shatterstar and Haller - Psychic Shielding (Round One)

Shatterstar and Haller have their first psychic shielding training session.

"All right, let's start with the basics," Jim said, settling back in his chair. He placed his hands on his thighs and regarded the younger man carefully. "First: have you had any experience with telepathy before?"

"Why don't you just read my mind and find out?" Shatterstar barked back at him. He had his arms tight across his own chest, hands tucked under his armpits. Now that he was actually here, he didn't want to be around Jim, even for practice. He didn't want to have to think about this sort of thing. (It hurt to have to remember).

But he knew Jim wouldn't actually do that, so he ducked his head to his chest. "...Yeah."

Jim nodded. He'd thought so, and was grateful Shatterstar had actually given him a straight answer. He'd expected the boy to come into the session angry and defensive, and he had not been disappointed. "Can I ask what kind?" he ventured.

"I don't know, the normal kind?" Shatterstar snapped. How was he supposed to know- they had been ten and technically Shatterstar hadn't even really been around yet. How should he even know what kinds of telepaths there were? She couldn't do anything with telekinesis if that was the question. But the line of questioning made him close up even more than he did from when he first walked in.

Once again, Jim failed to react to the hostility. "Actually I meant if it was just an encounter in passing or a long-term thing, but we don't need to get into it. I was just trying to get a sense of what you already know so I don't waste your time."

Shatterstar looked away from him. He didn't want to explain that it had been a long term thing- a "from-when-he-was-born" thing until M-Day. But Jim raised a good point about not wasting his time. The sooner he could get this over with and have already had the training the better. Then he could keep everyone's prying eyes and prying feelings out. "Long-term." He mumbled, not going further into it at all.

The counselor decided not to press. Shatterstar had enough to process; now was not the time to reveal new and interesting traumas to tear open. There would be, Jim thought with resignation, more than enough time to blunder into those later.

"Okay." Jim poured a pitcher of ice water into the two glasses he'd already set on the table, sparing Shatterstar the discomfort of direct eye contact. "So, I'll assume you've already experienced that telepaths pick up surface thoughts the easiest."

That was really all he had experience with. Shatterstar ignored the ice water, looking away from Jim. He didn't know if it was shame or anger or a sense of disappointment that made him unable to look at the older man. He nodded in a small way. He found his thoughts in his head, and the wall that kept everything from spilling out of him. Stay out he thought, doing what he already knew how to do for psychic defense, which wasn't much.

Jim mirrored the nod. He pushed one of the glasses closer to Shatterstar, but not far enough to encroach into his personal space.

"Okay. So . . . there are a few variations on what psychic shielding actually entails, but the technique I'm most familiar with involves learning to exploit that tendency."

He glanced at Jim curiously and wondered if he knew from the other side of the experience. He took the glass of water in his hand but didn't drink it, biting back his comment. He couldn't help it. It came out of him, sharp and bitter. "You'd know, huh?"

"Yeah, actually. I couldn't use telepathy until I was 18, and anyway, it never completely recovered from my manifestation." Absently, Jim spun the glass against the tabletop. "Now, when we talk about shielding for non-psis, what we mean is creating a mental construct that will distract, baffle, or repel a psychic. If they're strong and trained sometimes there's nothing you can do to keep them out, even if you have telepathy, but you can buy yourself time until you can take care of the problem. Generally, there are three strategies: visual, aural, and sensory."

That was disheartening to hear, how some telepaths could just smash and grab whatever they wanted. Sure people could smash up your body if they were stronger than you, but you should be able to trust that your head belonged to yourself. Shatterstar retreated further into himself, ignoring how Jim said that this had been something he needed to learn. If Jim checked, he would see that Shatterstar had visual constructs of steel walls up, having thought of anything to keep him and the rest of the world separate. He made a noncommittal noise.

The counselor paused, taking note of the thousand-yard stare. He tried to shake the feeling this was karmic retribution. Oh, well.

"Visual," he said aloud, raising one finger, "involves focusing on a specific image. Some people choose memories of objects or images they know well, others create a symbolic thoughtform, like a fortress. The more granular the details you can imagine, the better. Some people find it especially helpful if you're under an attack you can feel." He raised a second finger. "Aural is a sound or phrase. Ever had a song stuck in your head? You can turn that into a defense. If a telepath is scraping for surface thoughts, that'll dominate what they pick up. Third" the final finger uncurled, "sensory. This is where you focus on a sense-memory or physical action, like dancing, running, or swimming. That has a tendency to quiet your surface thoughts, giving the telepath nothing to 'hear'." Jim dropped his hand. "Everyone has their preference and method of implementation, but broadly these types come down to defense, offense, or stealth."

