Angelo, Amanda and Manuel: the Log of Pain

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Angelo finds a distressed Amanda out on the smokers' porch and decides to let her know just how important she is to him. Unfortunately, neither of them has realized Manuel's in the kitchen watching. He doesn't take it well.



Finding himself in need of a cigarette - again - Angelo headed out to the usual place, and was unsurprised to find Amanda there before him, curled up off to one side in one of the swing-seats. Sitting down on the next one along, he silently offered her the pack before lighting up.

Amanda looked up as the pack entered her field of vision - she already had one cigarette burning unnoticed between her fingers, but she took one anyway. "Ta," she said, her voice scratchy. Her eyes, when they met his, were red-rimmed, her face blotchy - she'd obviously been crying.

Angelo sighed, looking at her, and asked unnecessarily but for lack of anything else to say right then, "How're you holdin' up?"

"Been better," she replied with a sigh. "Knowin' he's back, knowin' he's _him_ again... It helps. But we came so close t' losin' him..." Amanda shuddered a little. "It was like Asgard all over again. He didn't even look at me, Ange, back at the art exhibit. It was like I weren't even there. It was like what the Enchantress had said, 'bout people leavin' me."

Angelo glanced at her sharply with a frown, half of confusion, half of anger at the implication. "What did she say?"

"The spell, the one she used t' control me... She got into me head, told me people wouldn't miss me, that they'd rather Jubilee than me." The hand not occupied with a cigarette clenched, Amanda not realising she was digging her nails into her palm. "An' I believed her. When Nate came back... it was like that, all over again. He didn't want t' know me."

Angelo glanced down at her hand, his frown changing to one of concern, and he reached out carefully to unpeel her fingers from her palm before she drew blood. "That wasn't Nate", he answered simply. "An' whatever that bitch said, she lied."

She started a little at the touch of his hand on hers, even as she let him uncurl her fingers. "Thing is, it was. Part of him, any way. He still remembered Moira, still loved her." She took an unsteady drag from the cigarette she was holding, then stubbed it out on the railing since the bucket was out of reach. "It's just... I ain't ever had a family before, not like this, an' I'm terrified of losin' 'em."

Angelo nodded, understanding. "It's somethin' we all get", he told her softly. "Part of havin' a family at all. I know that doesn't help much, but it's how it is."

"She - Mot... _fuck_, that bloody bitch of an Enchantress, she made me see, showed me how much everyone likes Jubilee. I couldn't... I didn't want t' have t' see it happen, t' see her takin' away everyone I ever cared about." Angelo had satisfied himself her hand wasn't bleeding, but when he tried to pull his hand back, she held onto it, needing the contact. "I couldn't handle it, so I let her do what she wanted."

Angelo didn't try to pull his hand away again until she was willing to let it go. "Jubilee's not takin' everyone away from you, Amanda. I barely know her, we're not anywhere near friends like you an' me are. An' I'm pretty sure the others aren't about to drop you for her either."

"I know. 'M bein' stupid, I know that. I just can't shake it, 'specially when I see her goin' after everyone I consider family, y'know?" The squeeze she gave his hand before releasing it meant he was included in that. "'S been quiet without you here. 'M glad yer back, even if yer mum did need you there."

Angelo managed a half-smile. "Good to be back, even with what's goin' on. But I couldn't not go back - this is the second time I've disappeared on her, after all."

"Seems t' happen a lot 'round here, the disappearin'..." Amanda sighed, and looked out over the yard again. "Yer a good mate," she said at last, trying to say what she wanted without getting it all confused. "Yer important to me. I dunno if you know that."

Angelo nodded. "You too. Y'know? I don't have that many close here, that many family, an' all this... it seems like somethin' we should all let people know." He sighed, then went off on an apparent tangent. "Did I ever tell you about why it's just Mom an' me? About my dad?"

"No, you haven't." Amanda looked at him curiously, but taking in the pain in his voice. "D'you want to?"

