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In which Alison and Nathan have a talk about layers and secrets, by the pool...

Peeling away Onion Boy's layers...
Tuesday afternoon ~ poolside

Maybe it was the sun, or the warmth of the day, or just the really comfortable lounge chair, but after Angelo departed and he finished his lunch, Nathan found himself dozing. Fragmentary dreams flickered through his mind, some his own, some the Askani's, but none particularly disturbing. He was content to drift from one to the other until the sound of a splash intruded on a dream of the desert. It was enough of an incongruity to wake him up, and Nathan rubbed at his eyes, then blinked at the person in the pool.

"Hey, Alison," he called.

"Hey yourself!" she replied, disappearing under the water again with a small plop before surfacing much closer, lifting her arms out of the water to cross them on the poolside, placing her chin on them comfortably. "Ah, blessed sunlight," she grinned, looking straight up at the sun in approval before sneaking an amused look at him. "Lulled you to sleep, did it?"

Nathan grinned a little. "About damned time something did," he said dryly. "I like this whole sleeping-without-drugs thing. Makes me feel much less groggy when I wake up."

She was trying so hard not to grin, but sadly didn't manage to quite hide the amusement. A snicker escaped her and she lifted one hand, waggling a finger at him and pointing at his face. "Kinda leaves you with interesting new colouring though, mm?" She raised an eyebrow at him and grinned wickedly.

Nathan blinked at her, then laughed ruefully, one hand going to his face. "Got a little color, did I?" he asked. "Ah, well. Probably won't kill me." He grinned wickedly. "At least I don't sunburn like Moira does. Absolutely lobster-red."

"Ha! All that fair Irish skin, huh?" And Alison managed to not make that sound lewd in the least, though she had been briefly tempted. "I don't burn either, though I used to. Well, so long as I remain conscious I don't burn." She chuckled at that, shifting to lean her chin in her hand. It was good to see him more relaxed. In fact, it was the first time she saw him quite like this, now that she thought on it.

Nathan was fully aware of the fact that he was being assessed, but it didn't dampen his mood in the slightest. "Amazing what a little catharsis will do for one's attitude on life," he said, still smiling.

"Yeah," she nodded, legs shifting in the pleasantly cool water, letting out a slow breath and relaxing that much more herself. "How're things going, then? I assume some goodness, but it's always nice to hear about it too..." she smiled, to show it was fine if he wanted to keep it to himself a bit longer, though.

Nathan rubbed at the back of his neck, his eyes flickering up to the near-cloudless sky for a moment before he looked back at Alison. "I was surprised how easy it was, once I sat down and started to write," he confessed. "Which is kind of weird, really, because I've been just... murderously angry about it for so long." He was silent for a moment, then offered what he suspected she might have guessed already. "That was when I went mercenary. After that, and after..." He trailed off, not sure he was willing to supply that piece just yet.

Alison just nodded quietly, smiling calmly while listening. She'd learned to do that more than ever lately, keeping her emotions tightly locked away when Miles woke from a nightmare and made his way to her room for a lullaby, sometimes telling her about his nightmares - and the events that had prompted them. "Anger is healthy too - it keeps us alive, reminds us of things. But it has its own time and place..." A badly rendered translation of an Askani proverb, she realized belatedly, blinking a bit in bemusement.

"It gets in the way of living, if you let it," Nathan said quietly. "And I have sure as hell let it." He stared down at Alison, a little bleakly. "I ran, when they died," he said suddenly, almost harshly, forcing the word out. "After I recovered, I took my family and ran, and got my wife and son killed. That's the rest of it."

Her eyes shadowed at that - she knew the risks, knew how easy it was to lose your family. Knew she could have lost Miles during the attack in January, knew something might happen anytime. But it was another thing entirely to be faced with someone who had - and clearly still blamed himself for what had happened. She pushed herself up and out of the water, walking towards her towel, resting on a chair nearby, leaving wet spots on the cement to trace her path. After a moment, blanket wrapped around her waist loosely, she sat down in the sun next to him. "May I ask what happened?"

Nathan took a deep breath. This was not quite as easy as the post had been, maybe because it was face to face with someone... but he wasn't going to back out now. "I don't think I really made it clear, in that post... I never 'enlisted'. It was a black ops program and I was fourteen, one of their first successful candidates... there was telepathic and empathic conditioning involved. That's why I have so much trouble with Manuel." He swallowed, his throat tightening. "In any case, leaving was not supposed to be an option. I was trying to get documents to get us out of the country, but I made a huge mistake. I left Aliya and Tyler alone while I did it." He forced himself to meet her eyes, shifting in the chair at the compassion that he saw there. "The retrieval team hit the hotel room while I was gone. She and I were linked, so I knew... I tried to get back, but I didn't make it in time." He managed an unsteady smile. "I should have told you this weeks ago. I imagine you've wondered why I look at Miles the way I do. He's about the age Tyler was when he died."

