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Jul. 25th, 2003 02:36 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsAs promised, Betsy talks to Kitty about trust and how reaching a goal isn't the only important thing.
--Betsy's bedroom--
A knock comes on the door to Betsy's room, sometime Tuesday evening.
Betsy stops playing and turns her head in the direction of the doorway. Relaxed, she deposits her violin onto her bed, "One moment, Kitty."
Kitty waits patiently outside the door, chewing on her lip. Dr. Essex and his conversation about the diagnostics fill her mind.
As she walks to let the young girl in, her hand stops on the doorknob, as Kitty's stray thoughts come through. Betsy's jaw muscle clenches at the image of Essex. She forces herself to smile, as she opens the door to the teenager, nibbling on her lip. "Would you care to come in?"
"Sure." Kitty smiles, stepping into the neat room. "I'm sorry I didn't manage to catch you during your office hours."
"Oh, it's fine. I probably wouldn't have been much company, grading papers and what not." She ushers Kitty inside and offers her a seat on the sofa. Betsy disappears momentairly into a side room and returns with a tray of tea. "I hope I didn't pull you from anything important."
Kitty settles onto the sofa, random flashes of unintelligable computer code flitting through her mind. "No, not really. I've got a couple projects going on but they'll probably still be going weeks from now." She sounds frustrated. "Besides, I don't have any homework I can't put off right now."
A wide grin comes across Betsy's face, as she replies, "just don't tell Ororo that." She deposits the tray onto the table and takes her seat. "So, I bet you're wondering why I've asked you over."
Again, Essex shows up in her mind, but she nods. "Yes, although I needed to talk to you too."
Betsy's smile falters, slightly. "Indeed." She leans forward, pouring two cups of tea. "Well, what did you care to talk to me about?"
"Well," Kitty starts, biting her lip. "You know that Dr. Essex wants me to be his assistant when... well, you know, right?"
"I do." She hands over Kitty's cup and pushs back into her seat. Betsy feelslt her guard build up at the mention of Essex. "How do you feel about what I'm planning to do?"
Kitty takes her cup, looking down at it thoughtfully. Her mind is suddenly filled with diagnostic information, most of it quite random, and if Betsy bothers to dig she'll sense that it's a cover like the sort that Emma taught them. "Well, actually, Doctor Essex is worried about how you're feeling about it. He wants me to make sure you really understand what the risks are and that you're making the decision on your own, not being affected by... well, by what the rest of us think."
Betsy snorted at this. "He sent you here to...the nerve of him." She covers her face and sighs loudly. "I'm sorry," she says through her fingers.
Kitty's eyebrows raise at Betsy's tone. "Um, that's alright. But, well, what are you sorry for?"
"I shouldn't," Betsy turns back to Kitty and shaking her head, "We shouldn't have put this on you. I have no right to ask for help, but the Nathan said he couldn't do this on his own. And yet, I don't wish for anyone to know about this. And it's not why Nathan may think, but I also not going to go out of my way to share my reasons with him."
Kitty puts down her tea cup, leaning forward. "I guess I can understand that..." She sounds very hesitant when she says this, as though she's not entirely sure whether she means it or not. "But... well... even if you won't tell him why you're doing it, can you at least reassure him that you know what the dangers are. He's concerned about you."
"I have. On many occassions, I do realize that I may not survive this procedure and I accept that. But, I believe the gain is worth the risk." She took another sip of her tea. "And it's not concern he feels, Kitty. Trust me on that."
Kitty starts to nod when Betsy says that she has thought about it, but the motion stops as her teacher goes on. A frown crosses her face, and the diagnostics slip in her mind to reveal the image of carnations laying on a closed manila folder. "I know he seems... cold sometimes, but he does care," she says carefully
Seeing in her mind, a conversation between the Kitty and Essex, Betsy nods her head to the new images. Flowers for Algernon. Ah, so Essex has endeared himself to another student. Betsy shook her head, imperceptibly. "Cold could be one way to describe him. I'm sorry if I've offended you. I do appreciate you coming to me about this and I'm sorry that we're putting this unnecessary pressure on you. It can't be an easy thing to keep such a secret from your friends."
