Log: Amanda and Jane, backdated to May 30
Jul. 10th, 2004 12:15 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsThe shower scene. Steam! Naked hugging! It'll all end in tears, folks, except when it doesn't. Jane and Amanda talk.
It had been a while since Amanda had really used the bathroom in the room she still technically shared with Jane and Paige - since the clone attack, she spent pretty much every night with Manuel, and had moved various clothing and bathroom items to his room, really only returning to room 201 for distraction-free study time and to see her roomies. So perhaps what happened wasn't really Jane's fault, at all.
Amanda had returned from Stonewall, tired, smelly and very much happy. She'd been put to work cleaning out the stables and grooming the horses after their morning exercise, but the mundanity of the task hadn't bothered her in the slightest - the opposite, in fact. It was a relief to do something simple that really hadn't required her to use her brain that much, and Red, the groom, had nodded at her in his laconic way and said she'd do, which was high praise indeed. Manuel had complained loudly about the smell of horse the last time she'd come straight to him after working, so this time she'd decided to shower first. Humming a Buzzcocks song (very tunelessly) as she rinsed off, Amanda turned off the water and was stepping out of the shower when the door opened abruptly.
Jane had been wandering around on automatic. She had a lot of things to think about, what with her talks about humans versus mutants with various people, the traumatic talk with Nathan, and other stuff. She didn't even notice that there was noise coming from the bathroom as she wandered in.
Jane stopped as a wave of humid air hit her. She was still in a bit of a fog over her thoughts, so it took her a second to realize what was wrong. And then her brain caught up to what her eyes were telling her and Jane gasped in shock.
"Amanda! Oh Amanda, what happened!?!" Jane stepped forward and ran her hand over Amanda's damp back, tracing the scars she found there, headless of Amanda's nudity. "Amanda..." she breathed out. They were like Angelo's scars, except much more deliberate, much more cruel. Jane didn't know how to deal with yet more evidence of the hurts that people casually dealt each other.
Fuck. Bloody fucking hell. Amanda wasn't angry at Jane, more herself - she'd been trying to keep this from her innocent roomie, especially after Angelo had mentioned her reaction to his gang scars. The last thing Jane needed was Amanda's fucked-up childhood in her head. Quickly she grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself, covering as much as she could. "Shit, Jane, I didn't think t' lock the door," she said, trying for a normal tone. "Don't worry 'bout it - it was a long time ago an' I'm used to it by now."
Jane knew about Amanda's scars, but she hadn't imagined that they would be this bad. And it made her want to cry to think that Amanda -- brave, strong Amanda -- had to get "used to it" in the first place. And even happening a long time ago, it was probably still hurting Amanda, psychically if not physically.
Completely disregarding the fact that Amanda was all wet and wearing nothing but a towel, Jane hugged her, hard.
Startled, Amanda stiffened as Jane virtually squeezed the breath out of her. Then Jane's trembling registered, and she hazarded an awkward pat to the other girl's back. "Hey, Jane, 's all right. 'S all healed up by now, an' well, people keep tellin' me they don't matter, so they mustn't, right?"
"Does is still mater to you? It doesn't sound like it doesn't matter to you. I mean, it doesn't matter to other people -- they won't think less of you -- but it kinda does because they worry about you. I don't want you to be hurting." Jane shook her head. She wasn't saying it right. "Is there? Um, is there anything I can do? To help you, if you need help or something?"
'Great bloody timing. Coincidence can be a right bitch,' Amanda thought to herself as Jane released her from the hug but still held onto her shoulders, looking at her in that earnest way she had. "'S complicated, Jane. The scars 'emselves don't bother me as much as they used to, but 's what they mean. They're a spell someone wanted t' put on me, a bit like when you write yer name on yer things so they don't get taken?" At Jane's nod, she went on. "I'm gettin' better about it - sort of have to now, since Manny's gone an ' spilled the beans - but I don't want people lookin' at me an' only seein' what was done, not what I am. You get me?"
