log: No Happy Endings
Feb. 1st, 2024 07:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xp_daredevil posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
xp_logsMatt goes to speak to Darcy after making some hard decisions
At first, when Darcy had left to take care of Maya in Europe, Matt thought the timing terrible, not that he said that. Maya needed help and he wasn't going to begrudge his girlfriend to do it, she was the helping type. However, after he'd read the team reports, realizing that Darcy was a sniper with X-Force, discovering that she'd used a teenage spotter, he was grateful for the distance. It gave him time to think and to sit with that knowledge.
He'd spent a fair amount of time in mediation over it, turning everything over in his mind, to see if from all sides and consistently came to the same conclusion. Darcy was a lovely, caring, wonderful lady. But he couldn't date her in good conscience. As pragmatic as he wanted to be, he understood why, he understood that there weren't options and that it was a bad situation. He knew Snow Valley was a front for much more secretive and illegal things. But he'd also thought Darcy was an analyst. The team lawyer, similar to he was. And while that was likely at least partially true, it wasn't enough truth.
With a heavy heart, he headed to her suite once he knew she'd had time to rest from the trip, not wanting to prolong things. It wasn't fair to either of them to do that. Knocking on her door, he waited.
"Hey!" Darcy's smile was bright as she opened the door and saw Matt standing on the other side. "C'mon in, I haven't had a good Murdock hug in aaaaaaaages and I need my fix." She said it teasingly, but it was true that she hadn't had a good hug from Matt in what felt like a month, and now that she was as healed as she could be until Amanda looked at her hand in person all she really wanted to do was have a good cuddle and catch up. Maybe more after, but at least the cuddling and catching up. "I missed you while I was handling Maya. What've you been up to? Marci texted and said her case finally wrapped up."
"She won, of course," Matt agreed, he'd heard about it over celebratory drinks. "But I think we need to talk for a minute," the dreaded words, he knew they invoked terror in so many, but they were also the most accurate, they needed to talk. "About the battle. We never really got a chance with everything before you left."
"True, it was basically work, freak out about Maya, get my hand checked, leave." Darcy's brow furrowed as she gestured at the couch, letting Matt walk past without a hug. It felt wrong. She'd been getting hugs from him even before they started dating, so the lack left her feeling... unmoored. Off-kilter. She knew he could hear the thump of her pulse as she tensed, going from relaxed and happy to concerned. "Sure, uh. The couch? Do you want something to drink?" She turned to the fridge, looking at the sadness of the contents. It was obvious Terry hadn't been staying there much while she'd been gone, if at all. "We have water? I could make tea."
He wanted a beer. And his responses were affecting Darcy, which was expected, but he hated it. He could hear the nervousness in her heartbeat, how she breathed. "I'm good," he answered, taking a seat. "Clint and I were going through the reports after everything, since we weren't there. And... when did you become a sniper?"
"Kevin's been teaching me since..." She had to pause to think about it. "This summer? After Quire threatened to kill me, so July? I'd have to check my calendar. But when did I become one, as in on a mission? That Sunday." Darcy could talk about the mission reports. That was fine. She took a deep breath as she grabbed a bottle of water from the emergency stash, turning and eyeing the seats. For some reason, snuggling up to Matt on the couch didn't feel like it was an option. She bit her lip in indecision, and ultimately ended up hovering awkwardly in her own kitchen, taking in every small movement and gesture he made.
"And you used a 16 year old spotter?" Matt knew, in desperate situations, you did desperate things you wouldn't ordinarily do. He'd wished he'd known she'd been training for that. He didn't know if it would make a difference or not, but he still wished it.
"Liam is who was sent to me when I told Marie-Ange I could use one, yes." Darcy did-didn't-couldn't fully regret it either, not when he'd directly helped her save at least two lives. Hate it? Yes. Wish there had been an adult around, or even one of what she called the youths, that new group of residents ranging between 18 and 25 or so? Yes, but they were kids in her mind too, and the clench of her gut as Madin's voice–so young, when did all of these kids get so young–asking if they had to execute someone...
The plaintive ask of that question and the recoil of her rifle as she tried to reassure them still featured in her nightmares. She shifted uncomfortably and crossed to the chair in the corner, curling up into a ball in the seat. "It pulled him out of the danger that the streets were turning into and gave him something useful to do instead of fretting."
Matt shook his head, "I can't....I can understand it all. Defend it in court, argue it to a jury. But I don't think I can date someone that's a sniper. That... chose to become one," his voice rough, "Those are two different things."
