Amanda, Romany - Tuesday morning
Jun. 10th, 2004 11:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsAmanda's homecoming talk isn't quite what she expected, as Romany decides to make her play a game of "Justify Yourself". Certain agreements are made.
"So," said Romany, fixing Amanda with that intense gaze of hers. "Tell me why I shouldn't be pulling you out of that school right now?"
"Wot?" Amanda was startled. After the initial greetings and introducing Manuel to the coven, when Romany had taken her into the small parlour she claimed as hers when she was in the house, Amanda had expected Romany to be asking her about her studies with Strange, and her relationship with Manuel. Possibly expressing some concern for her health in the wake of recent events. Not this bald demand.
"You heard me." Romany's voice was crisp, almost businesslike. "Stephen called me and told me just what kind of a state he found you in, a state you worked yourself into, and expressed concerns about your attendance at the school. And, I must admit, I agreed with him. It's obvious they can't stop you from hurting yourself, so perhaps it would be best if you stayed here."
"But…" Amanda marshalled her thoughts, not easy when she'd effectively been broadsided. "I thought I was doin' all right. I haven't hurt no-one, an' I've been doin' good, healin' Nate an' helpin' with the Skippy attack an' all."
"And in the process you nearly burned yourself out completely. Or is it your aim in life to become a vegetable before you're twenty?" The older woman's tone turned acidic. "Yes, you had good intentions, but you pushed yourself well beyond reasonable limits, and for no good reason."
"'No good reason'? How can you say that? If it weren't for me, Nate…"
"Would still be recovering, just a lot slower than he is now. I know Nathan, he's not exactly a delicate flower, and in his line of work he's learned to take care of himself more than adequately. And he wouldn't thank you for damaging yourself in the process of healing him." Romany was not going to be swayed easily this time. "Amanda, I know you want to help, that you feel that you have a debt to pay for what happened with the love potion and when you were withdrawing from Marko's power, but you have to realise, this path you've been following is just as self-destructive, just as foolish, as what you were doing before." Her tone softened a little. "You did wrong, yes, but that's no reason to destroy yourself. And if you can't see that, then I have no other choice but to keep you with me. I won't see you hurt again."
A silence descended on the small room as Amanda processed this, hanging her head. She trusted Romany, with her life, and she knew her words were true. She had gotten so caught up in the cycle of healing and praise and then more healing that she'd lost perspective. At last, she lifted her head, expression almost contrite. "I want t' go back t' the school," she said in a small voice. "Not 'cause I think I have t' do penance or make up for what I done or whatever, but 'cause it's doin' me good. I'm learnin' stuff there, Rom, not just the magic. Me readin's gettin' better an' I passed almost everythin' except maths, an' that hasn't happened ever. An' there's so much more I can learn from the people there. Even Samson's doin' well by me, an' he's a fuckin' shrink."
"And how long before you get yourself into another mess, Amanda? This new job of Peter's means he won't be around quite so much to keep an eye on you, and Nathan is hardly a satisfactory substitute, with everything that's happened to him in the last month. And this boy of yours… he's hardly someone I would trust," Romany said, her tone still firm but her expression softened somewhat, although she didn't bother to hide her opinion of Manuel.
"Manny's doin' his best - he's havin' trouble with his powers right now, but he's learnin', an' I think he's gettin' somewhere." Amanda's chin jutted obstinately. "We make each other happy. An' Nate's doin' his best too - you can't blame him for a completely fucked-up bad luck streak." Seeing this line of argument wasn't helping, she changed tack slightly. "An' besides, who's t' say I need someone t' babysit for me? I ain't gunna be at the school forever, or with you, an' I have t' learn t' get out of me own messes eventually. Maybe this is the best time."
"Perhaps. Recent events don't really support that idea." Romany gave Amanda a pointed look. "Running off to confront Rack wasn't exactly a smart thing to do."