Kitty's head cocks slightly to the side. "Secret?" she asks. "I don't know what you mean..."
Betsy quirked her eyebrows, "you have taken into consideration that you'll be witness to some gruesome surgical procedures and at the same time, unable to share this with anyone, right?"
"Oh," Kitty smiles, leaning back, "that. Yes, well, keeping professional secrets is different. It's not my secret I'm keeping, just someone else's I'm holding onto. So, what is it is _you_ wanted to talk about?"
"Well. I don't think you're going to like what I have to say and I'd rather avoid it altogether, just to save myself the backlash." She feels Kitty's confustion, "ah, nevermind. I wanted to let you know that I've been made aware of an incident between you and Marie this week. Are you familiar with what I'm talking about?"
The smile dies and her eyebrows lift. "Incident?" She sounds incredulous. "I assume you mean the training yesterday?"
"It would appear there were two renditions of the 'training' in question. Unfortunately, from what I gathered, what took place yesterday was done without Marie's approval and it upset her greatly."
The eyebrows lower but the shields are back up, as strong as they ever were -this time Kitty was focusing on rather obscure physical laws. "Rogue did seem upset, yes, but the experiment was done with her approval. I wouldn't have phased her out if she hadn't agreed."
Betsy clasped her hands together, as if mimicking the mental walls rising within Kitty. Maybe she should try another approach. "Yes," she replied slowly. "Marie did agree to you phasing her out, but are you aware of why she was upset?"
Kitty nodded. "Yes. She disapproved of the method I used to test that she had succesfully phased back in."
"And that was what, exactly?"
"The moment I released her hand, at the point when she should have, and had, phased back in, I flicked the edges of my fingers through the side of her hand."
"So, why would this upset her, Kitty?"
Kitty sighed. "She was worried that when I phased through her her powers would activate and she would absorb my... well, whatever the technical term for what she absorbs is. However, I've done numerous tests and confirmed that I'm not physically 'reachable' when I'm phased out and as her power is activated through tactile contact there was minimal chance of it actually happening. To enhance that, the total time it took was maybe a milisecond, again, unlikely enough time for her power to activate."
"However unlikely, the chance was still apparent. At least, enough to unnerve her. To proceed with a scientific study should also allow for an awareness of your subject's history and being sensitive with such information." Betsy took a deep breath as she proceeded, "At the same time, there is always a chance and therefore, to make such an assumption is careless on your part. And since you've only recently regained control of your gifts, we cannot assume that there still aren't glitches. I promote your thirst to learn, actually, I'm proud of it, but please don't believe you're infalliable because of it.
Kitty took in a sudden breath and held it for half a second before she answered. "I know I'm not infalliable, and yes, I should have considered Rogue's reaction to it. In point of fact, the thought that her powers could interfere with me while I was phased out did not occur to me at the time, and it was only afterwards that it became apparent that she really need not have worried. At the time her powers were the farthest thing from her mind. Really, I don't think of people in terms of what they can do and how and when. I thought of her as Rogue, not as 'potential threat'. I'd have thought that sort of thing would be encouraged, even if it does occasionally lead to rash actions." She was scowling, and it came across in her tone and her thoughts.
"I am proud that you've taken your powers into your own hands and asserting yourself at the same time. But I had to come to you because some of the other professors have voiced their concerns about what happened between the two of you." Betsy leaned forward and put her hand on Kitty's knee. Thinking about Scott and their last conversation, she knew he wouldn't have been the right person to approach the impressionable teen. "I wanted someone to come to you without all the emotion involved. At the same time, I didn't think you were totally oblivious to Marie's feelings. Though I had to broach the subject to be sure. I'm didn't want to upset you with this, but well, the fact that you didn't take Marie's reaction into consideration tells me that maybe an apology is necessary. But I'll leave that to you."
Kitty's took another breath, seeming to calm down, but still feeling tense. "I have appologized to her, actually," she said levely, "and to the best of my knowledge she has accepted it. I think right now she would rather just not see me."
