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[x-shinobi.livejournal.com]

Set well before this log. Earlier in the day, Shinobi goes down to the boiler room to check on Sarah. After some talking, and even some tears, he manages to get her to consider talking with Alison and Charles about the boys - and after all that angst, they manage to be cute anyway.



The boiler room was dark. She liked it that way: dark, alone, and an awful lot like home. Curled up in the corner, Sarah wrapped her arms tightly around her knees, and her head hit the wall behind her with the scratching sound of bone against concrete.

Well.. not alone for much longer. A very light knock came at the door, followed shortly thereafter by a familiar, if muffled, voice. "Room service," Shinobi said to the door, absently adding the food and drink Amanda had left to the bundle he was already carrying. "Sarah, love, can I come in?"

There was no answer, but the faint sound of movement from inside as Sarah curled up closer to the wall. Maybe if she didn't answer, she thought, she wouldn't have to face him. She wasn't sure if she could handle it.

He waited for a moment before quietly sighing, and eyed the food he was carrying mournfully. Note to self: talk to Moira about learning to ghost things other than himself and the clothes on his back. After setting the food down, Shinobi leant forward, passing his head and shoulders through the door so he could take a look around. She'd probably throw something at him for it, but.. too bad.

But she didn't. She didn't really do much of anything actually, short of looking up at the door for a minute and burying her face back behind her legs. This is probably the most lost and helpless she's ever looked.

Certainly the most lost and helpless Shinobi'd ever seen her. Hello, stabbity pangs of guilt. With a slight wince, he abandoned the food in favor of coming inside, throwing caution to the wind and silently saying goodbye to his t-shirt as he hurried over to Sarah's side. Without waiting for any real recognition, he plunked down to sit next to her, taking only long enough to make sure he was solid before reaching over to lightly drape an arm over her shoulders. Easily pushed away, or easily tugged closer.

A muffled whimper rose from the figure trying her best to imitate a ball of pure bone. There wasn't much that wasn't at least armored over at this point, and her clothes had definitely lost their usefulness a long time ago. She'd have been cold if she'd actually given herself a chance to think about it.

It wasn't an outright dismissal, so Shinobi didn't take it as one. Firmly stomping down his own growing need to whimper - Girlfriend Needs An Anchor, I'll Break When It's More Convenient Mode: Engaged - he tentatively tried to draw her a little closer. He wanted to say something, but at the same time, had no idea what *to* say.. so, he didn't.

Perhaps surprisingly, she doesn't fight being drawn closer. She's not up to jumping into his lap by any means, but at least it's a start. Come to think of it, this is more comfortable anyway. This puts Shinobi in a prime position to notice her shaking, and even more when she finally finds her voice again. "I can't do this," she says, words a shaky whisper at best, "It's like losing them all over again."

"I know," Shinobi replied quietly, stubbornly swallowing a lump in his throat. Focus, boy. Curling both arms around her shoulders, he leant down to press a light kiss to Sarah's cheek, armored or not. "They aren't gone, luv.. Artie and Leech love their Marrow. I think.. no, I know.. that the powers that be know you would never hurt them. And I know they'd never keep them from you entirely." After a pause, he sighed. "And I know that doesn't help much."

"No, it doesn't," she answered flatly. The words are forced, low and angry, like she really wanted to ask what fucking right the powers that be had to even consider regulating her visits with her own family, but forced out those three rather noncommittal words instead. She sighed heavily, and went back to staring into the darkness in front of her, a position she'd been in most of the night.

"Maybe you should talk to the professor," Shinobi suggested quietly, somehow managing not to shrink away at the flat tone. "Ask him if there's something you can do to prove it unnecessary, to show that you can be alone with them, like I know you can."

"So he can explain to me how much of a bad influence I am? And that killing people who deserved to die was wrong of me?" And just when it seemed she was beginning to calm down, things go straight back to square one. "Besides, If they knew I wouldn't hurt the boys, then I should have nothing to prove to them."

"I can't explain the professor's thoughts on this, since.. well, he's the psychic, not me." Shinobi shook his head, before lightly plunking his forehead against her shoulder. "Just.. try talking to him? I could come with you?"

She was quiet for a moment, like she was considering his offer. Just maybe. "I can only please so many people at a time. Proving myself to them isn't at the top of my fucking priorities list. " She rubbed absently at her forehead and the resulting sound is a bit like nails on a chalkboard. She doesn't notice. "And because they insist, they boys are going to get stuck in the middle. But I'm the one who's going to fucking hurt them. Go figure."

"Being with your family is up near the top, though," he countered gently, grimacing slightly at the scraping noise. "Don't work for Chuck. But maybe, consider working with him, for the boys? Try and minimize how much of a middle there is for them to be caught in?"

"At whose expense? I can't just ignore them, pretty." Bending down to rest her chin on her knees moved her away from him slightly, but it wasn't obvious whether she meant it that way or not. "If they get their way here, I'll be the last one. How do I explain that to them?"

