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xp_logsEmboldened by his ordeal, Rictor apologizes to Shatterstar for his neglect and finally confesses his truth.
Fear would no longer rule Julio Richter's life. That was his personal oath to Ted the Man-Thing, and Rictor was a man of his word. Of course, that did not stop him from being scared out of his mind at the thought of what he had to do next and, maybe even scarier, the two possible outcomes of this task.
But the days of cowering away and ignoring his heart were over. He would now take action, which started easily enough with a knock on the door to Shatterstar's suite.
It took a few minutes for the door to be answered, but when Shatterstar did get to the door, his hair was wet and it was clear he had just gotten dressed out of the shower. His eyes widened in slight surprise at the sight of Rictor. They had hardly seen each other lately despite living in the same place.
"Ric?" He said. Not Julio.
Ouch. Easy part was over, now the first hard part: Rictor was going to need one hell of an apology. Meeting Shatterstar's gaze despite a nearly overwhelming urge to look down to the floor in shame, he spoke. "Hi. I need to talk to you. It's very important. May I come in? Please."
Shatterstar stepped aside and let Rictor in, unclear what this could be about. "Are you hurt?"
"Oh, no no. I'm well, thank you." Rictor cringed a little as he entered the room, embarrassed by how formal he sounded. He had to calm the hell down. "Liam isn't here, is he? This is kind of something private. Just you and me."
"It's just me," Shatterstar said, tugging at his own braid. Rictor's nervousness brought out his own. What could be private?
Hard part number one: the apology. "So, I know I have been gone a lot recently. I postponed plans without asking you first so I could make plans with Harriet. And I'm sorry. I . . . it's just . . ." Tell the truth, he urged himself. Be vulnerable. "I don't have many friends. Or at least I didn't before I came here. And no one shares my interest in gardening like Harriet does, so I wanted to spend time with her and get to know her better. You know?"
"Yes." Shatterstar said simply. He did understand. Interests could be all-consuming-- he of all people knew. He knew that he had considered cancelling plans before to spend time with Arthur. But that felt different.
"I could have learned," he said, slightly hurt. "I like knowing about things you like."
"I know, that's one of things I lo . . . appreciate about you, Star. Um." Rictor went to the couch to sit so he would not pace uncontrollably. Instead, his legs bounced nervously, sending the tiniest of tremors through the room. Nothing fell off any shelves, but it was still as embarrassing as everything else he had to apologize for. "Sorry, sorry. And I'm also sorry for being a bad friend. I want to make it up to you, and I hope you will let me."
"So you still want to spend time with me?" Shatterstar said, perhaps a little too eagerly. He had thought... Well, he had worried that Rictor had outgrown him and his odd ways. Had realized he didn't like Shatterstar or had grown past the need for a friend he had made simply because he was there. And Shatterstar had also worried that somehow, Rictor knew how he thought he felt and had grown disgusted with him. Or not disgusted, but pitying.
That question asked with such sadness and self-pity nearly launched Rictor out of his seat. "¡Claro! More than that, I . . ." He took a deep breath to steady himself, the same tactic he had mastered to effectively use his gift. He was calm, cool, collected, sturdy as stone. "It's a long story and I can explain more later, but basically, the flower I told you about that Harriet gave me? It's home to a spirit of some kind. A person, actually. And he was angry . . . well, was angry, he's calm and demure now . . . ugh, sorry, this is very complicated."
Rictor took a breath and started again. "The ghost of an angry plant-man trapped me in a vision of everyone important to me telling me they hate me and they regret knowing me. I almost believed them until I saw you. And you—well, this spirit's idea of you—he said he does not want to be with someone worthless and cowardly like me. And I could almost believe other people saying that, but not you. Never you."
Shatterstar scoffed. "I should hope not. I do not think you are worthless or cowardly at all. I am glad you know I would never think such a thing."
And inside, he was glad that he had been the one to drag Julio out of his vision. It was selfish, terrible, but it was true.
Softly, he added. "I could never regret knowing you."
