xp_logs | (Backdated) Rogue and Marius: Security

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TW: Description of illusionary suicide.

In the aftermath of TILT, Rogue is still feeling unsettled in the aftermath of a resurgence of the field trip curse.
(Backdated to 4/14)

The days were warming, but the nights could still be brisk -- and dark, too, this far from the city proper. In deference to the fact the one he sought might be a bit on edge, Marius had ensured the very expensive tech-fleece pullover he'd donned had been of a suitably light colour. This was not the sort of woman you wanted to surprise.

Fortunately his fears were unfounded. He found his target near the front gate, walking at an easy pace and already facing in his direction. An accidental ambush was not in the cards. With a bright smile Marius hefted one of the thermoses he carried in her direction in lieu of a wave.

"Rogue! My search is at an end. May I interest you in the displeasure of my company?"

"If that's got your fancy shmancy coffee in it, you can annoy me all night, amour," she responded gleefully, making gimme hands at him. Taking the thermos, she took a smell and closed her eyes. "Always the best with you. Why you gotta be so suave? Do they teach you that at boarding school or something? I think it's common knowledge by now that I flunked right out of my debutante prep." She took a delicate sip of the coffee and smiled. "Turns out, y'all ain't supposed to fill your plate with appetizers and then eat an entire meal after. Which to me, is dumb. If'n I gotta sit and talk with whiny rich people, I want a full stomach while I'm doing it."

Marius set a hand against his chest and gave Rogue a shallow bow. "If one must be a man of many parts, at least one should be moderately entertaining. Who was this charmless reprobate who disapproved of your behaviour? Committing a breach of social decorum is the most effective way to separate the wheat from the chaff: those capable of appreciating substance from those who care only for the surface -- lovely as that surface may be." The other X-Man dropped his hand and tilted his head at her. "All this aside, I thought to ask if you'd like some company. I find I have entered my insomniac era, and filling the time can be so tedious."

"I am always flattered that you'd lower yourself to my level and chat," she responded with an exaggerated bow. "See? I shoulda curtsied and didn't. My poor education is always creepin' up on me." Rogue tapped her fingers on the thermos and sighed. "Also, I hear you on the insomnia thing. Nightmares over here... just so much in my mind, what with that latest kidnapping and ... fuck. I had to kill myself, Marius."

Marius paused, thermos part way to his lips. One eyebrow rose, then the other. "Your lack of womanly etiquette shall be forgiven on the condition you elaborate," he said.

Rogue took her time responding, trying to parse through it all before deciding that Marius, by virtue of all the things they'd gone through, could hear the truth. "Woke up in a weird video game world, a horror one I think, I can't remember what Emily called it. What matters is we were in a maze and to get out ... one of us had to die. By our own hand." She took a long pause, sipping her coffee to calm herself. "Sugar, I've been low. Real low. Like depressed, hating myself, all that....but never have I really thought about suicide and you know what? It was awful. So goddamn awful to know you gotta do this..."

The other man blinked, momentarily stunned out of his normally endless supply of words. He lowered his thermos.

"Yes," he said slowly, "that sounds to be . . . less than a pleasant experience." He halted again, unsure there was a delicate way to put this before realising no, there was not. "So did you actually . . ?"

"Put the noose around my neck and kicked the chair out," she responded bluntly. "And then nothing. At all. If that's what death is, I don't want it."

There was really no way to put a positive spin on forced suicide, but that didn't mean Marius wasn't going to try.

"Good news, then," he said, gesturing towards her with the thermos. "As I am fortunate enough to be graced by your presence, I think we may conclude that was not, in fact, the typical post mortem experience. Although I must say I would prefer neither of us put this supposition to the test."

"For real though," she grumbled, wishing oddly enough that she had a cigarette or something to focus these fidgeting feelings she was suddenly overwhelmed by. "Whatever. It happened and then ... didn't. And now here I am. Still. As are you. I wonder if there's any meaning to all this or if it's just karmic retribution from kicking blind puppies in another life."

"I wonder that myself, on occasion. Although personally I've crimes enough from this life that I shudder to think of the compound interest from the last." Marius slowly rolled the thermos between his palms, considering his next words. "I've no great insight into the meaning of life or potential lack thereof. Given my own history, however, I believe having this mystery solved might prove detrimental to my continued desire to remain on this planet. So perhaps we must look not at the why of things, but the result of our role in them. That is within our means to control, and I am quite certain your charges were the better for your presence."

"Well, they sure weren't worse," she said, a little self deprecating. "Still. Field trip curse and all continues to persist." She took another sip of her coffee, and sighed, giving in to her body's wants. "Ya don't happen to have a smoke, do you? I'm feeling mighty antsy now, just want to calm my brain I guess. It was easier, you know, not being responsible for anyone. Even when Logan and I are together, like living together, I ain't responsible for him. He does what he wants, I do what I want, and we are happy that way. We got love and respect between us, so when he just needs to go do his Wolverine thing and be alone..." She waved off into the air. "Go be alone, sugar. Don't bother me none. And if I gotta go, I go too. We have an understanding that we don't pine away for the other. When we are together, that's it. When we aren't, we are free to do what we want. And then I come back here and I really ain't never alone. I got people who love me, and who I care about so I gotta be the best me I can be ... does that make sense?"

"Perfectly. You speak here of obligations, a state of affairs I endeavor always to avoid under any circumstances." Marius rolled his neck in a leisurely way. "Business obligations, ah, that's just money. One may always make more money. Emotional entanglements, however, are something to which I have always been shall we say 'constitutionally disinclined', and that is a relief indeed. You must be depended upon before you may disappoint. In that respect you are surely a stronger woman than I . . . well, if we speak of ways beyond the obvious, that is."

"No pun intended, huh?" Rogue gave a little laugh. "I hear what you're saying though. It's why life is easier on its own ...but lonelier." Another sigh escaped. "Wow, my moods are doing more flip flopping than the shoe of the same name. Wanna go for a walk with me around the grounds and see if we can figure out what constellations are up there? And if we don't know, we can make it up"

Marius raised his thermos to her in a toast. "Bien sûre, mon amie. I would be nothing more than pleased to vandalise the heavens on your behalf. As to the rest, you know what they say: God gives his most difficult battles to his strongest warriors." He smiled at her over the lip of the cup. "And that is why I'm not religious."