"It was the best choice I had at the time," Amanda replied unexpectedly. "I couldn't risk him comin' back t' the school after me an' maybe hurtin' someone I care about t' get at me. An' you an' Strange were out of reach. I should've waited for Pete, but I didn't know where he'd got to an' I couldn't reach him neither." She crossed her arms over her chest a little defiantly. "I wasn't gunna let him fuck with the school, Rom. That's my place, an' I didn't want his stink on it."
Romany smiled a little. "And what about the Orb of Fortis? I know Stephen has it now, but does he know who you dealt with to get hold of it?"
Amanda squirmed a little in her seat. "Not exactly," she said. "I mean, I told him I had t' get it from someone a bit dodgy, but I didn't tell him who exactly." Again that stubborn set of the jaw. "I handled it fine, didn't I? I needed more power than you give me with this charm of yers, an' Patches was the fastest way t' get it." There was a touch of reproach and frustration in her tone.
"You get as much power as you can handle, Amanda, and no more. Or do you want to go back to nothing at all?" asked Romany, her expression hardening. With a sigh, the girl bit her lip and shook her head.
"No, Rom." She started chewing on her thumbnail, then, realising what she was doing, tucked her hands under her legs. "'S just hard, is all. I know all these spells, an' they're useful, but I ain't got the power t' cast 'em, even when they're really needed. An' it bothers me, 'cause it's not fair - I didn't ask for there t' be a bigger power source than I could handle at the school, an' I didn't ask t' be a junkie, neither. But I am, an' I'm tired of it bitin' me in the arse every time I turn around."
"Addiction is never easy, Amanda. But you've come a long way, and you've shown you're learning to deal with it. One day, perhaps, you won't need the charm, but in the meantime, on it stays. And next time you feel you need a boost, talk to Stephen or me first, hmm?" Romany shook her head at the younger witch, half-exasperated, half-amused. "You can trust us, you know that."
"I do. Trust you, I mean. Old habit, this doin' things for meself." Amanda shrugged a little. "An' there's only so many changes I can make at a time. But I'll remember that. An' if there is a next time, you can be sure I'll let you know." A wry half-grin appeared. "Does this mean yer lettin' me go back, then? Since Strange is over there an' all an' I can't ask him anythin' from here…"
"Brat," Romany said, but she smiled as she did.
"So," said Romany, fixing Amanda with that intense gaze of hers. "Tell me why I shouldn't be pulling you out of that school right now?"
"Wot?" Amanda was startled. After the initial greetings and introducing Manuel to the coven, when Romany had taken her into the small parlour she claimed as hers when she was in the house, Amanda had expected Romany to be asking her about her studies with Strange, and her relationship with Manuel. Possibly expressing some concern for her health in the wake of recent events. Not this bald demand.
"You heard me." Romany's voice was crisp, almost businesslike. "Stephen called me and told me just what kind of a state he found you in, a state you worked yourself into, and expressed concerns about your attendance at the school. And, I must admit, I agreed with him. It's obvious they can't stop you from hurting yourself, so perhaps it would be best if you stayed here."
"But…" Amanda marshalled her thoughts, not easy when she'd effectively been broadsided. "I thought I was doin' all right. I haven't hurt no-one, an' I've been doin' good, healin' Nate an' helpin' with the Skippy attack an' all."
"And in the process you nearly burned yourself out completely. Or is it your aim in life to become a vegetable before you're twenty?" The older woman's tone turned acidic. "Yes, you had good intentions, but you pushed yourself well beyond reasonable limits, and for no good reason."
"'No good reason'? How can you say that? If it weren't for me, Nate…"
"Would still be recovering, just a lot slower than he is now. I know Nathan, he's not exactly a delicate flower, and in his line of work he's learned to take care of himself more than adequately. And he wouldn't thank you for damaging yourself in the process of healing him." Romany was not going to be swayed easily this time. "Amanda, I know you want to help, that you feel that you have a debt to pay for what happened with the love potion and when you were withdrawing from Marko's power, but you have to realise, this path you've been following is just as self-destructive, just as foolish, as what you were doing before." Her tone softened a little. "You did wrong, yes, but that's no reason to destroy yourself. And if you can't see that, then I have no other choice but to keep you with me. I won't see you hurt again."
