xp_logs | Manuel and Nathan, Friday morning

First empathy lesson after Asgard, and 'assessing Manuel's progress' is the order of the day.

Manuel was early for his empathy class - not that he felt he needed it, but he had an obligation to stay the course for the full duration of the summer. So he walked into class a full five minutes early, carrying a very large, very full cup of coffee. He set the coffee cup down on the table where he usually sat, then waited for Nathan to arrive by playing with the now-functioning dampener around his wrist. He was trying very, very hard to not think fo a certain enslaving witch and how she made him feel - those thoughts and feelings he buried deep behind strong shields, and well away from the frozen solid link.

Nathan, uncharacteristically, was ten minutes late. Mostly because he'd spent an unexpected half-hour 'communing' with the Askani, trying to get his own emotional state under control. He had managed to mostly corral the fear and wariness, but the worry for Manuel wasn't allowing itself to be repressed quite as effectively. "I would have given you the week off, you know," he said with a very faint smile as he entered the classroom.

"Unnecessary." said Manuel. "I committed to this class, I'll see it through." He was maybe forty pounds of so heavier than around a week or so ago, but all of it seemed to be muscle. He sipped from his coffee mug and waited for Nathan to begin the class. "I think you might be very pleasantly surprised by the chances I've undergone."

Nathan sat down and pointed the control for the dampener in Manuel's direction, hitting the button to deactivate it. "Want to tell me about it?" he invited easily. "Or show me..." Galin and the other two were sitting up close to the front of his mind, watching avidly.

Manuel shrugged. "Loki was a hard taskmaster. He showed me that I have to be the master of my emotions if I'm going to use my power effectively. I can shield now, ward my dreams, and my empathic sight is far sharper than it ever used to be. I've also got that whirling defense down, although it made Loki laugh like a loon the first time I tried it. I can keep you out of my mind and still carry on a conversation on any topic you'd care to discuss. I can also kill with my power." he said flatly.

Galin was very, very quiet. Nathan tried not to grind his teeth at the utter lack of help coming from that direction. "Congratulations," he said. "On the first... what, six? Sincerely. But the last concerns me."

Manuel laughed. "Don't worry, I have less than zero intention of demonstrating _that_ skill. I know how it can be done, I've done it the sum total of once, and I have no desire to ever do it again. Refusal to do it again is what ultimately led me to the process by which I met up with the others and we all got home. So - do you want to try my shields?"

Nathan nodded. "It's not that I don't believe you," he said quietly, "but I do need to see." At Manuel's nod, Nathan closed his eyes and reached out, pushing at Manuel's shields. What he hit first was abandonment, the pain of loss, and his hands clenched spasmodically around the arms of his chair. Hit a little too close to home. "L-Let's try the conversation, too," he said, stammering a little as he continued to push. "Are you happy... with these changes?"

"For the most part, yes." he said, relaxing into his chair and sipping at his coffee. "I can't complain with the physical changes - I'm in quite possibly the best shape of my life right now. As far as the mental ones go - I've got a good start on controlling my own emotions, my own thoughts. A steep step upwards for me, as I'm sure you've already guessed. I've banished a good number of my own trauma-related triggers. I can go into Medlab without feeling sick, and I can smell roasting steak without wanting to vomit. Progress, I suppose."

Nathan managed a smile. "Noticed the physical changes," he said, and jerked in his chair as he broke through the first layer of Manuel's shields and hit a wall of powerful anger. The combination of it and the residue of that first layer was almost too much, almost enough to send him toppling back into the grip of memories he really didn't want to examine too closely. "Very good," he gritted out and kept pushing. "This is very good..."

"I like to think so." he said with a smile. "You breached the first layer, I see." he said conversationally, around sips of coffee. "If you'd like, when you get bored or frustrated trying to break my shields we can go a few rounds down in the Gym. Work out some of that life-induced stress you're feeling."

He had the odd impression that Manuel's offer was meant to be friendly, rather than condescending. "Only been... a few days for me, remember," he forced out, lifting his still-bandaged hand. "Though I suppose... it depends on what you mean by 'rounds'."

"However you'd like. We could go for a run, work hand-to-hand, break out the knives, whatever would help you out the most." he offered kindly. "I'm not trying to yank your chain, but you really feel like you could use some stress relief."

Nathan broke through the wall of anger, at last, but the next one up was fear, and that was just a little too much. He pulled back, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to let the emotions drain away. "A run might be an idea," he said with a sigh, not opening his eyes. "And your shields... I don't know that it would do much good to have me test them anymore, from the feel of it. We might want to talk to Charles."

