xp_logs | Manuel, Amanda - Friday afternoon

Manuel tracks Amanda down by the lake after this covnersation with Nate and comforts her, first with words, and then with the way that works better. Plans are laid for the summer, and truths told.

Things had been sorted with Nate, but her own emotional state was another matter. Not wanting to swamp Manuel with the mess in her head, Amanda had taken herself for a walk down by the lake, and was sitting on the small dock, trying to do one of Romany's meditation drills and not having much success. There was too much to think about.

Manuel felt Amanda's confusion and her sadness, and decided that it was Past Time to go cheer her up a bit. She'd done the same for him when he wallowed in misery, so it was really just returning like for like. The calm determination and the good feelings that went with that decision were really just icing on the cake. Really. So he used the link like a finder, to track her down and see what he could do.

She was concentrating on the drill so hard she only sensed his presence at the same time as she heard his boots on the planking. Waiting until he was almost behind her, she half-turned and looked up at him. "Hey. Was I bein' too loud? I was tryin' not to."

"No, not at all. Your control is improving, far faster than mine is, anyway. Wanted to see how you were doing." And he sat down next to her on that pier, his arm automatically snaking around to hug her at the waist. "You were feeling fairly terrible there for a bit. Want to talk about it?"

"Minor freak out. Everythin' pilin' up on me again." With a sigh Amanda rested her head against his shoulder, resting her arm on his leg. "I'm just sick of feeling like the people I care about ain't there when I need 'em. Shinobi, Sarah, Marie... It hurts."

Manuel shrugged ever so slightly and tightened his hug for a second. "I don't want to start comparing old wounds, but you have friends here. I have three, I think, and two of them are gone, probably for good. My sponsor and mentor is so swamped with business that she's taken up residence back in New York, and while she still pays me for my work, and recently cleared up my identity issues here in America, I'm completely dependent on the goodwill of strangers to stay alive. So I take pleasure where I can, in what I can."

"I know. Sorry. Inner child talkin' - she's bein' whiny. An' yeah, I have friends, but the ones that're left here, most of 'em don't really understand the addiction thing, the rest of the magic shite. They can't - they're from nice, safe normal lives, an' they don't need t' hear 'bout that stuff." Absently, she stroked his knee where her hand rested on it. "I wish I could make things easier for you here."

"Funny, I was about to say the same thing to you. I know it has not been easy. For you and for me, especially. Mutation's a bitch, especially ones like ours. I won't lie and say that I understand the magic thing and what you do - I know you can get impressive results, and you've saved my life with it, and that's all that counts by me. My fear, since we're being honest today, is that I'm more of a burden than I am anything else. It galls me that I don't have control. I don't like not being in control. I have come to realize that I have never been in control of my life. It was always pre-decided for me, or a reaction to circumstances, or imposed on me by others. Still is, although this imposition is far lighter and fairer than others I have experienced." he said casually, but his emotions spiked all over the place as he talked.

"That makes two of us then, not havin' control over our lives," Amanda replied. "An' of all of 'em, you understand best 'bout what it's like t' have yer power get bigger than you can handle, t' have t' have it controlled 'cause you can't do it yerself." Her hand tightened on his knee. "An' you ain't a burden, Manny. I can't lie t' you, it's hard sometimes, yeah, more so since seein' that dream of yers, but it's worth it. You're worth it. An' not just for the sex, neither," she added with a small grin.

"Oh, I know how much of an onerous burden it is to have sex with the gorgeous talented Spaniard. A cross you'll just have to bear for now." he smirked, his humor having apparently returned. "And I am still discovering who and what I am, and you help me with that." he said quite seriously. "It must be this bit of sunshine we're having here - I don't normally get like this unless I'm talking to Samson. Who has, by the by, promised that he's not going to write any books about me any time soon."