Angelo shrugged. "Kinda. It ties in with the family stuff, an' I'd probably tell you sooner or later, so it might as well be now." He swallowed slightly. "He died - he was murdered - when I was five. I didn't see him get attacked, but he made it back to the house before he died, an' that I saw. Mom did what she could t'save him, but it was too late by then."

This time it was Amanda who reached out, taking his hand wordlessly and wrapping her fingers tightly around it. "Must've been horrible," she said quietly.

Angelo nodded. "It was. So you see, I know 'bout losin' family. Not just him, there was others, they just weren't blood. So while we're talkin' about people bein' important, 'specially with what's goin' on, I figure you should know what you mean to me. You are family. Love you, little sis", he finished, would-be lightly, squeezing her hand.

He didn't mean it like that. She knew he didn't - hadn't she told Manuel often enough that they were friends, not anything else? But it was the word, the one she could never say to anyone, the one that meant more to her than any other. And if truth be told, a tiny part of her did want Angelo, wanted him as more than a friend or a brother, even as she knew how hopeless a cause that one was... Filled with an incredible rush of joy and happiness and love, she hugged the startled Angelo, squeezing him hard. "Love you too, big brother," she whispered, too quietly to be heard.

After he recovered from the initial surprise at being tackled, Angelo chuckled and hugged her back. "Family, then", he said simply.

****************

Manuel, in the kitchen to get himself something to drink, glanced outside to see Angelo talking to Amanda. Not wanting to interrupt them (and not trusting himself to behave before the Mexican) he just listened as he filled his glass with filtered water.

He could not make out their entire conversation, but when they hugged, Manuel dropped his glass. It shattered into shards at his feet as tears rolled down his face.

Suspicion was right.

He tried to ignore it, listen to his heart, but his heart was as broken as the glass shards at his feet. His power confirmed it - they were positively wrapped up in love, the thread that represented it mocking him with its glittery golden-red.

He closed his eyes, but the image was burned into his eyelids - merging in with the thought Nathan had poked into his brain when they last sparred.

Amanda ... and Angelo.

Together.

His hands clenched into fists, Manuel wanted nothing more but to go outside, reclaim his wayward Amanda, and kill the Mexican. No honor, no duel for her heart ... no mercy. Just blood on his hands and vengeance in his eyes.
If they wanted to hurt him, if they wanted to be together, then so be it. He knew all of their secret hurts, the little poisonous secrets that they kept locked deep down inside. Sure, he didn't know the specifics, the thoughts or the reasons. He knew the feelings, and that was all he needed to know.

This had to be his doing. Amanda was weak, vulnerable, alone. He knew it, he _had_ to know it. Had played on it to steal her away from him, to turn his heart into ash.

He made himself remember exactly the sequence of events - the low conversation, the admission, the hug, the reciprocation. Burned it into his mind with a fiery will, so as to never, ever forget what had happened here.

No forgiveness.

No mercy.

Time to reap the whirlwind.

**********

Back out on the porch, Angelo jumped, startled, and moved back from Amanda as he heard the kitchen door slam open. Looking up, his eyes were instantly wary as he saw that the new arrival was Manuel, glaring viciously at them both.

"Manny, what...?" Amanda began, letting go of Angelo and turning to Manuel. The sheer power of the emotions coming down the link, a wave of hurt and pain and fury, made her take a step back, then another. "It's not what you think..." she began, but her voice broke, and she couldn't help the feelings of guilt and fear. He'd felt what she'd said, how she'd reacted to Angelo. Oh fucking Christ...

Manuel, without even thinking, looked at both of them. Shaking his head, he just looked - mostly at Amanda, but occasionally at Angelo as well. "Have I arrived at a bad time?" he asked, keeping his mask of non-expression firmly pasted in place. "I would hate to think that I'd interrupted young lovers at play. No, actually, I think I'll go. I'd like to hang onto what I have left of my dignity." he said, and then spun on the ball of his foot and headed back into the Mansion.