Manuel's eyes flashed red as he wiped away the accumulation of Nathan's attempts to breach his mental walls. "Only two layers? I remember you being stronger than that. And we should talk to Charles - although if I can keep out a beta-level telepath like you, and Alpha-levels are rare, I'm fairly satisfied. I only wish I could find another empath to test my empathic shielding - just to be sure it will hold. And if you'd like to go for that run, just say so."

"It's been a long week," Nathan said, opening his eyes again and wiping the sweat from his forehead. Galin and the others were still absolutely silent. "Are the layers static? I know we talked about targetting the shields to the person you're trying to keep out... certain combinations would work really well on me and not at all on Charles, I suspect."

"The first four are dynamic." he admitted. "Never could get the fifth to move while keeping the first four in play. It'll come with time and practice." he said, drinking deeply from his too-rapidly-cooling coffee. "Do you think you could reheat this for me? It's getting cold, but it tastes good."

Nathan glanced at the mug as Manuel lowered it again. He reached out, with his telekinesis this time - Moira would probably slap him if she caught him doing this, after their discussion about taking it easy -and agitated the molecules of the liquid inside the mug. Only the liquid, he reminded himself; not the mug itself. He kept it up until there was steam visibly rising from the mug, and then leaned back in his chair, taking a deep breath.

"I'm wondering if I could still get through your shields by kicking down to Zen level," he said, pleasantly surprised at the very slight ache that took up residence behind his eyes, "but I don't think I can get there today. Something to try another morning, I suppose."

Manuel took a drink from his coffee. "Much better. Thank you." he said, then turned the mug so that the handle faced Nathan. "Want some? Not the best blend, but there hasn't been time to see what state my finances are in since I've returned."

"No, thank you," Nathan said with a faint smile. "Moira's had to give up coffee, so I'm doing it in solidarity." He looked at Manuel thoughtfully. "You've only been gone for a week our time, remember," he pointed out. "Hasn't been much chance for your finances to change much."

Manuel ahhed. "You're right, I keep forgetting that it's only been a week for you. Well, not forgetting per se, as I don't forget anything anymore, but rather failing to account for the fact when I'm planning." he said pleasantly. "And she's given up coffee? I didn't think you were all _that_ stressed while we were away."

"Moira's been stressed for a while now," Nathan said very quietly. No guilt, he told himself, again. Especially not in front of the empath. "And coffee is bad when one has a stomach ulcer." He blinked, a beat behind in absorbing one particular thing Manuel had said. "Your memory's better?"

Manuel nodded. "Significantly. My first real success under Loki's tutelage. I'm now fully eidetic across the board, thought and memory both." The expression on his face said that it was a mixed blessing at best. "Should mean that my schoolwork picks up nicely." he said with the first old-Manuel grin he'd given since he returned.

"It should indeed," Nathan said dryly, oddly reassured by the grin. "But you'll be surprised at how widely applicable an eidetic memory is. Mine has always been, although I do have some gaps in long-term memory."

"I don't have perfect recall before Loki's meadhall, but everything from then on is crystal-clear - thought and memory both." he said, looking faintly sad. "I'm idly playing with an idea for adjusting the intensity, so I can remember some events and not be overwhelmed by the intensity of the emotions behind them."

Nathan turned his attention inward for a moment, to ask Galin about that, but he and the other two empaths were gone, vanished back into that starry inner sky. "Damn it," he muttered, perplexed. "Your teachers are playing coy... I was going to ask them if they had any suggestions."

Manuel shrugged and sipped his coffee. "They're probably processing this new information." he said. "I can see them now, when they come out to talk to you."

"See them and me at the same time?"

Manuel nodded. "Yes." he agreed. "Them and you at the same time."

Nathan smiled suddenly. "So you do know for sure that I am still here, now," he said, rubbing at his bandaged wrist. "You said you see them when they come out to talk to me... do you see the others?" Manuel had said his empathic sight was sharper.

"I honestly haven't looked." Manuel said, then stared at Nathan intently. "No, I don't see anyone else in there right now. Just you and the link to Moira, and a whole lot of stress and guilt and relief and some fear."

"Interesting." Nathan started to let down his own shields, layer by layer, even as he went on. He wasn't precisely sure what he was doing, what this impulse was all about, but he wanted to see how Manuel responded. "Your father and I talked, while you were away."

"Did you? I imagine that couldn't have gone well." he said with a tired smile. "Alphonso can try the patience of a saint. I'm faintly surprised I'm not suddenly an orphan."