Betsy pulled back as she felt the blocks within Kitty relax and slowly dissapate. Images of Essex, Marie, and Jamie flashed in her mind and she was aware of the conflict within the young girl. She focused back onto their conversation after a few moments of sifting. "She does need that. I just need to know that you will not compromise ethics for the sake of science. We tend to cut corners when trying to reach our goals, I just don't want you to get lost in the research and forget the humanity involved."
"I wouldn't. I didn't. I just wasn't thinking." She sighs. "Yes, I'll be more careful, ok?"
"That's all I ask." Betsy paused for a moment, "Before you go, are you sure...about the procedure? You don't have to if you're uncomfortable with it?"
She blinks, then nods. "I'm fine with it. He needs my help."
Betsy's heart sinks at this proclaimation, yet she tried to smile, if somewhat grimly. "Of course. Well, unless there is anything else you'd like to tell me?"
"No, thank you. I'll tell him not to worry or bother you anymore if it will help..."
She raised her hand in protest. "No, it's fine. I'll see Nathan soon enough." Betsy rose from her seat and led Kitty to the doorway. "You are a wonder, Kitty. So much bravery in such a young soul."
She cocks her head and smiles a little. "I guess," she says uncertainly. "Thank you."
"Not a problem." She opened the door for the young girl. "Good night, Kitty."
"Good night." Kitty nodded and headed out the hall, some what determinedly not thinking about very much, although it's clear that she intends to soon.
Betsy closed the door with an anguished sigh. She wondered after the surgery, if not waking up was an option. At least it'd be a break from being the responsible one. God, how she hated being responsible.
--Betsy's bedroom--
A knock comes on the door to Betsy's room, sometime Tuesday evening.
Betsy stops playing and turns her head in the direction of the doorway. Relaxed, she deposits her violin onto her bed, "One moment, Kitty."
Kitty waits patiently outside the door, chewing on her lip. Dr. Essex and his conversation about the diagnostics fill her mind.
As she walks to let the young girl in, her hand stops on the doorknob, as Kitty's stray thoughts come through. Betsy's jaw muscle clenches at the image of Essex. She forces herself to smile, as she opens the door to the teenager, nibbling on her lip. "Would you care to come in?"
"Sure." Kitty smiles, stepping into the neat room. "I'm sorry I didn't manage to catch you during your office hours."
"Oh, it's fine. I probably wouldn't have been much company, grading papers and what not." She ushers Kitty inside and offers her a seat on the sofa. Betsy disappears momentairly into a side room and returns with a tray of tea. "I hope I didn't pull you from anything important."
Kitty settles onto the sofa, random flashes of unintelligable computer code flitting through her mind. "No, not really. I've got a couple projects going on but they'll probably still be going weeks from now." She sounds frustrated. "Besides, I don't have any homework I can't put off right now."
A wide grin comes across Betsy's face, as she replies, "just don't tell Ororo that." She deposits the tray onto the table and takes her seat. "So, I bet you're wondering why I've asked you over."
Again, Essex shows up in her mind, but she nods. "Yes, although I needed to talk to you too."
Betsy's smile falters, slightly. "Indeed." She leans forward, pouring two cups of tea. "Well, what did you care to talk to me about?"
"Well," Kitty starts, biting her lip. "You know that Dr. Essex wants me to be his assistant when... well, you know, right?"
"I do." She hands over Kitty's cup and pushs back into her seat. Betsy feelslt her guard build up at the mention of Essex. "How do you feel about what I'm planning to do?"
Kitty takes her cup, looking down at it thoughtfully. Her mind is suddenly filled with diagnostic information, most of it quite random, and if Betsy bothers to dig she'll sense that it's a cover like the sort that Emma taught them. "Well, actually, Doctor Essex is worried about how you're feeling about it. He wants me to make sure you really understand what the risks are and that you're making the decision on your own, not being affected by... well, by what the rest of us think."
Betsy snorted at this. "He sent you here to...the nerve of him." She covers her face and sighs loudly. "I'm sorry," she says through her fingers.
Kitty's eyebrows raise at Betsy's tone. "Um, that's alright. But, well, what are you sorry for?"
