Sam and Paige | College Acceptance
Sep. 8th, 2025 09:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsSam shares some big exciting news with Paige - it certainly ends in excitement.
It was difficult for Sam to figure out how to talk about it. He hadn’t even told Clint yet. Has barely been able to talk about it with Alani when she’d caught him in the act of applying. Nobody knew he’d been accepted but him.
And he felt stupid for wanting Paige to know. For feeling the need to ask her permission to do something for himself. For wanting his little sister’s approval.
The acceptance letters were stuck in his work bag, slightly bent around the his notebooks and pens and empty thermos. He knocked haltingly on Paige’s door. “Hey- uh Paige? Can I talk to you?”
Paige stuck her head out the door to see who had knocked. “Oh, hey Sammy. Yeah, sure come on in.” A few moments later, and Paige had rearranged the laundry that had been on her bed to be beside the bed so Sam could sit down. She sat down in her desk chair and piled her planner toward her. She had been in the middle of setting up the next couple of weeks.
“Don’t mind me,” she said, pulling out her box of colored pens. “What’s on your mind?”
“I uh- I got into college.” He said, trying not to feel guilty about it. “At uh- a few places…. And well one of ‘em’s Columbia and I just- it’s a real good school Paige and I just……. Would you be mad if I went to the same school as you?”
It took Paige a moment to process what Sam had said, her pen trailing off the page as she did. “You what?? Where??” That had honestly been the last thing she had ever expected Sam to say.
“I got into college.” He repeated, a bit more firm. “And one of the schools I got into is Columbia and I just- would you be upset if I went to the same school as you?”
“Sam!” Paige couldn’t name the emotions swirling around inside her. They were positive…mostly. “That’s…that’s great! I didn’t know you wanted to go to Columbia. What are you studying? When did you apply? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s a local school with a good engineering program….also got into NYU, Fordham, still waiting to hear from CUNY. I should start in the spring……I got into the Engineering school.” He purposely didn’t answer the last question. Didn’t know how to answer.
“Oh my god,” Paige said, finally getting up and hugging Sam. “Congrats, that’s huge! You and Clint will have a lot to talk about.” Why was that all she could think to say?
He half-heartedly hugger her back. “Yeah….I’m sure he’ll be real surprised after he gets over the shock of findin’ out I applied……”
“You ok?” Paige pulled back so she could look him in the eye. “You don’t seem excited about this.” Sam got into Colombia as an undergrad, he should be much more excited.
“You uh- you ain’t answered my question.” Sam said, swallowing hard. Somehow the knowledge that his therapist would be proud of him wasn’t making this easier.
“Which question?” Paige couldn’t figure out why Sam was so nervous about this. This was supposed to be good news. Maybe she could get his friends together for a celebration or something. That would cheer him up.
“…..would you be mad if I went to the same school as you?” He asked for the third time in this one conversation. “Cause I’ve got options….”
“Of course I’m not mad.” Paige frowned. Why would he assume that of her? She wasn’t in charge of his life, if he wanted to go to school let him. “You can go to whatever school you want. That’s not my decision.”
“I mean yeah….but you get weird when I do things that you seem to think of as yers…“ Sam said, trailing off. “And I know it’s undergrad and it ain’t the same program but….”
“I do not ‘get weird,’” she tapped his shoulder with the back of her hand like she was gently hitting him, smile feeling tighter than it should. He was the one who made it weird first when he didn’t tell her he was applying, especially after that outburst in the other dimension about that Sam’s college acceptance letters. “You got into Columbia on your own merit, you should be proud and do what you want. I’m not in control of what you do with your life.”
Feeling the awkward moment had passed, Paige sat back down in her chair. “So, have you done a tour of campus yet? Met any professors? Have any questions?”