"I was tempted," Nathan confessed, laying down more layers of his own shielding. Something about Manuel's expression struck him, though, and he raised an eyebrow. "You've heard about this already, haven't you?" he asked, his mind making the next logical step. "Shinobi?"

Manuel nodded. "He emailed me. I understand why it happened, but it was very foolish to expose the Askani to him. I would think you've had your fill of people coming after you and your loved ones." he said drily.

"Wasn't my idea," Nathan said with a sigh. "Askani jumped out on her own. Although I went along with it..." He paused, shaking his head. "I need to get you to take a look at me sometime when they're out and active; I think I need to know how much our emotions cross over."

"Probably a good idea." he said, leaning back in his own chair. "May I make a suggestion?"

"By all means."

"You might want to see if you can renegotiate your bargain with the Askani. At this rate, they are going to get you killed by popping out to the wrong people at the wrong time." he said. "And I need my empathy tutor." he said with a disarming smile.

Nathan laughed wryly; he couldn't help it. "She and I have already talked it over," he said and then sighed again. "I think they think they're immortal." He shook his head, studying Manuel speculatively. "Did Shinobi tell you the circumstances? Alphonso wanted to know how you've been progressing, and Askani seized the opportunity to pop out and have at it. Her and Galin both. They were very angry on your behalf."

"I suppose I should be honored." he said pleasantly. "But direct confrontation is pointless and a waste of energies. If they were going to confront him, they should have killed him. By now he's already flown back to New York and made a full report to the Lords Cardinal."

And the Black Queen. Nathan's jaw tightened a little as he thought about his conversation with Shinobi. "I intend to stay well clear. As much as I can. Which means the Askani will be staying clear with me." He finished unshielding his mind, ignoring the sudden, almost painful pressure of the telepathic babble throughout the mansion, and looked back at Manuel. "What about active techniques?" he asked, his voice coming out strained. "Beyond the lethal ones."

"What about them? I can still shift emotions around as well as I ever could. I've become adept at ferrying out lies and secrets, but the typical meadhall warrior doesn't have a very disciplined mind at all, so it wasn't much of a challenge. And I never could come anywhere near scanning Loki..." he mused. "What do you want me to do?"

"Let's try the lie detector idea," Nathan suggested. "I can add shields back layer by layer as you ask me questions, see if that affects your ability to tell whether or not I'm lying." A smile flickered across his face. "Look on this as an opportunity."

Manuel grinned, and took a deep swallow of his coffee. "Very well. I ask you questions, you answer, and I have to tell if you are lying or not? Sounds simple. You ready?"

"Ready," Nathan said and grinned. "Don't enjoy it too much."

"I'll try not to." he said, openly grinning again. "First question - Did you enjoy turning the Mistra field agents into glass?" he asked, going straight for the gut-punch.

Nathan felt abruptly cold. Well, this had been his idea... "Operative singular," he corrected Manuel as evenly as he could, "and... yes," he amended, reminding himself that he was supposed to be trying to lie. "He was the one who told me I was sick and needed help. It made me very angry." There, that should confuse the issue nicely... hopefully.

"I didn't ask how he made you feel. I asked if you enjoyed killing him." Manuel clarified. "So you did enjoy it?"

"Yes," Nathan said, more steadily. "I did."

"You're full of shit. It turned your stomach." he said. "Nice try, but I saw right through that one. It's easier with the questions that have strong emotional connotations - you could probably lie to me about what you had for dinner last night, unless the meal was something you really enjoyed or really hated."

Nathan gave a little defensive shrug, adding a few layers of shields back. "Literally turned my stomach a few times during those first couple of days," he admitted. "And you've got a point. Let's try again, though; I've got some of my shields back."

"Okay. Hrm. All right. Do you think that Moira ever entertains any thoughts about finding someone a little less damaged to spend her life with?" he smirked, again going for the emotional low blow.

"Yes," Nathan said after a moment, only long habit letting him keep his voice level. It wasn't something she thought about on any level he could access, maybe not even on a conscious level, but he knew it had to be there.

"True." Manuel said after a moment. "Maybe I should really quit picking at your wounds this way." he said. "It's really unkind of me."

Interesting reaction. Nathan added a few more layers of shields. "I started it, remember?" he said, more lightly than he felt. "One more. My shields are about three quarters-strength at the moment... if you see through them, I think we can safely say that they don't really get in the way."

Manuel shrugged. "Yeah, I know, but that doesn't mean I need to keep needling you where it hurts. But if you want to continue, then ... Do you think that I can ultimately be a good person?" he asked, then took a drink of his coffee to hide his face somewhat.