For all that she hadn't known, it still failed to be a surprise. There had been pain and something that hinted at sorrow each time he saw Miles, when she'd mentioned the boy that first night Nathan had arrived at the mansion, even. And with the hints he'd been dropping here and there about his past, it only made sense that it had been something bad. Really bad, even. She merely reached out, resting her hand over his lightly - there was compassion but no pity in her eyes and her feelings. "You weren't ready to tell me, weeks ago," she murmured. "Simple as that."

Nathan took another breath, more unsteady this time. "I don't know that I was ready to tell you now," he said with that same wan smile, "but I'm getting so tired of holding onto it all." He rubbed at his eyes, then picked up his glass and sipped at what was left of his iced tea. "Everyone's getting too close. Taking turns peeling off my armor, layer by layer, and I don't even think I want to resist anymore."

"Maybe that's cause it's not the right sort of armour for here." she suggested, leaning back, hands resting on the other side of the chair, stretching out her legs. The towel flapped lightly in the breeze. "Nathan? It is possible-" and she stopped, hesitating. Not sure this was the right time to bring the thought that had just occurred to her up as a topic.

"What...?" Nathan asked a bit uneasily.

She bit her lip, looking up at the sun again, unblinkingly, for a long moment. "Maybe it was part of their conditioning. To leave an opening, a way for them to get to you if you ran. You can't have been the first to try." She looked down again, not a trace of sunglare in her eyes. "Maybe they made certain you'd leave them alone for that one moment - a pre-conditioned blind spot..."

Nathan stared at her, wide-eyed. The day didn't feel quite as warm, suddenly. "I've given them a lot of credit for being cruel and manipulative over the years," he said hoarsely. "But that's never occurred to me. I don't... I was in shock, barely got back out of there alive, but..." He stopped, shaking his head abruptly. "No," he said, rejecting the possibility. Because if there had been any more to it, that made Aliya's protests, her unwillingness to flee something he had been criminal to disregard, not just stupid. "It was me, miscalculating."

"I don't know," she nodded easily, trying not to react to his overt dismay and horror at the thought - clearly he'd taken this as something else, likely blaming himself for it. Bridge had warned her he did that. "I don't know them, at all." Instead she stayed as calm as possible, reaching inward, hoping he'd pick up on it and settle a bit himself. Hopefully.

Nathan closed his eyes for a moment, concentrating on breathing. Warm sun. Nice day. Not going to waste it by spiraling back down into anything approaching a bad mood. "Food for thought," he said a little lamely, opening his eyes again and trying to smile at her. It wasn't all that successful an attempt.

Well, she'd brought the tension back. Only fair she try to ease it to something more acceptable. "May I try something?" She tilted her head to the side, smiling a bit.

Nathan tried not to look overtly wary. "All... right," he said very hesitantly, thoroughly off-balance at this point.

She nodded at him and took a deep breath, drawing her legs up on the chair to sit in a meditative pose, hands resting on her knees. "If this makes you uncomfortable at any time, just tell me to stop," she murmured, already withdrawing within. Find that place, the one were everything is all right. The cliff by the sea and the tree, solid and reaching up towards the sky... Her breathing evened out slowly, becoming near imperceptible and light slowly started to emerge in lazy patterns around them both, barely visible at first, easily mingling with the ambient sunlight. Calm. Steady. Safe.

For a moment, he stiffened, remembering the lights in his peripheral vision that had always signaled the onset of a vision. But these were much different, much softer. Gentler, almost. Nathan let the air in his lungs out on a sigh, the dancing patterns of light strangely soothing, making it difficult to hold onto the stress he'd been struggling to internalize. It drained away, and he was content to let it.

Alison could almost sense the tension easing from him, eyes opened only enough to see his form, not really focusing on his features. There was no resistance from him, purposeful or by reflex and what she was doing now would be more than enough to allow him some rest, if he so wished. It was up to him, ultimately. And perhaps, her lips shifted into a small smile as she shifted the light pattern slowly, the Askani would be inclined to peek too - and grant him a bit of rest from them as well.