"Well, I'll put up with it 'til somethin' better comes along, at any rate." Amanda squeaked as Manuel poked her for that. "Just jokin', really. No ticklin' or we'll end up in the drink." Satisfied there would be no more poking, Amanda moved closer again and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

"There isn't anything any better." he said with an arrogant grin. "Trust the empath on this one." He then laid out flat on his back, to stare up at the blue sky. "It's nice out here, away from all the stress of this foolish academics."

"Why d'you think I picked it? Doesn't take an empathy t' feel the tension in that place at the moment." Amanda leaned back against a bollard, the rough wood warm through her t-shirt. "Ain't so bad out here now that bloody snow's gone."

Manuel smiled at that, his honest-smile. "Try being one in that place at the moment. I thought my head was going to explode some days. Seems to be dying down now. I didn't go to my finals - I didn't see a point to it. Makes things much easier that way."

"I am in yer place. Or at least, I've got a front seat, remember?" Amanda tapped her head, indicating the link. Then she raised her eyebrow. "None of 'em? Ain't Emma gunna give you a bollockin' for failin'? Even if she's in New York, I can see her not bein' happy 'bout that."

Manuel grinned. "Nah. Didn't see the point, really. Most of 'em I couldn't figure out anyway - too much reading. I took my English final and passed it, though. And Psionics was taught by Kwannon, so that entire class was lies. Psychology - well, the guy who wrote the book was an idiot, from what I could understand and from what I got translated for me."

"Well, I just hope I passed enough t' get out of the munchkin classes. All this remedial work's dull as dishwater." Amanda gave him a half-amused, half-exasperated look. "'S all right for you, yer've got yer life laid out for you. An' before you offer again, no, I don't want you t' take care of me. 'S about time I did for meself properly."

"Well, I've got the Hellfire stuff, and working as Emma's secretary. That's about it so far - a nice place to start, but not what I want to do with my life, you know? And it isn't my fault the text is in English, which I didn't know until January or so. And that Psionics would be nothing but lies. And that Psychology was a waste of time. I didn't pick the courses, I didn't get a choice in the matter," he protested. "It's all bullshit."

"Who picked the courses? Emma?" Amanda asked, not pointing out just then that the only language she could read fluently was Latin, and she'd managed, with much struggling and extra study.

"Yes." he said. "She felt them appropriate. She was wrong." And then he sat back up, to face Amanda more directly. "You don't want me to take care of you, to provide for you, do you?"

"No." Seeing his face darken, feeling the surge of hurt through the link, Amanda hastened to go on. "'S not 'cause I don't trust you, or that I don't think you can, or any of that. 'S just... I'm here 'cause Pete an' Rom're takin' care of things for me. Everythin' I own was given t' me, or paid for me by someone else. An' I'm grateful for that, but I don't want t' have t' rely on someone else me entire life. I want t' be able t' look after meself, know that no matter what happens, I don't have t' go back t' livin' on the street, beggin' an' sellin' meself just so I can eat." Her expression was earnest as she tried to explain why it was so important to her.

Manuel actually stopped to think about that for a few moments, to put aside his first emotional reaction and try to think it through. "OK, that makes sense. I won't pretend to _like_ it, but that makes sense. And it's important to you, I'd have to be blind to miss that. More truth time - I'm used to living with wealth, but right now I'm not. I'm totally dependent on Emma Frost for... everything, really. From my life on up. So I understand, better than you know."

She nodded, relieved. "I'm glad you get what I'm tryin' t' say. An' yeah, you do know what it's like." Reaching over, she touched his face lightly. "'S weird how alike we are, sometimes."

"You're the witch, don't you believe in fate? In destiny?" he smirked at Amanda.

"So we're fated, are we?" she said, teasingly. "Star-crossed lovers, all that twaddle?" She laughed, not mockingly, but amused, and there was a strong feeling of... caring? fondness? coming down the link.

Manuel closed his eyes for a second and just basked in that feeling. "I don't know, really. I think that's a bunch of superstitious twaddle, but if you had asked me when I was still a free man if magic existed, I would have laughed. Now I know better. So who knows? Marie-Ange, probably, but she's the last person I want to talk to right now. Besides Askani, that is."