“You do too get weird!” Sam said. “You always pretend like I never cared about my grades or like I couldn’t want the same things as you! You get twitchy when you think I’m gettin’ too close or trying to spend whatever you think is too much time with you. You always get weird…”
The smile dropped off Paige’s face completely and she crossed her arms across her chest. “I’m sorry I don’t want to spend every waking moment with my big brother, but I’m usually pretty busy with class and everything. And it’s not pretending, you were always more focused on your sports or graduating early or whatever you were doing to antagonize the Cabots. You got weird about school first.”
“Wantin’ t’ hang out once or twice a week is all the time now? Paige I graduated with a 4.0 while graduatin’ early. And yeah I liked to play baseball, and I weren’t as good at it as I wanted to be cause I was focused on my grades. I always took school seriously. Always.” Sam could feel himself getting mad. He hadn’t hidden it. She’d been at his high school graduation!
“Do you know how much work goes into a PhD, Sam? I’m busy a lot of the time. The only reason I see Mel so often is because we live together.” She paused.
“A 4.0? Really?” Paige didn’t remember Sam’s grades being that good.
“Yes Paige. I know how busy you are. That’s why I’m usually invitin’ you to have dinner with me so that it’s somethin’ you already gotta do.” He snapped. “And yes, I had a 4.0. Yer not the only one with a functioning brain.”
“Of course I know that,” Paige snapped. “Sorry I don’t have your high school GPA memorized, Samuel.” What on earth was going on? Sam had gotten into college, they should be celebrating, not practically screaming at each other over stuff from 10 years ago.
Sam had yet to raise his voice, had only made his tone harsher. "I don't expect you to have it memorized. But I think it's a fair enough expectation that my own sister don't act like I'm a fucking idiot or that it's some surprise that I might have cared about my grades when we're close in age and lived in the same goddamn house!"
“I don’t think you’re an idiot! All you ever talked about in school was sports and your friends and shit, I’m sorry I didn’t realize your grades were sprinkled in there somewhere, too!” This was getting out of hand and Paige could hear it, her voice climbing high enough that she was sure people outside the room could hear. That didn’t mean she could stop what was happening.
"That just isn't even remotely true!" Sam said. "And I have always loved engineerin'! Always loved to fix things and put 'em back together and build things to make life easier. For fuck's sake Paige- I made my boyfriend a goddamned Rube Goldberg machine for his birthday in a matter of days."
“Because he asked you to do that!” Paige huffed. “And there’s a million videos on the internet about doing that sort of stuff, how was I supposed to know it wasn’t just for fun?!”
"People who don't like engineering don't fuckin' build Rube Goldberg machines Paige!" Sam snapped, voice turning low and taking on that dangerous flint that usually preceded a fight. "I jus' don't think it's an unreasonable expectation to want my sister to give any indication that she gives a shit about me!"
“Of course I give a shit about you! You’re my brother!” Paige’s voice sounded shrill and desperate even to her. “You own Star Trek pajamas and you love to cook now that you don’t have to do it for 10 people everyday now, especially Mamaw's recipes! You read a lot of paperback novels and you love baseball though I couldn’t tell you why.”
"And how many of those things did you only learn in the past few months after you felt guilty cause you finally saw me crack?" Sam spat. "What fuckin' proof do I have that you give a fuck when you ain't guilty about the fact that you finally had to confront the fact that our childhood fucked me up too?"
“And how much of that is shit you’ve just rediscovered about yourself now that we’re not in Kentucky?” Paige crossed her arms over her chest. “I know our childhood fucked you up, I had to sit and watch it happen because you wouldn’t let anyone help, especially me. I’m sorry you feel this way, but you shut me out first.”
"I have loved Star Trek since I was eight." Sam spat. "I always liked readin' and damn near jumped at the chance to go to the library any chance we got as a kid. And I wanted to play baseball ever since I first learned what it were. A lot of this is shit that I've always known and that you mighta known had you paid attention to anyone but yerself."
"Well maybe if you hadn't shut me out as soon as our lives went topsy turvy, I'd know more about you!" Paige shot back. How dare Sam stand there and act like it was all her fault when he hadn't let her really see him for years?