A silence descended on the small room as Amanda processed this, hanging her head. She trusted Romany, with her life, and she knew her words were true. She had gotten so caught up in the cycle of healing and praise and then more healing that she'd lost perspective. At last, she lifted her head, expression almost contrite. "I want t' go back t' the school," she said in a small voice. "Not 'cause I think I have t' do penance or make up for what I done or whatever, but 'cause it's doin' me good. I'm learnin' stuff there, Rom, not just the magic. Me readin's gettin' better an' I passed almost everythin' except maths, an' that hasn't happened ever. An' there's so much more I can learn from the people there. Even Samson's doin' well by me, an' he's a fuckin' shrink."
"And how long before you get yourself into another mess, Amanda? This new job of Peter's means he won't be around quite so much to keep an eye on you, and Nathan is hardly a satisfactory substitute, with everything that's happened to him in the last month. And this boy of yours… he's hardly someone I would trust," Romany said, her tone still firm but her expression softened somewhat, although she didn't bother to hide her opinion of Manuel.
"Manny's doin' his best - he's havin' trouble with his powers right now, but he's learnin', an' I think he's gettin' somewhere." Amanda's chin jutted obstinately. "We make each other happy. An' Nate's doin' his best too - you can't blame him for a completely fucked-up bad luck streak." Seeing this line of argument wasn't helping, she changed tack slightly. "An' besides, who's t' say I need someone t' babysit for me? I ain't gunna be at the school forever, or with you, an' I have t' learn t' get out of me own messes eventually. Maybe this is the best time."
"Perhaps. Recent events don't really support that idea." Romany gave Amanda a pointed look. "Running off to confront Rack wasn't exactly a smart thing to do."
"It was the best choice I had at the time," Amanda replied unexpectedly. "I couldn't risk him comin' back t' the school after me an' maybe hurtin' someone I care about t' get at me. An' you an' Strange were out of reach. I should've waited for Pete, but I didn't know where he'd got to an' I couldn't reach him neither." She crossed her arms over her chest a little defiantly. "I wasn't gunna let him fuck with the school, Rom. That's my place, an' I didn't want his stink on it."
Romany smiled a little. "And what about the Orb of Fortis? I know Stephen has it now, but does he know who you dealt with to get hold of it?"
Amanda squirmed a little in her seat. "Not exactly," she said. "I mean, I told him I had t' get it from someone a bit dodgy, but I didn't tell him who exactly." Again that stubborn set of the jaw. "I handled it fine, didn't I? I needed more power than you give me with this charm of yers, an' Patches was the fastest way t' get it." There was a touch of reproach and frustration in her tone.
"You get as much power as you can handle, Amanda, and no more. Or do you want to go back to nothing at all?" asked Romany, her expression hardening. With a sigh, the girl bit her lip and shook her head.
"No, Rom." She started chewing on her thumbnail, then, realising what she was doing, tucked her hands under her legs. "'S just hard, is all. I know all these spells, an' they're useful, but I ain't got the power t' cast 'em, even when they're really needed. An' it bothers me, 'cause it's not fair - I didn't ask for there t' be a bigger power source than I could handle at the school, an' I didn't ask t' be a junkie, neither. But I am, an' I'm tired of it bitin' me in the arse every time I turn around."
"Addiction is never easy, Amanda. But you've come a long way, and you've shown you're learning to deal with it. One day, perhaps, you won't need the charm, but in the meantime, on it stays. And next time you feel you need a boost, talk to Stephen or me first, hmm?" Romany shook her head at the younger witch, half-exasperated, half-amused. "You can trust us, you know that."
"I do. Trust you, I mean. Old habit, this doin' things for meself." Amanda shrugged a little. "An' there's only so many changes I can make at a time. But I'll remember that. An' if there is a next time, you can be sure I'll let you know." A wry half-grin appeared. "Does this mean yer lettin' me go back, then? Since Strange is over there an' all an' I can't ask him anythin' from here…"
"Brat," Romany said, but she smiled as she did.