Amanda made a non-committal noise at the mention of Marie-Ange and Askani, but a hint of worry, mixed with guilt, slid down the link. Knowing full well he could feel it, she decided to come clean. "I saw Askani today, when I was talkin' t' Nate. She wanted t' apologise for what happened."

Manuel's eyes snapped open at that. "Did she hurt you? If she did, so help me, I will find a way to have that bitch _FLENSED_!" he snarled.

"D'you think I'd be sittin' here talkin' t' you like this if she had? I'm fine, Manny! Enough of the Spanish machismo already." She held his gaze, making sure he was listening to her before she went on. "She apologised for scarin' me the other day, an' for hurtin' Nate. An' she said she'd help, with... things. That's all." A slightly amused look crossed her face. "She reminded me of Rom a bit. Tho' Rom would've turned me into a cabbage or somethin' for threatenin' her with magic like I did Askani."

"She apologizes to you, but to me, nothing. Great. This what I get for being born good-looking but with no tits." he sighed, seeming to deflate a little. "Your meeting with her went far better than mine."

"Well, the first one, not so much. An' it's nothin' t' do with what I look like, or what you look like neither." Amanda was teenage girl enough to file away the implied compliment, though. "I didn't go in there thinkin' they were parasites, or threaten t' have 'em exorcised. They're people Manny, not things. They might be dead, but that doesn't make 'em any less real. You'll see that if you meet one of Rom's partners. He's been dead for a couple of hundred years." She realised she was off the track, and retraced her thoughts. "Askani's seen her clan pretty much wiped out, from what I can tell, an' it makes her a little sensitive t' people threatenin' t' do it again."

Manuel snorted. "Are you trying to tell me that Rom is trying to screw a _ghost_?" And then he collapsed into peals of laughter. "Oh, that's rich. I needed the laugh, thanks."

She thwapped him lightly. "I have no idea of the mechanics of it, but she seems happy enough. Well, her an' the rest of the group. I did tell you about the whole group marriage thing, didn't I?"

"No, you left that part out too." he said, still laughing. Then he stopped, and pulled himself together. "Wait - you're serious! How absolutely bizarre! And I don't see Askani as a real person - she's a figment, an echo from Nathan's precognition. She has no right to exist in the here-and-now, so why should I indulge her little fantasies? I mean, come _ON_, global war? Really."

"Why's it so ridiculous? Ain't like there hasn't been wars before, or genocide. An' you dreamed 'bout them too, didn't you, the night they moved into Nate's head?" Amanda asked, a little nettled.

Manuel laughed again. "Telepathy could make you believe you were a chicken with Lyme disease. That's all it is, really. And I'm trying hard to not be drawn into the hallucination."

Amanda half-growled. "Yer impossible. There's no chance you might be wrong at all, is there? That the dampener might be blockin' out the Nate part? 'Cause he is still in there, y'know."

"There are, by his own admission, millions of people in there. There's no _way_ he could be in there and not be overwhelmed. He's not that strong of a telepath." Manuel said with the conviction of the Young and Dumb.

"Two million. An' what if they weren't tryin' t' overwhelm him? Just sittin' in the background, shieldin' 'emselves so they didn't wipe him out? That's possible, ain't it?" Amanda replied, with the conviction of the person who had started Psionics class after Kwannon, when Charles was teaching it.

Manuel snorted again, with the conviction of someone who learned how to (not) psionically shield from Kwannon. "I don't think so. I know the man's got a segmented mind, but it's not _that_ segmented."

"An' people say I'm stubborn," Amanda muttered. She wanted to be angry at him and his closed-mindedness, but she just didn't have it in her today. "Yer wrong, but I don't know how t' get it through that thick skull of yers that you are, so I'm just gunna leave it with tellin' you they ain't gunna hurt us. Not now, not ever."