He didn't move after her, but he didn't move away, either, remaining where he was, with his arms loosely curled around her shoulders. "Nothing can change the fact that they're Morlocks, Sarah. No matter how they act, they are Morlocks, and always will be. Just like I'll always be a Shaw, and Illyana will always be a Rasputin, no matter what the pillock she shares that name with has to say about it." He shrugged slightly, and frowned a touch in thought. "I don't think they want you to be the last Morlock, luv. But I do think they want the boys to be among the first Morlocks with a life in the light, instead of the dark. They want you to have that chance, too, it's just.. more difficult, since you remember so much more of the Morlocks than the boys do."

"I don't know if she'd see it that way," she replied quietly, "in fact, I'm sure she wouldn't. The tunnels were ours, not the upland. You can't be a Morlock and live up here. You're just pretending to be something you aren't." Her voice dropped again to a whisper. "Like me."

"I've never considered you one for pretending, Marrow," Shinobi murmured, slowly shaking his head. "Then again, I don't see why you can't be a Morlock and live in the light at the same time. It may not be the Morlocks Callisto knew.. but maybe it's time to start the family over up here." He paused. "I'll be the first to admit I know only as much about your family as you've told me, luv.. but being a Morlock's got to be about more than living in the tunnels. There has to be more to it than just that."

"You--you never call me that." It took a moment before she could speak again, something akin to panic in her expression. "I can't-- you don't-- we didn't belong here," she finally insisted, hands shaking again. He used that name, and it's like talking to them, and trying to explain and fuck, how could she? She's too upset to even notice the tears, absent for nearly seven years, rolling down bone armor and falling messily onto her pant legs.

"It's one of your names," Shinobi replied hesitantly, blinking once as he spied the tears. Hadn't she told him that her powers made it so she couldn't cry anymore? "Of course you all belonged here," he said after a moment spent regaining his bearings, reaching up to carefully wipe at the tears with his thumb. "The idiots out there, who were too afraid to recognize how bloody amazing you all were, and told you you didn't belong.. they were wrong. This is our world, luv. Your world. Not the bigots'. Just because they were here before us doesn't make them the authority on who does and doesn't get to see the bloody sun."

"I can't do this," she whispered, hiding her face in her knees again, "I keep feeling like such a fucking failure... and if I don't do what they want, they'll take the boys away. Then all I'll have is you." There was a ripping sound as what was left of her jeans caught on the bone on her face, and she pulled away from it harshly. "The last Morlock and her pretty-pretty boyfriend."

"If they were going to take the boys away completely, they already would have. But they haven't." Sighing quietly, he carefully tried to pick the denim from the armor it had gotten stuck to. "You aren't a failure. That's the last word I'd ever use to describe you." Keep that grip on your emotions, boy - she wasn't saying that only having you would be bad in and of itself. No over-reacting. Think. "How about this," he said slowly, drawing in a deep breath. "How about I stay down here with you tonight, get you food when you're hungry and do whatever else I can do for you.. and maybe tomorrow, we can e-mail Charles and Alison, and try talking to them..? Work with them to figure out what would be within your power and willingness to do, for the boys..? Please?"

She wiped at her cheeks, bone scraping against bone again. This time she did wince, though mostly from the realization that she was crying. She hadn't felt this small in ages. "Can we see how I feel first? I can't fuck this up."

Shinobi nodded, giving her shoulders a firm snug. "'course we can. Can take as long as you need to make sure you do it right. And if I can help, all you need to do is ask, okay?"

"I know," she replied quietly, and leaning back against the wall with a sigh. "I don't suppose you could just overlook that you just saw me cry for the first time in seven years?"

Shaking his head, he leant over to give her a peck on the cheek. "It's not an easy thing to overlook, alas, and for just that reason."

"It's nothing," she mumbled, resting her head against his shoulder, and stretching her legs out a little in front of her. "I'll be okay....long as you're here."

"You've got me for as long as you want me," Shinobi smiled, lightly resting his head against hers. "Ah.. there's some food and smokes just outside the door. Between what Amanda left, and what I brought with me, I think you'll have enough food for a day or two. You want me to go get it?"

Sarah would laugh if she thought she could, but with all of her worrying and crying she couldn't imagine it being possible. She picked her head up again, and looked at him with her best semi-amused 'what exactly are you all on?' look. "Sounds like you two brought the fucking kitchen down for me."

He shrugged helplessly, scratching at the back of his head. "She made sandwiches, I think, and I made.. well.. toast, since I can't really cook much of anything else."

Sarah couldn't help but laugh despite herself. Well, there went that theory. "Toast?" she managed to ask in between giggles, before pulling him to her for a kiss. "You know, I don't think I tell you how much I love you nearly enough."

"I won't complain if you start telling me more often," he replied lightly, grinning lopsidedly. "I do rather enjoy hearing it."

"Well good. Because I love you a lot." She paused for a second, adding, "You're family, no matter what she would have said about it."

Shinobi blinked slowly before developing a slightly odd smile. "Thank you. I love you, too."