Manuel and Amanda - Reconciliation
Sep. 1st, 2004 10:27 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsWho: Manuel de la Rocha, Amanda Sefton
When: 9/1/2004
Where: Sittin' on the dock of the lake
What Happens: They _finally_ start talking to one another.
WARNING: SCHMOOP INDEX 9.3!
The dock was quiet, and most of the time, people didn't look for her there. This was a good thing. Amanda sat cross-legged, staring blindly out over the darkened waters, not heeding the cool breeze that had sprung up, or the fact her feet had gone to sleep under her. All her attention was focussed on the amulet in her hands. The same one Romany and Strange had made for her to replce the one she'd lost. The one she wasn't supposed to take off. With a sudden gesture, she cocked her arm back, intending to throw it into the lake. Fuck control. Fuck everything - it wasn't like she'd ever get any better, or that she had any right to hope she might. Not after what she'd done to Jubilee. All she could do was sit and wait for the karmic fallout.
"You might not want to do that." said a Castillian-accented voice from behind Amanda. "I don't fancy cleaning your brains up off the dock, and I know your Angelo would mope about it for weeks." he said in a calm voice. "It's really more bother than it is worth."
"'My' Angelo can shove it up his arse," Amanda said, not bothering to look around. "An' since this ain't a magical realm, me brains'd be safe enough. 'Least 'til the cravings set in." She shrugged. "Wouldn't matter either way."
"I'd pay good money to see you cram your amulet up Angelo's arse, actually." said the voice with some amusement. "I worked too hard to put you back together last time to let you fall apart this time. Besides, you owe me for that little incident with Jubilee."
"What d'you care whether I fall apart or not?" she asked, voice still flat. "'Sides, I weren't the one shovin' yer fun an' games with the virgin down the link. On purpose. I don't owe you a fuckin' thing."
"No, but you are the one who broke her arm." the voice said reasonably. "And don't lecture me about taking some sport, not when you seem to take great delight in your little human friend." the voice said somewhat nastily. "It's very hypocritical of you."
"There's sport an' then there's doin' somethin' on purpose t' hurt someone..." Amanda began, but a wave of futility washed over her and her shoulders slumped. What was the point? Besides, he was right. She was the bad guy in all this, her and her stupidity. "What d'you want, Manny?" she asked at last, glancing briefly over her shoulder to see him standing behind her. "Come t' break the link, get me out of yer head? Thought you wanted t' do that under supervision."
"Actually, I came to see how you were doing." he said reasonably, dangling his legs off the edge of the dock as he sat down close to her. "I may not want to take you to my bed right now, but I still like to consider you my friend." he said cheerfully. "And I want to hear the story behind why you assaulted Jubilee. Thought you didn't get jealous."
She stared at him a moment, trying to figure out why he was so bloody cheerful, when according to everyone, he'd been a wreck the week before. She supposed that was all it took to get over her. A week and fucking Jubilation bloody Lee. The dull anger stirred again, but she was too tired and too heartsick to do little more than acknowledge it was there. "Never used to," she said at last, looking back over the water, hands still fidgeting with the amulet in her hands. She had some scrying crystals in her pocket for later, but she would wait until Manuel had gone before getting her next fix. "An' t' tell the truth, if it was almost anyone else in the place, I wouldn't gve a shite. 'S just her. Rubs me up the wrong way, manages t' hit every button I've got. She told me..." She realised what she was saying, and stopped. It would sound stupid, considering the fact they'd barely spoken since the scene with Angelo. "She told me you'd said she was better 'n me, that you preferred her t' me."
"She's completely full of shit." he said, still maintaining his cheerful front. "Virgins are usually so woefully underskilled in bed." he lamented. "Enthusiasm alone doesn't compensate beyond a point. Although she is a screamer...." he said with the ghost of a grin. "I told her what she needed to hear. No more, no less. You and I both know the real truth."
"Oh, I knew she was lyin' through her teeth, but it still made me so fuckin' angry... Punched her in the nose before I could help meself. She's the one who started the powers, tho'." There was a faintest trace of schoolyard defensiveness in her voice. She glanced back over at him. "Sorry for breakin' yer new toy. She'll mend soon enough - Strange is makin' me do the healin' thing for her, make up for what I done." She didn't mention the finger-shaped burns on her own forearms, the scratch along her cheek - she couldn't spare the power to heal herself until she'd finished with Lee.