Manuel swallowed heavily and rubbed his neck. "Wish I could believe that, I really do." And then he scooted his butt over to sit next to Amanda, and lean into her a bit, suddenly craving physical contact.

He wasn't the only one needing the contact - with a small sigh Amanda put her arms around his waist and pulled him closer. "I need a break from all this," she said quietly. "Evil clones, dead people from the future, studyin'... even the magic. I just want t' forget it all for a bit, an' just be a girl havin' a cuddle with her boyfriend."

Manuel leaned over to nibble on her earlobe - he seemed to like the sensations it generated in Amanda. "Then let's _go_! Get away from all of this. Go back to Europe, or anywhere you want to go." he murmured into her ear. "Think anyone will wander this way in the next half-hour or so?"

"Right now I don't really care if they turn up with a full marchin' band t' cheer us on," Amanda said, a shiver running through her as his breath tickled her ear.

"Good. Because all this sunshine has me positively horny." he grinned, then licked at her earlobe delicately. "And I hate being told no."

"An' how often do I tell you that?" she chuckled, sliding into his lap so she could kiss him properly.

Manuel grinned and kissed her back with a vengeance. "You're no fool." he said with a smile, then looked at the nice, cool water. "I have an idea. Could be a lot of fun. Do you trust me?"

She caught his glance, and bit her lip a little. "You remember I can't swim, right?" she began, but then nodded. "I trust you. You know that."

"I know, but Samson tells me that it makes other people feel better when I ask anyway." he said. "And I'll catch you. Here, I'll go first." Shedding his clothes quickly, he slipped into the cool water, and then grinned blissfully. "Oh, this is _nice_. Come on in, I'll catch you."

Glancing over her shoulder to make sure there wasn't any one wandering past, Amanda stripped off her jeans and t-shirt and slid into the water and Manuel's waiting arms. She squeaked a little as he moved away from the dock, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Not too deep, all right?"

"Relax." he said, wishing not for the first time that he had access to his talent. He moved in the water, towing Amanda behind him, until they got to a point where they could both be reasonably private and deliciously horizontal.

This wasn't so bad. Lovely sunny day, nice cool water on her skin, Manuel all wet and slippery against her... Amanda began to relax, focusing on the link and the combined reassurance and lust Manuel was projecting down it.

Manuel grinned. It had been too long since he'd been able to do this, even though the lake was a poor substitute indeed for the Mediterranean. But he was with Amanda, which was always good, and his passions were running hot today. Quenching them was fast becoming something more than a priority - more like absolution.

She needed this. She needed him. Amanda closed her eyes and arched against him, losing herself in that moment of sun and water and passion. Nothing else mattered, just what she was feeling, and what he was feeling. She kissed him hard, pushing all of her desire and wanting down the link at him as she did.

Manuel very nearly had the top of his head blown off at the combined ferocity of their mingled emotions. "One good thing about my power - I always know when you're into it." he said to no one in particular.

"You couldn't tell without?" she murmured, teasing, then gasped as he touched a particularly sensitive spot.

"There's being able to see it, and then there's _knowing_. Different." he panted out, as the urge to let go rose within him, only to be fought back with all his willpower. It was too soon.

"Power or not, you'll always know with me, at least," she managed between moans and gasps. Manuel was very good at this, and had the advantage in the water. "The link..." She could feel him holding back and twisted so he slid into her, wanting him, all of him. "There'll always be a part of you in me, long as the link's there," she said, before words failed her.

Amanda's words pushed him over the edge with a strangled gasp, and the two of them crested together for what seemed to be an eternity before shuddering back into consciousness. "Well. We definitely feel better." he grinned as he submerged most of himself into the water, to let it cool him.

"That we do," she said, still breathing heavily. She flicked water from her fingertips at his face, smiling mischievously. "This was a fuckin' brilliant idea."

"Pun intended." he said as he relaxed in the water's cool embrace, then blinked as Amanda's water droplets splashed into his face. "You don't want to go there. I know where all your spots are, and I'm cruel enough to exploit _all_ of them."

