(Backdated) Scott, Haller: Just Checking In

[xp_legion]

After Arthur meets Davey, Scott pays a visit to Haller to discuss current events, pseudo-sibling dynamics, and the difficulties of moving on.



"Okay, so who tipped you off: Charles or Sooraya?" Jim stood aside to let Scott through. There was really no point in either of them pretending this was anything other than a wellness check, but Jim had long since given up protesting -- with Scott, at least. David Haller was Charles' son, and Scott was as good as one. It was hard to spend half your life around someone like that without coming to feel the other man was, at least on some level, your brother.

"That would be telling, and I wouldn't wanna throw my little bird under the bus now would I? I wouldn't want to find out how fast you can get back to Muir." A small smile touched Scott's lips, almost teasing as he stepped into the room, dark eyes flicking out over the...clean room. For a moment Scott's forward momentum halted, his eyes running back over the room before turning to face his adopted brother, in his heart of not legally. "Ok....Mystique, how'd you get in here and what did you do with Jim?"

The telepath grimaced. "Don't even joke about that. You realize if I ever was replaced by a shapeshifter they could just write off any inconsistencies as a new personality, right? No, it was just Jack. Apparently I overextended myself and was down so long he had enough time for a deep clean."

"That...is a very scary thought, thanks Jim. We should probably have a password or something, you know just in case." An appreciative look around the room before he grinned, "You know, Jack does good work though, this place is cleaner than my apartment."

"Yeah, he's good at that. There's worse things than waking up to a clean bathroom, I guess." The telepath dropped onto the couch, or as he was starting to think of it, the interrogation seat. He ran a hand through his hair. "Okay, let's see, the standard questions . . . yes, I've eaten today. Yes, I've been in touch with the professor. Yes, I've also been in touch with my doctor. Am I missing anything?"

"Well yeah, the most important thing. " Scott sank into a chair, perching on the edge as he glanced over towards the other man, a small smile touching the corner of his lips. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah. As okay as I get. I guess." Jim hesitated. "Arthur told me met Davey."

With the most important business of the day Scott could relax back into the chair and focus on Haller. "Arthur told you what about Davey?"

"That he met him. That Davey was friendly. He was happy." Jim rubbed the back of his head, suddenly uncomfortable. "I don't . . . I don't know. I never hear from him. Davey, I mean. Charles and Moira tell me some things, but I never know what he's thinking. I think it's good that he felt safe with Arthur, but I . . ." He shook his head, exasperated. "Sorry. It's confusing."

"No, no I get it, finding something like this out from someone how met him is bound to throw you off a little." Scott had heard of Davey before, from Jim himself and from Charles but he'd never actually met the most reclusive of the personas. It wasn't like he'd pushed for it it was just...someone who was out there hidden away from the rest of the world. Except that wasn't so true anymore. "Arthur is...well he's kinda like a golden lab, hard to resist."

"Well, he did have a golden retriever with him. That probably helped." Jim glanced over at Scott and noticed a sense of -- withdrawal, almost, as if there was something the other man was very intentionally keeping to himself. He didn't seem angry, or upset, because Scott was too controlled to let either of those things show if he didn't want them to, but Jim had learned to read the absence that took their place. He hesitated. "Is . . . are you okay?"

"The double whammy, hard for anyone to resist that one." For a moment Scott was about to throw out an off-handed reply, a quick denial Except if Jim was asking then something had peaked his attention. The man sat back in his chair for a moment, letting his thoughts swirl for a moment before nodding slowly, "I...guess. It was just...a shock. I've known you for most of our lives, I like to think you feel pretty safe around me but Davey's never really come out to say hi and Arthur gets him to come out in a second? I know it's stupid but...I feel...like I'm doing something wrong."

Jim blinked. But it had to feel like that, didn't it? Just like withholding the full nature of his situation had with Sooraya. People who had earned his trust many times over, but to whom Jim had not reciprocated. In Scott's case, though, Jim realized the reason was something more than a thoughtless oversight. Something much more personal.