"I do so detest it when people take it upon themselves to mess with my toys." he said theatrically with a grin. "So how are things with your new paramour? Is he keeping you warm at night and making you feel wanted, needed, and loved? Does he take care of you the way I used to?" he said cruelly, knowing he was doing none of those things. "If you're going to trade me off like that, I'd at least like to make sure you were in good hands."
Amanda closed her eyes, pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around her knees, ignoring the sting of pins and needles as the blood started flowing into her feet again. "It's not like that," she said, laying her forehead on her knees. She was so sick of all this. "He's barely said two words t' me since that day. For me own good, he reckons. So you can laugh it up - got what was comin' t' me, didn't I? No matter there wasn't anythin' there t' start with, but now there's less than nothin'. We were just friends, an' not we ain't even that. Should make you happy." Her tone was bitter, raw with hurt, and she kept her eyes closed, waiting for the inevitable laughter, the gloating.
"That is unfortunate." he said, voice dripping with poisoned sincerity. "I mean, he should take care of you better, considering that one of his is off learning how to be an integral being, and the other - well, he's _quite_ taken with her. I wonder what he ever might have seen in _you_." he said cruelly. "It must hurt a lot, knowing that you've given your love to someone who can't return the same back to you."
Screw later. Amanda's left hand crept down to her pocket, feeling for the crystal there. Just a little buzz, and then it wouldn't matter what Manuel said, wouldn't matter that he was right, that no-one could possibly see anything in her. "Yeah, well, 'm stupid that way, ain't I? Thinkin' I could ever be more than a junkie an' a whore." There was an almost physical pain in her chest as she said the words, part of her crying out in denial.
Manuel reached out, leaning over and using his fencer's reflexes to pull Amanda's hand out of her pocket to reveal the crystal. "I thought so." he said flatly, then forced her hand open to take the crystal, which he threw into the lake. "You don't get to take the easy way out." he hissed. "Think upon this while you go through withdrawl. Do you think it's better to be with someone who says that he loves you, but won't take care of you, or to be with someone who says he loves you, and means it? Think long and hard about what you have to do to _earn_ the love of the latter person, and how empty the love of the former is."
"How can you say that!" Stung into anger at last as she watched a perfectly good fix disappear into the lake - and there was fifty quid that she wouldn't see again in a hurry - Amanda turned on Manuel. "How the fuck can you sit there an' tell me you love me, when not two minutes ago you were doin' yer fuckin' best t' make me feel like shite? When that's all you ever do is hurt me, make me feel like I'm worthless? Christ, I got enough of that from bloody Rack, is it any fuckin' wonder I can't say the words? Yeah, I love you, an' it scares me shitless, 'cause the minute I say it, it gives you the same power over me that he had. An' I won't be like that again, even if what I am now is nothin' more 'n a bleedin' junkie!" She paused, breathing heavily from the outburst. "So don't talk t' me 'bout empty love," she added quietly. "'S all I've ever fuckin' known, an' you ain't a bit different."
"I'm trying to make you _think_, Amanda! Think about what you're throwing away - and no, I don't mean the bloody crystal. It would have cost you three little words, meant from the heart, to mend this. You decided you'd say them and mean them to him. How am I supposed to feel about that, huh? How is that supposed to make me feel?" he snapped, then stopped. "You think I'm him. That I am Rack all over again. That's it. You're _afraid_. Has _nothing_ I have done meant a _damn_ to you? I put you back together when you were falling apart every twenty minutes! I kept you from _death_ when Rack tried to take every last piece of your very essence. Have I ever domianted you? Have I ever enslaved you to my will? Answer me that with a straight face. Tell me that I'm just like Rack, and that all I want from you is a slave, a power source. For fuck's sake, Amanda, I'm MUNDANE that way. I can't cast so much as a cantrip, and you think I'm like HIM?"