"I shouldn't," Betsy turns back to Kitty and shaking her head, "We shouldn't have put this on you. I have no right to ask for help, but the Nathan said he couldn't do this on his own. And yet, I don't wish for anyone to know about this. And it's not why Nathan may think, but I also not going to go out of my way to share my reasons with him."
Kitty puts down her tea cup, leaning forward. "I guess I can understand that..." She sounds very hesitant when she says this, as though she's not entirely sure whether she means it or not. "But... well... even if you won't tell him why you're doing it, can you at least reassure him that you know what the dangers are. He's concerned about you."
"I have. On many occassions, I do realize that I may not survive this procedure and I accept that. But, I believe the gain is worth the risk." She took another sip of her tea. "And it's not concern he feels, Kitty. Trust me on that."
Kitty starts to nod when Betsy says that she has thought about it, but the motion stops as her teacher goes on. A frown crosses her face, and the diagnostics slip in her mind to reveal the image of carnations laying on a closed manila folder. "I know he seems... cold sometimes, but he does care," she says carefully
Seeing in her mind, a conversation between the Kitty and Essex, Betsy nods her head to the new images. Flowers for Algernon. Ah, so Essex has endeared himself to another student. Betsy shook her head, imperceptibly. "Cold could be one way to describe him. I'm sorry if I've offended you. I do appreciate you coming to me about this and I'm sorry that we're putting this unnecessary pressure on you. It can't be an easy thing to keep such a secret from your friends."
Kitty's head cocks slightly to the side. "Secret?" she asks. "I don't know what you mean..."
Betsy quirked her eyebrows, "you have taken into consideration that you'll be witness to some gruesome surgical procedures and at the same time, unable to share this with anyone, right?"
"Oh," Kitty smiles, leaning back, "that. Yes, well, keeping professional secrets is different. It's not my secret I'm keeping, just someone else's I'm holding onto. So, what is it is _you_ wanted to talk about?"
"Well. I don't think you're going to like what I have to say and I'd rather avoid it altogether, just to save myself the backlash." She feels Kitty's confustion, "ah, nevermind. I wanted to let you know that I've been made aware of an incident between you and Marie this week. Are you familiar with what I'm talking about?"
The smile dies and her eyebrows lift. "Incident?" She sounds incredulous. "I assume you mean the training yesterday?"
"It would appear there were two renditions of the 'training' in question. Unfortunately, from what I gathered, what took place yesterday was done without Marie's approval and it upset her greatly."
The eyebrows lower but the shields are back up, as strong as they ever were -this time Kitty was focusing on rather obscure physical laws. "Rogue did seem upset, yes, but the experiment was done with her approval. I wouldn't have phased her out if she hadn't agreed."
Betsy clasped her hands together, as if mimicking the mental walls rising within Kitty. Maybe she should try another approach. "Yes," she replied slowly. "Marie did agree to you phasing her out, but are you aware of why she was upset?"
Kitty nodded. "Yes. She disapproved of the method I used to test that she had succesfully phased back in."
"And that was what, exactly?"
"The moment I released her hand, at the point when she should have, and had, phased back in, I flicked the edges of my fingers through the side of her hand."
"So, why would this upset her, Kitty?"
Kitty sighed. "She was worried that when I phased through her her powers would activate and she would absorb my... well, whatever the technical term for what she absorbs is. However, I've done numerous tests and confirmed that I'm not physically 'reachable' when I'm phased out and as her power is activated through tactile contact there was minimal chance of it actually happening. To enhance that, the total time it took was maybe a milisecond, again, unlikely enough time for her power to activate."
"However unlikely, the chance was still apparent. At least, enough to unnerve her. To proceed with a scientific study should also allow for an awareness of your subject's history and being sensitive with such information." Betsy took a deep breath as she proceeded, "At the same time, there is always a chance and therefore, to make such an assumption is careless on your part. And since you've only recently regained control of your gifts, we cannot assume that there still aren't glitches. I promote your thirst to learn, actually, I'm proud of it, but please don't believe you're infalliable because of it.
