xp_logs | Jessie and Doug vs. Duolingo Owl

Jessie goes to Doug for help in her war against The Green One.

Jessie was pouting hard as she made her way down the hall, stopped in front of the door she was looking for, and knocked.

"Dooooooooooooooug! The Duolingo Owl is mocking me!"

Doug smirked. "At least he's not triggering an intruder alert?" That particular image - "you know what happens now" - would probably never stop being funny to him. "Dare I ask why the green one is talking mad shit?"

"He's homophobic!" Jessie declared dramatically, walking into the suite and flopping onto Doug's couch with a flourish. "Well that's not true, actually he's dating Hooty from The Owl House. Or maybe they broke up idk. Actually I heard the Duolingo owl died? So maybe he's mocking me from beyond the grave. Anyway. I'm trying to learn Japanese and I just can not get this phrase right."

Doug leaned forward conspiratorially. "Kare wa shi o gisō shita," he murmured to the pile of limbs on his couch. When she lifted her head to look at him, he chuckled. "He faked his death. To get people to do their lessons more. Kind of a forced Tinkerbell situation." Doug was all about the deep lore about random things like application mascots.

Jessie raised her head, eyes wide with shock. "That's emotional blackmail! The bastard can die for all I care."

Doug framed his eyes with his hands. "Then perish," he intoned, trusting that Jessie would get the Obama meme from context. If there was an heir to his 'meme trash' crown, it was her.

Jessie snorted, then laughed. "He deserves nothing less." She pulled her phone out, bringing up what she had been working on. "I do think he needs some therapy though. Some of these sentences are concerning."

"My horse collects teeth," Doug pronounced. "Like, how does a horse even collect teeth without opposable thumbs, right?" And that wasn't even getting into the creepy factor of the idea.

"Right?" Jessie said, shaking her head. "I give up, oh mysterious owl. What's the answer?"

She tapped her screen, and the phone said out loud, "I am depressed and crying on the floor."

Doug sucked air in loudly. "Too real, owl dude. Way too real." He made a shooing motion at the phone like he was warding off an evil spirit. "Nobody needs that kind of energy."

"I wonder if they choose how creepy sentences are based on language," Jessie said thoughtfully. "Like, if I switched to German would I get creepy nursery-like sentences? My shoes have no feet? Or something like that."
"As far as I can tell, the sentences are creepy no matter the language." Doug scrolled through his phone. "There are whole threads of them on the Duolingo sub-reddit, plus more than a few thinkpieces about it."

Jessie looked at her phone, then shook her head. "Clearly Duolingo is not a trustworthy teacher. Or a particularly stable one. Any tips on learning Japanese? I realize you're Super Language Guy and didn't have to learn it but like. You know stuff about the language right?"

Doug pocketed his phone and considered the question for a moment. "Focus on verbs, and look for patterns. That's often a good strategy for learning most languages." Doug dropped himself in a chair opposite the couch. "With Japanese, understanding hiragana and katakana will help a lot as well."

Jessie nodded thoughtfully as Doug spoke. "Okay, I can do that." She sat up and swiped to the next task. A sentence was spoken, and she had to repeat it back. "Uh..."

Doug chucked her on the shoulder as he stood and wandered toward his kitchenette to get something to drink. "You got this."