"I could say it t' Ange 'cause he's safe, 'cause I know he doesn't love me that way, an' he never will. You..." There was a stinging pain in her right hand, the one holding the amulet - she had clenched her fist around it so tightly she'd cut the skin, and blood was beginning to ooze between her fingers, staining the titanium chain. "You can hurt me more than anyone else, 'cause..." She looked up from her hand. "'Cause I _do_ love you. I love you more 'n I've ever loved anyone else, an' that includes Rom an' Pete an' Nate, an' I want you t' love me back, an' I don't know if I can be what you want me t' be." The tightness in her chest had expanded into an almost-raw ache, a tearing sensation, like she'd literally opened up her heart for him to take potshots at. "I could never be good enough for Rack, an' he let me know about it, every fuckin' day. I don't know if I can be good enough for you."
Manuel nearly had the top of his head torn off by the intensity of the feelings he was getting - both verbally and over their mindlink. "You have it so backwards." he whispered, eyes bright with tears. "You were my shot at redemption." he added, then paused for a few seconds to collect himself. "All right. You don't think you can be good enough for me. I don't think I can ever live up to you. I think I see the problem." he said with a shaky grin. "Say the words. Say them again." he said, almost pathetic in his need. "I need to hear them. Even when you hurt me, when you denied me for him, I never stopped loving you." he said shakily. "It was like I died inside a little more each day when I saw you with him. To think of him touching you, laying his hands on you, knowing that you wanted him after I had given you everything I had..."
"It was never like that, not with Ange..." She took a deep breath, trying desperately to get some degree of control back - it was long in coming. "I love you," she said at last, when she could trust her voice. "I knew you needed me t' say it, an' I wanted t', but I couldn't. It kept gettin' stuck." Her half-smile came out a little twisted, but it was a smile nonetheless. "I love you, Manuel Alphonso Rodrigo de la Rocha. I don't know if it's enough, but it's all I've got."
"I'll take it!" he said with a relieved grin, and leaning in for a clingy hug. "We can work on the rest later. I have all I could ever want right here." he said around sniffles. "For now, for ever, for as long as you want me, I am yours, Amanda Sefton." he said shakily, still reeling from the heady intensity of it all.
The clinging was mutual - Amanda had her arms so tightly wrapped around Manuel's neck it was a wonder he could breathe, and she wasn't planning on letting go any time soon. It had been so hard, and she'd thought she was so alone... "As long as you want me," she replied, tears soaking into the shoudler of his shirt. "As long as you want me, that's how long I'll want you."
Manuel grinned, and let the tears roll down his face. "You doin' anything for, say, the rest of today and all of tomorrow?" he asked with a leering smile. "Because I don't plan on letting you out of my _bed_ for the duration." He then adjusted his Death Grip so that he could scoop her into his arms and stand upright. "Oy. You've lost weight." he said with a pleased smile.
"If I was, it don't matter now - I ain't goin' anywhere, even if aliens land an' the Four Horsemen take it into their heads t' make an appearance," she laughed, feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted from her. Well, mostly - there was still the niggle in the back of her mind, the demand for a fix. She was going to need a lot of help getting back on the wagon again. But in the meantime, she was content to let Manuel hold her, leaning her forehead against his neck with a happy sigh. "Love you," she said again, just because she could.
Manuel grinned again. "No matter how many times you say that to me, it's never going to get old. Love you too." he said, and carried her off the docks and back into the Mansion proper with a grin on his face and a bounce in his step.
When: 9/1/2004
Where: Sittin' on the dock of the lake
What Happens: They _finally_ start talking to one another.
WARNING: SCHMOOP INDEX 9.3!
The dock was quiet, and most of the time, people didn't look for her there. This was a good thing. Amanda sat cross-legged, staring blindly out over the darkened waters, not heeding the cool breeze that had sprung up, or the fact her feet had gone to sleep under her. All her attention was focussed on the amulet in her hands. The same one Romany and Strange had made for her to replce the one she'd lost. The one she wasn't supposed to take off. With a sudden gesture, she cocked her arm back, intending to throw it into the lake. Fuck control. Fuck everything - it wasn't like she'd ever get any better, or that she had any right to hope she might. Not after what she'd done to Jubilee. All she could do was sit and wait for the karmic fallout.
"You might not want to do that." said a Castillian-accented voice from behind Amanda. "I don't fancy cleaning your brains up off the dock, and I know your Angelo would mope about it for weeks." he said in a calm voice. "It's really more bother than it is worth."