Jane nodded. She sort of got it. The past was the past. "I think so. And you don't have to worry about me. I always see you when I look at you, and I still will, I'm sure. You're so... so vibrant and, and THERE, you know? Um, well, what I'm saying is, I won't only see what was done, but who you are now." That sounded about right. Jane smiled at her friend.
Amanda returned the smile, but it was thoughtful. What Jane had said was making her see the whole thing in a different light. "Ta, Jane. That means a lot. An' hey, least now I don't have t' keep gettin' dressed in the bathroom all the time." Her expression turned serious. "I just... Ange told me 'bout how you reacted, when you saw what was done t' him. I s'pose I didn't want t' upset you. You shouldn't have t' know 'bout stuff like this, yer different t' me."
Jane tried to cover up how bad Amanda's last statement made her feel, but she wasn't sure if she was entirely successful. She didn't want to be different. And now people seemed to be... protecting her from life. She'd already been too protected in the institution. She WANTED to experience life, even the bad stuff.
"I'm not all that different from you, Amanda," Jane said, "it's just that my scars are invisible. So much so that I don't even know what they are." Jane frowned a bit before her good humor and optimism reasserted itself. "So there! I'm not going to freak out, I promise! You're my friend, Amanda, and you always will be, no matter what."
Jane grinned and hugged Amanda again.
Amanda doubted that Jane was like her, but let it go - she seemed to be all right with things, and that was good enough for her. And she herself had something to think about now. She returned the hug, then made a grab for the towel as it started slipping. "We're mates," she affirmed with a grin. "Tho' if you don't stop huggin' me when I'm not wearin' anythin' I might take advantage. I'd better get dried off an' dressed - I've still got t' talk t' Manny 'bout some stuff."
Jane grinned at her friend. "It's not taking advantage if I like hugging you! But I'll leave you alone so you can go talk to Manuel."
"That wasn't what I... never mind." There were only so many serious talks Amanda could have in a day, and explaining certain Facts of Life to Jane could wait. A lot. She gave Jane a grin and made a shooing gesture. "Off with you, then. I'll talk t' you later."
It had been a while since Amanda had really used the bathroom in the room she still technically shared with Jane and Paige - since the clone attack, she spent pretty much every night with Manuel, and had moved various clothing and bathroom items to his room, really only returning to room 201 for distraction-free study time and to see her roomies. So perhaps what happened wasn't really Jane's fault, at all.
Amanda had returned from Stonewall, tired, smelly and very much happy. She'd been put to work cleaning out the stables and grooming the horses after their morning exercise, but the mundanity of the task hadn't bothered her in the slightest - the opposite, in fact. It was a relief to do something simple that really hadn't required her to use her brain that much, and Red, the groom, had nodded at her in his laconic way and said she'd do, which was high praise indeed. Manuel had complained loudly about the smell of horse the last time she'd come straight to him after working, so this time she'd decided to shower first. Humming a Buzzcocks song (very tunelessly) as she rinsed off, Amanda turned off the water and was stepping out of the shower when the door opened abruptly.
Jane had been wandering around on automatic. She had a lot of things to think about, what with her talks about humans versus mutants with various people, the traumatic talk with Nathan, and other stuff. She didn't even notice that there was noise coming from the bathroom as she wandered in.
Jane stopped as a wave of humid air hit her. She was still in a bit of a fog over her thoughts, so it took her a second to realize what was wrong. And then her brain caught up to what her eyes were telling her and Jane gasped in shock.
"Amanda! Oh Amanda, what happened!?!" Jane stepped forward and ran her hand over Amanda's damp back, tracing the scars she found there, headless of Amanda's nudity. "Amanda..." she breathed out. They were like Angelo's scars, except much more deliberate, much more cruel. Jane didn't know how to deal with yet more evidence of the hurts that people casually dealt each other.