Nathan very carefully didn't smile. He wanted to. He wanted to grin from ear to ear, and possibly jump up and caper a little - and Manuel was so going to see that - but he stayed in his chair, kept his voice cool. "No," he lied. "I don't."

Manuel quirked both his eyebrows. "I'm glad someone thinks I can be. I'm not sure of it myself, and given that Amanda's definitely stirred the pot, memory-wise, I'd better get used to being disappointed in myself."

Not touching the Amanda thing, Nathan told himself. Not only was it not his business, it quite literally did not matter, here and now. This was about Manuel. "I've given some thought to this whole faith thing, this week," he said after a moment, watching Manuel. "For some reason, I didn't doubt that you and the others would find your way back. I worried, sure, but I knew you'd get home." He let himself smile this time, a lop-sided grin that didn't convey half of what he wanted it to. "I also don't delude myself into thinking I have any idea what happened to you, singular, while you were there. I will listen, if you want to talk about it, but I won't push." He rubbed at the back of his neck, willing tense muscles to relax a little. "You shouldn't get obsessed with the question," he said abruptly. "Just focus on moving forward, not on the destination."

Manuel smiled sadly. "I've had to give that question a good deal of thought - Loki, as a part of my training, forced me to confornt what I've done head-on. No lying, no evasions, no half-truths, no hiding behind life experiences or breeding or trauma or any of that. Just me and what I'd done, and it was either embrace it or die."

"And you didn't. Die, I mean." Nathan studied the young man for a long moment, wishing he was a better telepath. That he could do more, instead of just listening. "Are you going to be able to move on from that?" he asked suddenly. "I know..." His voice wavered a little, but he went on. "I know how easy it is to get dragged down by the things you've done, Manuel."

"I'm here now, aren't I?" he said unnecessarily, then polished off his coffee. "I'm actually in a better mental place for having confronted it, I think." he said after a moment's reflection. "Doesn't mean that I'm a very good person, but it does mean that I'm a honest-to-myself sack of shit." he said with a very false smile.

It was going to take him a while to get used to the time discontinuity, Nathan realized. There had clearly been profound changes in Manuel, and there was a part of his mind that simply couldn't fit all of that into the week that had passed from his perspective. "You don't have to be anything," he said quietly. "Once you see yourself for who you are, you have more choices. Some paths will be closed to you because of what you were, yes, but that doesn't mean there aren't good ones left out there that you can take." He smiled, a bit tiredly, but still warmly. "You just have to want to take them."

"That's a very nice platitude." Manuel said approvingly. "Full of good cheer and optimism. And I know that you're right. All I am doing now is trying to get used to not having anyone to lean on when things get tough. Once I regain myself, I can start looking at the paths before me, seeing which ones lead to that monster in the chair, and which ones lead to me actually capturing the happiness I probably don't deserve." he said bitterly.

"Manuel," Nathan said crisply, "don't be an ass." He went on before Manuel could say anything. "I don't know what happened between you and Amanda, and actually, I don't particularly want to know. But if you're facing up to what you've done wrong in the past, if you understand it all, what's to stop you from reaching out to people? Making amends, making friends... which would then result in you having people to lean on." He was silent for a moment, trying to think about how to phrase the next bit. "I know you and I have really not gotten along on just about any level. I'm never going to be your first choice of confidants. Or probably your fiftieth. But when things get tough, you can come to me." He met the younger man's eyes steadily. "I mean that. I hope I've proven at the very least that I'm willing to get involved in your life even when it's personally hard for me."

Manuel nodded. "I've not been very easy to deal with. And I'm still processing everything that has happened. So I'm probably being far more whiny than is warranted. The one person I really gave a damn about here has decided that, for my own protection, she needed to make me into her slave. And I'm still trying to adjust to that. While I do appreciate your offer and what it cost you to make it, it will simply just take time to process it all through. I have to embrace this change, and right now I'm choking on it. Especially because she was right. I would have died if she hadn't done what she did."

Too fast, Nathan thought, nodding. "I have a thought, then," he said with a subdued grin. "That run?"

"Yeah, a run might do us both some good. Say, around the grounds once?" he said with a somewhat relieved smile.

"I will do my best to keep up," Nathan said with a chuckle. "Meet you outside in ten minutes? I ought to get changed and check on Moira."

"Sure. I should really put on something more suited to exercise. Although I got used to doing jogs around the meadhall three dozen times in leathers." he said with a faint smirk. "Back porch in ten. See you there."