Moira and Nathan

[x-mactaggart.livejournal.com]

When Nathan gets back, Moira goes down to see him but finds him more awake than she thought he was going to be. She tries to get through to him but it hurts both of them more than she thought it would.



Moira quietly walked into the room that they were keeping Nathan, making sure to close and lock the door behind her. She glanced over at Betsy but there was no movement, Moira assumed she was busy. Her heart clenched at the sight of Nathan restrained to the hospital bed and she crept closer, shoving her hands in her pockets. The after effects from the concussion had mostly gone away, though she was being careful. Standing next to the bed, she was careful not to bump the sedative drip and she watched him breath, fighting back another round of tears.

It was perhaps five minutes before his eyes opened. Nathan blinked up at her, trying to remember what had happened, what Betsy had said to him as the drug had started to take effect. "You shouldn't be in here," he murmured hoarsely.

"Well, I am," she responded, staring down at him, hands tightening slightly on the railing around the bed. Charles had warned her against going in when he wasn’t completely unconscious. He hadn't told her "no" but it was obvious he thought it would be harder for her if she went in. She figured it would be worse if she didn't go in.

Nathan's gaze shifted to the ceiling. "Go away," he whispered, his throat tightening. "Don't... want you to see me like this."

"Ta bad." Moira's jaw tightened slightly. "I _need_ ta see, nay matter wha' ye think." In the end, it wouldn't change anything for her.

Her accent was even thicker than normal. It always got that way when she was upset. The thought hurt, literally hurt, and he squeezed his eyes closed. "Let me go," he muttered. "Please..."

She leaned over a little more and glared down at him. There was some question of if he was asking her to let him go physically or emotionally but both would not happen. "Nay," she said firmly. "We jus' got ye back, I'm nay givin' ye back up. Ever."

Nathan jerked almost desperately at the restraints around his wrists, not noticing the way she jumped backwards. "Let me go," he said, louder, more insistently. "If I get free... I'll kill someone, Moira. I'd have to..."

Almost hesitant, Moira went back to the bed and fought down the surge of panic. She knew Charles was probably listening, though it was only a guess. "Yer nay gettin' free," she said, calming her voice. "Charles is goin' ta 'elp ye an' ye'll be yerself again, without th' conditionin'." I'll have you back.

A flash of anger, at the mention of Charles. "Help me... he can't help me," Nathan almost growled, his vision blurring again. The heart monitor had picked up a little, but he wasn't getting drowsy again. Not enough to trigger the sedative drip? "Liars. Him and the one in the corner..."

"I believe in 'im, does tha' make me a liar?" she asked, softly, suddenly needing to know if the conditioning hurt other things. The way he thought and felt about her. This was the reason she came in, she knew, and tried to calm her breathing.

"Made me believe this wouldn't happen," he muttered, his eyes stinging. He turned his head away from her, fighting for control. "All of you. Should never have believed you."

Tears stung her eyes and she raised a hand to clear them briefly. "I never wanted this ta 'appen, ever," she whispered, feeling that weight of guilt descend upon her again. Moira realized she was shaking and clamped down tighter on the bars.

"What we wanted," Nathan said disjointedly, still not looking at her. "I was right all along... didn't matter what we wanted." What he'd wanted, so badly. What he'd convinced himself he could have... Even with the lock on his powers, he could still feel the pain of the broken link, like glass fragments driving themselves into his mind, and a moan slipped out before he could stop it as he yanked at the restraints again. The heart monitor was beeping more frantically now. "Go away," he said feverishly. "They made it hurt to think of you."

She almost reached for him before she stopped herself, hand hovering above his for a breath of a second. "I love ye," she managed, backing up slowly towards the door, the tears falling freely now.

"I..." The pain was tearing at him now, like a ravening monster inside his chest. "I never wanted to hurt you," he said, barely audible, hardly able to force the words out past the anguish. The heart monitor was racing now, he could hear it, and he could feel the drugs starting to take effect again. "They laughed... they laughed when they broke the link..."

Moira covered her mouth with shaking hands and bit back a sob. Her mind still hurt from the link breaking, like a jagged wound that just wouldn't close. "I know ye never wanted ta. An' ye dinnae, they did. They 'urt me. 'urt ye--us. Ye'll be 'elped because I need ye back, Nathan. I cannae...I jus' need." She couldn't force herself to ask him if he still loved her or if Mistra had managed to corrupt that as well.

"It's all gone," Nathan whispered, tears trickling down his cheeks as his eyes fluttered shut. "All gone... they took you away, took the Askani..."

"I'm still 'ere, Nathan. Ye cannae feel me, I know, but please, jus'...god." A sob slipped out all the way this time. "I'm 'ere, I'm nay leavin'. I cannae leave ye. Please, if ye dinnae believe anythin' else, believe tha'."

It hurt too much. And he couldn't even take refuge in anger, not at her. "Don't," he whispered, his voice growing more and more slurred as he gave in to the drug. "Hurt you more... not him anymore... let me go..."

"Cannae do tha'," she gasped, shaking her head. "Willnae. Lost ye once, best believe I'm nay doin' it again. Nathan, ye cannae 'urt me, nay matter wha' ye believe." Moira paused for a second,hand reaching behind her for the door. "Whatever 'appens, I'll forgive ye, I'll still love ye. Remember tha'."