Clean Slate
Sep. 29th, 2023 08:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xp_madin posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
xp_logsMadin, having received news from an acquaintance in Chicago, makes plans to leave.
Trigger warnings: Self harm, disassociation
Madin was sitting on the floor beside their bed, in the narrow space between it and the wall, wedged in. A half dozen empty beer bottles were scattered around nearby and they were not crying exactly but instead had their head on their knees making quiet gulping sounds.
They straightened slightly and lit a cigarette, taking two pulls before staring at it like it was something they'd never seen before and drove the lit end into their forearm, next to several other burns. Eventually, Madin put down the smoke and picked up their phone, holding it for a long time before unlocking it and finally tapping out a message. "Alani? I need some help or something. NBD, like, I'm totes fine but if you're free?"
The pain was clarity. Madin was able to stop gasping and sit up, reaching for the first aid kit on their bed and the bandages in it, wrapping one around their forearm. Everything was distant and their body was a puppet at the end of a long tunnel.
"Nah. don't worry about it. I'm fine. Never mind."
Alani had been working in her suite when she’d received the message, smile flashing before it turned to confusion and she finally got a chance to reply.
“No problem at all! Are you sure? If you’d like I can come to your room?”
Of course she was already slipping on her slides and out the door when the text sent. What was a flight of stairs to an active gal? Now she just had to not knock like a creep.
It felt like Madin was a thousand miles away, running their body by remote. The burns on their forearm throbbed in time with their pulse when the door opened.
Okay, she hadn't expected that. She definitely didn't yelp in surprise before falling into a very sudden quiet as her eyes fell to the bandage on their arm. "Oh cuz, you okay?" And she couldn't stop the worry in her voice as she looked back towards the hall in hopes that no one had been disturbed.
"Um." Madin shook their head. "Yeah, it's nothing. A burn." The pain and now a witness to how badly they'd fucked up kept them calm. They knew what to do. "I heard that people have been asking about me. I have to leave. It's nothing. I shouldn't have texted you." It felt like their hands were on strings as they opened a drawer, pulling clothes out to pile them onto the dresser.
“Who- Asking? Are you going back to Chicago then? Do you need help packing?” Of course as she asked Madin was already moving and she’d rather calmly stepped into the suite and shut the door. “Do you need money?” That question was pitched lower, brows knitting together in worry fully, though she’d already done her mental math and was allotting funds out. “Or I can drive you somewhere? I- What’s this all about? Is someone threatening to kick you you?!”
"Not Chicago," Madin said. "Maybe I can go somewhere else. What's a big city? Miami? Mexico City?" Their hands were on autopilot as the pile of clothes built up. "I need your money. I'm sorry." They couldn't look at Alani because if they did, the bubble of floating calm was going to crack. "You can't drive me though. You shouldn't be here. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked for help. That was stupid. I'm going to pull you down with me."
"On this coast Philadelphia is the next biggest city down in Pennsylvania, then it's actually Jacksonville in Florida, Mexico City then Toronto outside of the United States,” she listed from memory. A quick pat of her pockets confirmed she’d still had her wallet on her and the cash she had on her was produced. “Probably have more in my room. And can’t drag me down, I can breathe water. If you don’t want to answer you don’t have to but there must be something else I can do, at least maybe set you up somewhere in the city for the night and I can try and look into it or help somehow?”
Madin pocketed it, speaking quickly and quietly, the things they hadn't said for months finally spilling out. "I... When I left Australia, it was because the Brotherhood offered me an out. I didn't have-- they said it would be-- I. I joined them, okay? They trained me and I was a mercenary and we worked to fund their operations and they embedded me in the Underground to look for. You know. People who were angry. And now people are asking about me and I should never stayed here." The bubble cracked. "I need your money but you need to leave and never, ever tell anyone you helped me because this will drag you down with me. You don't understand. The X-Men. They're." Madin finally, finally turned to look Alani in the eyes. "You need to leave. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked for help."
They were likely expecting some form of dramatic response from Alani, who nodded after a moment, brows having knit together as they spoke though her expression was slowly easing into something closer to...sadness. "I- You were just a kid," she started before pausing. With what knowledge she had of Madin's background, she could see how easy it'd be for the Brotherhood to pick them up, anyone in their situation. "I'm- I'm sure anyone would understand that. I would vouch for you. Honest."
Madin shook their head, making a sobbing sound, even though no actual tears came out. "No. No, they won't. There's no way they'll just fucking understand. I joined the Brotherhood for fucks sake."
At the sound, Alani had moved toward, wanting to comfort but not spook the kid, before she folded her hands in front of her, deciding against it. "I- but they offered you a way out of your situation. Anyone would be able to understand that. I understand that. I'm not going to demand you stay, I just want you to be safe and not make a spur of the moment leave decision."
“It’s not a spur of the moment thing,” Madin muttered. “I’ve been stressing about what I should do this whole time.”
"Alright, okay, good." Puffing out the breath in her lungs, she nodded. "You're not the kid you were, and I get where you're coming from. I'll just go to my room and grab the rest of my emergency cash, alright, cuz?"
Madin nodded, unable to speak for a moment. “I thought you’d freak out,” they whispered.
“Even if I were to freaking out, it wouldn’t really help.” Flashing a quick smile, she nodded upwards. “I’ll be right back okay?”
