xp_logs | Things falls apart; the center cannot hold

x-polarisstar.livejournal.com posting in

Leyu and Lorna chat in the kitchen. Leyu gets pocky out of it and Lorna finds out something she didn't know about Alex. Leyu runs off to play. Lorna goes to talk to Alex.

In the boys' suite, things go from bad to worse. It all ends with a shouting match in the hallway. We do mean ends.

"Lorna-san!" Leyu called out, running into the kitchen and giggling. "Hi!" The little girl was out of breath and happily bouncing on her feet, wearing the sweetest smile.

Lorna paused in the act of slicing an apple. "Hey, Leyu. Want an apple?" she teased, knowing that smile meant Leyu wanted something and health food wasn't it.

"Eww!" Leyu shook her head and stuck her tongue out. "I just wanted to say hi. I have not seen you in some days." It was obvious that there was more to her enthusiasm than that, though.

"Apples are good for you." Lorna finished slicing the apple then turned to face Leyu, "Hi! What's the news, duckie?"

"Duckie?" Leyu giggled some more and balanced herself on the tips of her toes. "No news. Just saying hi. I'm happy because Nii-san realized that he's a stupid-head and Alex-san can stop worrying."

Lorna tilted her head to the side, "Has Alex been really worried? He hasn't said anything." Not that he would, of course, she sighed.

Leyu nodded. "Yeah. Nii-san really scared him. He wasn't sleeping very good when Nii-san was downstairs. I almost didn't sleep either."

Lorna dropped to one knee to better face the small girl, "Were you having bad dreams because you were scared for Shiro?" Poor thing, probably didn't want to bother Alex with them.

Leyu frowned a bit and nodded slowly. "Yeah, a little bit. Just because I don't like him doesn't mean I don't love him. But Alex-san . . . he slept worse than I did. I kept on waking up because he was making sounds. Is he okay?"

Lorna blinked slowly, "Yes. Alex is fine, hon. I'm sure he was just worried about Shiro. He'll be okay now." She stood and retrieved a packet of pocky. "Thank you for letting me know that your brother knows he's an idiot. I was worried too." She offered the pocky to Leyu.

The frown immediately disappeared once Leyu got her hands on the Pocky, to be replaced by a big smile. "Don't worry about him. He'll be fine." Opening the packet, she stuffed a stick in her mouth. "Thank you!" She wrapped her arms around Lorna's waist to hug her then went off again, proudly waving her prize.

Lorna waved her off with a grin but her smile soon faded as she pondered what Leyu had told her. Eventually she dumped the apple and headed upstairs to see her boyfriend.

Alex was bored. Shiro was sleeping and everyone else was out, Jamie and Doug no doubt with M-A and Kitty, and Miles and Artie were out playing with Leyu and the twins. So Alex has resorted himself to watching "Ace Ventura" on TBS. well, watching it was kind of an over statement, in reality he was half sleep on the couch. Did he mention he was bored?

Lorna knocked on the doorframe and leaned into the room. “Hey, love, can I talk to you a minute?” she asked diffidently. Her hair was scraped back into a ponytail but she’d teased a strand loose and was tugging on it as she often did when she was nervous.

Alex's head shot up at the knock and he yawned before nodding. "Sure thing hun, come on in..." He patted the seat next to him on the couch as he turned the TV off with the remote. He noticed her tugging on her hair and frowned slightly. "What's wrong?"

She moved over to sit next to him, absently swinging the door shut behind her. She curled her legs beneath her so she face him. “Why don’t you tell me?” she suggested, “Leyu says you’re having nightmares.”

The look Alex gave her was like a deer caught in the headlights of an on coming car. "How..." his voice cracked and he had to start over, though his voice was soft. "How did she know?"

“She said she’s been sleeping in here while Shiro was sick.” She tugged on the lock of hair then forced herself to let it go. She started fingering a paperclip instead, twisting it into knots then smoothing it back out. “And that you have them a lot.”

Alex bit his lip and looked away, his hand playing with the fabric of the couch. He knew Leyu had been sleeping in the same room as him but he hadn't known she'd heard him..."Yeah I do...So? It's not a big deal..."