"And I realized something, too," Rictor continued, daring himself to look into Shatterstar's eyes and hold his gaze. "Harriet mistook my friendliness for something else. But I don't feel that way about her. I don't think I can. I . . ." Say it, he ordered himself. This is the time. Do it. Prove you really are as valiant and audacious as he thinks you are. "It's not her. It's not anyone else. Star, It's you."
Shatterstar met Rictor's eyes seriously, palms flat against his thighs. Could he mean...? But Shatterstar did not want to be wrong, make the wrong assumption.
"What is me?" He asked, voice quiet with fear that this did not mean Rictor did not return the feelings that Shatterstar had only managed to untangle the meaning of when he had been aching from missing just being around him.
Rictor's heart beat with the same intensity of the biggest quake he could summon. But he was steady on his feet when he stood and approached Shatterstar. "Te quiero. I don't know if you feel that way to me, too, and it's okay if you don't, as long as we're still friends, but I will hate myself if I don't tell you now that I'm in love with you."
Shatterstar's face was impassive as he processed. It did not seem like a real thing for a moment, instead something like out of a movie. Inside though, he felt a mixture of elation and trepidation.
"You love me?"
He loved Julio and Julio loved him. It would change things between them, but surely... Surely it would be worth it to be brave in this moment.
When Rictor said it's okay if Star did not return his affection, that was a lie. Something he said to make them both feel better, although with Star's silence, it was a failed tactic. He could feel his heart actively shattering. Should he ask the Earth to open up and swallow him whole so he could get away? Rictor could feel his gift rumbling inside him, ready to hide him away forever.
But no. He hadn't succumbed to Ted's onslaught, and a real man did not hide just because his love went unreturned.
So, he held his ground and reaffirmed his heart. "Yes, I do."
"Julio." Shatterstar said, swallowing and setting his shoulders back. He didn't know what he to do with his hands.
"I would like to kiss you."
It took a moment for Rictor to process that request. For a second, he wasn't sure he understood English anymore because did Star actually say that?
"I would like to kiss you, too," he whispered, his mouth mere inches from Star's. "But if I start, I may not ever stop . . ."
"That's okay." Shatterstar leaned right in.
Fear would no longer rule Julio Richter's life. That was his personal oath to Ted the Man-Thing, and Rictor was a man of his word. Of course, that did not stop him from being scared out of his mind at the thought of what he had to do next and, maybe even scarier, the two possible outcomes of this task.
But the days of cowering away and ignoring his heart were over. He would now take action, which started easily enough with a knock on the door to Shatterstar's suite.
It took a few minutes for the door to be answered, but when Shatterstar did get to the door, his hair was wet and it was clear he had just gotten dressed out of the shower. His eyes widened in slight surprise at the sight of Rictor. They had hardly seen each other lately despite living in the same place.
"Ric?" He said. Not Julio.
Ouch. Easy part was over, now the first hard part: Rictor was going to need one hell of an apology. Meeting Shatterstar's gaze despite a nearly overwhelming urge to look down to the floor in shame, he spoke. "Hi. I need to talk to you. It's very important. May I come in? Please."
Shatterstar stepped aside and let Rictor in, unclear what this could be about. "Are you hurt?"
"Oh, no no. I'm well, thank you." Rictor cringed a little as he entered the room, embarrassed by how formal he sounded. He had to calm the hell down. "Liam isn't here, is he? This is kind of something private. Just you and me."
"It's just me," Shatterstar said, tugging at his own braid. Rictor's nervousness brought out his own. What could be private?
Hard part number one: the apology. "So, I know I have been gone a lot recently. I postponed plans without asking you first so I could make plans with Harriet. And I'm sorry. I . . . it's just . . ." Tell the truth, he urged himself. Be vulnerable. "I don't have many friends. Or at least I didn't before I came here. And no one shares my interest in gardening like Harriet does, so I wanted to spend time with her and get to know her better. You know?"
"Yes." Shatterstar said simply. He did understand. Interests could be all-consuming-- he of all people knew. He knew that he had considered cancelling plans before to spend time with Arthur. But that felt different.
"I could have learned," he said, slightly hurt. "I like knowing about things you like."
