xp_logs | Amanda and Nathan, Friday afternoon

Nathan wakes up to find Amanda there. They talk seriously about what happened with Manuel, about how Amanda is pulling off all these healing spells, and manage to resolve things quite nicely.

Someone was adjusting his blankets, almost fussily, and Nathan opened his eyes - feeling too heavy, again, he thought a bit petulantly. But the person leaning over him was Amanda, and he relaxed instinctively, managing a wan smile.

"Hey... trouble." He shifted on the bed, then winced, wishing he had just stayed still. Definitely approaching the four-hour mark, he thought, feeling a flash of hazy loathing at his continuing need for heavy medication. At least they had taken out that damned IV and were letting him take pills instead, now. No one could play with the button anymore.

"Hey," she replied, a little guardedly, ready to leave if Nate showed signs of getting upset again. "Thought I'd drop in, check on you. You want anythin'?"

"I'm okay..." He lifted his good hand, rubbing at his eyes. "Wish I could do something...other than sleep." He managed a slightly more convincing smile. "You good?" he asked, his voice a bit hoarse as he tried to focus on her face.

"Better than I was - Dom took me out yesterday for some downtime an' that promised spoilin'." Her smile was fleeting, and she turned and reached for the water cup on the table. "Sounds like you could do with somethin' t' drink."

"Thanks..." She held the water cup so that he could take a sip, and he eased back against the bed once he had, watching her set the cup back down and fiddle with his blankets again, obviously restless. He reached out with his good hand, catching hers. "Don't really remember it all clearly," he said, his voice a bit hoarse. Her hand felt tiny in his, small and fragile and startlingly cool. "Remember not being...fair to you, though."

She tried to shrug it off. "Didn't matter," she said, although it was clear it did from the catch in her voice. "You were off yer head a bit." Every nuance of her posture was screaming defensiveness, and she half-heartedly tried to pull away. "I should let you sleep."

"I'm off my head a lot," he said wearily, not letting go. "Not really an excuse." She stopped trying to retreat, but still wouldn't quite look at him. "I'm sorry," he whispered, unable to keep the pain out of his voice. "I was...dreaming, about Manuel... about him doing what he'd said, and I couldn't think straight... my shields were shot to shit, still kind of are, and I could see him through your link..."

Amanda sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb anything attached to him. She bit her lip, trying to keep it from trembling, and spoke, still looking down at the floor. "'S all right, I understand," she said, trying hard for 'mature and reasonable'. "An' if it helps, I can keep away, 'til yer shields are better. You need time t' rest, an' you can't do that if yer've got what's in me head pesterin' you."

"I don't want you to keep away," Nathan murmured, feeling like absolute shit as he heard the unsteadiness in her voice. "And no... don't think you do understand." Still holding onto her hand, he was silent for a long moment, trying to organize his thoughts. "Hard enough... not to be able to stand up for myself," he said slowly. "But with them... don't think I had time, before things went wrong on Muir, to understand... how fragile they are. How little's left of them..." His eyes blurred suddenly, stinging, and the Askani murmured wistfully in the back of his mind. "I fucked up," he went on hoarsely, forcing the words out. "Getting shot. They don't... whatever Manuel says, they can't move on if I die."

"You ain't gunna die. I won't let you." The words burst out with a vehemence that startled her. "An' I won't let anythin' happen t' them. Even if I have t'beat Manny over the head with somethin' heavy t' make him stop bein' such a pillock."

"I don't... want you to be in the middle like that," Nathan said stubbornly, inwardly reeling a little at the ferocity of her thoughts. "Shouldn't have to be. I can handle Manuel... just couldn't, a couple of days ago, and knowing that... made me lose it, I guess..."

"Yeah, well, I'm gettin' used t' bein' in the middle. Part of the whole Manuel package," Amanda said wryly. "An' it's a bit much t' expect t' be 100% after gettin' shot in the head. Even with me doin' me thing."

"It is helping," Nathan murmured insistently, remembering Angelo's cryptic words. "Not sure... how you're doing it..."

"I got a little extra help," Amanda said evasively. Under Nate's somewhat-blunted but still keen look, she squirmed and then pulled a dark crystal orb from her jacket pocket. About the size of a tennis ball, it glowed with a reddish light, as if there was a live coal buried in the middle. "'S called an Orb of Fortis. Magic users have 'em as power sources - they're like a mystic battery. I've been usin' it t' recharge meself between healin' sessions," she admitted reluctantly. "Moira knows. An' I'm keepin' Rom's amulet on, so there's no danger of overdoin' it."