"'My' Angelo can shove it up his arse," Amanda said, not bothering to look around. "An' since this ain't a magical realm, me brains'd be safe enough. 'Least 'til the cravings set in." She shrugged. "Wouldn't matter either way."
"I'd pay good money to see you cram your amulet up Angelo's arse, actually." said the voice with some amusement. "I worked too hard to put you back together last time to let you fall apart this time. Besides, you owe me for that little incident with Jubilee."
"What d'you care whether I fall apart or not?" she asked, voice still flat. "'Sides, I weren't the one shovin' yer fun an' games with the virgin down the link. On purpose. I don't owe you a fuckin' thing."
"No, but you are the one who broke her arm." the voice said reasonably. "And don't lecture me about taking some sport, not when you seem to take great delight in your little human friend." the voice said somewhat nastily. "It's very hypocritical of you."
"There's sport an' then there's doin' somethin' on purpose t' hurt someone..." Amanda began, but a wave of futility washed over her and her shoulders slumped. What was the point? Besides, he was right. She was the bad guy in all this, her and her stupidity. "What d'you want, Manny?" she asked at last, glancing briefly over her shoulder to see him standing behind her. "Come t' break the link, get me out of yer head? Thought you wanted t' do that under supervision."
"Actually, I came to see how you were doing." he said reasonably, dangling his legs off the edge of the dock as he sat down close to her. "I may not want to take you to my bed right now, but I still like to consider you my friend." he said cheerfully. "And I want to hear the story behind why you assaulted Jubilee. Thought you didn't get jealous."
She stared at him a moment, trying to figure out why he was so bloody cheerful, when according to everyone, he'd been a wreck the week before. She supposed that was all it took to get over her. A week and fucking Jubilation bloody Lee. The dull anger stirred again, but she was too tired and too heartsick to do little more than acknowledge it was there. "Never used to," she said at last, looking back over the water, hands still fidgeting with the amulet in her hands. She had some scrying crystals in her pocket for later, but she would wait until Manuel had gone before getting her next fix. "An' t' tell the truth, if it was almost anyone else in the place, I wouldn't gve a shite. 'S just her. Rubs me up the wrong way, manages t' hit every button I've got. She told me..." She realised what she was saying, and stopped. It would sound stupid, considering the fact they'd barely spoken since the scene with Angelo. "She told me you'd said she was better 'n me, that you preferred her t' me."
"She's completely full of shit." he said, still maintaining his cheerful front. "Virgins are usually so woefully underskilled in bed." he lamented. "Enthusiasm alone doesn't compensate beyond a point. Although she is a screamer...." he said with the ghost of a grin. "I told her what she needed to hear. No more, no less. You and I both know the real truth."
"Oh, I knew she was lyin' through her teeth, but it still made me so fuckin' angry... Punched her in the nose before I could help meself. She's the one who started the powers, tho'." There was a faintest trace of schoolyard defensiveness in her voice. She glanced back over at him. "Sorry for breakin' yer new toy. She'll mend soon enough - Strange is makin' me do the healin' thing for her, make up for what I done." She didn't mention the finger-shaped burns on her own forearms, the scratch along her cheek - she couldn't spare the power to heal herself until she'd finished with Lee.
"I do so detest it when people take it upon themselves to mess with my toys." he said theatrically with a grin. "So how are things with your new paramour? Is he keeping you warm at night and making you feel wanted, needed, and loved? Does he take care of you the way I used to?" he said cruelly, knowing he was doing none of those things. "If you're going to trade me off like that, I'd at least like to make sure you were in good hands."
Amanda closed her eyes, pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around her knees, ignoring the sting of pins and needles as the blood started flowing into her feet again. "It's not like that," she said, laying her forehead on her knees. She was so sick of all this. "He's barely said two words t' me since that day. For me own good, he reckons. So you can laugh it up - got what was comin' t' me, didn't I? No matter there wasn't anythin' there t' start with, but now there's less than nothin'. We were just friends, an' not we ain't even that. Should make you happy." Her tone was bitter, raw with hurt, and she kept her eyes closed, waiting for the inevitable laughter, the gloating.
"That is unfortunate." he said, voice dripping with poisoned sincerity. "I mean, he should take care of you better, considering that one of his is off learning how to be an integral being, and the other - well, he's _quite_ taken with her. I wonder what he ever might have seen in _you_." he said cruelly. "It must hurt a lot, knowing that you've given your love to someone who can't return the same back to you."