"I know, that's one of things I lo . . . appreciate about you, Star. Um." Rictor went to the couch to sit so he would not pace uncontrollably. Instead, his legs bounced nervously, sending the tiniest of tremors through the room. Nothing fell off any shelves, but it was still as embarrassing as everything else he had to apologize for. "Sorry, sorry. And I'm also sorry for being a bad friend. I want to make it up to you, and I hope you will let me."
"So you still want to spend time with me?" Shatterstar said, perhaps a little too eagerly. He had thought... Well, he had worried that Rictor had outgrown him and his odd ways. Had realized he didn't like Shatterstar or had grown past the need for a friend he had made simply because he was there. And Shatterstar had also worried that somehow, Rictor knew how he thought he felt and had grown disgusted with him. Or not disgusted, but pitying.
That question asked with such sadness and self-pity nearly launched Rictor out of his seat. "¡Claro! More than that, I . . ." He took a deep breath to steady himself, the same tactic he had mastered to effectively use his gift. He was calm, cool, collected, sturdy as stone. "It's a long story and I can explain more later, but basically, the flower I told you about that Harriet gave me? It's home to a spirit of some kind. A person, actually. And he was angry . . . well, was angry, he's calm and demure now . . . ugh, sorry, this is very complicated."
Rictor took a breath and started again. "The ghost of an angry plant-man trapped me in a vision of everyone important to me telling me they hate me and they regret knowing me. I almost believed them until I saw you. And you—well, this spirit's idea of you—he said he does not want to be with someone worthless and cowardly like me. And I could almost believe other people saying that, but not you. Never you."
Shatterstar scoffed. "I should hope not. I do not think you are worthless or cowardly at all. I am glad you know I would never think such a thing."
And inside, he was glad that he had been the one to drag Julio out of his vision. It was selfish, terrible, but it was true.
Softly, he added. "I could never regret knowing you."
"And I realized something, too," Rictor continued, daring himself to look into Shatterstar's eyes and hold his gaze. "Harriet mistook my friendliness for something else. But I don't feel that way about her. I don't think I can. I . . ." Say it, he ordered himself. This is the time. Do it. Prove you really are as valiant and audacious as he thinks you are. "It's not her. It's not anyone else. Star, It's you."
Shatterstar met Rictor's eyes seriously, palms flat against his thighs. Could he mean...? But Shatterstar did not want to be wrong, make the wrong assumption.
"What is me?" He asked, voice quiet with fear that this did not mean Rictor did not return the feelings that Shatterstar had only managed to untangle the meaning of when he had been aching from missing just being around him.
Rictor's heart beat with the same intensity of the biggest quake he could summon. But he was steady on his feet when he stood and approached Shatterstar. "Te quiero. I don't know if you feel that way to me, too, and it's okay if you don't, as long as we're still friends, but I will hate myself if I don't tell you now that I'm in love with you."
Shatterstar's face was impassive as he processed. It did not seem like a real thing for a moment, instead something like out of a movie. Inside though, he felt a mixture of elation and trepidation.
"You love me?"
He loved Julio and Julio loved him. It would change things between them, but surely... Surely it would be worth it to be brave in this moment.
When Rictor said it's okay if Star did not return his affection, that was a lie. Something he said to make them both feel better, although with Star's silence, it was a failed tactic. He could feel his heart actively shattering. Should he ask the Earth to open up and swallow him whole so he could get away? Rictor could feel his gift rumbling inside him, ready to hide him away forever.
But no. He hadn't succumbed to Ted's onslaught, and a real man did not hide just because his love went unreturned.
So, he held his ground and reaffirmed his heart. "Yes, I do."
"Julio." Shatterstar said, swallowing and setting his shoulders back. He didn't know what he to do with his hands.
"I would like to kiss you."
It took a moment for Rictor to process that request. For a second, he wasn't sure he understood English anymore because did Star actually say that?
"I would like to kiss you, too," he whispered, his mouth mere inches from Star's. "But if I start, I may not ever stop . . ."
"That's okay." Shatterstar leaned right in.