Slowly, one by one, Nathan stifled the first six > responses that sprang to mind. "I... don't know what to say," he finally murmured, his eyes fixed on the orb. "Tell me you didn't do anything... too dangerous to get it."

"Not dangerous exactly, not what I consider dangerous, any way, no matter what Angelo says," she said warily, waiting for the explosion. "Had t' deal with someone I rather not, but I needed somethin' quick. Bullet wounds ain't that easy."

Nathan closed his eyes, wrestling with the mixture of anger and guilt that was bubbling up inside him, looking for an outlet. She had done it for him, he told himself harshly. For him. And even if it had been appropriate to reach out and shake her to within an inch of her life, he wasn't precisely capable of it at the moment.

"Is it causing you problems?" he asked, his voice hoarse. He kept his eyes closed, not trusting them not to give him away.

"Rom's crystal is keepin' things under control power-wise - it cuts me off if I start gettin' too much," Amanda replied, intending to leave it there, but unable to lie to Nate, even by omission. "The rest of it... well, I'm dealin'. It ain't easy, but I can handle it. An' if I can't, then I've got people t' talk to. Angelo listened to me ramble the other night, after the thing with Manny an' all. I wasn't in a good place." She didn't like where that was leading back to, and changed tack. "I know I probably shouldn't've, but fuck it, Nate, I _had_ to. What's the point of havin' this ability if I can't fucking well use it when it's needed? An' I'm bein' careful, I told Moira an' Ange I had it, an' I ain't gunna feel guilty for doin' somethin' t' help you." The set of her face grew obstinate.

I'm not worth it, he wanted to say, but didn't. "I understand," he said instead, his voice still rough. He opened his eyes, staring at her as levelly as he could. "As long as you understand. If you ever... ever got yourself hurt trying to help me, I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

Surprise flickered in her eyes for a second. I'm not that important, she thought, but didn't say, unconsciously echoing Nate's own thoughts. Then she nodded, holding his gaze. "I won't. Promise."

"Good." He took a deep breath, forcing himself to relax. "Part of me... wants to throttle you, Amanda. Won't lie to you. But I do... trust you. Your judgement. I believe you when you say you thought this through..."

"Join the queue," she said with a wry grimace. "I think Strange has first throttlin' rights, bein' responsible for the magic stuff an' all." Then she smiled, almost shyly. "An' it means a lot, you trustin' me. I ain't exactly got a good track record with that, especially when it comes t' the magic thing, an' I know I've got t' prove meself t' a lot of people, but sometimes it's frustratin', y'know? Magic's _my_ thing, an' I know what I'm doin', even when sometimes it don't seem like I do."

"It'll be okay..." Nathan said, not sure when the conversation had gotten to the point that he was reassuring her. "Just... time. Know it's hard to be patient. But if you keep handling it..." He managed a wan smile. "Eventually... the rest of us have to get a clue."

"I'm bein' patient. Ain't my fault you lot are slow learners." But there was a grin on her face as she said it, her tone light. "An' I _am_ handlin' it. Even with all this exam shite an' everyone leavin' an' all, I still didn't take off Rom's amulet an' go for it." There was a note of pride in her voice.

"Proud of you," Nathan said with a sigh, closing his eyes and unable to help a slight smile. "Still want to throttle you."

"Later," she promised. "'Sides, you offered t' teach me how t' defend meself, remember? You can take it out on me then." She looked down at the orb still in the hand that wasn't being held by Nate and said, diffidently. "If you want I can have another go at that shoulder..."

"If you think it's safe to try," Nathan murmured, not opening his eyes. "For you, I mean..."

"'M fine. Goin' out with Dom yesterday gave me a break, let me get me breath back, so t' speak." Amanda didn't point out that he couldn't stop her if she wanted to do it any way, not in his state - he'd been at everyone's mercy so much lately, she could understand him being tetchy about it. "Saves you havin' t' take those bloody drugs, too," she pointed out.

"Okay..." Nathan felt his lips tug upwards in a broader smile. "So long as you promise not tell me what you and Dom did..."

"You'll see it in the papers soon enough," she said, her face serious but a mischievous sparkle in her eyes. "Well, the stuff they can print, any way. America has this whole issue with sex an' nudity..."

Askani was snickering at him in the back of his head. Nathan thought something nasty at her. "Can't hear you," he muttered to Amanda, flinging his good arm across his eyes. "Unconscious now."

Amanda snickered at his reaction. "An' of course, there was that whole thing with the police horse an' the firehose..."