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lorna shook her head. “You’ve never said a word.”

He began to fidget in place. "It's really no big deal...plus you had other things to worry about then my silly nightmares."

“’It’s no big deal’ is Alex-speak for ‘I’m hiding something,’” Lorna said quietly. “If it’s really no big deal then tell me about them so I can’t stop stressing that you’re not getting enough REM sleep.”

Alex stood up, for some reason feeling trapped on the couch next her. He stood turned slightly away, his arms crossed as if hugging himself. "Look it's...it's about Her okay." He hoped mentioning the subject would make her drop it.

Lorna blanched and her hand tightened around the paperclip, smashing it into a little metal blob. The rush of emotion that his statement brought couldn’t even begin to be sorted out but hate was fairly high on the list. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to remain calm. “It’s always about that bitch.” Okay, so calm not so much happening. “Am I ever going to get you back, Alex?”

Alex turned to look at her out of the corner of eye. "What do you mean?"

“I mean that sometimes I feel like you see her before you see me. Hell, she even gets your dreams. Do you dream of me?” She didn’t mean to make it sound like an accusation. She winced because it did anyway.

Alex opened his mouth to protest...when he realized that, well, she was right. That caused him to turn completely away in shame. "Would you like for me to have nightmares about you? Because that's all I ever have anymore...Nightmares about..." he shuddered, unable to say it...remembering back to his conversation in Japan with Shiro.

“About what? Why won’t you talk to me?” She stood and took a couple of steps toward him.

"Because...because..." He tried so hard to form the words, "Because I'm scared alright? Scared that because...if you knew exactly what she did to me...that we'd never have a normal relationship. Alright? Is that what you wanted?" He spun around to face her, face full of emotion. Saying that had been extremely hard and now Alex was mad, mad at Her, mad at Lorna for getting it out of him...and mad at himself for being such a coward.

“You think this is a normal relationship? You, me and her?” Lorna hissed, refusing to shout. “What I want is her out of it. I’m sick of being second to that bitch.”

"You think I want her in it?" Alex couldn't help but glare. "You think I like waking up in the middle of the night after reliving her raping me!" Alex suddenly bit his lip and turned away in shock. He'd been so angry he'd just...let it slip. Now he was just...numb. Shit, what have I done?

She stumbled back from him, hands going to her mouth like she could make the words vanish again. A hundred thoughts crowded her mind, a hundred reactions to his revelation—which wasn’t really she realized, she’d suspected or ignored so many things—a hundred things she could say as her hands lowered. Maybe because there were so many, the worst was what shoved its way through. “You’re doing a damn good job of holding on to her better than you do me. Forgive me for intruding on your dirty little secret.” She wanted to cry. She turned away and covered her face instead.

He hugged his arms around himself, holding for dear life, to just make this all go away. "See?. This is why...why I kept it in. I knew you'd react that way..." He'd had his back turned to her so he didn't see her reaction and now her back to him, she couldn't see him shaking. Suddenly the room was too small for the two of them. "And fine...I understand. I can take hint." Without another shaking word, Alex made a mad dash to the door, if only to hide the tears that threatened to form. She had taken everything from him once...how is it She could do it again, without even being here?

She swore as she heard him run out and leaped after him, “No! Damn it, Alex!” She caught up with him and grabbed his arm, swinging him around to face her. “You do not get to do this to me! You hide and you lie and then slap me in the face with this and now you’re running away? Jesus Christ, how the hell am I supposed to react?”

Alex was still shaking and the tears were coming now, had started the moment she'd grabbed him. "Yes I hid it from you! I was ashamed and worse, i was afraid of what you'd think. Was afraid it would make you think worse of me then I thought you already did. And hiding it just became second nature...what was I supposed to do? Your reaction is only proving me right!" He pulled his arm away from her. "But I never lied to you!"

Her hands clenched, “You should have told me! My reaction is to the fact that you don’t seem to believe that I’m an intelligent human being.” She bit her lip and refused to cry, concentrating on anger instead of hurt. “You lied to me every time you told me you loved me. You can’t possibly love me if you think I would ever blame you for what she did.”