Sam laughed. He couldn't help it. "Makin' sure that you didn't get stuck bein' an adult' afore yer time wasn't shuttin' you out, Paige. I was right there the whole damn time, wantin' to talk to you, wanting to spend time with you, makin' sure I knew what you liked and what you was interested in. You was the one who decided that I weren't yer friend no more. I never did that......I mighta- I probably did it with Jay more'n I wanted to- more'n I meant to....but not with you."
“Sure, Sam, whatever you say,” Paige scoffed, trying to hide the tears that were welling up in her eyes. She wasn’t giving him the satisfaction of crying. “You’ve always been an open book and let me in on everything. Are you done? Can I go back to what I was doing?”
"You were my best friend." Sam said, and though his gaze was hard he was having to fight down tears in his own eyes. "You were the only one that was still my sister. I guess I was stupid for hopin' that I was still yer brother."
“You stopped bein’ my brother the minute you walked into that coal mine to replace Daddy.” That was mean. It was low and mean and Paige regretted saying it as soon as it was past her lips, but she couldn’t deny it wasn’t true. Sam the brother had died in those mines to get replaced with Sam the guy who tried too hard to be her dad.
"And what choice did I have?" Sam spat. "What fuckin' choice did I have Paige? You were the only one I didn't parent, the only one I still- you were the only one I trusted to take care of yerself. Maybe I shouldn't've."
“Yeah. Guess you should have raised me better.” Paige’s voice was pure ice. She had heard Lucinda say that plenty of times, but she never thought she’d hear it from Sam. That finally broke her and the tears she had been holding back streamed down her face. “Get out of my room. Now.”
"I didn't raise you." He said, all cold and venom. "Maybe that's the problem."
He slammed her door on the way out, and then slammed the door to her suite as he stepped into the hallway, but the loud noise did nothing to make him feel better- it only made him feel more hollow inside. His hands found his hair, fingers clawing into his scalp as he tugged on the strands. "FUCK!"
It was difficult for Sam to figure out how to talk about it. He hadn’t even told Clint yet. Has barely been able to talk about it with Alani when she’d caught him in the act of applying. Nobody knew he’d been accepted but him.
And he felt stupid for wanting Paige to know. For feeling the need to ask her permission to do something for himself. For wanting his little sister’s approval.
The acceptance letters were stuck in his work bag, slightly bent around the his notebooks and pens and empty thermos. He knocked haltingly on Paige’s door. “Hey- uh Paige? Can I talk to you?”
Paige stuck her head out the door to see who had knocked. “Oh, hey Sammy. Yeah, sure come on in.” A few moments later, and Paige had rearranged the laundry that had been on her bed to be beside the bed so Sam could sit down. She sat down in her desk chair and piled her planner toward her. She had been in the middle of setting up the next couple of weeks.
“Don’t mind me,” she said, pulling out her box of colored pens. “What’s on your mind?”
“I uh- I got into college.” He said, trying not to feel guilty about it. “At uh- a few places…. And well one of ‘em’s Columbia and I just- it’s a real good school Paige and I just……. Would you be mad if I went to the same school as you?”
It took Paige a moment to process what Sam had said, her pen trailing off the page as she did. “You what?? Where??” That had honestly been the last thing she had ever expected Sam to say.
“I got into college.” He repeated, a bit more firm. “And one of the schools I got into is Columbia and I just- would you be upset if I went to the same school as you?”
“Sam!” Paige couldn’t name the emotions swirling around inside her. They were positive…mostly. “That’s…that’s great! I didn’t know you wanted to go to Columbia. What are you studying? When did you apply? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s a local school with a good engineering program….also got into NYU, Fordham, still waiting to hear from CUNY. I should start in the spring……I got into the Engineering school.” He purposely didn’t answer the last question. Didn’t know how to answer.