Screw later. Amanda's left hand crept down to her pocket, feeling for the crystal there. Just a little buzz, and then it wouldn't matter what Manuel said, wouldn't matter that he was right, that no-one could possibly see anything in her. "Yeah, well, 'm stupid that way, ain't I? Thinkin' I could ever be more than a junkie an' a whore." There was an almost physical pain in her chest as she said the words, part of her crying out in denial.
Manuel reached out, leaning over and using his fencer's reflexes to pull Amanda's hand out of her pocket to reveal the crystal. "I thought so." he said flatly, then forced her hand open to take the crystal, which he threw into the lake. "You don't get to take the easy way out." he hissed. "Think upon this while you go through withdrawl. Do you think it's better to be with someone who says that he loves you, but won't take care of you, or to be with someone who says he loves you, and means it? Think long and hard about what you have to do to _earn_ the love of the latter person, and how empty the love of the former is."
"How can you say that!" Stung into anger at last as she watched a perfectly good fix disappear into the lake - and there was fifty quid that she wouldn't see again in a hurry - Amanda turned on Manuel. "How the fuck can you sit there an' tell me you love me, when not two minutes ago you were doin' yer fuckin' best t' make me feel like shite? When that's all you ever do is hurt me, make me feel like I'm worthless? Christ, I got enough of that from bloody Rack, is it any fuckin' wonder I can't say the words? Yeah, I love you, an' it scares me shitless, 'cause the minute I say it, it gives you the same power over me that he had. An' I won't be like that again, even if what I am now is nothin' more 'n a bleedin' junkie!" She paused, breathing heavily from the outburst. "So don't talk t' me 'bout empty love," she added quietly. "'S all I've ever fuckin' known, an' you ain't a bit different."
"I'm trying to make you _think_, Amanda! Think about what you're throwing away - and no, I don't mean the bloody crystal. It would have cost you three little words, meant from the heart, to mend this. You decided you'd say them and mean them to him. How am I supposed to feel about that, huh? How is that supposed to make me feel?" he snapped, then stopped. "You think I'm him. That I am Rack all over again. That's it. You're _afraid_. Has _nothing_ I have done meant a _damn_ to you? I put you back together when you were falling apart every twenty minutes! I kept you from _death_ when Rack tried to take every last piece of your very essence. Have I ever domianted you? Have I ever enslaved you to my will? Answer me that with a straight face. Tell me that I'm just like Rack, and that all I want from you is a slave, a power source. For fuck's sake, Amanda, I'm MUNDANE that way. I can't cast so much as a cantrip, and you think I'm like HIM?"
"I could say it t' Ange 'cause he's safe, 'cause I know he doesn't love me that way, an' he never will. You..." There was a stinging pain in her right hand, the one holding the amulet - she had clenched her fist around it so tightly she'd cut the skin, and blood was beginning to ooze between her fingers, staining the titanium chain. "You can hurt me more than anyone else, 'cause..." She looked up from her hand. "'Cause I _do_ love you. I love you more 'n I've ever loved anyone else, an' that includes Rom an' Pete an' Nate, an' I want you t' love me back, an' I don't know if I can be what you want me t' be." The tightness in her chest had expanded into an almost-raw ache, a tearing sensation, like she'd literally opened up her heart for him to take potshots at. "I could never be good enough for Rack, an' he let me know about it, every fuckin' day. I don't know if I can be good enough for you."
Manuel nearly had the top of his head torn off by the intensity of the feelings he was getting - both verbally and over their mindlink. "You have it so backwards." he whispered, eyes bright with tears. "You were my shot at redemption." he added, then paused for a few seconds to collect himself. "All right. You don't think you can be good enough for me. I don't think I can ever live up to you. I think I see the problem." he said with a shaky grin. "Say the words. Say them again." he said, almost pathetic in his need. "I need to hear them. Even when you hurt me, when you denied me for him, I never stopped loving you." he said shakily. "It was like I died inside a little more each day when I saw you with him. To think of him touching you, laying his hands on you, knowing that you wanted him after I had given you everything I had..."