"No. I get it." He tried to organize his thoughts into something coherent, knowing even as he did that it didn't make much sense, either. Not logical sense, anyway. "I think I'm . . . I don't really know, I can't ask him how he chooses people, but I think it's . . ." Jim stopped, and dropped his eyes to his hands. "I think I'm -- I'm afraid that if you meet him it'd be like . . ." and here he had to laugh at the absurdity of it, "like I'm letting you down, somehow."

Scott leaned back in his chair, dark eyes settling on Jim's face for a moment before he shook his head. "How could YOU ever let me down? I've known you basically all my life Jim, you've seen me at my best and my worst, and I think I've seen your best and worst. I'm still here, and I'm not going anywhere. In everyway that counts you're my brother as much as Alex. You could never let me down Jim, I'm sorry if I let you down and made you feel like that."

The younger man shook his head quickly. "No -- no, it's not like that. I think it just happens when I've known someone a long time. I get in my head about it. It's not like I'm embarrassed about the DID, it's just Davey. He's a kid. He's self-centered and demanding, and that's okay for him, but I'm supposed to have my shit together. It's--" he laughed again here, "this is stupid, but I worry about what people seeing him will think of me, and I can't even be there when they do. He's not like the others. I just lose that time." He raised his odd-colored eyes to Scott and gave him a bitter smile. "Maybe it's easier for him to show himself to people I don't know as well because I feel like I have less to lose."

"It's not like I'm ever going to judge you Jim, or judge any of your alters for being themselves but...I get it. We all have parts of ourselves that we don't want others to see, that we're afraid of being judged about. I get it though, it's...not easy to open yourself up all the time, especially to those we're closest to. I think I spend more time running away and hiding from people than I do opening up to them. It's hard, especially when they think you're in control and capable."

Jim gave him a rueful smile. "See, this is why we get along. You understand the Charles Xavier style of pseudo-parenting. The one that leaves you with an overblown sense of personal responsibility and then, just for fun, a side of intimacy issues. Although . . . you're with Kitty now, right?" The smile became more genuine. "I was glad to hear that. Clearly you've found someone you don't want to run from."

"Charles...while an amazing mutant's right activist and headmaster did leave us with quite a burden to bear didn't he." Jim was perhaps the only other person in the world who knew, who could understand the pressure Scott felt, that sense of responsibility he never seemed to be able to shift. "You know, it's been a long time since I've been able to...able to go after something I wanted just for me."

"I know. It's hard to want that again after you lose someone. After . . ." Jean. Scott's Jean. The one they'd lost when the world broke apart, just like so many others. Like Betsy. Jim stared at his hands for a moment, then shook his head. "How'd you do it? Get to that point, I mean."

The older man glanced down at his hands, opening and closing them for a moment before looking up at Jim, "Honestly, I don't know. I don't think it was anything I did. It was just, Jean was here but she wasn't my Jean. I was holding onto the memory of someone else. It wasn't easy to let go but...I honestly didn't think I ever would. Then I don't know...there was talking and I didn't think about her. I wasn't thinking about the past but the future."

"Maybe that's it. I've never really been good at letting go." Of everyone in the mansion Scott was the only one who came close to understanding. There was a Betsy Braddock here, in this world. A young woman Jim had never met. When he'd heard she'd be coming to the mansion he could have confronted that reality, like Scott, but instead he'd simply left. Even after all these years the past cast shadows so long it was hard to see a future.

Just treading water.

Jim shook away the thought and forced his mouth into a smile. "Well, however you did it, I'm glad. Maybe in twenty years I'll get there, too, and we can double-date."

"Twenty years, I'll put it on the calendar. A smile touched Scott's face as he glanced at the suite's kitchenette "Till then though, how about we get some beer and food and just hang for the night?"

"Sounds good. Oh, and when Sooraya asks, make sure you tell her I ate."

Comments

[xp_darcy]

I love getting to see a bit of their familial relationship, you two. Really lovely. ♥

[xp_artie]

Great log

[xp_daytripper]

I missed this the first time around, but DAMN, this is a fantastic log. Well done, both of you.