"Do you think I didn't want too? What would you have done? How would have handled it? How does one bring up the fact they were..." he left out the word, opting to just swallow the word instead, especially since they were in a more public place now, "in casual conversation!" the last part made his blood run cold. "Love? You’re questioning how much I love you now? After everything, Everything! You’re questioning that, now!" Yes he was shouting, but he couldn't help it really.

“Yes. I think you didn’t want to! Or you would have. You don’t trust me!” Lorna shouted back at him, only a tiny part of her registering that their argument was now on public display. “Yes, I’m questioning it! Because I certainly don’t see it, not when you can’t even bear to talk to me!”

Their public display was made all the more public by the sudden audience that had entered the hallway. Lost in thought, as she so often was, Paige didn't even recognize the shouting for what it really was until she drew nearer, close enough to see the very wild looks in both their eyes. Her gaze shifted from one to another, much like a tennis match, as she tried to decide whether she should back away slowly now, or later. Instead, Paige decided to try insanity. "Um," she coughed, attempting to draw their attention. "Excuse me? Is there... is there a problem?" Yes, obviously insane.

Alex turned his glare from Lorna to the newcomer, not sure if he was mad or relieved at Paige's intrusion. But instead of answering her, he looked at Lorna smugly and raised an eyebrow. In his eyes, she started it so she could answer, as long as she didn't mention...but he knew she wouldn't.

Lorna shook her head and sucked in a deep breath. If he was going to force her to explain it, he would have to live with her explanation. “Nothing that can be fixed apparently.” She glared at Alex then deliberately turned her back on him, “Alex doesn’t seem to think that there is any way for our relationship to continue.” She gave Paige a sharp nod, “Sorry to have bothered you.”

"You’re the one who said it. Not. Me." He glared at her back, crossing his arms across his chest, after wiping away any signs of his earlier tears. "Apparently this was all just too good to be true!" He turned to look at Paige, ready to apologize but didn't want to follow after Lorna, so he just gave her a small smile.

"No, no, I'm the one doing the intruding here," Paige said slowly, trying to collect her thoughts and not look like the world was collapsing in on itself. Lorna and Alex fighting was just wrong. Maybe she was in Crazy World. "I just... for the record? I think you're both nuts at the moment and very much hoping you figure this out. Because you're really much too sane to be screaming in the halls about too good to be true and no ways for relationships to continue. But uh. Feel free to ignore me. I'll just meander over there." Paige pointed down the hall, still staring at them suspiciously as if sooner or later they had to pull off their masks or something.

Lorna shook her head, “You’re not intruding. We are very much done here.” Her voice broke on the last and she covered her face with her hands, trying very hard not to cry. Paige was right, this was nuts. It was also happening and she couldn’t stop it. “I don’t see any reason to stay with someone who thinks so little of me.”

Alex wanted to stop, he hadn't want this to start in the first place. But no, she'd insisted. And what's done is done. How ironic their relationship started and ended with a fight in the hallways. "Nor I with someone who won't believe anything I say..." He shook his head and had to turn away from Lorna to stop himself from reacting to her tears. "This is over...Sorry you had to see this Paige..." Alex turned and walked off, arms hugging himself again, in slight shock over what had just happened...

Paige blinked, trying to figure out how exactly she could make all this go in rewind. This was so very awkward and heartbreaking at the same time. "What just happened?" Paige asked, looking over at Lorna with a very confused expression and reaching over to touch her arm. "I mean, other than the obvious."

Lorna turned to watch Alex watch away, then looked back at Paige. “We…I don’t know. This is a nightmare. It has to be.” She choked back a sob. “We never fight.”

"I know. That is why I have this horrified look on my face," Paige answered, as Alex turned the corner. He was supposed to be coming back now. He wasn't coming back now. Sighing quietly, Paige opened her arms a little to Lorna, shy. "Come here." She had to force it a little so it wouldn't become a question.

Lorna didn’t take comfort easily. She preferred to swallow her pain and move on. But she’d never actually believed in heart-break before. Hearts bruised but they went on or so she always thought. She moved into Paige’s arms and clung to her, crying softly. Hearts definitely broke.

Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: Hallelujah, Jeff Buckley