A fortress huh? Well he had experience with that. Honestly, this sounded bizarrely like coping mechanisms Shatterstar had been taught while hospitalized- all about building things in your mind. It made sense, a little bit, that the theory would be similar. He focussed on adding bolts and scratches to his steel walls, as many details as he could think of.

"I don't listen to music," He told Jim and tried to act uninterested in the idea of being able to use sense memories. If he could just do katas in his head for defense that would be wonderful. He could feel himself move through them in his mind. It's like dissociating on purpose, doing your stupid katas, Benjamin goaded in Shatterstar's head. We aren't supposed to do that anymore. If he had been around anyone else, Shatterstar's sneer wouldn't have been visual on his face. But it was true, wasn't it? That's all this was. Focusing on images in his head and being outside your own thoughts instead of inside of them.

"This is dumb," Shatterstar said to Jim, or maybe to Benjamin.

"Well, putting 'Baby Shark' on mental repeat is apparently pretty effective, so sometimes dumb works." The telepath shrugged. "Shielding is like any skill you want to become reflex. You find the technique that works for you and you practice. Over and over again, until it becomes automatic. Telepathy isn't something you can hit or hold. If you're under mental assault, you need to counter it on the same terms: imagination, and will."

He could see what Haller was saying about imagination and will, and more importantly practice. Just like doing katas or sword forms, over and over until you could do them without thinking. "Try me," he demanded, hands digging into the arms of the chair he was sitting in. He wanted to be able to show Jim that he could already keep his wall up, to show Benjamin that he wasn't actually dissociating. (He was, he knew he was, but how was that any different than what Jim was telling him to do?)

"No." The denial was calm but immediate. Jim knew this was going to piss him off, but there was absolutely no compromise here. "We don't start with practical application right out of the gate, and we absolutely don't do it unless everyone's calm and centered."

"That's stupid!" Shatterstar snapped at him. "The whole point is to be able to do it under pressure, so try me." He wouldn't ever be calm about a telepath trying to get into his head, which Jim would know if he wasn't being an idiot. he ignored the comment about being centered. How could he be centered if Jim was saying all of the methods were basically dissociating.

No they aren't, dumbass, Benjamin scowled in his head.

Shatterstar could feel the rumble of his powers but Jim was good for one thing. He could control them. If he was able to pull them out at will he could force them down too.

"You lay the foundations in a calm state of mind so you can do it under pressure. You don't build a building straight into the mud because you know it's going to rain one day." It was oddly freeing to know absolutely nothing he said at this point was going to make Shatterstar any calmer. Expression neutral, Jim sat back in the couch. He could feel Jack standing just behind him, ready.

"I'll test you -- but only when you've gotten yourself under control."

He was under control, he was so under control and so present in his body and thoughts. Shatterstar didn't know what Jim was talking about. He tried to take deep breaths but they were shallow and shaky and his arms were shaking and he was gripping the chair so tight. If he had actually been aware of his body and his emotional state, what happened next wouldn't have surprised him, or even not have happened.

The arms of the chair exploded into splinters as if Shatterstar had pointed his powers at them, a screech in the air.

The splinters stopped. They hung there in the air, frozen like debris trapped in an icy pond, The counselor was watching him with cold grey eyes.

"Yeah, I can see you have this handled," said Jack, lowering his hand. Dozens of chunks thudded to the carpet like the contents of an upturned toybox.

It was only because of Jack that Shatterstar hadn't been scraped up by the shrapnel. He stood, looking down at what he had wrought in surprise before glaring at Jack.

"I'll get better," he promised Jack, to spite him. He wouldn't let Jack or Jim or any of them get the last laugh. It felt like they were laughing at him.

The older man looked at him for a long moment. His eyes flicked from Shatterstar's face to the ruined arms of the chair and back again, as if considering something. Then Jack nodded.

"I know you will," said the telekinetic. "I'll be looking forward to it."

He glared at Jack, still feeling like he was being ingenuine and trying to get under his skin. He nodded shortly before turning on his heel and stalking out of the room.