"It was never like that, not with Ange..." She took a deep breath, trying desperately to get some degree of control back - it was long in coming. "I love you," she said at last, when she could trust her voice. "I knew you needed me t' say it, an' I wanted t', but I couldn't. It kept gettin' stuck." Her half-smile came out a little twisted, but it was a smile nonetheless. "I love you, Manuel Alphonso Rodrigo de la Rocha. I don't know if it's enough, but it's all I've got."
"I'll take it!" he said with a relieved grin, and leaning in for a clingy hug. "We can work on the rest later. I have all I could ever want right here." he said around sniffles. "For now, for ever, for as long as you want me, I am yours, Amanda Sefton." he said shakily, still reeling from the heady intensity of it all.
The clinging was mutual - Amanda had her arms so tightly wrapped around Manuel's neck it was a wonder he could breathe, and she wasn't planning on letting go any time soon. It had been so hard, and she'd thought she was so alone... "As long as you want me," she replied, tears soaking into the shoudler of his shirt. "As long as you want me, that's how long I'll want you."
Manuel grinned, and let the tears roll down his face. "You doin' anything for, say, the rest of today and all of tomorrow?" he asked with a leering smile. "Because I don't plan on letting you out of my _bed_ for the duration." He then adjusted his Death Grip so that he could scoop her into his arms and stand upright. "Oy. You've lost weight." he said with a pleased smile.
"If I was, it don't matter now - I ain't goin' anywhere, even if aliens land an' the Four Horsemen take it into their heads t' make an appearance," she laughed, feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted from her. Well, mostly - there was still the niggle in the back of her mind, the demand for a fix. She was going to need a lot of help getting back on the wagon again. But in the meantime, she was content to let Manuel hold her, leaning her forehead against his neck with a happy sigh. "Love you," she said again, just because she could.
Manuel grinned again. "No matter how many times you say that to me, it's never going to get old. Love you too." he said, and carried her off the docks and back into the Mansion proper with a grin on his face and a bounce in his step.
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Date: 2004-09-01 08:41 am (UTC)It was a lovely log, though. Made me tear up quite a bit.
I'd kinda like an elaboration on that...
Date: 2004-09-01 08:44 am (UTC)It was fun/interesting to write.
Redhawk
Sure, if you don't mind listening.
Date: 2004-09-01 09:04 am (UTC)Then again, he does really adorable things like in the last couple paragraphs, but isn't that what an abusive relationship is all about? "I'm sorry sweetie, I'll never do it again, here, let me buy you something."?
Don't get me wrong, I adore Manuel, in a twisted "You be good or I'll stop liking you! Oh, who am I kidding..." sort of way. Just makes me nervous for Amanda, 'tis all, and if I've overstepped my bounderies just let me know.
Re: Sure, if you don't mind listening.
Date: 2004-09-01 09:10 am (UTC)It is, in a whole lot of respects, a fairly unhealthy relationship. And neither Rossi or I are pretending otherwise.
Manny's bad habits are a function of how _he_ was raised. We plan on playing with a lot of the stuff you mentioned moving forwards.
Redhawk
Re: Sure, if you don't mind listening.
Date: 2004-09-01 09:17 am (UTC)Oh, I didn't think you were kidding yourself that this was a fully functioning, healthy thing your two characters had going on. I think Rossi and I have talked about this once or twice. And shook our heads. I do hope that something can be settled and worked on, for that moving forwards thing. I do like them, quite a bit.
As for how Manny was raised... well. He kind of got screwed over on that hand, now didn't he? It makes sense.
Re: Sure, if you don't mind listening.
Date: 2004-09-01 09:21 am (UTC)Contact me off-list - I'd like to see if you have any ideas for humanizing the Spaniard.
Redhawk
Re: Sure, if you don't mind listening.
Date: 2004-09-01 10:58 am (UTC)Not to mention Amanda's bad habits (and taste in guys *grins*) is a function of how she was raised. All the male figures in her life before the mansion were abusive, and she really doesn't think she deserves better. Something we're working on, as Red said - whether it means the two of them will stay together or not long-term is another matter, since if Amanda develops a backbone before Manny stops being a git, she just may tell him to get knotted. ;)
But yeah, much with the long-term development. We like the World's Cutest Dysfunctional Relationship too much to let it completely go. ;)