“Oh my god,” Paige said, finally getting up and hugging Sam. “Congrats, that’s huge! You and Clint will have a lot to talk about.” Why was that all she could think to say?
He half-heartedly hugger her back. “Yeah….I’m sure he’ll be real surprised after he gets over the shock of findin’ out I applied……”
“You ok?” Paige pulled back so she could look him in the eye. “You don’t seem excited about this.” Sam got into Colombia as an undergrad, he should be much more excited.
“You uh- you ain’t answered my question.” Sam said, swallowing hard. Somehow the knowledge that his therapist would be proud of him wasn’t making this easier.
“Which question?” Paige couldn’t figure out why Sam was so nervous about this. This was supposed to be good news. Maybe she could get his friends together for a celebration or something. That would cheer him up.
“…..would you be mad if I went to the same school as you?” He asked for the third time in this one conversation. “Cause I’ve got options….”
“Of course I’m not mad.” Paige frowned. Why would he assume that of her? She wasn’t in charge of his life, if he wanted to go to school let him. “You can go to whatever school you want. That’s not my decision.”
“I mean yeah….but you get weird when I do things that you seem to think of as yers…“ Sam said, trailing off. “And I know it’s undergrad and it ain’t the same program but….”
“I do not ‘get weird,’” she tapped his shoulder with the back of her hand like she was gently hitting him, smile feeling tighter than it should. He was the one who made it weird first when he didn’t tell her he was applying, especially after that outburst in the other dimension about that Sam’s college acceptance letters. “You got into Columbia on your own merit, you should be proud and do what you want. I’m not in control of what you do with your life.”
Feeling the awkward moment had passed, Paige sat back down in her chair. “So, have you done a tour of campus yet? Met any professors? Have any questions?”
“You do too get weird!” Sam said. “You always pretend like I never cared about my grades or like I couldn’t want the same things as you! You get twitchy when you think I’m gettin’ too close or trying to spend whatever you think is too much time with you. You always get weird…”
The smile dropped off Paige’s face completely and she crossed her arms across her chest. “I’m sorry I don’t want to spend every waking moment with my big brother, but I’m usually pretty busy with class and everything. And it’s not pretending, you were always more focused on your sports or graduating early or whatever you were doing to antagonize the Cabots. You got weird about school first.”
“Wantin’ t’ hang out once or twice a week is all the time now? Paige I graduated with a 4.0 while graduatin’ early. And yeah I liked to play baseball, and I weren’t as good at it as I wanted to be cause I was focused on my grades. I always took school seriously. Always.” Sam could feel himself getting mad. He hadn’t hidden it. She’d been at his high school graduation!
“Do you know how much work goes into a PhD, Sam? I’m busy a lot of the time. The only reason I see Mel so often is because we live together.” She paused.
“A 4.0? Really?” Paige didn’t remember Sam’s grades being that good.
“Yes Paige. I know how busy you are. That’s why I’m usually invitin’ you to have dinner with me so that it’s somethin’ you already gotta do.” He snapped. “And yes, I had a 4.0. Yer not the only one with a functioning brain.”
“Of course I know that,” Paige snapped. “Sorry I don’t have your high school GPA memorized, Samuel.” What on earth was going on? Sam had gotten into college, they should be celebrating, not practically screaming at each other over stuff from 10 years ago.
Sam had yet to raise his voice, had only made his tone harsher. "I don't expect you to have it memorized. But I think it's a fair enough expectation that my own sister don't act like I'm a fucking idiot or that it's some surprise that I might have cared about my grades when we're close in age and lived in the same goddamn house!"
“I don’t think you’re an idiot! All you ever talked about in school was sports and your friends and shit, I’m sorry I didn’t realize your grades were sprinkled in there somewhere, too!” This was getting out of hand and Paige could hear it, her voice climbing high enough that she was sure people outside the room could hear. That didn’t mean she could stop what was happening.