Fuck. Bloody fucking hell. Amanda wasn't angry at Jane, more herself - she'd been trying to keep this from her innocent roomie, especially after Angelo had mentioned her reaction to his gang scars. The last thing Jane needed was Amanda's fucked-up childhood in her head. Quickly she grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself, covering as much as she could. "Shit, Jane, I didn't think t' lock the door," she said, trying for a normal tone. "Don't worry 'bout it - it was a long time ago an' I'm used to it by now."
Jane knew about Amanda's scars, but she hadn't imagined that they would be this bad. And it made her want to cry to think that Amanda -- brave, strong Amanda -- had to get "used to it" in the first place. And even happening a long time ago, it was probably still hurting Amanda, psychically if not physically.
Completely disregarding the fact that Amanda was all wet and wearing nothing but a towel, Jane hugged her, hard.
Startled, Amanda stiffened as Jane virtually squeezed the breath out of her. Then Jane's trembling registered, and she hazarded an awkward pat to the other girl's back. "Hey, Jane, 's all right. 'S all healed up by now, an' well, people keep tellin' me they don't matter, so they mustn't, right?"
"Does is still mater to you? It doesn't sound like it doesn't matter to you. I mean, it doesn't matter to other people -- they won't think less of you -- but it kinda does because they worry about you. I don't want you to be hurting." Jane shook her head. She wasn't saying it right. "Is there? Um, is there anything I can do? To help you, if you need help or something?"
'Great bloody timing. Coincidence can be a right bitch,' Amanda thought to herself as Jane released her from the hug but still held onto her shoulders, looking at her in that earnest way she had. "'S complicated, Jane. The scars 'emselves don't bother me as much as they used to, but 's what they mean. They're a spell someone wanted t' put on me, a bit like when you write yer name on yer things so they don't get taken?" At Jane's nod, she went on. "I'm gettin' better about it - sort of have to now, since Manny's gone an ' spilled the beans - but I don't want people lookin' at me an' only seein' what was done, not what I am. You get me?"
Jane nodded. She sort of got it. The past was the past. "I think so. And you don't have to worry about me. I always see you when I look at you, and I still will, I'm sure. You're so... so vibrant and, and THERE, you know? Um, well, what I'm saying is, I won't only see what was done, but who you are now." That sounded about right. Jane smiled at her friend.
Amanda returned the smile, but it was thoughtful. What Jane had said was making her see the whole thing in a different light. "Ta, Jane. That means a lot. An' hey, least now I don't have t' keep gettin' dressed in the bathroom all the time." Her expression turned serious. "I just... Ange told me 'bout how you reacted, when you saw what was done t' him. I s'pose I didn't want t' upset you. You shouldn't have t' know 'bout stuff like this, yer different t' me."
Jane tried to cover up how bad Amanda's last statement made her feel, but she wasn't sure if she was entirely successful. She didn't want to be different. And now people seemed to be... protecting her from life. She'd already been too protected in the institution. She WANTED to experience life, even the bad stuff.
"I'm not all that different from you, Amanda," Jane said, "it's just that my scars are invisible. So much so that I don't even know what they are." Jane frowned a bit before her good humor and optimism reasserted itself. "So there! I'm not going to freak out, I promise! You're my friend, Amanda, and you always will be, no matter what."
Jane grinned and hugged Amanda again.
Amanda doubted that Jane was like her, but let it go - she seemed to be all right with things, and that was good enough for her. And she herself had something to think about now. She returned the hug, then made a grab for the towel as it started slipping. "We're mates," she affirmed with a grin. "Tho' if you don't stop huggin' me when I'm not wearin' anythin' I might take advantage. I'd better get dried off an' dressed - I've still got t' talk t' Manny 'bout some stuff."
Jane grinned at her friend. "It's not taking advantage if I like hugging you! But I'll leave you alone so you can go talk to Manuel."
"That wasn't what I... never mind." There were only so many serious talks Amanda could have in a day, and explaining certain Facts of Life to Jane could wait. A lot. She gave Jane a grin and made a shooing gesture. "Off with you, then. I'll talk t' you later."
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