xp_logs | Doug and Marie-Ange: Happy Meals

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Doug brings garbage food to Marie-Ange's office, to which she objects, and he gives her a tiny present.

Marie-Ange's eyebrows were raised at the man leaning casually in her office doorway. Dress slacks, button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled, hair neatly styled - and in the grip of Doug's copper-and-black hand, was a McDonalds Happy Meal Bag.

"Why. Why do you bring that into my office. Did I do something to offend?"

"I was hungry. And McDonald's is doing this 'grown-up Happy Meal' thing with collectibles aimed at people who grew up eating them." Doug fished a few fries out of the bag, stuck them in his mouth and shrugged. "And I have garbage food tastes sometimes, this is known. I'm basically their target audience, and despite knowing that about myself, it's kinda working."

Marie-Ange huffed a little, and looked around her desk for something to flick at Doug, and came up with - tiny origami star - nearly flicked in his direction. "No, no, not why did you put that in your mouth. I know why you put things in your mouth. I want to know why it is in my office."

From within the bag, Doug produced a plastic collectible - a yellow bird with pink pants, arms stretched out. Then, setting it down, he pulled out a shiny foil trading card depicting the same figure. He attempted to flick it to Marie-Ange the way she had the star, but it fluttered and fell to her desk instead. "One day I'm going to figure out how to do that," he declared. "But it's a card, and do you know how badly I want to see someone get rocked by an enormous T-posing bird?"

"I will send you youtube tutorials." Marie-Ange said. "So you have brought terrible potato sticks into my office to give me a holo card of a ... what is the bird supposed to represent at the McDonalds?" She turned the card over a few times. "Your request is that I use this it step on someone? This is not going to be someone's kink is it?"

"I think Birdie is supposed to represent breakfast. Early bird and all that." Doug was pretty sure there was deep lore out there about the McDonaldland characters, but mostly he just enjoyed reading the flamewars over whether Grimace was a tastebud or a milkshake. "And step on, clothesline, I'm not picky, I just think the mental image of a blocky yellow bird in pink overalls destroying someone is hilarious."

She couldn't disagree. It was. Actually a really very funny mental image. The garish colors, the absolute rectangleness of the character on the card. "The bird is not the chicken nuggets, yes? Not a cannibal bird." Except zombie cannibal block bird... Marie-Ange tilted her head. "Do you have another one of those I want to draw her as a zombie. Horror breakfast bird. The eggs make her a cannibal."

Doug produced a second card from his pocket and passed it over. "It's like I know you or something." He had at least suspected if he managed to pique her interest, she would want more copies. He wasn't the only predictable one, after all. "Reminds me of a comedy bit about weird ways to order eggs, and the last one says 'extra aged', meaning chicken."

"I do not like that. I already have problems eating eggs, why do you make it worse?"

"Because with all the times that you make things worse, I have to treasure the few opportunities I get to return the favor." Doug stuck out his tongue, then popped an entire chicken nugget in his mouth.

"I hope your nanites protest all day about how much salt you are eating today."

"Yeah, they can get pretty..." Pause for effect. "Salty."