"That just isn't even remotely true!" Sam said. "And I have always loved engineerin'! Always loved to fix things and put 'em back together and build things to make life easier. For fuck's sake Paige- I made my boyfriend a goddamned Rube Goldberg machine for his birthday in a matter of days."
“Because he asked you to do that!” Paige huffed. “And there’s a million videos on the internet about doing that sort of stuff, how was I supposed to know it wasn’t just for fun?!”
"People who don't like engineering don't fuckin' build Rube Goldberg machines Paige!" Sam snapped, voice turning low and taking on that dangerous flint that usually preceded a fight. "I jus' don't think it's an unreasonable expectation to want my sister to give any indication that she gives a shit about me!"
“Of course I give a shit about you! You’re my brother!” Paige’s voice sounded shrill and desperate even to her. “You own Star Trek pajamas and you love to cook now that you don’t have to do it for 10 people everyday now, especially Mamaw's recipes! You read a lot of paperback novels and you love baseball though I couldn’t tell you why.”
"And how many of those things did you only learn in the past few months after you felt guilty cause you finally saw me crack?" Sam spat. "What fuckin' proof do I have that you give a fuck when you ain't guilty about the fact that you finally had to confront the fact that our childhood fucked me up too?"
“And how much of that is shit you’ve just rediscovered about yourself now that we’re not in Kentucky?” Paige crossed her arms over her chest. “I know our childhood fucked you up, I had to sit and watch it happen because you wouldn’t let anyone help, especially me. I’m sorry you feel this way, but you shut me out first.”
"I have loved Star Trek since I was eight." Sam spat. "I always liked readin' and damn near jumped at the chance to go to the library any chance we got as a kid. And I wanted to play baseball ever since I first learned what it were. A lot of this is shit that I've always known and that you mighta known had you paid attention to anyone but yerself."
"Well maybe if you hadn't shut me out as soon as our lives went topsy turvy, I'd know more about you!" Paige shot back. How dare Sam stand there and act like it was all her fault when he hadn't let her really see him for years?
Sam laughed. He couldn't help it. "Makin' sure that you didn't get stuck bein' an adult' afore yer time wasn't shuttin' you out, Paige. I was right there the whole damn time, wantin' to talk to you, wanting to spend time with you, makin' sure I knew what you liked and what you was interested in. You was the one who decided that I weren't yer friend no more. I never did that......I mighta- I probably did it with Jay more'n I wanted to- more'n I meant to....but not with you."
“Sure, Sam, whatever you say,” Paige scoffed, trying to hide the tears that were welling up in her eyes. She wasn’t giving him the satisfaction of crying. “You’ve always been an open book and let me in on everything. Are you done? Can I go back to what I was doing?”
"You were my best friend." Sam said, and though his gaze was hard he was having to fight down tears in his own eyes. "You were the only one that was still my sister. I guess I was stupid for hopin' that I was still yer brother."
“You stopped bein’ my brother the minute you walked into that coal mine to replace Daddy.” That was mean. It was low and mean and Paige regretted saying it as soon as it was past her lips, but she couldn’t deny it wasn’t true. Sam the brother had died in those mines to get replaced with Sam the guy who tried too hard to be her dad.
"And what choice did I have?" Sam spat. "What fuckin' choice did I have Paige? You were the only one I didn't parent, the only one I still- you were the only one I trusted to take care of yerself. Maybe I shouldn't've."
“Yeah. Guess you should have raised me better.” Paige’s voice was pure ice. She had heard Lucinda say that plenty of times, but she never thought she’d hear it from Sam. That finally broke her and the tears she had been holding back streamed down her face. “Get out of my room. Now.”
"I didn't raise you." He said, all cold and venom. "Maybe that's the problem."
He slammed her door on the way out, and then slammed the door to her suite as he stepped into the hallway, but the loud noise did nothing to make him feel better- it only made him feel more hollow inside. His hands found his hair, fingers clawing into his scalp as he tugged on the strands. "FUCK!"