Kitty took in a sudden breath and held it for half a second before she answered. "I know I'm not infalliable, and yes, I should have considered Rogue's reaction to it. In point of fact, the thought that her powers could interfere with me while I was phased out did not occur to me at the time, and it was only afterwards that it became apparent that she really need not have worried. At the time her powers were the farthest thing from her mind. Really, I don't think of people in terms of what they can do and how and when. I thought of her as Rogue, not as 'potential threat'. I'd have thought that sort of thing would be encouraged, even if it does occasionally lead to rash actions." She was scowling, and it came across in her tone and her thoughts.
"I am proud that you've taken your powers into your own hands and asserting yourself at the same time. But I had to come to you because some of the other professors have voiced their concerns about what happened between the two of you." Betsy leaned forward and put her hand on Kitty's knee. Thinking about Scott and their last conversation, she knew he wouldn't have been the right person to approach the impressionable teen. "I wanted someone to come to you without all the emotion involved. At the same time, I didn't think you were totally oblivious to Marie's feelings. Though I had to broach the subject to be sure. I'm didn't want to upset you with this, but well, the fact that you didn't take Marie's reaction into consideration tells me that maybe an apology is necessary. But I'll leave that to you."
Kitty's took another breath, seeming to calm down, but still feeling tense. "I have appologized to her, actually," she said levely, "and to the best of my knowledge she has accepted it. I think right now she would rather just not see me."
Betsy pulled back as she felt the blocks within Kitty relax and slowly dissapate. Images of Essex, Marie, and Jamie flashed in her mind and she was aware of the conflict within the young girl. She focused back onto their conversation after a few moments of sifting. "She does need that. I just need to know that you will not compromise ethics for the sake of science. We tend to cut corners when trying to reach our goals, I just don't want you to get lost in the research and forget the humanity involved."
"I wouldn't. I didn't. I just wasn't thinking." She sighs. "Yes, I'll be more careful, ok?"
"That's all I ask." Betsy paused for a moment, "Before you go, are you sure...about the procedure? You don't have to if you're uncomfortable with it?"
She blinks, then nods. "I'm fine with it. He needs my help."
Betsy's heart sinks at this proclaimation, yet she tried to smile, if somewhat grimly. "Of course. Well, unless there is anything else you'd like to tell me?"
"No, thank you. I'll tell him not to worry or bother you anymore if it will help..."
She raised her hand in protest. "No, it's fine. I'll see Nathan soon enough." Betsy rose from her seat and led Kitty to the doorway. "You are a wonder, Kitty. So much bravery in such a young soul."
She cocks her head and smiles a little. "I guess," she says uncertainly. "Thank you."
"Not a problem." She opened the door for the young girl. "Good night, Kitty."
"Good night." Kitty nodded and headed out the hall, some what determinedly not thinking about very much, although it's clear that she intends to soon.
Betsy closed the door with an anguished sigh. She wondered after the surgery, if not waking up was an option. At least it'd be a break from being the responsible one. God, how she hated being responsible.
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Ah, My Darlings...
Date: 2003-07-25 07:31 pm (UTC)Bring me the telepathic wench with the fire in her eyes! Find me a saucy young kosher snackcake! Deliver ma petit bagette adore! All your women are belonging to Essex!
*ahem* I'm calm now.
Re: Ah, My Darlings...
Date: 2003-07-25 08:08 pm (UTC)Damn it, now I'm going to have an image of Essex in a pimp hat in my head forever...
Re: Ah, My Darlings...
Date: 2003-07-25 08:29 pm (UTC)Re: Ah, My Darlings...
Date: 2003-07-25 08:35 pm (UTC)There is tea all over my computer screen and I'm pretty sure it's your fault.
Re: Ah, My Darlings...
Date: 2003-07-25 10:44 pm (UTC)Re: Ah, My Darlings...
Date: 2003-07-25 10:50 pm (UTC)Or maybe more like buying a CD and finding out it comes with free AOL software. Either way.
Re: Ah, My Darlings...
Date: 2003-07-26 07:30 am (UTC)Notice his kind words in his attempt to fool us and why do I have to be the wench? Why can't I be the snack food?
Re: Ah, My Darlings...
Date: 2003-07-26 02:53 pm (UTC)Re: Ah, My Darlings...
Date: 2003-07-28 02:58 pm (UTC)