Darcy raised an eyebrow, but her voice was carefully even as she spoke. "Doug is a sniper too. So is your brother."
Matt nodded, "I considered that," he agreed, "I'm not dating Clint. And I'm not dating Doug. But also, he took up a rifle once, reluctantly, over a decade ago. What he did once, before I knew him isn't on me to judge. It might not be much of a difference to you, but it is to me."
Her face moved in a series of contortions reminiscent of the meme about the confused woman and math, fingers and eyebrows expressing various levels of open shock and confusion. 'Once???' she thought to herself, but what came out of her mouth was "What do you mean you aren't dating Doug? Aren't you two having sex? I–" This was confusing, and ultimately didn't matter, but also. How many months had she been thinking they were dating just to be wrong? What in the actual fuck? Her worldview shifted a few centimeters to the left while attempting to process this. "What???"
"We're getting off track," Matt said, bringing the conversation back around. They could discuss the nuances of their poly for hours and that wasn't the issue. "I don't think I can date you anymore. Not right now."
Darcy let out a slow breath, just staring at Matt for several long moments. So being a sniper was fine for family and casual sex, but not dating? "I suggest you not date anyone from X-Force in the future, if that's a hard line for you." They didn't all snipe, and some of them only used guns as a very last resort for various reasons, but they all understood the necessity. Best to just avoid her team altogether.
She'd thought Matt didn't want to know the details of her work beyond the mundane because of the potential legal ramifications and the ease of keeping their stories straight with Foggy and Marci—andoh, that was something else she was going to lose, wasn't it? Probably not her friendship with Marci unless Matt was honest about why he'd broken up with her, but the fragile friendship she'd been building with Foggy wouldn't survive without Matt and Marci both tying them together. But maybe he'd never really understood how her team worked sometimes at all, and she wasn't going to promise to never pick up the gun again, not with the lives of theirs she knew she'd saved
She pressed her lips together, ignoring the clogging in her throat and tears sheening and spilling down her cheeks to stand, disappearing into her room for several minutes.
When she returned there were a pair of red fingerless gloves with a soft black lining in her hands. She pressed them into his hands, leaning forward to brush a soft kiss against his cheek before stepping back and turning to stare out the window with eyes that focused on nothing.
Despite her best efforts, her voice was wobbly when she spoke again. "I wish you joy, Matthew. Pl–please leave."
At first, when Darcy had left to take care of Maya in Europe, Matt thought the timing terrible, not that he said that. Maya needed help and he wasn't going to begrudge his girlfriend to do it, she was the helping type. However, after he'd read the team reports, realizing that Darcy was a sniper with X-Force, discovering that she'd used a teenage spotter, he was grateful for the distance. It gave him time to think and to sit with that knowledge.
He'd spent a fair amount of time in mediation over it, turning everything over in his mind, to see if from all sides and consistently came to the same conclusion. Darcy was a lovely, caring, wonderful lady. But he couldn't date her in good conscience. As pragmatic as he wanted to be, he understood why, he understood that there weren't options and that it was a bad situation. He knew Snow Valley was a front for much more secretive and illegal things. But he'd also thought Darcy was an analyst. The team lawyer, similar to he was. And while that was likely at least partially true, it wasn't enough truth.
With a heavy heart, he headed to her suite once he knew she'd had time to rest from the trip, not wanting to prolong things. It wasn't fair to either of them to do that. Knocking on her door, he waited.
"Hey!" Darcy's smile was bright as she opened the door and saw Matt standing on the other side. "C'mon in, I haven't had a good Murdock hug in aaaaaaaages and I need my fix." She said it teasingly, but it was true that she hadn't had a good hug from Matt in what felt like a month, and now that she was as healed as she could be until Amanda looked at her hand in person all she really wanted to do was have a good cuddle and catch up. Maybe more after, but at least the cuddling and catching up. "I missed you while I was handling Maya. What've you been up to? Marci texted and said her case finally wrapped up."
"She won, of course," Matt agreed, he'd heard about it over celebratory drinks. "But I think we need to talk for a minute," the dreaded words, he knew they invoked terror in so many, but they were also the most accurate, they needed to talk. "About the battle. We never really got a chance with everything before you left."
"True, it was basically work, freak out about Maya, get my hand checked, leave." Darcy's brow furrowed as she gestured at the couch, letting Matt walk past without a hug. It felt wrong. She'd been getting hugs from him even before they started dating, so the lack left her feeling... unmoored. Off-kilter. She knew he could hear the thump of her pulse as she tensed, going from relaxed and happy to concerned. "Sure, uh. The couch? Do you want something to drink?" She turned to the fridge, looking at the sadness of the contents. It was obvious Terry hadn't been staying there much while she'd been gone, if at all. "We have water? I could make tea."