Madin nodded again. Their bubble of calm was thoroughly gone and they stopped gathering clothes and toiletries and things together as the door swung shut to just cry.
Trigger warnings: Self harm, disassociation
Madin was sitting on the floor beside their bed, in the narrow space between it and the wall, wedged in. A half dozen empty beer bottles were scattered around nearby and they were not crying exactly but instead had their head on their knees making quiet gulping sounds.
They straightened slightly and lit a cigarette, taking two pulls before staring at it like it was something they'd never seen before and drove the lit end into their forearm, next to several other burns. Eventually, Madin put down the smoke and picked up their phone, holding it for a long time before unlocking it and finally tapping out a message. "Alani? I need some help or something. NBD, like, I'm totes fine but if you're free?"
The pain was clarity. Madin was able to stop gasping and sit up, reaching for the first aid kit on their bed and the bandages in it, wrapping one around their forearm. Everything was distant and their body was a puppet at the end of a long tunnel.
"Nah. don't worry about it. I'm fine. Never mind."
Alani had been working in her suite when she’d received the message, smile flashing before it turned to confusion and she finally got a chance to reply.
“No problem at all! Are you sure? If you’d like I can come to your room?”
Of course she was already slipping on her slides and out the door when the text sent. What was a flight of stairs to an active gal? Now she just had to not knock like a creep.
It felt like Madin was a thousand miles away, running their body by remote. The burns on their forearm throbbed in time with their pulse when the door opened.
Okay, she hadn't expected that. She definitely didn't yelp in surprise before falling into a very sudden quiet as her eyes fell to the bandage on their arm. "Oh cuz, you okay?" And she couldn't stop the worry in her voice as she looked back towards the hall in hopes that no one had been disturbed.
"Um." Madin shook their head. "Yeah, it's nothing. A burn." The pain and now a witness to how badly they'd fucked up kept them calm. They knew what to do. "I heard that people have been asking about me. I have to leave. It's nothing. I shouldn't have texted you." It felt like their hands were on strings as they opened a drawer, pulling clothes out to pile them onto the dresser.
“Who- Asking? Are you going back to Chicago then? Do you need help packing?” Of course as she asked Madin was already moving and she’d rather calmly stepped into the suite and shut the door. “Do you need money?” That question was pitched lower, brows knitting together in worry fully, though she’d already done her mental math and was allotting funds out. “Or I can drive you somewhere? I- What’s this all about? Is someone threatening to kick you you?!”
"Not Chicago," Madin said. "Maybe I can go somewhere else. What's a big city? Miami? Mexico City?" Their hands were on autopilot as the pile of clothes built up. "I need your money. I'm sorry." They couldn't look at Alani because if they did, the bubble of floating calm was going to crack. "You can't drive me though. You shouldn't be here. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked for help. That was stupid. I'm going to pull you down with me."
"On this coast Philadelphia is the next biggest city down in Pennsylvania, then it's actually Jacksonville in Florida, Mexico City then Toronto outside of the United States,” she listed from memory. A quick pat of her pockets confirmed she’d still had her wallet on her and the cash she had on her was produced. “Probably have more in my room. And can’t drag me down, I can breathe water. If you don’t want to answer you don’t have to but there must be something else I can do, at least maybe set you up somewhere in the city for the night and I can try and look into it or help somehow?”
Madin pocketed it, speaking quickly and quietly, the things they hadn't said for months finally spilling out. "I... When I left Australia, it was because the Brotherhood offered me an out. I didn't have-- they said it would be-- I. I joined them, okay? They trained me and I was a mercenary and we worked to fund their operations and they embedded me in the Underground to look for. You know. People who were angry. And now people are asking about me and I should never stayed here." The bubble cracked. "I need your money but you need to leave and never, ever tell anyone you helped me because this will drag you down with me. You don't understand. The X-Men. They're." Madin finally, finally turned to look Alani in the eyes. "You need to leave. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked for help."
They were likely expecting some form of dramatic response from Alani, who nodded after a moment, brows having knit together as they spoke though her expression was slowly easing into something closer to...sadness. "I- You were just a kid," she started before pausing. With what knowledge she had of Madin's background, she could see how easy it'd be for the Brotherhood to pick them up, anyone in their situation. "I'm- I'm sure anyone would understand that. I would vouch for you. Honest."
Madin shook their head, making a sobbing sound, even though no actual tears came out. "No. No, they won't. There's no way they'll just fucking understand. I joined the Brotherhood for fucks sake."
At the sound, Alani had moved toward, wanting to comfort but not spook the kid, before she folded her hands in front of her, deciding against it. "I- but they offered you a way out of your situation. Anyone would be able to understand that. I understand that. I'm not going to demand you stay, I just want you to be safe and not make a spur of the moment leave decision."
“It’s not a spur of the moment thing,” Madin muttered. “I’ve been stressing about what I should do this whole time.”
"Alright, okay, good." Puffing out the breath in her lungs, she nodded. "You're not the kid you were, and I get where you're coming from. I'll just go to my room and grab the rest of my emergency cash, alright, cuz?"
Madin nodded, unable to speak for a moment. “I thought you’d freak out,” they whispered.
“Even if I were to freaking out, it wouldn’t really help.” Flashing a quick smile, she nodded upwards. “I’ll be right back okay?”
Madin nodded again. Their bubble of calm was thoroughly gone and they stopped gathering clothes and toiletries and things together as the door swung shut to just cry.
