Oh dear. [Clarice, Sarah]

[x-marrow.livejournal.com]

Earlier this week, Clarice gathers up the courage to talk to Sarah. Oscar is soon forgotten as they argue and Sarah gets really pissed off. Threats are made and the door gets slammed. Ow.




Clarice tip-toed down the hallway towards Sarah's room. This was the third time she had been down this way, but she had been distracted each time and had never actually made it to Sarah's room.

Sarah sat cross-legged on her bed, pencil tapping idly against her notebook as she watched Oscar tumble on the floor. It was only when he went head-first into the pile of bones in the corner that she hopped up off of the bed to pick him up and keep him out of trouble for a while. "Silly dog..."

Sitting outside the door counted as going in, Clarice tried to convince herself. It wasn't working. Finally she heard some bones moving that she decided to go in. It was now or never. "Hey Sarah," she called, knocking on the door.

Sarah looked back over her shoulder, hoisting Oscar up into her arms and then onto the bed with a plop. He wasn't terribly heavy yet, but his squirming made him awkward to hold. "Hey glitterbug. Come on in."

"Oooh, puppy!" she squealed, kneeling by the bed to play with him. "So cute!"

"This is Oscar," she grinned, giving him a gentle scratch between his ears before bending back down to clean up the bones that were no longer stacked in the corner. "Shinobi got him for me."

Clarice didn't pay much attention, her concentration fixed on playing tug-of-war with a nearby sock. "Why Oscar? Why not...I dunno, Neo or something?"

"Why Neo? I thought Oscar was a perfectly good name for a vicious attack puppy." She grabbed her notebook before it got smashed by said puppy, throwing it into the desk drawer and leaning back against the desk.

"Pphhhtttbb!" Clarice blew a rasberry at the puppy and let him have the sock, "Oscar the grouch! And he's not grouchy!"

"That's why he's in training," she replied sagely, hands resting on her hips. "He'll be an ill-tempered vaguely tank-sized minion yet."

Clarice pondered this, twirling a lock of hair. This had developed shortly after she cut her hair short enough that she couldn't braid it. Maybe she'd stop playing with her hair if she shaved it. "You don't have enough minions?"

"Shinobi says I don't," she nodded, grinning, "and who am I to argue with more minions? Especially ones as cute as Oscar."

"I'm not your minion, Sarah."

Well. That was out of the blue. Sarah blinked, and did a sort of mental double take before replying. "When did I ever say you were?"

"You didn't. But... we were willing to risk everything to help you. And you just...not everything is about you," This was going better than Clarice had thought it would, but she wasn't making much sense. It always made more sense in her head. "Going after those guys wasn't right."

"Going after.... wait. You're trying to tell me that going after the fuckers who killed my family wasn't right?" She stared at Clarice in disbelief. "I should have just let them fucking go?"

"No! Of course you don't let them go!" her eyes widened, shocked that Sarah would think that, "But go to the police or something! Hell, blackmail them or do something like that! But killing them...that just brought you down to their level."

Clarice squared her shoulders and looked Sarah in the eye, "You're better than that."

"Go to the police?" Sarah nearly laughed at the idea. "Nobody's going to care that a group of military decided to open up hunting season on a bunch of mutants who might as well not even exist to the upland. Besides, the Morlocks won't be satisfied until I've killed them. It's what they deserve."

Clarice shook her head, she knew Sarah was going to laugh at her, but she also knew she had to say it. "Then why didn't you tell someone here? I don't see how killing more people makes the Morlocks come back. They're still dead."

"It would make them proud," she said simply, arms crossed over her chest, "And it's the least I could have done for them. Those fuckers deserved what they got."

"What would you have done if Jono, Angelo, Amanda and I went to help you and we died?" Clarice asked softly, picking some lint off her socks.

"I'd have wondered why the fuck you all insisted on coming in the first place! I didn't ask for your help. I didn't ask for a goddamned rescue!" She bit down on her lip, too hard, and tried to pull herself together again. "I've been training for ages. I never wanted you all there to 'help'."

Clarice looked up, surprised that Sarah would lose control like this, it made her seem more human and younger now that she wasn't busy being super-mad basement freak. "But we're your friends," she stated simply, "Of course we want to help you. How could be not come when you sent the email?"

"I didn't send that email to you. I sent it to Jono because I thought he'd understand. I had to do this." She shook her head, wrapping her arms around her tighter. "They killed my family. I did what I had to."

"You did what was easy," Clarice said viciously, "The hard way would have been to rise above them, to live despite what they did. You don't do that, you just obsess over their deaths! Does hurting them make things better?"

"Of course it does," she snapped quickly, without thinking. "I feel so much better knowing that three of them are dead, and I've got another chance to take the rest of them out." She lowered her voice, and her next words were nearly a growl, "That one bitch watched her teammate die. She watched me kill him. That really makes me feel better."

Tears formed in Clarice's eyes when Sarah said that and she tried to blink them away, "What will you do when they're all dead and you realize what a waste you've made of your life while you plotted your revenge? When do you stop torturing yourself?"

"A waste?" Her words were followed by a humorless laugh, and she pulled a bone sharply from her shoulder. "I grew up in the sewers of Manhattan, glitterbug. I'm a fucking monster. What the hell sort of future do you think I possibly have?"

"God, I can't believe I'm going to say this...but Jono once said this place is about acceptance, not just of humans or mutants, but of yourself. He was right. You have to learn to accept yourself. And when you start doing that, you'll realize there is more out there than just some smelly sewers and throwing bones at trees," Now Clarice was mad, she couldn't stand that her friend would be so hurtful to herself. "Grow. Up."

"I need to grow up." Sarah repeated in disbelief, pushing herself up off of the desk, and heading to the door. "Just because that's what everybody tells -you- when you've got problems, doesn't mean it applies to everybody." Shaking her head, she added, "Jono's talking about acceptance, and you're telling me to grow up? What a bunch of fucking hypocrites."

"Fucking hypocrites?" Clarice repeated, "I never said either of us DID accept ourselves, but hey, we're working on it. And I'm not all uber-mature or grown up, but I think I understand this one. It's not about doing what you want or what makes you feel better, it's about doing what is right and what the law is. All you care about is yourself."

"You think you understand this? You fucking think you understand any of this?" She didn't care about being civil anymore, just wanted to set Clarice straight on a few things. "You will never understand. Never. Nothing you have ever experienced comes close. Your family is not dead. You aren't responsible for doing something worth their 'acceptance'. So don't you fucking tell me you understand!" She opened the door behind her. "Now get the hell out. Get out before I spike you to the fucking wall."

Clarice wisely left the room, hands in fists by her side, "You don't work for acceptance in a family, Sarah! If you have to work for it, they don't accept you for being yourself!" she yelled as the door slammed on her face. Well, that could have been worse.