He wanted a beer. And his responses were affecting Darcy, which was expected, but he hated it. He could hear the nervousness in her heartbeat, how she breathed. "I'm good," he answered, taking a seat. "Clint and I were going through the reports after everything, since we weren't there. And... when did you become a sniper?"
"Kevin's been teaching me since..." She had to pause to think about it. "This summer? After Quire threatened to kill me, so July? I'd have to check my calendar. But when did I become one, as in on a mission? That Sunday." Darcy could talk about the mission reports. That was fine. She took a deep breath as she grabbed a bottle of water from the emergency stash, turning and eyeing the seats. For some reason, snuggling up to Matt on the couch didn't feel like it was an option. She bit her lip in indecision, and ultimately ended up hovering awkwardly in her own kitchen, taking in every small movement and gesture he made.
"And you used a 16 year old spotter?" Matt knew, in desperate situations, you did desperate things you wouldn't ordinarily do. He'd wished he'd known she'd been training for that. He didn't know if it would make a difference or not, but he still wished it.
"Liam is who was sent to me when I told Marie-Ange I could use one, yes." Darcy did-didn't-couldn't fully regret it either, not when he'd directly helped her save at least two lives. Hate it? Yes. Wish there had been an adult around, or even one of what she called the youths, that new group of residents ranging between 18 and 25 or so? Yes, but they were kids in her mind too, and the clench of her gut as Madin's voice–so young, when did all of these kids get so young–asking if they had to execute someone...
The plaintive ask of that question and the recoil of her rifle as she tried to reassure them still featured in her nightmares. She shifted uncomfortably and crossed to the chair in the corner, curling up into a ball in the seat. "It pulled him out of the danger that the streets were turning into and gave him something useful to do instead of fretting."
Matt shook his head, "I can't....I can understand it all. Defend it in court, argue it to a jury. But I don't think I can date someone that's a sniper. That... chose to become one," his voice rough, "Those are two different things."
Darcy raised an eyebrow, but her voice was carefully even as she spoke. "Doug is a sniper too. So is your brother."
Matt nodded, "I considered that," he agreed, "I'm not dating Clint. And I'm not dating Doug. But also, he took up a rifle once, reluctantly, over a decade ago. What he did once, before I knew him isn't on me to judge. It might not be much of a difference to you, but it is to me."
Her face moved in a series of contortions reminiscent of the meme about the confused woman and math, fingers and eyebrows expressing various levels of open shock and confusion. 'Once???' she thought to herself, but what came out of her mouth was "What do you mean you aren't dating Doug? Aren't you two having sex? I–" This was confusing, and ultimately didn't matter, but also. How many months had she been thinking they were dating just to be wrong? What in the actual fuck? Her worldview shifted a few centimeters to the left while attempting to process this. "What???"
"We're getting off track," Matt said, bringing the conversation back around. They could discuss the nuances of their poly for hours and that wasn't the issue. "I don't think I can date you anymore. Not right now."
Darcy let out a slow breath, just staring at Matt for several long moments. So being a sniper was fine for family and casual sex, but not dating? "I suggest you not date anyone from X-Force in the future, if that's a hard line for you." They didn't all snipe, and some of them only used guns as a very last resort for various reasons, but they all understood the necessity. Best to just avoid her team altogether.
She'd thought Matt didn't want to know the details of her work beyond the mundane because of the potential legal ramifications and the ease of keeping their stories straight with Foggy and Marci—andoh, that was something else she was going to lose, wasn't it? Probably not her friendship with Marci unless Matt was honest about why he'd broken up with her, but the fragile friendship she'd been building with Foggy wouldn't survive without Matt and Marci both tying them together. But maybe he'd never really understood how her team worked sometimes at all, and she wasn't going to promise to never pick up the gun again, not with the lives of theirs she knew she'd saved
She pressed her lips together, ignoring the clogging in her throat and tears sheening and spilling down her cheeks to stand, disappearing into her room for several minutes.
When she returned there were a pair of red fingerless gloves with a soft black lining in her hands. She pressed them into his hands, leaning forward to brush a soft kiss against his cheek before stepping back and turning to stare out the window with eyes that focused on nothing.
Despite her best efforts, her voice was wobbly when she spoke again. "I wish you joy, Matthew. Pl–please leave."
no subject
Date: 2024-02-02 03:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-03 01:19 am (UTC)