"Manny, wait." Amanda forced herself to move forward, even though the miasma of pain coming down the link was making her feel sick, and grabbed his arm. "It's not like that, we've already gone through this. We're just friends, really..."

Angelo couldn't think of anything he could say at this point that wouldn't risk making things worse, but neither was he willing to leave Amanda alone to face Manuel's anger. So he just hung back, silently, eyes watchful.

Manuel stared at the hand grabbing his arm, and then at the woman attached to the arm. "Let go of me." he said reasonably, his eyes stormy. "You can say whatever you want. I know how you feel." he said coldly, then ripped his arm out of her grip. To Angelo, he shot a glare promising mayhem, before turning back around to leave.

She couldn't let him go like this, she had to try. "Manny, it wasn't like that. He's like family t' me, nothin' else. You got it wrong." Again she reached for his arm. "This thing 'tween the two of you, it's drivin' me mad. Ange ain't a threat t' you."

Angelo spoke up to support her, then. "It's true. If anythin' was goin' to happen between me an' Amanda, it would have a long time ago. I'm in love with Paige, remember? I'm not gonna touch anyone else while I'm with her."

Manuel turned back around to stare at Amanda incredulously. "So that's how it is in your _family_?" he hissed. "Very interesting." He stabbed a forefinger towards Angelo. "Would you like to know how she felt right then? I think you should. I doubt your slug-like mind could comprehend it any other way." His eyes glowed red then as he slammed all of Amanda's recent emotions into Angelo's brain - making sure to include the link into things, so that Amanda got to relive them all over again.

"Let there be _no_ mistake." he said as he let the projection die. "You can verbally lie to me all you want. You can even lie to him - hell, even houseflies and earthworms can lie to him. But you _cannot_ lie about how you felt." he said coldly. "Now, if you will excuse me?"

Amanda gasped as she realised what Manuel was doing, clutching at her head as she felt in complete detail what Manuel had sensed. He was right, she couldn't lie, not to him. "'M sorry," she whimpered through the pain and the tears that had begun to flow. "I can't help it, I didn't want t' hurt you, but I couldn't give him up either, even though I know how he makes you feel, I just couldn't..."

Angelo staggered physically when the rush of emotions hit him, and he glanced between the two others, eyes wide. "Amanda... I didn't..." Knowing he had to fix this if he could, for Amanda's sake, he forced himself to look directly at Manuel and speak more or less coherently. "Whatever she feels, she hasn't acted on it, not since well before you two got together. You can see when someone's lyin', right? An' I don't feel that way for her. Only for Paige. Yes, I love her, but not like that."

"It doesn't matter." Manuel said flatly to Angelo. "It really doesn't." he said as his own eyes got bright with unshed tears. "She could say it, _feel_ it to you, but she never..." He choked off his own words and walked quietly back into the Mansion.

Stricken, Amanda took a half-step after him. "Manny, don't..." she began, but felt him closing himself off to her, felt the blocks slamming down over the link, and it was all she could do not to crumple into a ball then. And she couldn't face Angelo, not now he knew. She'd fucked everything up so very badly... "Don't," she said, as Angelo reached out for her arm. "Just... don't, all right? I can't do this any more, can't deal with you an' him."

Angelo let his hand drop, partly in not wanting to make things worse, partly in hurt of his own. "Fine. You want me to leave you alone, then?" The question was mostly token, though he was hoping she'd say "no".

"Yes. I can't..." She wouldn't look at him, afraid to see the contempt that must be there now he knew. "Just leave me alone, all right?" She didn't wait for an answer, just took off almost at a run, down the steps and towards the stables. She just couldn't deal with any more of this.

Angelo slumped backwards, back onto the seat, eyes bleak. He had a terrible feeling he knew what he had to do now, that there was only one way he could go about making things better, and he hated the knowledge. But he couldn't see any other means to fix what he'd inadvertently done...