"Hey, non-swimmer, remember? No tickle fights in the water." Amanda came back over to his side, ran her fingers over his chest. "Could you teach me? T' swim, I mean. It ain't like I'm embarrassed 'bout you seein' me in a suit, s'long as no-one else does."

"I'd be happy to." he said agreeably. Of course, in the post-coital glow, you could probably ask him to drill a hole into his head and he'd cheerfully agree. "Let me know when you'd like to start. We've got the lake out here, and the pools."

"I'd say now, but I'm too shagged to move just yet," she said with a smile and a satisfied stretch.

Even after having just scratched, Manuel made a happynoise deep in his throat as Amanda stretched. "This little pond sure isn't the Med, but it's been _far_ too long." he said happily. "Reminds me of when I was a boy, taking a holiday while Alphonso conducted business. He was happy to get me out of his hair, and I was happy to just sit and soak. He used to grumble that I was going to turn into a fish." His expression then sobered a little. "No, what he got was far worse than just a fish. I think he could have lived with a fish."

Amanda frowned a little at that. "His problem, not yers. An' I like you the way you are, without gills an' bein' all slimy an' fishy," she said, attempting to lighten his mood.

"I don't think you understand." he said with a frown. "He's all I have left. He's my _family_. I know you never really had one, but to me, family is _everything_. It is a tie that extends back to Rome herself. It is tradition, and meaning, and a whole host of things I don't have words for." he mused. "It is my future. I am the only one left, it is my _duty_ to carry the name forward. To return it to glory. And I don't know if I have what it takes."

"'M sorry - I _don't_ understand, but it's important to you. I can feel that," she said quietly, almost apologetically, pulling away from him a little. "Is... do you think you can't do it 'cause yer a mutant?" she asked, hesitantly. "'Cause that's bollocks, you know it is."

"That's only part of it. It is because I'm an empath." he said sadly. "I have no real control - you know that. I let them shackle me "for my own good". I spent years in an asylum because I didn't read a situation correctly. He showed me that I don't have what it takes when he cast me out." he said, scrubbing at his eyes. "I have nothing unless I finally get it all together. I'm told I have to become friends with the Americans, and I have failed. I do not understand them, or do what they do."

"Control takes time," Amanda told him. "You ain't had no-one t' teach you, not really, so it's no wonder you got yerself into a mess. It ain't failure, no matter what yer dad might've said or done, an' no-one deserves what happened to you in that place, no matter what power they have or what they might've done or not done." Her tone grew a little fierce. "Yer've made mistakes, but so does everyone, but you don't get t' give up. You do that, you might as well be bloody dead. Yer _tryin'_, an' yer improvin', I can see that even without the link, an' if people can't give you bloody credit for that, then fuck 'em."

"Oh, you hadn't heard? I'm supposed to just lock down my brain, shut up, conform, be a Good Boy, and not do anything to upset the children. Can't have any of that! Ahhh, now I'm just whining. I _hate_ whining." he said with a snarl. "I get frustrated some times." he offered needlessly.

"I'd noticed," she said dryly. "I dunno what t' say - they're scared of you, 'specially after that shite with Kwannon. An' some of 'em are just stupid kids, an' don't know how t' deal with anythin' out of their reckoning." She shrugged helplessly, the water rippling around her at the movement. "If I knew what t' do t' make it easier, I'd do it. But you can't give up, Manny. That much I _do_ know."

"I have no intention of giving up." he said, making his own ripples in the water with an idle hand. "When I get discouraged, all I have to do is remember what the world was like when I was unlocked. It's so beautiful, really. All the different auras and threads connecting us all, the casual loves and hates and fears. I dream of it, sometimes. Just _seeing_ again."

"I remember," she said softly, smiling a little at the passion in his voice and echoing down the link, the longing. "An' you'll get it back one day. I'm sure."

"I know I'll get it back. The question is what shape I'll be in when I do get it back. Will I rule it, or will it rule me?" he mused.